I'm talking, of course, about Bride Wars, the Kate Hudson - Anne Hathaway "comedy" about two New York BFFs who will soon realize their shared lifelong dream of getting married at the Plaza.

When their wedding planner accidentally schedules each of their nuptials at the same time on the same date, however, cliches ensue.

Recommended for those who still think all that women care about are their weight and big poofy white weddings, or anyone who's interested in seeing Hudson's near-complete physical transformation into her mother. (Those long heavy bangs? Not a good look, people.)

Or you can catch this week's intended scary movie, The Unborn, about a spooky kid possessing a hot babe. (Original, I know.) Ironically, reviews suggest that the film is more of a comedy. You just can't believe marketing these days!

And if you'd prefer something more serious, there's Not Easily Broken, which stars Benjamin Button's Taraji P. Henson and Morris Chestnut as a couple whose marriage is failing. Written, according to its press release, by "renowned" pastor T.D. Jakes, though apparently having God on your side doesn't mean your movie won't suck.

Hotel for Dogs, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "No stray gets turned away."

Paul Blart: Mall Cop, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "Safety never takes a holiday."

And my personal favorite:
My Bloody Valentine 3D, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "Nothing says 'date movie' like a 3D ride to hell." (!!!)

OK, so at least Hotel for Dogs is for kids. But if any of you spend your hard-earned bucks guffawing through the others -- including My Bloody Valentine, since grisly murders are apparently now considered laff riots -- you're what's wrong with America.