Every day I think, I can no longer bear to read another story eviscerating Redskins ownership. Then something as marvelous as Mike Wise's profile of John Kent Cooke arises, and I think, I will happily read about this team for the rest of my life!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Kent Cookes! The landed gentry of Middleburg, Va., by way of a Canadian encyclopedia salesman made a United States citizen by an act of congress! They had a town named after them, and then they didn't! Late-night rides through Georgetown with a boy-toy clinging to the hood of a Jaguar! Throwing shoes at cops! Angry wills! John Kent Cooke was supposed to run the Redskins, and then he wasn't!

You can blame Dan Snyder for a lot of things. But foremost has to be depriving us of this family through his "appalling" use of the same free market system that brought them to us.

Read More "Morning Roundup: Le Roi Manqué Edition" »

I'm hearing that yesterday ESPN jumped on the BeerInTheBathroomsGate™ bandwagon with a story of its own. I knew this was viral...

***

You don't need to read the Washington Post;s redesigned weather page to forecast the perfect shitstorm that is heading for Raljon on Monday evening.

The rest of the paper has all the evidence. There's no section of the Post that doesn't hold horrible news for Dan Snyder.

Mike Wise fills up the front page of Style with a profile of The Man Who Would Be Snyder, John Kent Cooke.

Some of the bitterness from Cooke, whose birthright to become owner of the Redskins was never exercised:

"Dan Snyder destroyed the reputation of this franchise," Cooke said. "I sure as hell don't like the way he gutted the organization after we left. And he commercialized the Redskins like my father would have never commercialized the Redskins. People brought cushions and pennants to the games. You know how they got those? My father gave them out at fan appreciation days."

Cooke also took issue with recent controversy over tickets. "Suing season ticket holders?" he said, incredulously. "My God, it's embarrassing. We would have never done such a thing."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Mike Wise dusts off Bobby Beathard to throw some jabs at Snyder? The Post's Business section tells readers that Snyder's a lousy businessman, just for the hell of it? The bingo caller line, again? The bingo caller last called plays for the Detroit Lions? How much would you have to get paid to go to a Redskins game? Eastern gets its first and last win? )

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Even Bobby Beathard Goes After Dan Snyder?" »

As if vending beside urinals at Redskins games wasn't viral enough: Jennifer Donelan of WJLA put BeerInTheBathroomsGate™ on her station's evening news, and even took a few seconds to give Washington City Paper kudos for blowing the lid off Snyder's newest revenue stream.

Here's Donelan's WJLA piece. Wait til the 50-second mark. Don't take a pee break or beer break or both, or you'll miss my work. And remember: TV puts on 10 pounds, and I've been watching a lot of TV lately.

Otherwise, I think I nailed my line. Thinking ahead: "I'd like to thank-thank...both my readers-readers...and the Academy-Academy..."

Reading between the lines of Donelan's copy, it looks like the Redskins fired the beer man caught on tape dispensing beer in an environment teeming with second-hand poop. A commenter on City Desk yesterday wrote that he was a vendor at FedExField, and he found the bathroom vending "disgusting." But he warned Redskins patrons who are "worried about sanitation" that they should really "stay far away from the lemonade."

Yucky!

***

Sticking with local media, via DCRTV: Two more guys fired by Dan Snyder will have a radio show to bash their former boss. WTOP will give John Riggins and Frank Herzog at least a tryout for a weekly show called "Ask Riggo." (The first installment of Riggins/Herzog is going off the air as we type. "We should do this again," Riggins said to Herzog at sign-off.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Does everybody who despises Dan Snyder get a radio show? Will Laveranues Coles get a program? Timmy Smith's out of jail? Dan Snyder benched Jason Campbell? Jeff George who? Dan Snyder will put Jason Campbell back on the field Monday night?  Night of Quarterbacks what?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: WJLA Makes BeerInTheBathroomsGate™ Even More Viral?" »

In case you missed it: BeerInTheBathroomsGate™!

***

All day yesterday, Dan Snyder's radio station, WTEM-AM, was pushing an event called "ESPN-980 Night of Quarterbacks: Three Quarterbacks. Three Generations." That's a dinner produced by Snyder's sportstalker that is, at least for now, scheduled for Nov. 3 at Union Jack's in Ballston. The featured guests, according to the radio and web advertisements, are Sonny Jurgensen, Joe Theismann, and Jason Campbell.

Quite a haters triangle there, eh?

(AFTER THE JUMP: How many people showed up at FedEx yesterday? The waiting list guy's now estimating Redskins crowds? Vinny Cerrato looks like Balloon Boy's dad? Even Barno bails on the Redskins? Jim Zorn mines for a silver lining?A lot more about Led Zeppelin at the Capital Centre?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Is Now a Good Time for Snyder to Promote ‘Night of Quarterbacks’?" »

Great Moments In Capitalism (Cont.)

I thought Dan Snyder couldn't top himself after selling Sept. 11 Commemorative Hats for profit.

Note to self: Never overestimate Dan Snyder. Never. Ever ever. Never never.

Folks at FedExField for yesterday's game reported that Snyder's vendors were selling beer to fans IN THE RESTROOMS!

And this isn't the first time.

(After the jump: New evidence of Snyder's "revenue stream"?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Breaking News: Fans Say Redskins Selling Beer in FedExField Bathrooms!" »

Hate to stomp on the weather beat that others at City Desk are already covering with gusto. But I'll stick to forecasts, and stay away from the retrocasting favored by the boss.

So, Sunday in Landover at kickoff: 47 degrees, rainy, winds 13 miles an hour from the north and 100 percent cloud cover. That used to be called "Redskins Weather!" around here. Now, it's called "You Can Get a Redskins Ticket for 17 Cents Weather!"

On a related note...

Redskins Ticket Watch: More than a thousand ads for Skins/Chiefs tickets on Craigslist this morning. Asking prices in just the first few listings I found went from "Way below face value!" to "Half Price!" to "75 percent off!" to "Make an offer!"

Face value's a pipe dream. Come to think of it, with 47 degrees and wet on the horizon, 17 cents might look like a windfall by kickoff. In any case, folks who intend to show up at FedExField might need to bring something to cover their heads from all the precipitation.

Like, bags or plates, maybe?

(AFTER THE JUMP: Vinny Cerrato is told it's the talent, stupid? Snyderatto = Rosie Ruiz? Snyder changed the copy in the cheerleader car wash contest AGAIN? Will the Great Dan Steinberg fall for the not-actual-cheerleaders picture bait AGAIN? Ronnie Mervis and Dan Snyder use the same advertising firm?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Remember When This Was Called ‘Redskins Weather’?" »

David Alprin had his anti-Dan Snyder artwork, or whatever you want to call the above paper plate thingee, confiscated at the gates of FedExField two weeks ago.

Alprin's a longtime Skins season ticketholder and was one of many fans who wanted to make a statement about the state of the franchise.

He'd stayed up late the night before the Tampa Bay game crafting dozens and dozens of his statement-makers. But then Snyder's jack-booted thugs, in the form of the yellow-jacketed FedExField security staff, threw Alprin's civil-disobedient plates in the garbage before letting him in the stadium.

But while Snyder killed the message, he didn't kill the messenger. And Alprin's going back for more of the same this weekend.

"I'm thinking about going stealth and bringing in pens, markers, etc.,  and making signs in the stadium either on paper we bring or the back of the drink caddies," he says.

He won't be alone.

More on the Prague Spring of Redskins fans to come.

***

(AFTER THE JUMP: Another installment of BogusHogetteGate? Really? Michelle Rhee thinks she's god? Really? Coat-tailing on Mike DeBonis' genius? Really? Melanie Oudin's coming to town with her mom, dad AND coach? Really? Snyder comes out on top in something? No way! Way?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Will Prague Spring for Redskins Fans Survive Snyder’s Jack-Booted Thugs?" »

Above is an ad e-mailed out by the Redskins ticket office this week. As you read this, remember, for chuckles, that just a couple months ago Redskins executive Mitch Gershman was claiming in press releases that the team had a waiting list of "over 200,000."

Sure, the Skins waiting list has long been bogus. But this year it's also become apparent that the NFL's blackout rule is enforced as stringently as its steroids policy.

(AFTER THE BREAK: Where's Chris Cooley in that photo? Clinton Tortoise? Lord Farquaad? Lindsay Czarniak cheers on teams that don't pay her? Is the NY Times reporter on Dan Snyder's payroll, too? Another Have-Nots bowl this week?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Are Snyder’s Redskins Worth Only 17 Cents a Share Now, Too?" »

I heard again last night from Stephette Hogette. He's the guy who stands accused of being a bogus Hogette.

He sent along a photograph, shown above, which he says was taken years ago at a Redskins game and, he says, proves that Stephette Hogette used to be accepted by the same folks who are now calling him a counterfeit.

While Stephette Hogette's disheveled drag ensemble---he's the one in the middle---does indeed blend with the garb of the folks he's with in that photo, he couldn't name the other Hogettes he's hanging with in the shot.

Perhaps they're unsanctioned Hogettes also! I don't know which Hogette to trust anymore!

(AFTER THE JUMP:Where will the real Hogettes be tailgating come Sunday? WTEM tones down its Redskins Cheerleader pride giveaway? D'Anthony Batiste ain't worth a D'amn? D'Anthony D'Ances with D'An D'Aly? Nobody told the Washington Post that "Remember the Titans" was a load of crap?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Stephette Hogette, the Bogus Hogette, Now Fears Real Hogettes!" »

Author's note: The Redskins lost. The rest of today's Cheap Seats Daily will be devoted to what is at once the bizarrest and the most pathetic episode to come out of this sorry season.

Be scared,  people: A fake Hogette is on the loose.

As if things weren't bad enough in Redskins Land, a dire APB went out to hardcore fans over the weekend: The man calling himself "Stephette Hogette" is not a real Hogette.

Sure, the guy's rubber snout and his ladies garb, to the untrained eye, make Stephette Hogette look exactly like the authentic Hogettes, who've been dressing in drag since 1983 but won't give up their gimmick all these years after it outlived its cuteness. But don't be fooled: Not just anybody can align themselves with these douchebags.

(AFTER THE JUMP: The bogus Hogette is "dangerous to women and possibly children"? Cheap Seats Daily tracks down the fugitive Hogette? The fugitive Hogette says "This means war!"? The fugitive Hogette also raps? We need Hogettes, bogus or not, now more than ever?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily Exclusive: Bogus Hogette Declares War on Real Hogettes!" »

Another day, another update on Dan Snyder's Cheerleader Car Wash Sweepstakes. Another chance to run that fab/yucky photo from Snyder's WTEM promotion, the one that's sucked in some of the most brilliant minds in new media to our humble comments section.

Seems Snyder doesn't really care who he jumps in bed with these days. His partner in the contest, which forces Redskins cheerleaders to put down their pom poms and pick up sponges and go service his radio station's 25-54 year old male demo, was a sponge company called SpongeTech Delivery Systems, Inc.

Well, just as the cheerleader pride giveaway was heating up, Snyder's ally gets nailed for all sorts of alleged shadiness by federal regulators: The Securities and Exchange Commission suspended trading on SpongeTech stock this week because of sketchy reports and non-filings of required documents.

(AFTER THE JUMP: SpongeTech's the Six Flags of the sudsy set? SpongeTech's so messed up it makes Snyder look like a fab businessman? Are Redskins cheerleaders being punished? Is WJFK punishing WTEM in the ratings? Can Mike Wise punish Tony Kornheiser? Is Anacostia/Eastern the Good Counsel/DeMatha of crumminess?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Could Car Wash Contest Be Snyder Punishing Redskins Cheerleaders for Promoting Rival WJFK?" »

Cheap Seats Daily and its inferiority complex ravaged sister publication remain the go-to news organs for coverage of what the Redskins have officially dubbed the Cheerleader Car Wash Sweepstakes.

Yesterday, in this very space, we blew the lid off the latest listener contest for Dan Snyder's sportstalk station, WTEM-AM, in which the Redskins owner promises to send his cheerleading squad over to winners' houses and make them wash cars.

And in this week's analog edition, we blow the lid off Dan Snyder's cheerleader past, from his 2000 rackumentary "Beauty on the Beach," all the way up to his latest scheme, which tells the cheering crew to put down their pom poms and pick up sponges and service his 25-54 male audience.

And, as promised, throughout all this lid-blowing we've run the same photograph of all those sudsy blondes, again and again and again.

That's the shot that got The Great Dan Steinberg so lathered up he rudely barged into the comments section to pooh-pooh our Snyder/T&A expose. TGDS basically accused Cheap Seats Daily of hypocrisy and of being as exploitative as Dan Snyder!

Just because we ran this photo of sudsy blondes!

That hurts.

What kind of message does that contest (and this photo) send to the Little Ladies of Football? Think of the children, Dan and Dan!

(AFTER THE JUMP: Could Snyder's layoffs at Redskins Park have helped this car wash debacle along? Is it Sherm or Sherman? Dan Steinberg reveals Lewis' bingo past? Dan Steinberg conceals reveals his own bingo past? How loaded is the Skins' 2009 schedule with Snyder humiliatees? Yankee Stadium ain't the only ballpark in use this October? Nationals Park gets loaded with readers?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Will Sherm Lewis Fail? Or Will Sherman Lewis Fail?" »

"How would you like to see the Redskins take on the Cowboys? --- AND have the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders soap up and scrub down your car???"

Well? How would you like that?

Check out that ad!

It appears on the Web site for WTEM, Dan Snyder's sports talk station, to promote the latest listener contest. Top prize will bring the Redskins cheerleaders over to wash your car.

Kinda yucky?

The radio ads are just as outrageous, with panting males and all sorts of breathy talk of scrubbing and rubbing. The campaign is also just the latest evidence of Snyder's thing for cheerleaders. He took over the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders shortly after buying the team, and has increased their role in his global marketing scheme ever since.

The car wash campaign marks a new level of subservience for the Redskins Cheerleaders, and cheerleaders in general. The message is: "Put down your pom poms and grab a sponge!" That tells the world that Snyder can force his troupe to put on something skimpy and service Joe Sixpack.

Basically, Snyder's pushing a Madonna/Whore image for his cheerleaders.

Well, minus the Madonna.

(AFTER THE JUMP: More on the Redskins cheerleaders? Snyder is being called "Lord Farquaad"? PhotoGate update: Snyder really did censor Dan Steinberg? Isn't the Leonsis worship getting outta hand? Guaranteed Win Night proves AGAIN that it's a sure thing? Remember "The Sure Thing"?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: How Bad Is Dan Snyder Pimping the Redskins Cheerleaders?" »

Out: Book Burning

In: Bag Banning

The Great Dan Steinberg™'s write-up of the ill-will in the grandstands had great photos of the ill-willed.

Well, Steinberg's Bog post had great photos when it was originally posted, anyway.

As several commenters pointed out, those photos of folks with anti-Snyder t-shirts and paperwork are now gone. Just vanished.

Who removed them? Why were they removed?

Steinberg wouldn't tell me what happened. Questions were directed to his bosses at the Post's sports section.

Uh oh.

The mind races. Everybody knows by now that the Washington Post ain't one of Dan Snyder's favorite organs.

But would Snyder really try to censor photos of the same bags that he tried to censor for Sunday's game? I mean, Snyder's pulled some stuff before, for sure, but if he's behind Steinberg's photo removal, that would have to rank among the Skins owner's most Douchewellian™ moves of all time.

I've got messages into the Washington Post's* sports editors and the Redskins. Stay tuned to Cheap Seats Daily for continued coverage of PhotoGate™!

(AFTER THE JUMP: More tales of anti-bagging from FedExField? "Agent Zero" is the focus of WJFK's ad campaign? Is "Agent Zero" the most penetrating nickname in Washington sports history? And it came from a City Paper guy? Guaranteed Win Night™ and R²D²™ in the same post? Should I really bet the mortgage and then some on the Twins?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Would Dan Snyder Censor Dan Steinberg’s Photos of Censored Bags?" »

Dan Snyder's detestability rating enjoyed another spike yesterday: Reports out of FedExField for the Tampa Bay game have Snyder confiscating paper bags at the entrance to his stadium, so fans couldn't put them on their heads for the TV cameras.

Sportstalk radio station WJFK this morning put on callers who said they got bags past the gate but anybody who tried wearing one got swarmed by stadium security.

Paper bags! That's where that Sept. 11 fee Snyder tacks on to your ticket price goes? Sheeesh.

The bag gimmick is old, but funny. The ban is just creepy.

***

Death knell for Jason Campbell: Sonny Jurgensen has seen enough.

Unlike other members of the Skins broadcast crew, Jurgensen never talks without thinking about what he's going to say. And after Campbell's second interception, Jurgensen, who along with being the color commentator is a pal of Dan Snyder, said he'd seen enough. "I think it's time to warm up #16 guys," Sonny said.

(AFTER THE BREAK: Vinny and Larry get the Great Steinographer treatment? Vinny's going to bring Sally Jenkins on his radio show? Vinny's going to send Sally Jenkins his Super Bowl ring? Vinny's got a Super Bowl ring? Dan Snyder won't tell you how much your Johnny Rockets burger is? The Redskins schedule only winless teams? Brett Haber thinks the Redskins are sleeping giants? Biggest high school football game of all-time this week? Worst high school football season of all-time is imminent?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: The Johnny Rockets Menu Proves Dan Snyder Is Priceless?" »