Likely to top the box office this weekend is a horror film about the scariest kind of monster.

I'm talking, of course, about Bride Wars, the Kate Hudson - Anne Hathaway "comedy" about two New York BFFs who will soon realize their shared lifelong dream of getting married at the Plaza. Read More "Opening This Week: Bride Wars, The Unborn, Not Easily Broken" »

Bride Wars, out Jan. 9
Tag line: "May the best bride win."

Hotel for Dogs, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "No stray gets turned away."

Paul Blart: Mall Cop, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "Safety never takes a holiday."

And my personal favorite:
My Bloody Valentine 3D, out Jan. 16
Tag line: "Nothing says 'date movie' like a 3D ride to hell." (!!!)

OK, so at least Hotel for Dogs is for kids. But if any of you spend your hard-earned bucks guffawing through the others -- including My Bloody Valentine, since grisly murders are apparently now considered laff riots -- you're what's wrong with America.