Taxi Commission Über Alles: iPhone-friendly car service Uber made a big splash when it arrived in D.C. from San Francisco, with lots of friendly tweets and a fancy lunch for the media. And then New Year's Eve happened. Customers complained that the service's "dynamic pricing" resulted in outlandish bills to get home early on Jan. 1. Which was probably bad enough for Uber, but now they're also fending off an assault by D.C. taxi bureaucrats, who say it may be operating illegally. An illegal luxury car service—is this D.C., or Moscow? +1

She's Baaa-aack: Two years ago, the National Portrait Gallery managed to embarrass itself by caving to demands by Republicans in Congress to remove some gay-themed art from an exhibit of, well, gay-themed art. The woman who launched the crusade against David Wojnarowicz's "A Fire in my Belly," activist Penny Starr, is trying to repeat her feat now. The gallery is running an exhibit on Gertrude Stein, which Starr thinks is inappropriate because...wait for it...Stein was gay. So far, this time, no one seems to care. -1

Game On: Snow in Concord, N.H., today meant a delegation of D.C. officials scrubbed a trip there to testify in support of a bill in the New Hampshire legislature that would (non-bindingly) put the Granite State on record wanting the District to be a state. Apparently the weather forecast for Jan. 27 looks clear; the hearing, and thus the trip, is back on for then. Unless it hails, or rains frogs. +1

The City That Raids: Baltimore, we all know, is no D.C. On the other hand, the minor metropolitan area to our north does have one thing Washingtonians haven't enjoyed in quite some time: a decent football team. So the Ravens are trying to recruit fans from Redskins territory, as they continue their purple-and-black march through the NFL playoffs. Various Ravens say everyone here should root for them, since, alas, the Redskins are mostly booking golf vacations right about now. Does that mean everyone will soon stop yelling "O!" during the national anthem at D.C. sporting events? -1

Yesterday's Needle rating: 39 Today's score: 0 Today's Needle rating: 39

Baltimore, MD. ©2011 Michael W. Hicks

Leaving Baltimore, December 5

Page three photos are also in a big picture gallery.

December 5

Baltimore, MD. © 2011 Michael W. Hicks

Baltimore United?: Has there ever been a more nefarious, underhanded state than Maryland? Our northern neighbors have embarked on a campaign to snatch D.C. United out of the District and relocate the team to Baltimore, putting out a study predicting up to $6.4 million in state and local revenues if the Maryland Stadium Authority built United a new home. Those revenue projections would fall short if the team keeps playing as badly as it did this year, which reduced attendance. We're with United no matter what, but we'd prefer not to have to take a MARC train to the matches. (In other soccer news, Barcelona will play Manchester United here on July 30—if Barça wants to move to D.C., then maybe we'd be okay with Baltimore moving north.) -2

You Want More Bikes? You Got More Bikes!: If the frigid weather lately has you longing for a nice bike ride, you are officially in luck. District Department of Transportation and Arlington County officials have secured money to expand the popular Capital Bikeshare program, with 20 new stops in D.C. and 16 new stations in Arlington. Ride them now, while you still can, before DDOT boss Gabe Klein departs and takes all the bike lanes away with him. (They fit very nicely in a carry-on.) +3

Hail Mary: This hasn't been the best year for the Washington Redskins. But this Sunday, as they stride into battle behind quarterback Rex "Sexy Rexy" Grossman, the team may have some help from a higher power. Donald Wuerl, the archbishop of Washington who was recently elevated to cardinal, has officially converted from Pittsburgh Steeler fan to Redskins devotee. Which means that if the Jacksonville Jaguars beat the Redskins, it's because God is dead. +2

Ants Beware: The District's population of giant anteaters expanded by one today—a baby was born at the National Zoo to proud anteater parents Maripi and Dante. It was the third anteater born at the zoo since the pair arrived on loan from Nashville in 2006. And yes, this item officially means it's a slow news day. +2

Yesterday's Needle rating: 59 Today's score: +5 Erev Christmas Eve bonus: +2 Today's Needle rating: 66

What Has Two Wheels and Likes Hourly Rentals?: In our nation's inexorable march to western European-style social democracy, Sept. 20, 2010, is a date that will live in infamy. For it was today that Capital Bikeshare, a regional bike sharing system vaguely modeled on Paris' wildly successful Vélib, officially launched, replacing the ClearChannel-run SmartBike program with one managed by District and Arlington transportation officials. (In related news, Wednesday is being pitched as the region's "Car-Free Day.") Look for bike rental kiosks at a street corner near you—and start learning "La Marseillaise." +5

Falafel for All: Back in the Dark Ages, there was only one option available for late-night sustenance for the drunken hordes pouring out of 18th Street NW bars around last call—enormous slices of pizza (from Pizza Mart and its jumbo slice-purveying imitators). Amsterdam Falafelshop changed all that, and these days, if you can make your way through the sidewalk crowds without getting punched, puked on, or otherwise perturbed, you can get a decent meal. (Or so we're told; being of relatively advanced age, we don't get out much in Adams Morgan on the weekends anymore.) Now comes word the Dutch-inspired Middle Eastern delicacies will be franchised. For $400,000 to $650,000, investors can get a Falafelshop of their very own. Importing the drunk bozos from the 18th Street bars? That might cost a little extra. +2

Green Line to Baltimore: Ever since Metro launched SmarTrip cards a while back, we've thought transit passes should work nationwide; how easy would traveling be if you could use your Metro-issued card to board the St. Charles streetcar in New Orleans, ride the El in Chicago, or take the BART into downtown San Francisco from your flight into SFO? Apparently Maryland transit officials have the same dream. The new CharmCard, on sale tomorrow, will work on mass transit in Baltimore and Washington. Might this pave the way for a special bonus 6th season of The Wire, set right here in D.C.? +3

What's in a Name?: Forget the buses running people over, the broken-down escalators, the increasing fares. The real problem with Metro is the station names are too short. At least, that seems to be what the Capitol Riverfront Business Improvement District thinks, as the BID is lobbying WMATA to change the name of the Navy Yard station on the Green Line to "Capitol Riverfront/Navy Yard/Ballpark." This would come on the heels of "U Street/Cardozo/African-American Civil War Museum," "Grosvenor-Strathmore," "Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan," and others. In the original 1976 map, the Woodley Park station was just called "Zoological Park," and other station names were equally simplified. Ah, those were the days. -2

Houston, We Have a Problem: Cruising along to a 2-0 start to the season with a 27-10 lead on the Houston Texans in the third quarter Sunday, the Redskins give up the next 17 points, have one field goal blocked, miss another, and lose in overtime, 30-27. On the bright side: Last year, this is the kind of game the team would have lost 9-3. Can't say this wasn't an exciting way to go out. -2

Friday's Needle rating: 52 Today's score: +6 Today's Needle rating: 58

"All Hands on Deck," Chief Cathy L. Lanier's unconstitutional excuse for setting up roadblocks and checkpoints, is done–but not because it violated the Fourth Amendment. No, AHOD is dead because "police union officials have long decried the AHODs as essentially a publicity stunt that generate goodwill for politicians at the expense of rank-and-file officers."

Christ almighty: "We'll stop this thing we're doing that's illegal, but only because the people we've asked to do it ARE TIRED OF DOING IT SO MUCH. " If you're disappointed that AHOD is kaput–and at least one of you is–then you obviously never had anything to hide and are probably an incredibly boring person.  The rest of us will be celebrating the return of our right to no unreasonable searches and seizures at an undisclosed location. ORWELLIAN SAPS ARE NOT INVITED.

ACORN workers did a bad, bad thing in Baltimore. Some folks at Big Government (another project by conservative maestro Andrew Breitbart) visited ACORN's offices posing as a pimp and prostitute in search of cheap housing for 13 El Salvadoran girls, who, the BG pair implied, would be underage prostitutes. ACORN had a lot of good ideas for them, including tax evasion. Check out the transcript.

Annnnnd a wingnut from Falls Church brought his shotgun to the Capitol during Obama's health care speech. Look, here's a message from one gun lover to another: We don't need this. "We" as in gun lovers, "we" as in emotionally neutral defenders of the Second Amendment, "we" as in the people who manage to detest big government without scaring other people. I don't think y'all represent the rise of the militia movement, I just think y'all are dumbasses. So cut it out and save that shottie for the gobbler in your backyard back.

In this week's Baltimore City Paper, Raven Baker gets to the bottom of the dueling music scenes in frienemy cities Baltimore and D.C. Baker's conclusion: Suck it D.C., Baltimore is totally stealing your game:

These days, though, it is Baltimore that burns bright. Much ink has been spilled in the past year or so, from obscure bloggers to national magazines such as Rolling Stone, geeking over local acts like Dan Deacon and Beach House, as well as the incubating city itself. While Washington made its name as an all-ages show city with a bent for benefit concerts, Baltimore's current heady allure of anything-goes experimentalism is often attributed to its diversity of venues, particularly the freak flag-flying warehouse party scene.

The bulk of the article focuses on the District's failings instead of Baltimore's successes. I wish Baker had gone a little deeper into the actual "underground" scene in Baltimore—there are freak flags flying over there!—but for the most part, we're expected to take her word for it. Snore.

BCP does offer up this awesome bonus: This shining beacon of deep of City Paper Best of D.C. favorite Chris Burns.

Photo by Laertes.