Come on, pervs: Get your name in before it's too late!

('Course, this also means time is running out on Cheap Seats Daily's ability to run everybody's fave photo.)

(AFTER THE JUMP: Does Dan Snyder's vacation choice mean he's met his Waterloo? Elba is nice this time of year? Somebody wrote something nice about Dan Snyder? Really? Was it accurate? Not really? Where'd David Donovan learn to fib? Dan Snyder's poster confiscating binge was all a prank? Will anybody get a "Goofus and Gallant" reference?)

I read in the Washington Times yesterday that Dan Snyder is in France. How Freudian a vacation choice, considering the sort of slurs thrown his way these days. (Writer David Covucci got me chuckling with a piece posted at the hit-or-miss site Bleacher Report, saying Snyder' failings have been so epic that "scholars now refer to Napoleon as having 'Snyder Complex.”')

If Snyder stops at Elba, would he be allowed to leave?

***

Nothing nice has been written about Dan Snyder for years. Three years, to be pretty exact. That's when "The Dan Snyder You Don't Know," Harry Jaffe's profile of Snyder, showed up in Washingtonian magazine. Jaffe's story has over the years been regularly posted on Snyder's message board, ExtremeSkins.com, when the Skins owner's getting the crap beat out of him. It was posted again there yesterday.

Snyder was talking only slightly less to the press then than he does now, so Jaffe must have worked incredibly hard to get a sit-down. But the story, which came out in the September 2006 edition was an Instant Classic -- for all the wrong reasons. Reading it now, you wonder what date-rape drug Snyder snuck into Jaffe's tea before he started typing.

Jaffe's Dan Snyder was a Dan Snyder we didn't know, all right. His Dan Snyder is "not even close" to being a "spoiled, greedy, power-hungry rich" guy like other NFL owners.  He's "playful, and shockingly normal," a guy who goes to "Ben’s Chili Bowl in DC at 1 am with his buddies."

And, ethical? Read on!

No one has questioned Snyder’s corporate dealings. He likes to say he has never been in court.

“I am a goody two-shoes,” he says. “Business ethics are important to me.”

Jaffe had somehow missed or forgotten about the FCC's reports about Snyder's pre-Redskins business, Snyder Communications, and all the million-dollar shenanigans it pulled through "slamming," or switching consumers' phone companies without their consent. In one of the investigations into his company's shenanigans, investigators for the State of Florida found that Snyder "forged the signatures of hundreds of customers on letters of authorizations purporting to authorize a change of customer's resubscribed interxchange carrier." (The Washington Post's investigation into the Redskins relationship with scalpers, remember, included charges that Snyder's employees were forging folks signatures on season ticket contracts.)

The hits just keep coming from Jaffe. Snyder, we learn, was actually patient with Norv Turner after buying the team in the summer of 1999.

"Snyder stuck with Norv Turner through the 1999 season, which was lackluster," Jaffe wrote.

"Lackluster"?

Well, actually, 1999 was the best season that the Skins have had under Snyder. That team won the NFC East and hosted the only playoff game ever played at FedExField. Yet Snyder somehow stuck by Turner throughout the year! Bravo!

Snyder, were also told in Jaffe's piece, began charging admission to training camp "in 2003."

Well, actually Snyder charged $10 admission and $10 parking fees in 2000 -- the very first training camp he hosted. The date change is important, because it shows that as soon as Snyder could gouge the fan base, he did gouge the fan base.

To be fair, there are some enlightening parts of Jaffe's tale. As Jaffe relates an anecdote that's meant to show how much fun Snyder is, we learn where David Donovan, now the Redskins Chief Operating Officer and Fibber-in-Chief learned that honesty ain't a policy with Skins management.

Take the time Redskins general counsel Dave Donovan went to his first away game at the St. Louis Rams’ domed stadium. Snyder and [minority Skins owner Dwight] Schar saw him calling his wife and family on his cell phone to say how cool it was to be in the stadium before the game. They called the head of security and asked him to send two cops and “arrest” Donovan, saying it was illegal to use a cell phone in the stadium.

Donovan was escorted across the field. It wasn’t until he got to the other sideline that they told him it was a joke.

“We were laughing so hard we almost peed in our pants,” says Snyder.

Well, we can only hope Snyder was wearing Depends when Donovan went on WJFK earlier this week to say that there weren't many Philly fans at FedEx for the Eagles game, that the Redskins don't sue their fans, that only a few posters were confiscated by security at FedEx on Monday, etc. Though, come to think of it, Donovan says he's in charge of game-day operations now, so maybe when the Redskins had their security guards escort all those people out for wearing anti-Snyder t-shirts or anti-Snyder bags or carrying anti-Snyder posters, it was all a practical joke! Donovan was just funnin' with everybody! You got Punk'd, Skins fans!

And, Jaffe quotes Snyder associate named Mark Jennings describing Snyder as somebody who won't do anything "to get the next great article written about himself.”

Ain't that the truth.

I wonder if Jaffe would write anything differently if he could.

***

By now, all that's left is for Highlights to crush Snyder, and then every magazine on the rack, and every magazine off the rack, will have crushed him. Everybody who never wrote about the Skins owner has pounded him these last couple weeks.

After the New Yorker, you'd figure most publications would figure: Why bother?

But this morning, the Huffington Post still bothered. The online pub gives Bob Franken digital column inches to come at Snyder like he took Franken's money -- which, in a disclosure contained in the piece, Franken says Snyder did (as a ticketholder).

Franken goes mega macro, comparing Snyder and the Redskins to Wall Street and the U.S. economy. At least that's what I think Franken did.

You be the judge:

So consider Dan Snyder and his Redskins a metaphor...a metaphor for heartlessness and incompetence that has brought things to ruin with little hope that next season will be much better since the same people will still be running things. No wonder so many are angry. A few have played the game terribly, but it's everyone else who has lost.

So I'm not the only one screaming that this is bigger than football to the point of foolishness? Cool!

Actually, I'd like to hear Highlights take on Snyder. He's providing teachable moments for all the children. And if Art Rooney was put forth as Gallant, you-know-who would make a great Goofus.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Brown (along with fellow politico and ex-Barry aide Bernard Demczuk) is first among local politickers as a denizen of Ben's Chili Bowl, and as a friend of its proprietor, Ben Ali, who died today at 82. He remembers his longtime friend with this line: "He came here ansd he wanted to do three things: He wanted to have a family, which he did; he wanted to have business, and he did; and he wanted to help somebody, which he did."

Ali, he says, "helped the entire community in any way...whether your church needed anything or your school needed a playground or you just needed a place to meet, you could count on Ben." And, he says, Ali made his restaurant a sort of sacred space for local officials and operatives looking to do a little business, have a quick bite, or make a big splash.

"You had to have a place to meet, have to have a place to sit down and invite people to. So it was Ben's Chili Bowl," Brown says. "Everybody from from Loose Lips to whoever, everyone's had to be there one way or another. It had black people, it had white people, it had old people, it had rich people, it had young people. It had gays, it had straights. It had upper class, middle class, no class. They all came."

The litany of politicos that Ali welcomed into his restaurant is legion: "Tony Williams, that was his very first stop after winning, the very first place he went to have a press conference was Ben's Chili Bowl. Charlene Drew Jarvis had to go through there; Dave Clarke had to go through there; Jim Graham had to go through there; Marion Barry, he lived there! I could go on and on and on."

Famously, of course, Barack Obama made an impromptu stop at Ben's in January with Mayor Adrian M. Fenty, shortly after arriving in town for his inauguration.

But for all the politicking going on inside, the restaurant itself has never been a political establishment. Brown believes that the only tiume he saw Ali allow a political sign inside the place was when his son, Kwame Brown, ran for D.C. Council. "They just don't do it," he says.

(Kwame Brown just released a statement calling Ali a "wonderful family friend and true inspiration," not to mention "a civil rights pioneer and the embodiment of entrepreneurial spirit.")

The true testament to Ali, Marshall Brown says, is that "everybody was welcome....My enemies! Sometimes I'd be sitting next to them, having a damn chili dog! They were there at Chili Bowl."

UPDATE, 1:15 P.M.: D.C. Council Chairman Vincent C. Gray has a statement of his own, calling Ali "a well-respected and iconic figure in the shaping of the historic U Street corridor." He ends with a brag: "I am a regular patron."

UPDATE, 6:30 P.M.: An addendum from another operator, consultant Chuck Thies: "Funny, I always felt welcome at Ben's EXCEPT when Marshall Brown was there....In 2006 David Bowers held his At-Large Council campaign kick-off at Ben's, Marshall Brown was there running the show. Brown saw me, took a bee-line across the room and said, 'What are you doing here, this is my house. Get out of here right now. Back in the day I could have you fucked up.'"

Thies adds a disclaimer: "I don't want to come off looking anti-Ben's," just anti-Marshall.

"He lived a full life and put a lot into the business," said a family member. Asked whether Ben's will close at any point in observance of the passing of its founder, the family member said a decision on that matter hadn't yet been made.

Another argument she could have made: The problem with all the civic boosters behind Nationals Park is that they are having to sell one of the ugliest pieces of city real estate. The MCI Center was built in a downtown neighborhood with obvious strengths that Nationals Park does not have. MCI Center had Chinatown, MLK Library and other civic destination spots like say the old DCRA building (ha), the courthouses, and police headquarters. Nationals Park was built in a decimated spot with almost zero charm. Anyway, I posted my two cents on the subject yesterday.

Misadventures in D.C. folds up its blog, blames Twitter and Facebook (like real media people!). They write: "The weird thing, of course, is that blogging now seems... well, so QUAINT. So old-fashioned, this idea of taking the time to construct paragraphs of text, telling a story, fleshing out an idea or thought through the process of writing about it. We've been reduced to brief one-sentence status updates (or worse, in the case of Twitter: 140 characters). It's easier to stay in touch than ever before. Yet our communication becomes more superficial with each sign of 'progress.'"

Borderstan collects early April crime stats for Borderstan.

And Now, Anacostia gives its blessing to Cherry Blast.

Bureaucrat310 mourns the crowding of Ben's Chili Bowl now that they've spotted tour buses parked outside the D.C. institution. There's tension between the old men and the tourists:

"I was at Ben's Chili Bowl last night with an out-of-town friend who wanted to "visit the place where Obama eats." It was 2am, crowded and loud! I sat at the counter next to an elderly black man and about three or four of his buddies. Yes, an old guy out past 2am! We'd already ordered as a white college-aged man started shouting his order behind me. The man, for some unknown reason, stuck his arm in between me and the elderly black man to rest his hand on the counter. He accidentally brushed against the black man who did not enjoy being touched - a small argument ensued..."

The 42 taps out a thoughtful rundown of area sports teams and events.

The occasion? Another cold-opening, guaranteed moneymaker from Tyler Perry, Madea Goes to Jail.

The press release from Lionsgate claims that all proceeds will go toward funding Madea's bail. (My guess is the money will actually go into the Ali family's pockets, as it should.)

Customers are also encouraged to make "Free Madea" picket signs, with the best winning its creators tickets to the film. T-shirts, posters, and "other prizes" are also promised.

Even if you don't care a lick about Madea, when's the last time your half-smoke came with a side of clothes?

Henceforth, Washington City Paper reporters will attempt to stop every black Escalade with tinted windows, on the hunch that a celeb lurks within.

Reporting by Jason Cherkis, writing by Erik Wemple

In the wake of members of every other media organization on the planet, I went by Ben's Chili Bowl this afternoon.*

THIS JUST IN: There's still a crowd in and outside the place!

The line should get manageable again sometime around 2017...

*Cliche as this drive-by was, the trip left me totally jazzed. The elation outside Ben's is catchy! Go there!

Photo courtesy of Me

The AP and WaPo have coverage, and here's the official pool report:

The president-elect departed the Hay-Adams at 11.35 in the motorcade to film an interview segment with George Stephanopoulos, to be aired tomorrow. He arrived at 11.40 and departed an hour later with DC mayor Adrian Fenty in tow.

The pair reached the 50-year-old Washington fast food institution, Ben's Chili Bowl, at 12.55. The president-elect posed with diners and staff in all three rooms of the restaurant, before returning to the counter to collect his order: a chili half smoke and sweet tea, and cheese fries and water for Mr Fenty. The president-elect paid with a $20 bill, telling the counter attendant who asked if he wanted change, "No, we're straight."

The president-elect and mayor took a two-person table, and joked with diners as they ate. Mr. Obama returned to the counter for shredded cheese, Mr. Fenty's water and some napkins.

Asked about the importance of the visit, Mr Obama said: "it means I'm going to get a hot dog." He said it was his first visit to the restaurant. He would not be drawn on a sporting preference for Maryland and Georgetown.

Oh, and if you're wondering what a half-smoke is, read Dave Jamieson's definitive profile of the foodstuff.

Prince of Petworth offers a first look at the new Ben's side project. Needless to say it's more upscale than the vintage hot smoke spot. It's like Marvin if Marvin offered chili dogs.

Skatterbrain offers a killer indie X-Mas mix for all those that may be tired of the usual Christmas staples.

The Vinyl District wants to know your top ten albums for 2008. Um, So do we. And, well, we put together a really awesome page dedicated to the year in music.

Pop Cesspool has found a pretty dope Swatch commercial.

Bloomingdale (for now) provides some awesome coverage of the McMillan development meeting this past Saturday.

Borderstan is spending the holiday in Hollywood.

Penn Quarter Living insists Obama spends a lot of time in Penn Quarter (working out, eating, inspiring art). Our food blog, Young & Hungry, has his own thoughts on Obama's habits.

Life in Mount Vernon Square has some good advice for all you homeowners. It's getting cold. You have to be careful with your old pipes.

*photo courtesy of our neighborhood flickr pool. Photo by Maryland Route 5.

Seven-Eleven, U St. & 11th St. NW

Ben's Chili Bowl, U St. & 13th St. NW

Rite Aid, U St. & 13th St. NW

Ben's Chili Bowl is an epicenter of District Obama supporters. Nearly every employee wears a button---or twelve. Everyone's expecting a clear win for Ben's favorite candidate. But what are they going to do if McCain wins? I spoke to D.C. residents enjoying their election day lunch at Ben's to find out their worst case scenarios.

Carl Clark, Obama merch hawker. Clark says he's been selling Obama buttons, which he collects from a flea market on Florida Ave. & 4th St. NW, for about a month. (Designs range from Obama/MLK "Legacy of Hope" to "Obama: First Black President.") Clark says that if Obama wins, he'll keep picking up some more designs to sell off before the inauguration. If McCain wins, "well, I guess it's all over for me," he says.

Alex Beaton and Nick Pisano, American University students. Beaton and Pisano were on their way to Obama headquarters at 9th St. & Florida Ave. NW to work the phone bank when they stopped at Ben's for a half-smoke. Beaton voted for Obama absentee in Vernmont; Pisano did the same in New Jersey. What is Pisano going to do if McCain wins? "Be very upset," he says. Beaton confirms. "Yes."

James Dolo, Ben's employee. Dolo, who is from Liberia, isn't eligible to vote in the United States. He supports Obama, but if McCain wins, "I will support him, too," says Dolo. "And wait for the next four years."

Alan Gropman, Distinguished Professor of National Security Policy. Gropman, who voted for Obama, hasn't prepared for the possibility of a McCain victory. "He's not going to win," he says. "Not gonna happen." If McCain does win, "It wouldn't be good for the country," says Gropman. "I think his choice of Palin was sad. And I think you, as a woman, should be infuriated by it."

Clinton Thompson, unemployed. Thompson, who lives at the Central Union Mission on 14th & R Sts. NW, is not registered to vote. If he did have a vote, it would be for Obama. "I'll build my world around him," says Thompson of the U.S. president-in-waiting. He's hoping not to build his world around McCain. "He's not the one for me," says Thompson.

"Ben's chili is the food of the gods. Sadly, I no longer live anywhere near Ben's, and so I want to try to make it myself. Although I'll probably be adding beans, to make it more meal-like (since I most likely won't be pouring it on hot dogs and french fries). And I want to make it in a crockpot.

"I know the recipe is 'top-secret,' but I bet I'm not the first person to ever attempt it at home."

Does anyone out there know the secret? If so, hop on over to AskMeFi and hope somebody out. I think the recipe actually calls for pouring it on hot dogs and french fries, though. Let's be reasonable.