Since news broke that Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder planned to file a lawsuit over Washington City Paper's "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," we've been overwhelmed by the support we've received. Comments on our site, comments on other sites, posts on Facebook, posts on Twitter, and man-on-the-street interviews on local (and national) TV news have been nearly unanimous in their message: "Don’t Sue."

Many of you have also asked how you can stand with us against Snyder's lawsuit. In many comments on our site, as well as many comments on Gene Weingarten's Washington Post column and chat, you've offered to donate to a legal defense fund. Redskins general counsel David Donovan made very clear, in a letter he sent to the investment group that owns our parent company last November, that this lawsuit would be expensive to fight. "Indeed, the cost of litigation would presumably quickly outstrip the asset value of the Washington City Paper," Donovan wrote.

We think the value of our paper will survive this lawsuit, and we intend to fight it vigorously. We have truth on our side and, as the last few days have made clear, we are grateful to have the public on our side as well.

Today, we're announcing the Washington City Paper Legal Defense Fund: Your chance to stand against Snyder's lawsuit, and with City Paper. This isn't really about the money. (Though the money definitely helps—this case will be expensive, even though we’re well-prepared to fight it.) Whatever we raise will be used to pay our legal costs, and whatever we don't spend fighting Snyder's lawsuit, we'll give to a local charity in the spirit of this fund. This is about showing Snyder you support our right—and anyone's right—to write the truth about him, or any powerful public figure, even if it's not flattering.

Please don't send us money you can't afford to spare; we know what the economy is like, and we value your moral support just as much as your financial support. City Paper is not a non-profit organization, which means contributions to our legal defense fund are not charitable donations and are not tax-exempt for federal, state, or D.C. income tax purposes.

To contribute, send a PayPal contribution to legaldefense@washingtoncitypaper.com, or send a check made out to "Washington City Paper Legal Defense Fund" to Washington City Paper, 2390 Champlain St. NW, Washington, DC 20009. You can also drop us a note at that address to show your support.

We can't thank you enough for standing with us now—as you've done for the last 30 years. So we'll just say, "Thanks." And please keep reading.

The goodbye to the longtime WRC-4 sportscaster also served as a memorial to an era where local news operations were a much bigger deal than today. So even WRC's competitors, who have all been whittling away at the resources and time devoted to sports in recent years and handing them over to coverage of yesterday's weather and "American Idol" updates and the like, did strong Michael pieces.

The strongest came from WUSA. After a long segment on the service that had Joe Gibbs and Art Monk's remembrances of Michael taped outside the National Cathedral, sports director Brett Haber ad libbed a sweet appreciation of the glory days of DC sportscasting.

Haber had at least one famous run-in with the departed sportscaster, when Michael screamed about a perceived slight and acted like he wanted to drop the gloves with Haber, then at Channel 5, in the parking lot at Redskins Park. But that was years ago, when Michael was wound tighter than a Titleist. All fences had between them were mended before Michael's death this past Christmas Eve. So Haber, going live from the WUSA desk, didn't have to fake any of the nice words he said about the recently departed former competitor.

But the best part came when Haber turned to Topper Shutt, the WUSA weatherman who has been at the station since 1988, and paid tribute to one of Shutt's not-so-recently departed former colleague, Glenn Brenner.

"It's been [18] years since we lost Glenn Brenner," Haber said to Shutt and the viewing audience, "and as a guy who sits in Glenn's chair every day, I aspire to live up to his legacy."

For any viewer who was around DC when Brenner ruled – he was at the station from 1977 until just before his 1992 death, and served as the sportscasting equivalent of Mozart to Michael's Salieri — Haber's short, sweet speech provided a fabulous Hallmark moment. I worshipped Brenner. Everybody I knew around here when Brenner was on the air worshipped the guy. So Haber's homage made me weepy.

But Haber hadn't grown up here — he's a New York City kid — and I figured while he might have known lots about Michael from "The Sports Machine" hosting, Brenner was DC's own, and during his 15 years at WUSA I assumed he was as insignificant outside this market as he was dominant in it.

So I called Haber over the weekend to ask how he could talk so heartfelty about a guy he never watched and a guy whose presence here, I thought, has diminished to almost nothingness since 1997, when Haber took his first D.C. job at Fox-5. It all came natural, Haber says.

"Glenn Brenner wasn't to me what he was to you or anybody who grew up here," Haber tells me. "I was aware of him, aware that he was the standard for smart funny sportscasters. But when you become a sportscaster in Washington, as I did in 1997, people will teach you about the lore of Washington, and you hear about Bernie Smilovitz and Warner Wolf, and you hear all about Glenn Brenner. If you do what I do where I do it, you know that Glenn and Gordon Peterson built the dynasty that Channel 9 became. So even though I didn't live through Glenn, I understand what he accomplished and why he was so good. Katie Couric never worked with Walter Cronkite, but she damn near knows where she sits. I feel a special kinship with Glenn's memory, and I feel a certain responsibility to remember him and what he did, and that he was special."

Haber says that early in his tenure at Fox-5, producers found a tape of all DC's rival sportscasters in a roundtable discussion about local sports hosted by that station's former sports director, Steve Buckhantz. Also on the panel were George Michael, Brenner, and WJLA's Frank Herzog. "It was amazing," Haber says. "They were all sitting around throwing zingers, and talking sports. It was fascinating for me, because I don't think you would have seen anything like that in any other market."

And Haber says when he moved to WUSA in 2004, Brenner remained a vital presence. "Everybody talked about him," he says. "And occasionally, my style invokes humor, so when a viewer or coworker would say, 'Hey, that thing you did tonight reminded me of something Glenn would do!' That's about the highest praise you can have in this town. I'm beyond uncomfortable acknowledging any comparison with Glenn Brenner, but it's beyond flattering. If I touch on his milieu of incorporating humor and smarts and irreverence into what we do, that's what Glenn mastered, and I'm an apprentice in that field. I'll spend my career looking to perfect what he did."

I thanked Haber for his words about Brenner, and then I went to youtube to watch some old clips. Yeah, he was the best.

For years, messages about the wheres and whens of the pep rallies/wakes were posted each week on Dan Snyder's message board, extremeskins.com, so fans could celebrate with or lift the spirits of Skins players and coaches as they returned from the road. The gatherings have long been put together by the renowned husband-and-wife superfan tandem known as Pez and Huly.

But, starting with yesterday's game in Atlanta, the couple's announcements will no longer be made public. Turns out that there's just too much hate in the community to let everybody in on the soirees without inspiring fan-on-fan ridicule.

A memo about the shift was posted on the Redskins official message board yesterday:

"Extremeskins Members: Huly and I and other members will continue to hold the Send Off and Welcome Home events at Redskins park. For the rest of this season, we are (tentatively) NOT going to post a thread for it, because we believe that the fans who still want to sincerely attend and support their team should not be attacked within the thread for doing so. We will contact the typical members who normally attend with meet-up times. However, if you would like to attend, please contact Huly or myself.Thanks,Pez

(Pez and Huly happen to be the couple also behind the all-points bulletin for Stephette Hogette, the bogus Hogette, a few weeks ago.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Skins fans flock to FedUpField South, take advantage of First Amendmentish freedoms denied by Dan Snyder? Will Dan Snyder have the brains to reverse the signs ban at FedEx this week? Will Ron Nolan, an early victim of Dan Snyder's dickishness, return the disfavor? Sam Huff spews the painful truth, and Larry Michael surrenders? Brett Haber has crisis PR advice for Dan Snyder?)

***

The Georgia Dome turned into FedUpField South for the Redskins/Falcons game, as a lot of visitors fans showed up just to vent about Dan Snyder in ways that the owner has banned from his stadium.

The Great Dan Steinberg once again traveled with the insurgency and got a lot of photos of folks with their posters.

***

The animosity thrown at Dan Snyder has waned a bit since John Riggins went from offbeat to ugly with his "dark heart" riff.

Snyder could stem the hemorrhaging even more by pulling the disastrous Redskins sign ban this week, as Denver comes to town, and going back to the old allowances for home games.

What would it cost him? Snyder should have learned by now that the networks limit shots of the Snyder-bashing signs on national broadcasts, since the NFL doesn't want any more harm to come to one of its cornerstone franchises. (How else to explain how few shots of Redskins fans' discontent showed up on "Monday Night Football" two weeks ago or during the FOX network broadcast from Atlanta yesterday? One of the few that made the airwaves from the Georgia Dome: "Skins need a stimulus plan!")

My sense is even the local media is just about burned out on the sign-ban story. From a competition standpoint, Redskins games are already worthless, with half a season to go.

If Snyder doesn't loosen up, the rest of the year will turn into a "How can we humiliate Dan Snyder and get away with it?" contest in the grandstand, both on the road and, especially, at home.

I'm no Eric Dezenhall, but from a crisis PR standpoint, lifting the FedExField sign ban would be the easy and smart thing to do. Snyder's put a world of hurt on his business this season through one tone-deaf move after another.

We've been told since 1999 that Snyder's a marketing genius, with zero proof to back up that reputation. Let's see how he handles this.

***

Not all those who've been screwed over by Dan Snyder will be in the stands this weekend: Denver defensive coordinator Ron Mike Nolan, who held that same position with the Redskins from 1997 to 1999, was among the first guys to whom Snyder revealed his prick side.

During the 1999 season, shortly after taking over the team, Snyder repeatedly delivered vanilla ice cream to Nolan’s office at Redskins Park as a supremely dickish way to say he thought the defensive scheme was too bland. Though involved parties kept that story hushed for years, by now it has become among the most infamous examples of Snyder's mean and horribly unsuccessful managing style.

Nolan's Broncos are 6-1. Snyder's Skins are 2-6. Denver's defense has given up an NFL-low 96 points this season.

If this were pro wrestling, Nolan would ship a pallate of Rocky Road to Snyder's box before the game.

***

Hints of the horribleness from yesterday's various Redskins broadcasts:

*Repartee between Sam Huff and Larry Michael, very early in the second quarter during the official broadcast of the Skins/Falcons game on the Redskins Broadcast Network:

Huff: "I think we're in a heap of trouble."

Michael: "Yeah, we are."

(When Larry Michael lets even the most honest slam of the team go unchallenged, things are bad all over.)

*Al Galdi on the team's postgame show he hosts on Dan Snyder's sportstalker, WTEM: "This season is a necessary evil. There are basic things about this franchise that need to change."

Galdi then quickly added "I'm not breaking any news by saying that."

*WUSA's Brett Haber offered some basic crisis PR advice for Dan Snyder during last night's 11 o'clock news telecast: "Dan: Smile, like once a year!"

It's ugly out there.

***

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"We feel frustration and we feel sorry for our fans," Snyder told a crowd at an event the Redskins organized. He was standing at a podium in front of a gang of players in jerseys and behind a placard that said "Children Come First." As I noticed during a shot of the owner's box in last week's Monday Night Football broadcast, Snyder looks smaller these days than he ever did. (Seriously: Check out this video from WUSA.) Reminds me of what happened to Rev. Dimmesdale in the Cliff's Notes version of The Scarlet Letter.

(AFTER THE JUMP: 2% of WRC viewers are "Thrilled!" by Dan Snyder's mini-contrition? The Bathroom Diaries are looking for a few good places to squat? Have they considered FedExField's beer-friendly head? The EagleBank Bowl adds a conference? Wes Unseld gets a street named after him? Will it be clogged in the middle at all times?)

After leaving the stage, Snyder talked briefly with reporters, but Brett Haber reports for WUSA-TV that the owner refused to answer any questions about the treatment of the fans he feels sorry for, the ones he's taken signs from and ejected for yelling anti-management slogans or wearing anti-Snyder shirts.

Still, just in case this press stop signaled the dawning of a new era of glasnost at Redskins Park, I contacted the team to request a turn at interviewing Snyder.

Longtime Snyder spokesman Karl Swanson, who hasn't been as available to me as he once was, wrote back quickly, just like the old days.

"I’m not sure I’d call being stopped on a sidewalk by a couple of reporters an interview," Swanson said, "but in any event he does not plan on any formal interviews during the season."

Hey, informal's cool with me, Dan! Have you seen my wardrobe? Informal's pretty much the only game I can play!

But I'm guessing Swanson's telling me my request has been denied.

WRC-TV posted some video of Snyder's comments on its Web site last night, along with a "Sound Off" function where viewers could rate what they watched.

The scoring, as of this morning:

Thrilled: 2%
Sad:  3%
Intrigued: 4%
Bored: 8 %
Laughing: 17 %, and, the big winner,
Furious: 66%

***

The Bathroom Diaries, which bills itself as "The World's Largest Database of Restroom Locations," is now taking nominations for the 2009-2010 Golden Plunger Awards. These honors go annually to the best restrooms around the globe.

I think the FedExField bathrooms deserve serious consideration.

The Bathroom Diaries Web site lists past winners of the Plunger. Sure, they all look less viral than Snyder's loo. But, far as I can tell, no previous Plunger honoree had guys with big tubs of Bud Light waiting for you as you flush.

And as both my readers know: FedEx is the home of BeerInTheBathroomsGate.

(Check out the mission statement from The Bathroom Diaries, a site founded in 2000 by Lynchburg, Va.'s Mary Ann Racin that now lists over 12,000 places to do your business: "Few would visit a country without some advanced information, yet our tender bits are exposed to uncharted territories with no help or assistance.  At our most vulnerable, we are blind. Well, no more.")

***

The EagleBank Bowl has broadened its horizons. Organizers have announced they will accept schools from the Big 12 Conference beginning next year.

The game was originally designed to feature one of the service academies against an ACC squad each year. But that setup relied on the military schools fielding bowl-eligible football teams. Navy did its part last season, winning enough games in the regular season to earn a matchup with Wake Forest at RFK in the inaugural tilt. Air Force is a member of the Mountain West Conference, and its obligations to the MWC, which include mandatory appearances in bowls which that conference has contracts with, have proven more cumbersome than EagleBank Bowl planners counted on.

And then there's Army, which just isn't bowl material most seasons. Army is supposed to be the academy invitee to this year's EagleBank Bowl. But Army's on the bubble, at best, for bowl eligibility. Six wins are required. Army is now 3-5, and will lose this weekend at Air Force.

Army could well beat VMI and North Texas later this month. That would put the team at 5-6 heading into the season finale.

That'll mean its bowl eligibility, and a lot of EagleBank Bowl dollars, will be decided against Navy. Army will be a massive underdog going into that game.

The new deal with the Big 12 will take some pressure off organizers to find eligible teams. And Navy can still play every third year.

(The Big 12 pact doesn't kick in until next season. If Army loses out and things get really rough this year, the EagleBank folks can always add a Gary Clark Party to the agenda to get local folks really interested.)

***

Wes Unseld, known during his NBA days for clogging thoroughfares, now has one named after him. Baltimore officials announced that the 200 block of what was once known as Hilton Street will now be called Unselds Way.

From the street-renaming announcement, I learned a couple things about Unseld that I probably should have known. First, he and his wife have operated a private school in Baltimore, the Unselds School, since the late 1970s. Also, Unseld has lived in Baltimore since coming to the Bullets in 1968, having stayed there even after Abe Pollin moved the team to Landover in 1973.

So for all the years Wes Unseld was a fixture in this market, he never lived around here.

***

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And he won. But it took eight years before Stewart was told by the courts he could carry his sign into the stadium here.

Times and venues have changed. It's unclear if Rockin' Rollen's case will help victims of the Redskins latest purge. Will somebody who had their poster taken please sue Dan Snyder so we can find out?

***

Also, for the eating-disorder-looking print edition, I squeezed BeerInTheBathroomsGate™ for a few more drops. Completists will want this umpteenth revisitation upon the same story so they can see the only appearance of "oral-fecal" in a sentence. Kind of like getting the repackaged Elvis Costello's Greatest Hits every three years, just for the remixed-again version of "Mystery Dance."

***

David Alperin checks in with some more Dan Snyder weirdness.

Alperin was the first guy to tell me that Snyder changed the sign policy at FedExField. Before the Tampa Bay game, stadium guards confiscated a sign he made saying "Love the Redskins, Hate the Owner."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Fake cheering at FedEx? You're going to use "Douchewellian" again? AND the trademark sign? El Al disputes charges that its security is as Douchewellian as Dan Snyder's? You're going to promote the Great Dan Steinberg again? GEICO signs good, Snyder Sucks signs bad? Why would anybody go to Snyder's "Night of the Quarterbacks"? Brett Haber plays the feud with his former boss?)

Before making the sign, Alperin had checked on Redskins.com, Snyder's own site, to make sure that it was within the rules to bring it to the game. It was. When Alperin told the confiscators he had looked at the team's own rule book, the guards told Alperin that the rules had been changed "last night" and took his sign anyway.

Alperin now says that while attending the Eagles game he noticed that Snyder's message control efforts go way beyond that latter-day book burning.

"The crowd noise after DeSean Jackson scored and for the remainder of the game was fake," Alperin reports. "It was pumped in over the speakers to create the illusion of excited fans.  I looked around and the majority of the crowd looked like someone just killed their puppy.  There was no energy.  The only cheering I did was to boo Campbell, Snyder & Cerrato."

When will the Douchewellian™ tactics cease?

(Alperin, by the way, says he will not be renewing his season tickets after this season.)

***

The other day Cheap Seats Daily mentioned how a friend was given a total body frisk by a guard looking for anti-Snyder signs at the gate before the Eagles game, and threw in a line that the security checks were tougher to get into FedExField than to "board an El Al flight."

That prompted the following response from Ron Glickman, account manager for El Al Israel Airlines Ltd:

"Enjoyed reading your comments about the security checks at FedExField, but I must assure you, the checks that one would go through for an El Al flight are a lot less hands on as your article suggests. All of our checks are first to screen the passengers and provide them with a sterile environment as they check in and on the aircraft. If anyone is ever searched, it is always a last resort and we rarely do a body search. In fact, I don’t think that we have done any in the past year in the entire United States."

Glickman then plugged El Al's "code share flights" with American Airlines from DC to Tel Aviv.

***

The Great Dan Steinberg, who has chronicled the Prague Spring of Redskins Nation like nobody's business, had another golden nugget yesterday: The Skins gave away Geico signs at the gate of the Redskins/Eagles game, while confiscating and destroying all other signs.

I guess this means David "Yeah, That's the Ticket!" Donovan, the Redskins chief operating officer and neo-Karl Swanson, was caught lying again? Donovan's been on a spree all week — saying Philly fans weren't in FedExField, that only a few posters were confiscated at the Monday game, that Redskins fans aren't acting any different this season, etc. And during his own personal WhopperFest, Donovan has also asserted that the Redskins have a policy against all signs, for safety reasons.

Now come tales of Monday's Geico banner giveaway by the team Donovan chiefly operates. To find out that what Donovan has been saying wasn't true is just, well, business as usual.

Nobody ever heard of Donovan until the Washington Post's ticket scandal investigation broke, when he came out to say the team doesn't really sell to scalpers and doesn't really sue its season ticket holders — both big, bad fibs.

And ever since that coming out party he's kept up a pace for fibbery that's just awe-inspiring. I can't ever remember a public figure being caught in so many lies in such a short period of time. If untruthiness were an Olympic sport, well, Donovan'd be on a podium and they'd be playing our anthem. Sorry, Gov. Sanford, you'll have to settle for the silver medal. (For a different take on the guy, the commenter on the fan message board Hogs Haven says he was once a neighbor of Donovan's, and remembers him being "of good character." Then the ex-neighbor adds, Donovan "knows who signs his paycheck.")

(I had heard Geico commercials on Snyder's sportstalk station, WTEM, in the days leading up to the Eagles game saying that the "first 10,000 fans" to show up at FedEx would get a "free gift" from Geico. But they never mentioned what the gift was. Now we know why.)

***

Another victim of the Skins crisis: Snyder is running commercials for the Redskins party he's throwing next Tuesday, dubbed "Night of Quarterbacks" and featuring speeches from Sonny Jurgensen, Joe Theismann and Jason Campbell, at a pace that seems desperate.

Pretty much every break on his radio sportstalker, WTEM, includes another spot for the party. So every 10 minutes or so, you hear: "Space is limited!"

Tickets are $106.50. On the invitation, suggested dress is "casual business attire." I wonder if Snyder will admit couples who show up wearing "Dumb" and "Dumber" shirts.

Actually, I wonder if anybody will show up.

***

But, there are some winners in the Skins soap opera: Rich Tandler tells me his RealRedskins blog has never been more popular.

"They say that Redskins TV ratings are down and that team merchandise sales are down," Tandler says. "But the hits are booming at my website. I’m on pace for a 30% + increase in unique visitors to RealRedskins.com for October compared to September. Page views already are up 30% and there are five days to go in the month."

Why?

"It seems that giving fans a place to vent is good for business," Tandler says.

Now Brett Haber, who used to work for Dan Snyder, wants a piece of that. Haber is now touting a message board to bash the Redskins owner. It's been accepting viewer harangues since yesterday afternoon.

Haber recently found out that his former boss at the Redskins Broadcast Network has banned him and Channel 9 and allegedly everybody with a camera from interviewing patrons in FedExField's official parking lot. Haber's peeved at Snyder. Snyder learned how to control the media while putting WUSA news employees on the payroll to run his infomercials and preseason game telecasts, a situation that the CBS affiliate always concealed. Just as WRC now tries to deny that its news employees, even the ones wearing licensed Redskins shirts on the air and carrying "Redskins Broadcast Network" microphones, are working for Snyder.

***

(Full disclosure: I freelance music reviews for the Washington Post.)

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Redskins security seized anti-Snyder paraphernalia at the FedExField gates before the Tampa Bay game a few weeks ago, without any honorable explanation for the seizures. The guards' heavy-handed tactics kept shots of bags on people's heads and "Snyder Sucks!" posters off the Fox airwaves for a few hours on that Sunday afternoon, but Snyder's strategy has otherwise totally backfired. Those whose agit-prop props were taken by Snyder's jack-booted thugs or otherwise censored got really motivated, and are now among the leaders of some very organized campaigns to demonstrate against the Dan Snyder Administration on a much bigger stage: "Monday Night Football."

***

The Third Coming? Mike Florio, the one-man TMZ of the NFL, rumors that Joe Gibbs will return to the Redskins to save Dan Snyder again.

The Gibbs rumors might take some steam off Snyder for yesterday's Steve Largent blasts. Largent, a former U.S. Congressman (awesome trivia about Largent: he lost his last election because Oklahoma voters were outraged by his stance against... cockfighting!), told a Seattle radio audience that Snyder is humiliating his buddy and onetime Seahawks teammate simply to avoid paying him the $6 million remaining on the head coach's contract. Largent says Zorn told him that Skins officials, presumably meaning either Vinny Cerrato or/and Dan Snyder, tried bullying Zorn into quitting by waving a copy of his contract in his face, and repeating the clauses that state that wholesale subservience is required or the team can fire him for cause. That sounds unbelievable, unless you've heard several dozen similar accounts of bizarre and mean behavior from Snyder from former employees.

Snyder was seen yesterday at practice talking to Zorn. Standing side by side, Snyder came up to Zorn's sternum. You know Zorn would like to go to the top of the boss' head with an elbow drop. But in his press conference after practice, Zorn simply said, "I have to hold back on any feelings."

God god. Forget a new set of eyes. Jim Zorn needs to grow a new set of balls.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Doc Walker puts a happy face on Skins' budding playcalling disaster? Sherm Lewis looks like Chief Zee without the headgear? Sam Elliott shills for horse racing? Horse racing leads to domestic bliss? Where's Karl Swanson when you need him?)

Zorn should tell the world what it already knows: He's being treated like dirt by a bunch of loser fools just so they can save a few million bucks. Snyder's putting a hurt on Zorn's image that he ain't going to recover from.

On Snyder's sportstalk station yesterday afternoon, Rick Walker tried to put a positive spin on the Skins' switch to a new play caller during a spot on John Thompson's show. Walker, calling in from Redskins Park, said the mood at practice was upbeat, that everybody in the organization was down with the plan to let Sherman Lewis take over Jim Zorn's game-day responsibilities, and basically insinuated that everything about the Redskins was suddenly just peachy.

Then John Thompson stopped the peachiness with a simple question: What's Jim Zorn's role going to be come kickoff against the Eagles on Monday?

Walker hemmed and came up with "clock management," then he hawed some more. And then Walker hemmed some more. Then, he told it like it was: "I don't know!"

Nobody knows what Zorn will be doing. At Fox-5 last night, sportscaster Lindsey Murphy reported that Jim Zorn "will be involved in the pass protection.". WUSA's Brett Haber said Lewis will only be able to call "a type of play," and not make actual play calls, because he's not familiar enough with the Skins playbook. Wowee. Now the Skins are saying that Sherm Lewis's playcalls will be filtered through Sherm Smith, not even Zorn. And he's the head coach?

Why not just make Zorn sell beer in the FedEx bathrooms? Get your bingo jokes ready, people. This is gonna be a disaster.

***

Walking around practice in a burgundy Redskins sweatsuit, Sherman Lewis sure looked like Chief Zee minus the headdress.

Speaking of: In chronicling how the Washington Post grounded and pounded on Dan Snyder in every section of the paper yesterday, I neglected to mention that Courtland Milloy held court for Metro with an assault on Chief Zee. The timing does seem odd.

But damn if Chief Zee isn't the most racist mascot in pro sports. There's nothing else even close.

***

Speaking of geldings... Shocker of shockers: Somebody's marketing horse racing to the masses! Laurel Park has been running commercials on Dan Snyder's sports station for this weekend's DeFrancis Dash.

The spots feature a voiceover that sure sounds like the great Sam Elliott, telling a tale about a father/son relationship enhanced by days at the racetrack.

Sure, the track has torn apart a whole lot more families than it's helped, but, it's still fabulous to hear any mention of racing in the mainstream media.

***

I was wondering whatever happened to Karl Swanson. I'd reached out to the Redskins top PR man a lot lately. But, no return calls. No return emails. Not even a "no comment"! But I wasn't taking it personally: These are tough PR times for the Redskins, what with the organization all messy and beer being sold in the bathrooms, but "Karl Swanson" wasn't even getting any hits in Google news. So I called and emailed Swanson yet again just to find out if he was still with the team.

And at long last, Swanson responded yesterday! He's still on the job. Swanson gave no explanation for the radio silence.

Maybe it's me.

***

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Sportstalk radio station WJFK this morning put on callers who said they got bags past the gate but anybody who tried wearing one got swarmed by stadium security.

Paper bags! That's where that Sept. 11 fee Snyder tacks on to your ticket price goes? Sheeesh.

The bag gimmick is old, but funny. The ban is just creepy.

***

Death knell for Jason Campbell: Sonny Jurgensen has seen enough.

Unlike other members of the Skins broadcast crew, Jurgensen never talks without thinking about what he's going to say. And after Campbell's second interception, Jurgensen, who along with being the color commentator is a pal of Dan Snyder, said he'd seen enough. "I think it's time to warm up #16 guys," Sonny said.

(AFTER THE BREAK: Vinny and Larry get the Great Steinographer treatment? Vinny's going to bring Sally Jenkins on his radio show? Vinny's going to send Sally Jenkins his Super Bowl ring? Vinny's got a Super Bowl ring? Dan Snyder won't tell you how much your Johnny Rockets burger is? The Redskins schedule only winless teams? Brett Haber thinks the Redskins are sleeping giants? Biggest high school football game of all-time this week? Worst high school football season of all-time is imminent?)

Other members of the radio crew took Sonny's cue. "If this were a baseball game, the bullpen would have activity in it," said Doc Walker, another ex-Redskin and Snyder employee.

"Yes!" said Sonny.

Then, with two minutes left in the first half and Tampa Bay pitching a shutout,  play-by-play man Larry Michael said, "Wonder what the Redskins will do at halftime to make some adjustments."

Sonny jumped right in: "Start another quarterback!"

Campbell's in a contract year. If Jurgensen's done with him, management will follow.

***

Do Vinny Cerrato and Larry Michael look at Washington City Paper as a How To? manual or what?

I wrote a column for the current isse about wonderfully unsuccessful media strategy the Redskins have utilized since Dan Snyder took over: When the going gets tough, attack the Washington Post.

So last week, as the team was wracked with crisis and preparing for its still another Must Win game, Cerrato and Michael went after Sally Jenkins.

Jenkins wrote an instant classic piece last week about the loser culture that has developed under Snyder, and used the presence of Cerrato, who she called "a proven loser," as Exhibit A of the dumbassitude.

Jenkins, and not the lack of a pass rush, running game, game clock strategy, etc., thus became the focus of the team's nightly infomercial hosted by Michael, called "Redskins Nation."

The best part came when Vinny decided he's going to show Jenkins how successful he is. The Great Steinographer, Dan Steinberg, typed up the convo as Vinny and Larry discuss how wrong Sally was. From Steinberg's transcription:

"I'm gonna send all my Super Bowl rings and national championship rings and conference championship stuff and I'm gonna e-mail it," Cerrato promised. "You know, I'm gonna send her pictures of all those, you know, because she probably doesn't know what they look like."

"Oh, no doubt about that," Michael said approvingly. "And I guess the fact that you HAVE had some success proves that you're a failure. I mean, it makes no sense to me. It makes no sense to me. But anyway Vinny, thank you so much for stopping by."

"Maybe she wants to come on the radio show and talk about it?" Cerrato wondered.

"Well Vinny's radio show, coming up Friday, I'm sure you would welcome a phone call," Michael said.

"Oh-oh, would I," Cerrato agreed.

We're all ears, Vinny!

***

Awesome trivia about the Skins' schedule: Washington hasn't played a game yet against a team with a win. That streak will continue this weekend when Washington goes to 0-3 Carolina.

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WUSA's Brett Haber, describing the Redskins second-half comeback against Tampa Bay: "The sleeping giants awoke."

Ironic? Homerific?

You make the call!

***

Speaking of Snyder: I was walking in DuPont Circle over the weekend and stopped into the Johnny Rockets. That's  a burger chain bought by Dan Snyder in 2007.

The only obvious Snyder touch to the place: The carry out menu has no prices!

A menu without prices? For a fast food joint? It probably isn't part of the "If you have to ask, you can't afford it!" logic behind top shelf joints; at Johnny Rockets, the menu reflects management's realization that you'll lose your appetite if you see how much Snyder has jacked up the prices.

I ended up at City Lights of China across the street. Try the crispy fried shredded beef for $15.95.

Snyder, like the menu, is priceless.

***
The local prep equivalent of Redskins/Cowboys: DeMatha plays Good Counsel this Friday. They're the top two football programs in the area in recent seasons, and this year both are nationally ranked. And, most important, DeMatha and Good Counsel just plain don't like each other.

Ok. I made that up. I have no idea if DeMatha and Good Counsel like each other or not. But I love high school rivalries!

***
Update on the Road to 11 Losses: Traditional high school seasons are 10 games. As far as I can tell, no local school has ever lost 11 games in the same year. Anacostia has 11 games scheduled this year. The Indians are now 0-6, after getting pasted 68-6 by Coolidge on Friday.

But the biggest obstacle to the Indians' season of infamy comes now. They face Eastern, an 0-3 team that has been outscored 114-13. Then Spingarn. After three games, the Green Wave is winless and was losing the point differential battle, 160-6. Neither Spingarn nor Eastern has even 10 games scheduled for 2009.

If only Anacostia can find some way to snatch defeat from what should be two sure wins, it's smooth sailing into the record books.

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