Listeners are urged, "Bring your best 'Beat Dallas!' sign and you can win a six pack of club seats!"

I can't wait to see how high the "Worst Owner Ever!" banner will place.

***

Moderators at Dan Snyder's message board, extremeskins.com, no doubt emboldened by the see-no-evil clause their boss invoked while banning signs from FedExField, have a type-no-insult policy in place.

Posters on the site have been warned not to say anything negative about the team in a thread announcing a send-off that's being organized from Redskins Park for the Dallas game.

The warning:

"Be advised: This is not an opinion or debate thread. Please do not use this thread to verbally attack, make fun of, laugh at, or otherwise belittle any of the participating members or Redskins players/coaches/staff or owner. To do so will result in a mandatory ban."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Why would Dan Snyder sanction such censorship? Why is Slate so mean to Sandra Bullock? Why didn't the Redskins draft Michael Oher? Why did John Riggins jump on Joe Theismann when Joe Theismann's leg was broken? Did you just say John Riggins jumped on Joe Theismann when Joe Theismann's leg was broken?)

Before this season, these send-off announcements were posted regularly on Snyder's site. But, the gathering memos were stopped because they only inspired fans to tell the owner just how much they loathe him in follow-up posts.

The situation Snyder has created in this market is unlike anything in all of professional sports.

I've said it before, and I believe it: Even if the Redskins go on a miracle streak and win the Super Bowl this season, when Snyder holds up the Lombardi Trophy at the victory rally, he will be booed.

***

In his Slate review of "The Blind Side," the feature film based on the life of Baltimore Ravens' rookie Michael Oher, friend and hero Josh Levin treats Sandra Bullock as Lawrence Taylor did Joe Theismann.

I only used that simile so I'd have an easy segue into this: I haven't seen "The Blind Side," but I'm told it opens with a clip of one of the most famous plays in Redskins history -- Taylor playing wishbone with Theismann's leg in that 1986 "Monday Night Football" game.

Looking at the gruesome clip this morning, I noticed for the first time that John Riggins for some reason jumps on top of the pile with Theismann and his newly restructured leg at the bottom. Riggins had tossed the ball back to Theismann just before Taylor hit him during the flea-flicker gone wrong.

Perhaps that's why Theismann went after Riggins so hard last week after Riggo piled on Dan Snyder. Or maybe it's because Theismann is employed by Snyder.

In any case, Theismann never played another down of football. But, he lived to talk about it and everything else...a lot. If he was a horse, Theismann would have had a curtain around him within a minute and there'd be one less sportstalk host in the DC market.

***

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“We have no intention of trying to control our fans’ varied ways of expressing their views on the Redskins organization and the team’s performance,” former newspaperboy turned Redskins COO  David "Yeah, That's the Ticket!" Donovan said in the very brief ban-lifting statement.

“We’ve disappointed our fans so far this season, and I’m as disappointed as they are,” added Dan Snyder. “I understand that some fans want to express their feelings with signs and they should do so, as long as they stay within the boundaries of good taste and don’t block the view of other fans.”

This gives the "He's learning as an owner" crowd something to throw out as they perpetuate that myth.

The "He's a D-bag!" set, meanwhile, gets plenty to work with here, too.

The timing of Snyder's lifting of the sign ban was grotesque, since it was announced too late for anybody going to the Denver game to even get word. Much worse: The announcement also surely has something to do with the fact that Snyder's sponsoring a fan sign contest this Friday with his sportstalker, WTEM, at Dave & Busters at White Flint Mall as part of a Redskins pep rally.

Snyder's station sponsored the same sign contest at the same venue before last year's home game against Dallas.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Sign policies show Dan Snyder's a hypocrite? Dan Snyder ran the same sign promotion at Dave & Busters last year? Dan Snyder likes signs? You can call Albert Haynesworth lazy, but not cowardly? Tank McNamara's neither fair nor funny? Dunbar's season ends atypically? Spingarn's season ends typically? Will somebody tell Mike Miller to stop dressing funny until his damn team wins?)

From a preview of the 2008 sign sweepstakes: "A pair of tickets to the game will be awarded to the winner of the best 'Beat Dallas' sign." The same prizes are used to draw fans to Snyder's event this year.

Bottom line: Dan Snyder used to encourage fans to make those dangerous, eye-poking thingamajigs. Like the Geico sign giveaway promotion Snyder put on during the Monday Night Massacre revealed, if signs put money in Snyder's pocket, he likes 'em.

What a champ.

***

Who's not a coward? Albert Haynesworth.

Outta shape? Sure seems like it. Malingerer? Sure seems like it.

But not a coward. Haynesworth went down in a big heap in the 4th quarter and stayed there.  It's a routine he goes through pretty much every game. The replays didn't show where his injury could have occurred, but he acted like he was in a lot of pain. But, as the cameras showed him being helped off the field yet again, you could see that he was wearing no protective pads in his pants.

"Albert doesn't even appear to be wearing knee pads," Dan Dierdorf, the CBS commentator, commentated.

The pads weigh nothing. Not wearing them seems almost masochistic, or maybe it's intended to send a message of invincibility to opponents. A lot of players these days are sending the same message. But why take up this no-gain, more-pain habit? Especially if you just got paid 42 million large, like Big Al?

***

By gametime yesterday, the Redskins had earned "object of pity" status from some quarters of the Washington Post. The paper's comic books blog, Comic Riffs, had a poll asking readers if Tank McNamara had "crossed the line" of fairness to Dan Snyder in its Friday panels.

The strip in question featured a mythical contract negotiation between Steve Largent, representing Jim Zorn, and Snyder's management team. The debated line-crossing segment had Largent saying all time spent on the Redskins is "garbage time." Forget fairness. I'm more concerned that the strip didn't cross the line from unfunny to funny, yet clearly did cross into "what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about?" territory.

In any case, the recent Tank material is nowhere near as brutal to the Skins owner as when the strip named Snyder its "Sports Jerk of the Year" in 2001.

***

Big news from Saturday's DCIAA semifinals doubleheader, held at Cardozo's beautiful stadium: Dunbar WON'T be in the Turkey Bowl. The dynastic Crimson Tide got walloped by Woodson, knocking Craig Jefferies' squad out of the Thanksgiving Day championship for the first time in a dozen years.

At the "Unsurprising" end of the spectrum: Spingarn, which provides fodder for my Washington City Paper Education Issue column every year, ended the season as the worst team in the city.

In other words, Spingarn's football program enjoyed a typical year: Still another new coach was hired, not enough kids to field a team show up when practice starts in the summer, the Green Wave goes on to lose every game, mostly by blowouts, etc.

Spingarn cemented itself as the bottom of the bottom with last week's 55-0 loss to Woodson. That left Spingarn at 0-8, having been outscored by opponents 378-24.

Wait 'til next year.

***

With Saturday's latest fourth-quarter disappearance against previously nosediving Detroit, the Wizards stuck to the script of their version of "Sleepless in Seattle" --- "Winless in November." The line between fatalist and realist was obliterated years ago among Bullets/Wizards fans. This franchise still wears lousiness just like destiny. Given the past and present, Mike Miller's game-day costume -- from his hair on down, it's an outfit loaded with look-at-me accessorizing --  exudes nothing but silliness. My inner geezer is sure his get-up should go.

***

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But yesterday on WTOP, Riggins sorta explained his harshness. In a prepared statement delivered before his scheduled radio spot, Riggins said what he meant was that Snyder was "a bully," and that bullies have to be called out. While specifics would have again helped, there are already years worth of anecdotes about Snyder's bullying ways -- only an organization run by a dark-hearted bully would treat Jim Zorn the way he's been treated this year, for example.

So the bully explanation made Riggins' judgmentality understandable.

But just when you thought Riggins had found his bearings, he lost 'em again.  The former Redskins star, who will not say "Redskins" when talking about the team -- he usually says something like "the Washington NFL franchise -- compared the plight of Redskins Nation to the plight of the American Indians in the 1800s.

His words, as transcribed by the Great Steinographer:

"I think it's ironic indeed that the name of this franchise, being what it is, is figuratively representative of the long suffering of a proud and noble people. And it's also ironic that the leader of this franchise, not unlike the U.S. government 150 or so years ago, is leading his people on a trail of tears.

Ummm....Did Riggins say that Redskins' owner's conduct is "not unlike" that of the folks behind one of history's worst genocidal rampages?

Hell, yes, he did!

Oh, my. What metaphor didn't make the cut as Riggins was putting together this speech? Were Hitler and slavery thrown on the cutting room floor?

The mind races...

courtesy of D.C. Sports Bog

Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato, the poster children of the Prague Spring for Redskins fans, have been dubbed "Dumb" and "Dumber" in much of the agit prop that Redskins security has worked so hard to keep out of FedExField.

Awesome trivia: In "Dumb and Dumber," 1994 movie that informs the insurgency, there's a character named "Karl Swanson."

Really. You can look it up.

And in real life, as outlined by Paul Farhi in today's Washington Post, there's a Karl Swanson who's the third wheel in the Snyder/Cerrato continuum. (Full disclosure: I'm briefly in the story.) The flesh-and-blood Swanson has been Snyder's spokesperson since before he took over the Redskins. Swanson and Cerrato are the longest-tenured Skins staffers in the Snyder regime. They ride golf carts with the boss, and Swanson drives.

I don't know Karl Swanson much at all, but over the years he has returned a huge percentage of my phone calls and emails, even though long ago he grasped the likelihood was that Snyder wasn't going to come out great in whatever City Paper wrote about him. So I've come to admire Swanson a good bit. He's got the toughest job in Washington.

But dang if I didn't giggle when I Googled upon the "Dumb and Dumber" character  with his name. Makes his voyage to Redskins Park seem like destiny.

Six Flags' reorganization is nowhere near complete, and god only knows what's beneath the surface of this debacle. But from the sound of things, when all's said and done Snyder will still be chairman of Six Flags board of directors when that company comes out of bankruptcy.

How can this be? In Snyder's world, what do you have to do to lose your job?

One small aspect of the fiasco: Would somebody PLEASE explain to me how Snyder was allowed to pay a whopping $175 million for Dick Clark Productions using private equity money from Red Zone Capital, a fund he controls, then turn around and sell 40 percent of Dick Clark Productions to Six Flags, using public equity money, which he also controlled? And Snyder did this deal, remember, in 2007, while Six Flags was on the way to the bottom and he was already blaming the company's woes on its billions of dollars of debt.

Snyder made the Dick Clark Productions sale around the time he made a licensing deal between Johnny Rockets, another Red Zone-owned company and controlled by Snyder, and Six Flags. Again, would SOMEBODY please explain to me how that's allowed?

I mean, I make a lot of fun of Lindsay Czarniak and Dan Hellie working for Snyder's Redskins Broadcast Network and WRC News at the same time. And that really does bug me. But Czarniak and Hellie's conflict of interest ain't a hair off the ass of the conflict of interest Dan Snyder had in dealing with himself during Red Zone's sale of a huge chunk of Dick Clark Productions to Six Flags. Let alone the Johnny Rockets deals.

How hard a bargain do you think private-money Dan Snyder drove with public-money Dan Snyder in making these deals?

(AFTER THE JUMP: More on Dan Snyder, Red Zone and Dick Clark? DeMatha sends more jocks to college? Remember Harvey Grant? The DC Armor are gonna just disappear? Somebody's still kvetching about the El Al/FedExField comparison?)

And what bang have Six Flags investors gotten out of the tens of millions of stockholders' bucks Snyder threw at himself during the 40 percent sale of Dick Clark Productions? Who's looking out for who?

Who knows what the Dick Clark Productions ownership situation will be when this comes out of bankruptcy.

But, again, it looks like Snyder will still be in charge of both Red Zone and Six Flags at that time. Maybe he'll have a chance to buy Dick Clark Productions from himself during the bankruptcy, then sell Dick Clark Productions to himself all over again.

Seriously, in Snyder's world, what do you have to do to lose your job?

***

From our Hyattsville bureau: DeMatha's library will be packed tomorrow to unveil the latest batch of athletes that the sporting powerhouse will send up to the next level.

Among the more notables in the jock octet featured in the scholarship signing ceremony:

Jerian Grant, son of Washington Bullets 1988 first-round pick Harvey Grant, will announce he will attend Notre Dame. That'll make him the first DeMatha basketball player to commit to South Bend since Hall of Famer Adrian Dantley back in 1973.

And, Casey Thrush will be the first DeMatha student to accept an NCAA hockey scholarship while still in high school, representing the Stags' desire to dominate yet another prep sport.

This signing ceremony, which is surely bigger than any signing ceremony any other local high school will have this year, does not include DeMatha football players. DeMatha already sends more folks to the NFL than any school in the country. They're doing something right in Hyattsville.

***

The return of the DC Armor for a second season is looking bleaker and bleaker. This update from oursportcentral.com's Weekly Pro Sports League and Franchise Report:

American Indoor Football Association: The future of the D.C. Armor in the AIFA is in doubt. The team played before very small crowds in its inaugural 2009 AIFA season and it is unknown whether the franchise will attempt to play a 2010 season in another venue or simply be discontinued.

Somebody's gonna miss you, DC Armor.

***

JTA, which describes itself as the "Global News Service of the Jewish People," and a media organization I have long suspected is controlled by Jews, had some fun with Cheap Seats Daily's comparison of the security at FedExField during the Prague Spring for Redskins fans to the security of El Al Airways.

I had gotten a call from a friend before the Eagles game a few Mondays ago, who told me about getting the once over and then some from a guard at the FedEx gate. So I wrote:

The only first-person account I got was from a friend who called me from FedExField just after being searched at the gate like he was boarding an El Al flight.

He asked the frisker, “Are you looking for anti-Snyder paraphernalia?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” the guard told him.

That caught the attention of El Al account manager Ron Glickman, who wrote us to say that "the checks that one would go through for an El Al flight are a lot less hands on" than what I wrote about FedEx. El Al, Glickman said, hasn't done done any [body checks] in the past year in the entire United States.”

And Glickman's quotes, in turn, inspired JTA blogger Eric Fingerhut to wonder what entering FedEx would be like like if in fact El Al did take over security:

You'd get to the gate and they'd ask: "So, did you write your sign yourself? Did anyone help you to write your sign? When did you write your sign? Has it been with you since you wrote it?...

That guy's funny!

***

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For years, messages about the wheres and whens of the pep rallies/wakes were posted each week on Dan Snyder's message board, extremeskins.com, so fans could celebrate with or lift the spirits of Skins players and coaches as they returned from the road. The gatherings have long been put together by the renowned husband-and-wife superfan tandem known as Pez and Huly.

But, starting with yesterday's game in Atlanta, the couple's announcements will no longer be made public. Turns out that there's just too much hate in the community to let everybody in on the soirees without inspiring fan-on-fan ridicule.

A memo about the shift was posted on the Redskins official message board yesterday:

"Extremeskins Members: Huly and I and other members will continue to hold the Send Off and Welcome Home events at Redskins park. For the rest of this season, we are (tentatively) NOT going to post a thread for it, because we believe that the fans who still want to sincerely attend and support their team should not be attacked within the thread for doing so. We will contact the typical members who normally attend with meet-up times. However, if you would like to attend, please contact Huly or myself.Thanks,Pez

(Pez and Huly happen to be the couple also behind the all-points bulletin for Stephette Hogette, the bogus Hogette, a few weeks ago.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Skins fans flock to FedUpField South, take advantage of First Amendmentish freedoms denied by Dan Snyder? Will Dan Snyder have the brains to reverse the signs ban at FedEx this week? Will Ron Nolan, an early victim of Dan Snyder's dickishness, return the disfavor? Sam Huff spews the painful truth, and Larry Michael surrenders? Brett Haber has crisis PR advice for Dan Snyder?)

***

The Georgia Dome turned into FedUpField South for the Redskins/Falcons game, as a lot of visitors fans showed up just to vent about Dan Snyder in ways that the owner has banned from his stadium.

The Great Dan Steinberg once again traveled with the insurgency and got a lot of photos of folks with their posters.

***

The animosity thrown at Dan Snyder has waned a bit since John Riggins went from offbeat to ugly with his "dark heart" riff.

Snyder could stem the hemorrhaging even more by pulling the disastrous Redskins sign ban this week, as Denver comes to town, and going back to the old allowances for home games.

What would it cost him? Snyder should have learned by now that the networks limit shots of the Snyder-bashing signs on national broadcasts, since the NFL doesn't want any more harm to come to one of its cornerstone franchises. (How else to explain how few shots of Redskins fans' discontent showed up on "Monday Night Football" two weeks ago or during the FOX network broadcast from Atlanta yesterday? One of the few that made the airwaves from the Georgia Dome: "Skins need a stimulus plan!")

My sense is even the local media is just about burned out on the sign-ban story. From a competition standpoint, Redskins games are already worthless, with half a season to go.

If Snyder doesn't loosen up, the rest of the year will turn into a "How can we humiliate Dan Snyder and get away with it?" contest in the grandstand, both on the road and, especially, at home.

I'm no Eric Dezenhall, but from a crisis PR standpoint, lifting the FedExField sign ban would be the easy and smart thing to do. Snyder's put a world of hurt on his business this season through one tone-deaf move after another.

We've been told since 1999 that Snyder's a marketing genius, with zero proof to back up that reputation. Let's see how he handles this.

***

Not all those who've been screwed over by Dan Snyder will be in the stands this weekend: Denver defensive coordinator Ron Mike Nolan, who held that same position with the Redskins from 1997 to 1999, was among the first guys to whom Snyder revealed his prick side.

During the 1999 season, shortly after taking over the team, Snyder repeatedly delivered vanilla ice cream to Nolan’s office at Redskins Park as a supremely dickish way to say he thought the defensive scheme was too bland. Though involved parties kept that story hushed for years, by now it has become among the most infamous examples of Snyder's mean and horribly unsuccessful managing style.

Nolan's Broncos are 6-1. Snyder's Skins are 2-6. Denver's defense has given up an NFL-low 96 points this season.

If this were pro wrestling, Nolan would ship a pallate of Rocky Road to Snyder's box before the game.

***

Hints of the horribleness from yesterday's various Redskins broadcasts:

*Repartee between Sam Huff and Larry Michael, very early in the second quarter during the official broadcast of the Skins/Falcons game on the Redskins Broadcast Network:

Huff: "I think we're in a heap of trouble."

Michael: "Yeah, we are."

(When Larry Michael lets even the most honest slam of the team go unchallenged, things are bad all over.)

*Al Galdi on the team's postgame show he hosts on Dan Snyder's sportstalker, WTEM: "This season is a necessary evil. There are basic things about this franchise that need to change."

Galdi then quickly added "I'm not breaking any news by saying that."

*WUSA's Brett Haber offered some basic crisis PR advice for Dan Snyder during last night's 11 o'clock news telecast: "Dan: Smile, like once a year!"

It's ugly out there.

***

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I'm in awe. For real.

***

Saying the Redskins PR machine is screwed up is pointless at this point. It's operating now exactly as it has operated for 10 years. So it's likely that machine is operating just as somebody at Redskins Park wants it to operate.

But stuff still comes out of that place that boggles the mind. Any sane man would say the Redskins response to John Riggins' characterization of Dan Snyder as "a bad guy" who has "a dark heart" was just plain wacko. Riggins is a pundit. The more outlandish the things he says, the more he is rewarded.  A big boy or wise man would have just taken Riggins' slings and arrows and shut the hell up. There's no way to rebut Riggins' charges without looking dumb or guilty.

So what does Dan Snyder's organization do? It trots out Silent Greg Blache to rebut Riggins charges. Blache, who just a couple weeks ago said he would no longer talk to the media, talked to the media about how Snyder doesn't have a dark heart.

And to make everybody but Riggins look stupider, the Redskins PR office then produced a press release with Blache's silly comments transcribed. A press release! Wha?

(AFTER THE JUMP: Redskins put out how many documents saying "Dan Snyder Does Not Have a Dark Heart?" Mark Rypien comes back to DC? Can he suit up? He only got sacked how many times? DC Divas hold tryouts? The Divas GM used to be on "Inside the Squared Circle"? Is that fab or what?)

And then the PR office puts out a faux news story that treats Blache's "Dan Snyder Does Not Have a Dark Heart!" statement as a newsworthy event, and throws in quotes from the guy who the world knows Snyder has treated horribly: interim head coach Jim Zorn.

Check out Zorn's words, as compiled by the Skins PR staff:

"I would concur," Zorn replied. "Dan Snyder is a guy that absolutely cares about other people and he does not have that kind of attitude. I haven't been here all that long, and I haven't been here as long as Greg has been here, but I have seen time and again Dan reach out to anybody in this program and even in the secondary parts of the program and help in any way he can when there's a need. I've seen it.

"I would concur with what Greg had to say about Dan really caring about winning. Some of the words that said are just so harsh. Gosh, it's just all the time, it seems like everybody is down. Part of that is on me because we're losing, and that creates issues."

Geez. If anybody says that Jim Zorn will leave Redskins Park looking more foolish than he did when he came, I would concur.

Riggins, by the way, will appear on WTOP today to discuss dark-hearted matters.

***

When things were good, they were real good: Mark Rypien, the guy who proved that a great offensive line can put a mediocre quarterback in front of the world screaming "I'm going to Disneyland!", is coming back to DC for a day.

Rypien will meet with injured soldiers at Walter Reed on Tuesday as part of a Veterans Day event to promote Fisher House. The event is sponsored by Uno pizza.

Awesome trivia about Rypien: During the 1991 season, which ended with his being awarded Super Bowl M.V.P., Rypien was sacked nine times. That's all year.

Jason Campbell was sacked six times on Monday night.

***

The DC Divas are looking for a few good women, to join all the real good women they've already got.

Undefeated regular seasons are the norm for the Divas. They were in the championship mix again last season, but ended up bridesmaids, losing to Kansas City in the 2009 IWFL Sup-Her Bowl. As the squad reloads for another title run, managment will hold final player tryouts for the 2010 season this Sunday at 1 p.m. at the Prince George’s Sports and Learning Complex in Landover.

Sure, it's the same time as the Redskins kickoff. That's not the big deal right now that it once was. For info about the tryouts, contact Divas GM (and, equally fabulous, founding panelist of Inside the Squared Circle) Rich Daniel at 301-573-4260 or divasgm@gmail.com.

For all his media hatred, Dan Snyder stuffs his staff with media people. Karl Swanson was in newspapers. Larry Michael was a radio executive. Even Vinny Cerrato came back to the team after a stint at ESPN, where he spent a season in exile after being banished by Marty Schottenheimer (who looks more like Vince Lombardi every season for what he accomplished here.)

Turns out the latest attack dog added to Snyder's pack, David Donovan, fits the pattern. Donovan's complete lack of respect for the media or the truth or both comes out every time he talks to a reporter these days. For but one example of Donovan's outlook: He's the guy who told the Washington Post a couple weeks ago that Redskins officials "don't see any difference" in "the way our actual fans are behaving" this season.

But, there was a time when Donovan was way into newspapering. It was all spelled out in a 2007 feature story in the Daily Times Herald of Carroll, Iowa, his hometown, to honor the local boy made good when he took the job as General Counsel with the Redskins.

Make that the local paperboy made good.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Iowa State gave DC David Donovan AND Vinny Cerrato? What did DC ever do to Iowa State to deserve that? Why did David Donovan join the dark side leave journalism? Snyder's media appearance starting to smell fishy? Ripken statue stolen by guy named Stoneburner who hangs out with a bunch of stoneburners?)

"As a youth David worked as a paperboy here at the Daily Times Herald and also spent time in this newspaper's circulation department," we're told.

And then we learn that Donovan was editor of The Charger, the student newspaper at Kuemper Catholic High School in Carroll.

And that at Iowa State University, his alma mater (and also Vinny Cerrato's alma mater, hmmmm), Donovan got his degree in journalism. And when his college schedule allowed, Donovan interned at the Daily Times Herald "covering general news and sports under the tutelage of former Sports Editor Dennis O'Grady."

He was dead set on being a newspaper man.

After ISU, Donovan headed to Florida with no assurances of landing a job, and no firm prospects.

"I moved to St. Petersburg and went to every newspaper in the area," Donovan said.

Only hours away from having to scuttle his journalistic plans and work in a warehouse so he could eat, Donovan talked his way into a copy-editing job at the St. Petersburg Times - widely regarded today as one of the best newspapers in the nation.  Soon, at only age 22, Donovan moved to the Sarasota Journal, a small, 6,000-circulation afternoon paper affiliated with a larger daily.

Then Donovan married a newspaperwoman. And when he got accepted to Georgetown University Law School, he enrolled, but only because he thought a J.D. would help his newspaper career!

He said that during law school it was his intent to use the legal education to further a journalism career.

"I went to law school without any expectations of practicing law," Donovan said.

But, alas, Donovan was a good law student. And during his early days as a practicing attorney, we learn from the story, Donovan had the epiphany that caused to him to give up journalism, and, from the sound of things lately, lose all respect for those who practice it.

"As a reporter, when you call people, they can hang up," Donovan told the Carroll Daily Times Herald. "When you're a lawyer and someone doesn't talk, you can send a subpoena."

What a line! Kinda removes the mystery about who at Redskins Park was behind suing the grandmother.

***

That "rare in-season" media appearance by Dan Snyder on Tuesday at a team-organized charity event is starting to smell.

The only TV person on the scene was Lindsay Czarniak. She's with WRC-4.

Here's a list, taken from a transcript of what Snyder said that was printed on Snyder's website, of all the questions Czarniak asked, in order:

1)What does this mean to you, to be able to be out here?

2)Does it mean something special to get the cheers out there? Is it a refreshing feeling for once?

3)One thing I wanted to ask you, Dan, is about some of the negativity that has been around this team. When you look at things like the ticket controversy and then the signs being banned, does it feel like being out here and getting a chance to turn things around, where do you stand on that stuff?

4)You're human. How does it impact you?

5)People look at you and see the uber-Redskins fan. What are your thoughts about what's going on with this team?

7)What do you need from here on out? What's the next step for you?

Good golly. "You're human!" "People look at you and see the uber Redskins fan"? "What do you need?"

These are the sort of questions you'd think only somebody on the payroll would ask! I mean, only somebody who would wear licensed Redskins shirts on the air would say that!

Oh, wait! Czarniak is an employee of Snyder's Redskins Broadcast Network who talks about the Redskins while wearing licensed Redskins shirts on WRC's news broadcasts! Coincidence?

And now Pro Football Talk reports that the announcement the Redskins put out about the team's charity event, held at a Maryland high school, didn't mention that Snyder would be talking.

So all the newspaper people stayed away, except AP's Joseph White, who didn't get any questions in. And all the local TV reporters stayed away, except Czarniak. And Snyder only talked to Czarniak, who's on Snyder's payroll! And who asks how's he feeling and tells him he's "human" and the "uber-Redskins fan!"

Wow. 'Course, if it wasn't for Czarniak's Redskins employment and licensed wardrobe, nobody's suspect a thing.

***

One of Cal Ripken's statuenappers 'fessed up and was sentenced. Jason Stoneburner, who from the sound of things is a real stoneburner, got a suspended two years jail term and restitution to the Baltimore Orioles of about a thousand bucks. Seems fair.

Now he'll surely have to go state's evidence against the three other stoneburners (including Gary Parker, pictured above) who allegedly helped him rip Ripken's statue  -- which, contrary to his reputation as an Iron Man, was made of aluminum -- from its moorings at Camden Yards one September night.

The crew, all in their upper teens, threw Ripken in the back of their pickup before heading over to Patterson Park for one last round of, you know, stoneburning before lawmen got involved and saved Baltimore's favorite son.

***

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"We feel frustration and we feel sorry for our fans," Snyder told a crowd at an event the Redskins organized. He was standing at a podium in front of a gang of players in jerseys and behind a placard that said "Children Come First." As I noticed during a shot of the owner's box in last week's Monday Night Football broadcast, Snyder looks smaller these days than he ever did. (Seriously: Check out this video from WUSA.) Reminds me of what happened to Rev. Dimmesdale in the Cliff's Notes version of The Scarlet Letter.

(AFTER THE JUMP: 2% of WRC viewers are "Thrilled!" by Dan Snyder's mini-contrition? The Bathroom Diaries are looking for a few good places to squat? Have they considered FedExField's beer-friendly head? The EagleBank Bowl adds a conference? Wes Unseld gets a street named after him? Will it be clogged in the middle at all times?)

After leaving the stage, Snyder talked briefly with reporters, but Brett Haber reports for WUSA-TV that the owner refused to answer any questions about the treatment of the fans he feels sorry for, the ones he's taken signs from and ejected for yelling anti-management slogans or wearing anti-Snyder shirts.

Still, just in case this press stop signaled the dawning of a new era of glasnost at Redskins Park, I contacted the team to request a turn at interviewing Snyder.

Longtime Snyder spokesman Karl Swanson, who hasn't been as available to me as he once was, wrote back quickly, just like the old days.

"I’m not sure I’d call being stopped on a sidewalk by a couple of reporters an interview," Swanson said, "but in any event he does not plan on any formal interviews during the season."

Hey, informal's cool with me, Dan! Have you seen my wardrobe? Informal's pretty much the only game I can play!

But I'm guessing Swanson's telling me my request has been denied.

WRC-TV posted some video of Snyder's comments on its Web site last night, along with a "Sound Off" function where viewers could rate what they watched.

The scoring, as of this morning:

Thrilled: 2%
Sad:  3%
Intrigued: 4%
Bored: 8 %
Laughing: 17 %, and, the big winner,
Furious: 66%

***

The Bathroom Diaries, which bills itself as "The World's Largest Database of Restroom Locations," is now taking nominations for the 2009-2010 Golden Plunger Awards. These honors go annually to the best restrooms around the globe.

I think the FedExField bathrooms deserve serious consideration.

The Bathroom Diaries Web site lists past winners of the Plunger. Sure, they all look less viral than Snyder's loo. But, far as I can tell, no previous Plunger honoree had guys with big tubs of Bud Light waiting for you as you flush.

And as both my readers know: FedEx is the home of BeerInTheBathroomsGate.

(Check out the mission statement from The Bathroom Diaries, a site founded in 2000 by Lynchburg, Va.'s Mary Ann Racin that now lists over 12,000 places to do your business: "Few would visit a country without some advanced information, yet our tender bits are exposed to uncharted territories with no help or assistance.  At our most vulnerable, we are blind. Well, no more.")

***

The EagleBank Bowl has broadened its horizons. Organizers have announced they will accept schools from the Big 12 Conference beginning next year.

The game was originally designed to feature one of the service academies against an ACC squad each year. But that setup relied on the military schools fielding bowl-eligible football teams. Navy did its part last season, winning enough games in the regular season to earn a matchup with Wake Forest at RFK in the inaugural tilt. Air Force is a member of the Mountain West Conference, and its obligations to the MWC, which include mandatory appearances in bowls which that conference has contracts with, have proven more cumbersome than EagleBank Bowl planners counted on.

And then there's Army, which just isn't bowl material most seasons. Army is supposed to be the academy invitee to this year's EagleBank Bowl. But Army's on the bubble, at best, for bowl eligibility. Six wins are required. Army is now 3-5, and will lose this weekend at Air Force.

Army could well beat VMI and North Texas later this month. That would put the team at 5-6 heading into the season finale.

That'll mean its bowl eligibility, and a lot of EagleBank Bowl dollars, will be decided against Navy. Army will be a massive underdog going into that game.

The new deal with the Big 12 will take some pressure off organizers to find eligible teams. And Navy can still play every third year.

(The Big 12 pact doesn't kick in until next season. If Army loses out and things get really rough this year, the EagleBank folks can always add a Gary Clark Party to the agenda to get local folks really interested.)

***

Wes Unseld, known during his NBA days for clogging thoroughfares, now has one named after him. Baltimore officials announced that the 200 block of what was once known as Hilton Street will now be called Unselds Way.

From the street-renaming announcement, I learned a couple things about Unseld that I probably should have known. First, he and his wife have operated a private school in Baltimore, the Unselds School, since the late 1970s. Also, Unseld has lived in Baltimore since coming to the Bullets in 1968, having stayed there even after Abe Pollin moved the team to Landover in 1973.

So for all the years Wes Unseld was a fixture in this market, he never lived around here.

***

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There's only one quote from the media-hatin' Redskins owner in White's dispatch: "We've let everyone down, including ourselves," Snyder said, "and we know that and we're just apologetic."

More to come?

The piece takes a photo of a poster taken by FedExField security guards before the Eagles/Skins game that says "Hi to my huband in Afghanistan," and runs with it. The Great Dan Steinberg made that poster famous after fishing it out of the trash near the stadium entrance.

To be fair, Snyder has shown support for our National Defense. Well, he put out a Commemorative Sept. 11 Redskins hat that had a red-white-and-blue Pentagon stitched on to the side in 2005.

And he sold that hat for only $23.99. Plus shipping. And he kept the money. But still. Bottom line: When Military.com lowers the boom on you, something's gotta give.

And everybody's favorite magazine geared toward an audience of corporate counsel people, Corporate Counsel magazine, also jumps in this week with "Not Exactly a Banner Season for the Washington Redskins."

The publication interviews new Redskins COO and total BS'er David Donovan about the new policies at FedExField prohibiting signs and banning interviews in the parking lot, and he was also asked about fans at the Eagles game having to remove their t-shirts if the message on the garments was anti-Snyder.

"We're not trying to limit what anyone wants to say or chant or wear," Donovan told Corporate Counsel.

Wow. Thus continues Donovan's awe-inspiring streak of just saying stuff so dishonest that not even he could believe it.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Not even Corporate Counsel magazine can stomach David Donovan's whoppers? David Donovan and Dan Snyder, adrenaline rush buddies? How does a Redskins win compare to a class action lawsuit? Skins are only the third-worst team in the NFL? Bono had a hand in Cooley's wounding? D.C. United coach bails?)

Though you'd think a trade publication would be a kind audience, the tone of the Corporate Counsel piece clearly shows the writer had little trust in what Donovan was spewing about the rules changes,  as the story contains clauses like "Donovan can't account for the discrepancy," and "Donovan remains vague."

"Donovan remains full of crap" is the gist of the piece, basically.

Bottom line: When Corporate Counsel magazine lowers the boom on you, something's gotta give.

***

The Web site of DC law firm Wilmer Hale has a big write up of David Donovan's path to the Redskins.

The highlight for me was an anecdote about Donovan's first game as Redskins general counsel. That came in the comeback game in Dallas in 2005 that featured two Mark Brunell/Santana Moss bombs,  and gave the team easily its biggest win in the Dan Snyder era.

Donovan was in the visiting owners box with Dan Snyder. When the Skins came back, the story goes, "the two men enjoyed the rush of adrenaline," and Snyder "grabbed Donovan by his jacket" and yelled “This beats asbestos lawsuits, doesn’t it?”

***

Everybody agrees this year's Redskins are bottom feeders. The Sagarin poll now puts the Skins as the 30th best team in the NFL. The only squads ranked lower are Tampa Bay and St. Louis, the only teams Washington has beaten this season. The two teams just above the Skins in the poll are Detroit (29) and Kansas City (28), each of whom beat Washington for their only victories.

The Redskins schedule thus far, says Sagarin, ranks as the easiest in the league.

***

Redskins fans have thrown out an interesting theory about the injury: Bono broke Chris Cooley's leg! Had Dan Snyder not thrown a midseason concert at FedExField, the theory goes, the field would have been in finer shape and Cooley's foot wouldn't have hit whatever caused it to roll over.

The turf at FedEx during the Eagles game sure did look faded and sandy, nearly a month after the U2 concert there drew 80,000 or so. (Watch the sand fly off everybody's feet here during DeShawn Jackson's long run for a TD.)

As for motive: I was at a U2 show in 1987 at the Redskins former home, RFK Stadium, where Bono separated his shoulder during a fall. Hmmm.

***

DC United Coach Tom Soehn won't be coming back. United just put out a press release saying it was all Soehn's decision to leave the team when his contract runs out after this season.

The release:

Tom Soehn removes name from consideration for Head Coach of D.C. United

Process for finding United’s next head coach will begin immediately

Washington, D.C. (November 3, 2009) - D.C. United announced today Head Coach Tom Soehn has removed his name from consideration for United’s head coaching position ahead of his contract expiring at the end of the calendar year.  Soehn served the Black-and-Red as an assistant from 2004-2006, before leading the club to two major trophies, a Supporters’ Shield in 2007 and a U.S. Open Cup in 2008, in three seasons as head coach.   The process for finding United’s next head coach will begin immediately.

“Tommy has done an outstanding job at D.C. United, first as an assistant and then as our head coach,” said United President and CEO Kevin Payne.  “Over the past three seasons, Tommy has faced greater challenges than any other Major League Soccer coach.  His record in all competitions this season was outstanding and he should not be judged on the basis of missing the MLS Cup Playoffs.  Tommy is a fine young coach and I know we will face him in the future in MLS play.  I wish him all of the luck in the world.”

Soehn was named Head Coach of D.C. United on December 21, 2006.  The Black-and-Red won the 2007 Supporters’ Shield and the 2008 U.S. Open Cup under his guidance.  In all competitions, Soehn posted a career mark of 55-48-31.  United was 36-30-24 in League play in his three seasons at the helm.

“My family and I have spent a lot of time in reaching this very difficult decision,” said Soehn.  “I've been fortunate to spend the last six seasons with this organization.  I'd like to thank the staff and fans for their support throughout my tenure.  In particular, I'd like to thank Kevin Payne, Dave Kasper, Chad Ashton, Mark Simpson, Francisco Tobar, Brian Goodstein, David Brauzer and the entire technical staff.  When you're in this business, the experiences you face together forge special bonds and friendships that will always remain.  My appreciation also extends to the players.  We accomplished a lot together since I arrived in 2004 and I thank them for their dedication and wish them the best in the seasons ahead.”

Soehn joined Peter Nowak’s coaching staff prior to the 2004 campaign.  In three seasons as an assistant coach, United won two major titles, the 2004 MLS Cup and the 2006 Supporters’ Shield.

“I want to thank Tommy for his six years of great service at D.C. United,” said United General Manager Dave Kasper.  “He is a terrific friend and colleague, and he played a major role in the club winning four trophies during his time here.  He is a bright young coach who has a big career ahead of him.  I wish him continued success with his next coaching position and his family the best of luck always.”

***

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Sure, the Nats season ended a while ago. But it makes sense that the Lerners would reach out while local sports fans are planning their sports ticket budgets and deleting Dan Snyder and Redskins.

But this Nationals ad is horrible.

After an all-glowing recap of the 2009 season -- two of these three made the cut: Zimmerman/Dunn had big homer totals, Stephen Stasburg signed, and the Nats had THE WORST RECORD IN ALL OF BASEBALL -- the ad copy climaxes with "[W]e can all see why Washington, DC is truly becoming the home of the National Pastime in the Nation's Capital."

Washington, DC is the home of baseball in the Nation's Capital? Who knew?

And who wrote that?

***

WUSA is also kicking the Redskins when they're down.  Advertisements for the local CBS affiliate that ran during the Ravens game yesterday urged Skins fans to "sound off " about the team.

"We won't throw away your signs!" said the voiceover.

Ouchie wouchie! Didn't you WUSA guys used to be covert "partners" with Snyder and help him out with all his infomercials? Guess the contract's up.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Reebok boasts of its butt-enhancement powers? Shannon Sharpe goes after the Redskins? Dan Marino goes after the Redskins? 66 percent of CBS viewers go after the Redskins? Dan Marino says Bill Cowher ain't gonna go for the Redskins? Heath Shuler has MVP award taken away from him by Politico? Ethics panel still gunning for Shuler? Chest bumping on the sidelines can get you suspended?)

***

Another commercial during the Ravens broadcast that showed the decline of Western Civilization came from Reebok, which is trying now to sell shoes using the motto: "Better legs and a better butt with every step."

***

The national folks got into the Skins-kicking swing of things, too: CBS pre-game show panelist Shannon Sharpe showed up on the set wearing a bag over his head, and carrying a sign that said "Fire Dan, In Bill We Trust" with an arrow pointing at fellow panelist and likely target of Dan Snyder affection Bill Cowher.

Sharpe's get up inspired another CBS pundit, Dan Marino, to jump in that because of the disastrous managment in Washington, the Skins won't be able to sign a "big time" coach.

Marino didn't mention Cowher by name, but the implication was clear. Given the high stakes, Marino wouldn't have said that without consulting Cowher. Cowher just smiled after Marino spoke.

Guess that means The Countdown to Cowher™ won't ever make me rich.

Also, 66 percent of the respondents to a CBS poll about what ails the Redskins said the biggest problem is the owner.

***

Heath Shuler almost had a good week. On Tuesday, Shuler (D-NC) led the Congressional football team to an overtime win over the Capitol Police squad in a charity football game at the DC Armory. Shuler was 29-45 with five TDs.

"It kind of brings back old times,"  Shuler told the Asheville Citizen-Times, his hometown paper. By "old times," he means his days playing QB with the Swain County High School Maroon Devils, not the Redskins.

For his performance, the Citizen-Times reported, Shuler was named the game's MVP.

But maybe the lawmen will laugh last. While Shuler was celebrating his finest football moments in DC, the Washington Post reported that investigators with a House of Representatives ethics panel are still looking into a land deal Shuler was involved in back in Knoxville, where he was once a superstar with the University of Tennessee and later a real estate honcho.

From the Post piece:

Before he was elected to Congress in 2006, Shuler invested in a real estate development called the Cove at Blackberry Ridge near Knoxville. The investment is worth from $5 million to $25 million, according to his financial disclosure reports. In August 2008, the [Knoxville] News-Sentinel reported that the TVA gave the Cove waterfront rights to build a boat dock in exchange for other land the real estate venture owned. The swap was made while Shuler sat on a House transportation subcommittee that oversaw the operations of the TVA, an entity chartered by Congress to manage the Tennessee Valley and its resources.

Worse yet, the Post originally misspelled his name ("Schuler") in the story's headline, and closed out the story with: "A call to Schuler seeking comment was not returned."

But the harshest blow came in Politico, which reported that Rep. Anthony Wiener (D-NY), and not Shuler, was actually named the charity football game's most valuable player.

And, yes, Politico also misspelled his name. From Politico's game write-up: “Heath Schuler has the offense humming after a sluggish beginning,” an announcer at the game said.

(More bad news on the Shuler beat late last week, Benjie Shuler, Heath Shuler's brother and former business partner in Heath Shuler Real Estate, what was once a powerhouse Knoxville agency, declared bankruptcy. In court filings, Benjie Shuler, who also was a reciever at the University of Tennessee while Heath was QB, listed assets of $265,000 and liabilities of over $10 million.)

***

Sunday's Washington Post has a maddening story about a superstar running back from Broad Run High School facing a suspension from an upcoming playoff game for chest bumping teammates after touchdowns. One of the chest bumps occurred on the sideline, the Post reported. Any player who gets two personal foul calls has to sit out a game. Broad Run's next game will come in the playoffs. Broad Run coaches have appealed the suspension, and Northern Virginia athletic officials have the opportunity to reverse the call.

Perhaps some facts have been twisted as the tale made its way from the sideline to the Sunday paper.

But if that story's legit, if a chest bump on the sidelines after a touchdown will indeed ruin a player's season, whoever made that call should never be allowed to work with kids again.

***

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Snyder's heavyhanded attempt at message killing, Douchewellian as it was, worked in the short term: The censorship of fans was treated as a non-story. (Well, OK: Almost a non-story.) And, as we've learned over time -- Jeff George, Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, etc... -- Snyder only cares about the short term.

No doubt feeling empowered after the Post's appeasement, Snyder's behavior had grown insane by Monday's game with the Eagles. And the once-burned Steinberg, who now buys tickets to the Redskins games to avoid the team's new restrictions on his reporting, became a war reporter. He embedded himself with the insurgents that night, and has continued telling their tales.

The results have been gripping.

(AFTER THE JUMP: The lawyer who whupped the Redskins on the pedestrian ban thinks fans might have some more cases against Snyder? The Redskins have lost federal freedom of speech cases in the past? One small typo for a columnist, one giant slur of Dan Snyder's legacy? Agent Zero is No. 1? The Wizards peak?)

Steinberg has published scads of photos of confiscated posters and the like. His blog has become the clearinghouse for fans who had had their materials confiscated and destroyed.

A couple of the best tales:

Now it's Liz Angevine, who brought a "LET OVECHKIN CALL THE PLAYS" sign, e-mailing me this story about how a security guard snatched the sign out of her hands and threw it on the ground. Liz writes:"When I told her that I wanted to keep my sign and run it back to my car, she stepped on my sign and ripped it apart!!! I could NOT believe it. I'm still in shock."

And, from Steinberg's comments section:

At half time, I went down to the concessions area to get a beer and a dog. Standing two rows away from me in line, were two middle aged men. One wore a T-shirt that read "Fire Snyder", the other's said "Fire Vinny". It wasn't long after standing there that the men were surrounded by close to a dozen people wearing yellow security jackets. The conversation between them and the two men escalated quickly as security asked the men to remove their shirts. Of course the men refused, and one stated that he had been a season ticket holder for 26 years. The conversation continued to get heated and before you knew it 6 or 7 armed security officers formed a circle around the layer of yellowed jacketed security officers. "Sir, you're about to lose those season tickets if you don't take off that shirt" is what he was told...A few minutes later, the men were escorted out of the area and a security woman approached me with an explanation about their actions. "Look, I know what you're saying, and I can't say that I don't agree with you, but I'm a part-time teacher and this job is my Holiday money"...."upper management told us to come up here and ask these men to remove their shirts and I can't lose my job, so I'm doing it."...The way I saw people being treated for voicing their opinions on this night embarrassed me as a Redskin fan, a Washingtonian, and as an American. These sort of totalitarian strong arm tactics are downright shameful and I needed to let others know about it.Posted by CedarR, October 27, 2009 at 11:46 a.m.

I called J.P. Szymkowicz, a local attorney and Redskins fan, to ask for a legal opinion on the Redskins behaviors. Szymkowicz was the lawyer who sued the Redskins for the ban on pedestrians that was put in place in 2000 so ticketholders would have to pay Snyder's inflated parking fees. And he won.

Szymkowicz says that Angevine's situation, if accurately described in Steinberg's column,  "presents a good case for tortious battery and conversion." Getting even more lawyerly, Szymkowicz cites Nelson v. Carroll, 355 Md. 593, 600 (1999), where the Court held that "A battery occurs when one intends a harmful or offensive contact with another without that person's consent."

Also applicable, Darcars vs. Borzym, 379 Md. 249, 262 (2004), where the court held that "The gist of a conversion is not the acquisition of the property by the wrongdoer, but the wrongful deprivation of a person of property to the possession of which he is entitled. Nor need there exist a forcible dispossession of property to constitute an act of the defendant a conversion. A conversion may consist of a wrongful, tortious or unlawful taking of property from the possession of another by theft, trespass, duress, or fraud and without his consent or approbation, either express or implied."

The situation of the guys thrown out for wearing anti-Snyder shirts, Szymkowicz asserts, "presents a case for breach of the implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing that ticket buyers have with the Redskins and vice-versa."

Speech at Redskins games has come up in court before. A 1988 case, Stewart v. District of Columbia Armory Board, was initiated by Rockin' Rollen Stewart, the guy who used to carry his "John 3:16" signs and wear a rainbow wig to televised sporting events to promote his religious faith. Stewart brought a sign to two Skins games at RFK in 1984, only to have it taken down by stadium security. In 1992, the court granted Stewart the right to bring in his signs to RFK. (But that same year he went really crazy and kidnapped a cleaning lady at a hotel in California while awaiting the rapture. He's now serving three consecutive life terms in jail, wigless and signless).

But, Szymkowicz says that because FedExField is a private venue, Snyder has much more power to legally suppress speech than the Redskins did when they played at RFK, a publicly owned facility. For example: Snyder's ban on posters is likely legally kosher, so long as he bans all signs. "I don't think he would be able to let in 'Will You Marry Me!' and not 'Snyder Sucks!'" Szymkowicz says.

But Snyder overstepped his bounds by going after T-Shirt wearers.

"Unless a T-shirt is obscene," he says, "I believe that the Redskins would breach the implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing by denying someone wearing a 'Dumb and Dumber' T-shirt entrance to the stadium or by evicting them from the stadium if somehow they snuck the shirt past the security guards on the way in."

Szymkowicz cites Telesaver, Inc. v. United States Transmission Systems, Inc., 687 F. Supp. 997, 1001 (D. Md. 1988), where the court ruled: "In every contract there is an implied covenant that neither party shall do anything which will have the effect of destroying or injuring the right of the other party to receive the fruits of the contract;  in other words, in every contract there exists an implied covenant of good faith and fair dealing."

I'm guessing Snyder and "good faith" are never mentioned together other than in legal contexts.

***

Perhaps Snyder doesn't want to create any more plaintiffs after the Eagles' debacle: Redskins officials now say that Snyder is not going to go after any clothing at future games.

Then again, the same guy says there weren't many Philly fans at Monday's game and that the team's waiting list is 160,000 names long.

***

Concrete proof of the Washington Post's bias against Dan Snyder: Today's Tracee Hamilton column on the burgundy and gold disaster.

Hamilton says:

When Snyder bought the team in 2000, he said he'd always dreamt of owning the Redskins. Turns out he'd always dreamt of running the Redskins. Not the same thing."

And for the rest of the column, she references the "nine years" Snyder has been in charge.

Well, Snyder really bought the team at auction in 1999, not 2000. Putting the start of his ownership one year later is devastating to the Snyder legacy. One could argue the 1999 season, after all, is the ONLY decent season of the nearly 11 seasons the Skins have had under Snyder.

That's the year the Skins and Brad Johnson won the NFC East, Snyder's only division title. And it's the only time a Snyder team hasn't sneaked into the playoffs as the weakly wildcard, and the only time a Snyder team hosted a playoff game.

Of course, Snyder took over the team too far into the 1999 preseason for him and his already-hired lacky Vinny Cerrato to have any real impact on personnel that season. Again, the year Snyderatto had the least impact is the best year the team has had.

The online version of Hamilton's column now has the correct date. Snyder has that one division title back.

***

Oh, right. The Wizards win, 102-91, on the road, led by Gilbert Arenas, the man fans really, really want to love.

Things can't get better than this. And, as all Bullets fans will tell you, they won't.

***

(Full disclosure: I freelance music reviews for the Washington Post.)

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The Redskins stink. Like, really stink. Jason Campbell  stinks. Dan Snyder stinks. Oh my, does Dan Snyder stink.

Chris Cooley doesn't stink. But his different sort of attention-deficit disorder, which has in the past led him to show the world his naughty bits and film himself burning cows, is maddening.

Last night his look-at-me!-look-at-me!-ADD caused Cooley to blonde his hair and leave his helmet off while the TV cameras rolled.

Then Cooley's ankle rolled and he's likely gone for 2009. Cooley had been quieter for a couple weeks, seemingly aware that it ain't cool to be cute when his team was a national punchline. But then this. So the last image of Cooley this season will be him being carted off the field with his head glowing from all that bleach, looking sad and ridiculous all at once.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Dan Snyder's jack-booted thugs were out AGAIN? It's harder to get into a Skins game than an El Al jet? ESPN protects Dan Snyder? Snyder's lonely? ESPN rejects Campbell? PG County lets the Redskins walk for BeerInTheBathroomsGate™? Two free toppings? Have I died and gone to PapaJohn's?)

Dan Snyder's attempt to kill the message was in full force. I didn't go to the game, so everything's anecdotal, but there's so much.

Tales of scuffles with security over signs and t-shirts blasting the owner abound. The only first-person account I got was from a friend who called me from FedExField just after being searched at the gate like he was boarding an El Al flight.

He asked the frisker, "Are you looking for anti-Snyder paraphernalia?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," the guard told him.

***

ESPN seemed to be protecting Dan Snyder throughout the telecast. The commentators, particularly Ron Jaworksi, wanted to blame all the team's ills on Jason Campbell.

The one shot I saw on TV of Snyder in the owner's box, he was standing at the back, not in his normal seat up front. He looked frightened and smaller than I'd ever seen him, and even more lost than duty-free Jim Zorn down on the sidelines. Snyder's box looked pretty empty in that shot.

Someday, people will feel sorry for him.

Someday.

***

Though it now belongs to the world, I can't let go of BeerInTheBathroomsGate™.

Yesterday I spoke with Norma Lindsay, the chief liquor inspector for Prince George's County, about the photo and video evidence that Dan Snyder's beer vendors had been setting up shop in the men's rooms at FedExField for at least a year.

Lindsay said she hadn't heard of the bathroom sales until last week, after Cheap Seats Daily linked a youtube video that had been, you know, leaked by a disgusted fan. (If you haven't watched yet, it's a must-see film with all sorts of fab moments, from the surprised tones of a urinator catching on to what's going on -- "Beer in the bathroom!" he says -- to the requests for pot.)

But once the story broke, her office was flooded with calls from sickened citizens.

“Our phones were ringing off the hook last week,” Lindsay says. "Everybody -- us, the [P.G. County] health department, everybody -- got involved. That sort of conduct is absolutely against code, because it's a health issue. There's every sort of health inspector in the world at that stadium for Redskins games, but nobody had ever heard of that or witnessed it before. I can't even imagine who would would want to buy a beer in the bathroom. That was frightening.”

Lindsay says her agency didn't level any sanctions against the Redskins for the bathroom beer sales, and adds that the team cooperated with the county officials who inquired. "They assured us they had fired the man in the video," she says.

From now on, she says, PG's health and liquor inspectors will add public restrooms to their rounds of spots to check out when looking for bad liquor distribution.

“Nobody ever thought of looking in the men's room for beer sales," Lindsay says.

Cheap Seats Daily, flushing out the bad guys, one at a time...

More to come...

***

Let's end with a shred of good news: Today, for the first time following a home game all season, you can get free pepperoni AND free extra cheese on your Redskins special PapaJohn's Pizza.

To paraphrase Warren Zevon: Enjoy every slice.

***

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Another Redskins game that ain't a sellout. Another Redskins game that won't be blacked out.

The graphic above is from the latest installment of the now regular email blasts that precede every home game.

But no matter what your head tells you, remember: Dan Snyder says the Redskins have a waiting list of "over 200,000" names of folks who want tickets but can't get them.

And remember this, as your watching the Skins/Eagles game on local TV and see a sea of empty seats: The NFL has a blackout policy!

What's going on around here is sorta amazing, ain't it? A "Monday Night Football" game against the hated Eagles -- a rematch of the Body Bag Game opponents! -- and Skins management feels it has to lie ("visiting team returns," "limited number," etc.) to try to get folks to take tickets?

How low has Snyder taken the operation? Well, if the Redskins were a dance, you could lay the limbo pole on the floor and Snyder could still sneak his franchise under it.

***

Vinny Cerrato opened his radio station on Dan Snyder's sportstalker, WTEM, declaring he wanted to be "perfectly clear" about some things: Jim Zorn is the Skins head coach for the rest of the season "and hopefully into the future." Sure, "perfectly clear" is a Nixon tag line. And Cerrato sounded crazy while he delivered it.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Snyder doesn't talk to the media? Did anybody tell the New York Times? Snyder tells Brian Mitchell he's sorry? Brian Mitchell believes it? Debbie Yow wants you to call her Dr. Yow? She's a doctor? Really? Charlie Brotman can tell stories? Ron Jaworski doesn't blame Jim Zorn, either? Why do races get such scary names?)

Cerrato also was manic when he said Snyder doesn't have to come out and address the mess he's made of what was once among the top shelf of NFL franchises but is now among the most despised. "Dan has never spoken to the media for a decade now," Cerrato says.

Huh. I thought Snyder posed for photos and talked to the New York Times a few weeks ago.

***

Brian Mitchell has been declawed. In an interview during the "John Thompson Show" on Dan Snyder's sportstalker, WTEM, Mitchell said he'd just had a conversation with Snyder, and that the owner apologized for cutting Mitchell in 2000 to make room for Deion Sanders.

Mitchell, who ripped Snyder brutally on WTEM for a couple years before Snyder bought the station and fired him, sounded genuinely touched by the words of contrition.

Then again, Snyder needs Mitchell right now a lot more than Mitchell needs Snyder. So during the Eagles game this Monday, Snyder is installing Mitchell into the FedExField "ring of fame" or "hall of stars," or whatever the hell that list of names at the stadium is called now,

Mitchell's appearance on the field should be, like so much about the "Monday Night Football" outing, very odd. Until recently, hardcore Skins fans thought of Mitchell as a turncoat because he was so tough on his former team after Snyder cut him.

But the way the Skins have played this season, what once seemed like hate now just sounds like the truth.  And the fans are so united in despising Snyder, any enemy of the owner is a friend of theirs. So cheering Mitchell is the same as booing Snyder.

That means Mitchell's appearance might provide the only cheers from Skins fans all night.

***

Before Cerrato's desperate announcement, Rick Snider of the Examiner wrote what everybody's feeling: Jim Zorn ain't gonna make it through the season. Snider's piece is mean and fun, like so much of the Redskins coverage these days.

***

Ron Jaworski went on "The Tony Kornheiser Show" to talk about the upcoming telecast of "Monday Night Football," where Jaworski still works.

Asked about the home team's bizarre off-field behaviors in recent weeks, Jaworski said that he'd "gone through every single play" of Redskins games this season, and came to the conclusion that everybody knows:  "It's not about the play-calling."

But: Jaworski picked the Skins to cover the spread.

(If I quote one more radio interview, I'm going to have to pay royalties to the Great Steinographer...)

***

Debbie Yow's official University of Maryland bio refers to her as "Dr. Yow." I didn't know she was a doctor. And, after reading the bio, I still don't. It says she's got a masters degree from Liberty University and "a doctorate (honorus causa) from the United States Sports Academy and an honorary doctorate for professional achievement from Elon University."

Sounds here like Yow just showed up and sat on a stage to get her ceremonial sheepskin. So why would she use "Dr. Yow" as a title? Any psychologists out there explain these behaviors?

***

Charlie Brotman's PR firm, Brotman-Winter-Fried Communications, held its 40th anniversary party last night. I've stolen a bunch of stories from them over the years, with a drag racer with a colostomy bag and a family that makes its living pulling each other's hair coming to mind first.

At the party, I got Brotman to start talking about the old days, which ain't hard, and in no time flat he told tales about picking up Ted Williams at a local hotel and taking him to a real estate extravaganza in 1969 and working with Ray Leonard before the Thomas Hearns rematch and getting Nixon to sign a ball at RFK (which Brotman still has in his office) and bringing in Tiger Woods when he was 16 years old for a charity function and so on and so on. What a life. I could have listened all night, but Charlie had other duties. He's a DC treasure.

***

I got a press release from Brotman's firm today about something called the Gynecologic Cancer Half-Marathon, scheduled for DC on Nov. 8. I gotta say, as noble as the cause is, the race's name is jarring. When's the Scurvy Run-Walk? Or the Crushed By a Metrobus 10K? Or the Trust Me This Is Really the Worst Way to Die Tri?

'Course, I wouldn't have noticed the press release if the event were called the Life Is Great Race. And no matter the name, I ain't entering. No pain, no pain!

***

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