Sidwell Friends football got some attention after Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton showed up for the season-ending game with rival Maret last weekend.

Things didn't go so well for the Fighting Quakers under the spotlight, with Maret doling out a 42-0 beating.

That meant Sidwell finished up 4-5. While that mark shows the squad's not yet ready to take on the Green Bay Packers, it seems positively Super Bowlesque to anybody that followed how things went for Sidwell in 2010.

Last year's squad was winless and in all but one game was "slaughtered"—meaning a loss of 35 points or more, in which cases referees invoke the "slaughter rule" and instruct the timekeeper to keep the clock running in hopes of mitigating massacres.

Unlike the Redskins management, everybody involved in Sidwell football admitted that last year was a rebuilding year, with nearly half the varsity made up of freshmen and having only one senior suit up some weeks.

Sidwell Friends, now loaded with sophomores and juniors, was outscored only 241-176 this year. The success of the rebuild showed in Sidwell's 32-7 win over St. James; last year, St. James doled out a 52-7 beating that was worse than the scoreboard indicated. And before three slaughters in the last four weeks of this season—56-7 to Potomac School, 46-0 to Flint Hill, and 42-0 to Maret—the underclass-heavy lineup was actually posting a winning record and outscoring its opposition by a wide margin.

Some folks didn't like me pointing out Sidwell's football debacles last year, resulting in one of the bitterest/funniest comment loads you'll find on this site.

The football gods were apparently upset by my story, too. Proof: This year, my beloved Falls Church Jaguars went 0-10 with four slaughters, and were outscored 385-85 on the season.

And they're getting a Falls Church High education.

The battle royale that every D.C. political wag had been hoping for is on: Adrian M. Fenty vs. Vincent Gray. It's fairly obvious how challenger Gray is going to cast his candidacy: Youth vs. experience. Alienation vs. collaboration. Arrogance vs. avuncularity.

So how's this thing going to play out for Hizzoner? LL has been searching for historical parallels Fenty might want to consult.

How about the 1996 presidential race?

Remember, Bob Dole vs. Bill Clinton?

Clinton, of course, was only two years removed from an epic political setback, when Republicans overtook both houses of Congress for the first time in decades. The race attracted a motley crew of Republican wannabes, with longtime Kansas senator Dole, 73, winning the nomination.

The campaign ended up being very much about Dole's age and whether or not he was an "out of touch" Beltway insider after 26 years in the Senate, that whether, as a career legislator, he had the leadership chops to lead the country. The Clinton narrative became that a vote for Dole was a vote for failed policies of the past. Clinton, on the other hand could tout bipartisan votes on crime and welfare reform.

Clinton strolled into the Democratic National Convention in Chicago (where LL, incidentally, was on the floor as a fresh-faced delegation page), gave his speech about "building a bridge to the 21st Century," and never looked back. He won the popular vote by 8.5 points.

So the task for Fenty is clear: Make the case that a vote for Gray is a vote for returning to the past. Make the case that Gray's legislative obsession with process will obscure progress. Make the case that the change people voted for in 2006, when voters overwhelmingly preferred him to Linda Cropp, is not finished. And make the case that he's still the best candidate to lead the city into the future.

Here's why the analogy might not hold: Fenty, 39, for all his youth and vigor, is not blessed with the communicative gifts of a Bill Clinton. Fenty shakes plenty of hands, but he doesn't leave the folks receiving them in the rapture that Clinton was known for. (And he's not much of an orator to boot.) Gray, though up in years at 67, is a sight more sprightly than Dole was. And while Fenty has a strong record to run on, he will have a hard time claiming that he's brought people together to move the city forward.

Gray, on the other hand, will try to make the case that he can unite disparate parts of the city around a message of hope and progress, kind of like a more recent presidential candidate.

Just as Morrison sails off to his, um, ultimate reward, the Washington Area Frisbee Club (WAFC), which wouldn't exist had he not spawned such a cool brainchild, is about to try something new and different.

On Tuesday, the D.C. clique's winter ultimate league will open play at the D.C. Armory. That's the first time it's ever held a competition where the sun don't shine.

"I've been trying to bring the game indoors to the Armory for 10 years," says John Capozzi, a longtime fixture on the city's political and Frisbee scenes. Capozzi, for all his political connections, says things might never have been taken inside without the efforts of current WAFC president Bryan Steffen.

"Brian gets all the credit," Capozzi says. "He made it happen."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Renting the armory's gotta cost a lot, right? Didn't Lee Atwater play there? Doesn't that place still smell like Dumbo dung? Are Frisbees allowed in Ultimate yet? A Redskins connection to Bill Clinton's health scare? So THAT's how we ended up with Dan Snyder?)

Progress isn't cheap: Capozzi says that renting the huge space (capacity: 10,000) where Lee Atwater once jammed with Buddy Guy and George H.W. Bush, and where P.T. Barnum's elephants have been pooping for decades, will cost the club $800 per night.

That comes out to about $7,000 for the season, says Capozzi. But, particularly with the recent weather, he's pretty sure members will be enthused enough about having a roof over their heads and a warm place to play that they'll pony up enough to for the club to break even on the venture.

The ultimate games will not be played on the artificial turf surface that was briefly tread on by the D.C. Armor, the indoor football team that left the building after one horrific season in the American Indoor Football Association.

Instead, Capozzi says, they'll use the same wood floor that the D.C. Rollergirls, another Armory tenant, roll on.

Capozzi says he doesn't expect players to let the venue change their style of play, even with its roof and the harder-than-normal surface.

"If they think they can come up with a catch," Capozzi says, "people are still going to dive for it."

Back to the dead guy for a minute: One of the bizarrest situations I've learned about in my years of typing was that Wham-O's mismanagement had all but taken Frisbee, the trademarked product, out of Ultimate. I wrote about Frisbee's banishment from the game in 2001, and I'm still fascinated by that.

***

Bill Clinton's doctors held their press conference to discuss the ex-president's condition inside the Milstein Hospital Building of Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital in New York. The structure is named after the same Milstein family that produced Howard Milstein, the guy who was going to buy the Redskins from Jack Kent Cooke's estate — until the other NFL owners blackballed him.

The rejection of Howard Milstein opened the door for his junior partner to make the same $800 million offer that Milstein's group had bid, and gain control of the franchise.

And that, kids, is how we ended up with Dan Snyder.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Did you go to Washington City Paper's first-ever Tweetup last night? I didn't. But I hear it was the #besttweetupever. It had to be because @MikeRiggs, formerly of "Freedom Friday" roundup fame, was there, and he was giving out hugs. Did you get one?

A couple of newsworthy things going on: Barack Obama has accepted the Nobel Peace Prize for waging a good war, Harry Reid has likened opponents of the Democrats' health care reform bill to supporters of slavery, and—now for the big one— GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS HAS BECOME THE NEW DIANE SAWYER! He's going to be whipping up souffles as the new co-anchor of Good Morning America! Good morning, America, indeed!

Now, I'm really excited about this (not true), even though I don't watch Good Morning America (true) or the show he's leaving, This Week (also true). But frankly, I'm a little concerned for George (very, very true). Yes, he's served as top political strategist to a president of the United States and, yes, he's interviewed secretaries of state and foreign dignitaries. But can he handle sitting on the couch with a mystery man who donated sperm three times while he was dating the future mother of octuplets who might secretly be those octuplets' father?

Good Morning America viewers seem to think not. The story on GMA's Web site about Stephanopoulos' appointment prompted some 477 comments as of this morning, 476 of which said some version of the following:

-Has the management of ABC lost their minds. G.S. is a liberal prick moron and brings nothing to the show. What a termible mix and burden to place on Robin Roberts. Anyone looking for a reason to change channels just got it

-BIG MISTAKE TO NAME STEPHANO to this position. He snitched on Clinton and he just doesn't cut it. If they wanted more toughness, they should have named anyone other than him.

-George- really???? You're just kidding right????!!!! Ugghhhhhh......

-I have watched GMA since the days of Charlie Gibson, there have been alot of ups and downs with the anchors over the past 20 + years........now I will stop watching because of GS.......didn't like him in the White House and I certainly don't want him in my home every morning.

-Any way to get Joan Lunden back?

-Hey, they should have had Tiger with kate and 8....!!!!

-Please Please leave George in DC.

My prediction: Once he puts on that apron, everyone's gonna love him!

A final note on this chilly morning: Did you know the average American consumes 34 GB of data, via some 100,000 words, a day (only slightly less than the number of calories the average American consumes a day)? This roundup counts toward that total, even if you didn't read all the way to the end.

Follow me on Twitter.

• While President Clinton's trip was described as a private humanitarian mission before he left for Pyongyang, the Washington Post is reporting that both Clintons played an integral role in planning the trip.  The State Department was reportedly negotiating with the North Koreans for weeks and Bill only left the U.S. after repeated assurances that Laura Ling and Euna Lee would be released.  Regardless, it's good news for embedded journalists.

• In worse news for journalists, MSNBC is now admitting that they erred by not revealing that former Newsweek reporter Richard Wolffe is now working as a strategist for the public affairs firm Public Strategies, Inc. Since his book Renegade, detailing the rise of Barack Obama's presidential campaign, hit the best-seller lists, MSNBC has been showing off Wolffe like a prize, having him fill in for Keith Olbermann on Countdown as recently as last Friday. However, his close ties to the Obama administration (like those private meetings with David Axelrod) and his work at Public Strategies have resulted in major conflicts of interest.  Luckily, he's already got his next Obama book all lined up.
• DC Public Schools have announced that they will extend their STD testing program to all students in the upcoming school year.  Officials hope that by expanding their pilot program, they will be able to diagnose and treat students with STDs, especially since approximately half the cases of chlamydia and gonorrhea in the city are among adolescents.

• An extension of the Cash for Clunkers program is looking more and more definite. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid have confirmed that the second round of funding will pass through the Senate before it recesses on Friday. The $2 billion extension is estimated to last through Labor Day.

• And finally, a new ad for the Child Nutrition Act has dragged Malia and Sasha Obama back into the spotlight. The new poster campaign, sponsored by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, shows eight-year-old Jasmine Messiah asking "President Obama's daughters get healthy school lunches. Why don't I?" Messiah has also written an open letter to the first daughters asking for their support in reforming public school lunches.  Here's an answer to your question, young Jasmine – $30,000 a year in tuition at Sidwell will buy a lot of healthy vegetables. Public schools are struggling to keep their textbooks up to date. Be happy you've got lunch.

And that's the news.  Happy Hump Day!

Quaid and Moore will star in an HBO movie called The Special Relationship. Which would be totally gag-inducing if the story centered on Bill and Hillary instead of Bill and Tony Blair, and "the unique and sometimes turbulent political relationship between the newly installed PM and the U.S. president."

Martin Sheen will again play Blair. (Already knocked that one out of the park in The Queen, as well as in the 2003 TV movie The Deal. Geez, Hollywood, how about giving someone else a chance?)

Story at Variety.

Seriously, Georgia Brown's?

Dunno if that was your idea, Mr. Mayor, or yours, Mrs. First Lady, but you both need some better culinary counsel. I mean, how much more Clintonian can you get?

LL thought this was a new day for America!

UPDATE, 4:45 P.M.: Apparently GB's was the Fentys' idea. Jill Biden—ahem, Dr. Jill Biden—was there, too.

Attention Bill Clinton lookalikes! You could be in a low-budget movie that hasn't yet been picked up. But it totally could be!

Washington Biz Journal just floated a little gem about a Clinton casting happening at the Ritz-Carlton Pentagon City (you know, where Lewinsky was grilled... and then allowed to shop) the weekend before the inauguration. The indie film, tentatively titled The Blue Dress (wonder what it's about?), already has a few roles cast, including an actress from the Philly area playing Monica and Paula Jones playing...Paula Jones. The parts of Al Gore, Ken Starr, and other key players (i.e. Secret Service extras) are also up for grabs.

But mainly the filmmaker, Daniel Vovak of Behesda, wants to find his Bill. And remember, this was in his paunchy days, so go for a jog and then stop for burgers on your way out.

This, to me, is an awkward exchange. First, politicians need to stop making jokes about hair-plugs, even if they've got a few. Second, give me a good belly-laugh any day over the halting, drawn-out, don't-know-whether-he's-laughing-or-crying chuckle that consumes Biden for nearly a minute.

Don't get me wrong: I would take a bullet for Joe Biden. But it sure would be nice to see a politician laugh with the joyful abandon of Bill Clinton back in (say) 1995:

According to Dep. Secretary of State Strobe Talbott, Yeltsin was visibly impaired by a serious cognac buzz at the time of the press conference. Clinton, of course, took the situation in stride, later mollifying a vexed Talbott with, er, a stiff highball of truth:

We can't ever forget that Yeltsin drunk is better than most of the alternatives sober.

Now that's what I call straight talk!

In related non-news, a hard-hitting trend-piece published yesterday in the New York Times heralds the umpteenth resurgence of political humor.

Former President Bill Clinton was hesitant to characterize Barack Obama as a "great man" Sunday, a phrase he had no qualms using last week to describe Obama's rival John McCain.

Clinton told NBC's Tom Brokaw that it was only earlier this month in Harlem that he and Obama had their "first conversation." He said he had spoken with Obama before, but only in passing.

Clinton then explained what he meant in characterizing McCain as a "great man."

"I think his greatness is that he keeps trying to come back to service without ever asking people to cut him any slack or feel sorry for him or any of that stuff because he was a POW," Clinton said of the Republican presidential nominee.

What is the matter with this guy? It's like he's a pathological self-saboteur. And then some obvious possibilities reared their jaded heads: If Obama wins in November and has an effective presidency, he'll seek re-election, which would put eight years between Hillary and the White House. If Obama wins in November but taxes us into a recession, Republicans will have an easier time in 2012. But! If McCain wins in November and implements his disastrous defense policies (or OD's on Viagra–either way, he's a one-term guy), Hillary will be poised for a comeback in 2012. (Sarah Palin has about as much chance of going from VP to just "P" in 2012 as Dan Quayle did in 2000–er, '94.)

I'm sure this type of conjecture is/has been floating around the InterTubez, I'm just waiting for an MSM person to hit Clinton with it straight up.

Also, thinking like a pollster pickles my innards.