As The Georgetown Dish recently reported, the Oct. 15 fall gala hosted by the Citizens Association of Georgetown, will take place within the safe confines of the Russian Embassy complex, one of the most austere and secure diplomatic compounds in the nation's capital.

Last year's fall gala at the Russian Embassy had a magical theme, A Night in Moscow! (A night in Moscow these days might involve breathing in radioactive smoke!) This year, the grand gala has a theme, To Russia, With Love—a clever play on the James Bond classic spy thriller From Russia With Love. No word if deported Russian spy Anna Chapman somehow fits into this year's theme! But there will be "dancing, traditional Russian performers, vodka & caviar, an elegant buffet, and a brief presentation to honor several outstanding Georgetowners."

Compared to last year—when Capitals hockey star Alex Ovechkin posed for photos with Mayor Adrian Fenty—the confirmed starring attractions are sort of thin thus far. Former Nebraska Sen. Chuck Hagel as an honorary co-chair? A sensible "Independent-thinking" choice, as the Dish put it, for sure. He was a maverick!

Maybe Davis Kennedy, the publisher of the Current newspapers, will be all dressed up like in previous years? Maybe Ward 2 Councilmember Jack Evans will shell out the extra bucks to rent a tux this year? The Dish declares: "Of course, it's Black Tie. Thank goodness." Yes, thank goodness.

I remember my first hockey bloopers videotape. The hilarious compilation of goofy clips devoted an entire section to the ups and downs of the Washington Capitals.

Remember 1987? The Caps raced out to a 3-1 series lead over the New York Islanders, only to lose the next two straight games. (Sounding familiar?) Then, in the fourth overtime of a deciding Game 7 at home at the Cap Centre in Landover–the legendary "Easter Epic"–the Isles' Pat LaFontaine finally slaps one past stunned Caps goalie Bob Mason. Game. Series. Over. Rod Langway & Co. hit the links.

Will hockey history repeat itself? The deciding Game 7 tonight. At home. At Verizon Center. The psyche of an entire bandwagoning city is on the line. 

WaPo's Thomas Boswell, for one, is "sick and damn tired of the same Caps choke story." He writes:

In the last 25 years, the Capitals have blown a two-game lead in a playoff series six times. All six times, they finished in a total tailspin, losing either their last three or four straight games.

But if the Caps squander a two-game lead for a seventh time, this time against Montreal, they will break new ground. No top-seeded team has ever blown a 3-1 lead to an eighth-seeded team.

If the Caps can't find a way to solve Habs goalie Jaroslav Halak, it will be "one of the biggest upsets we've had in years," says ESPN's Barry Melrose.

Adding to the unfolding tragic comedy: Caps will have to make do without veteran defenseman Tom Poti, who was hit in the eye with a puck on Monday. Or, for that matter, a viable powerplay. One goal in 30 tries? "Ridiculous," says Melrose.

If there's any good news out of Caps camp, it's that goalie Jose Theodore was yesterday named among the finalists for the NHL's Masterdon Trophy, a prize given to the player who "best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey." (Some call it the league's "most unfair award.")

For those unfamiliar with Theodore's own tragic storyline, here's a primer: The guy actually started out in Montreal, where he was hailed as the second coming of Habs great Patrick Roy. He wasn't. He had a good year, won some awards, nabbed a fat contract, and was never the same.

He ultimately lost his starting job to a guy from France. Not French Canada. France.

His family became embroiled in a loansharking scandal. He got mixed up with Paris Hilton and tested positive for Propecia use.

An apparent magnet for scandal, he eventually found his way to Washington, signing with a team seemingly destined for greatness. In the offseason last summer, he lost his two-month-old son to respiratory complications.

Theodore finally seemed to get his career back on track this season. Then he gave up two goals on the first two shots of Game 2 and has been riding the pine ever since.

Should Caps coach Bruce Boudreau decide to give Theo another shot tonight–and he finally gets this beleaguered team over the hump, earning redemption against the very team that traded his sorry ass–well, that's a happy ending even a die-hard Habs fan can appreciate.

Today's Washington Post has a multi-media package about the street hockey community that has hung out on Pennsylvania Avenue NW since the strip in front of the White House was closed in 1995.

The piece comes out just as President Obama's getting verbally cross-checked by Capitals fans for talking up Alex Ovechkin in Russia despite never having gone several blocks east to the Verizon Center to see him play.

The article makes no mention of the evil-doer responsible for shutting down that pristine patch of asphalt: Tim McVeigh, who also happens to be the biggest mass murderer America has ever convicted.

Were it not for the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, the players wouldn't have that downtown rink to play on. Fear of domestic McVeigh copycats, not Islamist foreigners, is what got this town to start walling off its most cherished sites.

First off: Ted Leonsis somehow wasn't included among hockey's best. If there's ever been a more beloved sports owner in this town than Leonsis circa 2009, I can't remember him.

Hard to believe it's only been five years since Leonsis was brawling with home fans at Caps game, eh?

But he was. Days after he unloaded Jaromir Jagr and his $11 million salary to the Rangers in January 2004 in the midst of a talent purge, a 20-year-old season ticket holder named Jason Hammer brought a sign to the then-MCI Center that said "Caps Hockey, AOL Stock — See a Pattern?"

Hammer sat among a group of fans heckling the owner, and waved the placard at Leonsis throughout the game. Leonsis got so incited he went after the kid in the concourse after the final horn. The account of the incident in the Washington Post said Leonsis "grabbed [Hammer] by the neck and threw him to the ground."

The only things wounded during the melee, however, were Leonsis' public image and his wallet. Leonsis was fined $100,000 and suspended for a week by the NHL, made up quickly with the kid (without any litigation), and the talent purge worked out fabulously for his team: The Capitals went to the bottom of the league gave them the draft pick used to get Alex Ovechkin.

And, once again, Leonsis is beloved. The diehardest New York Rangers fan I know around here has become a Caps fan after, he, too, fell for Leonsis.

How could Sports Illustrated leave Leonsis off the list?

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Now to the other side: Dan Snyder came in at No. 3 on roster of bad football owners. Nothing man-bites-dog about that. Snyder is to these shitlists like Meryl Streep is to Oscar nominations. Of COURSE he's gonna be named! But it's gotta burn Snyder that Steve Bisciotti from just up I-95 made the "best" list. Kinda mutes the "Give Mr. Snyder time to learn how to be a good owner!" defense.

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The Lerners came in at No. 5 among baseball's worst, but only because they're new owners. With the non-rent paying, non-draft-pick-signing brilliance they flaunted last season, the Lerners clearly have what it takes to supplant the No. 1 bad guy, Peter Angelos, on future SI polls.

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If soccer was considered a major enough sport by Sports Illustrated, DC would have been a cinch for that sport's lousy owner list, too.

It's clear now that DC United's Victor MacFarlane, a San Francisco-based developer, only bought into the holding group that controls the team so he could get some building deals here.

That ain't happened yet, and looks like it won't ever. And United management's public whining is getting really irksome. Take it inside, guys.

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One last SI List bit: Mark Cuban came in as the third best basketball owner in the land. If the SI issue had been published a week later, given what happened in the Dallas/Denver game a few days ago, no way the Mavericks boss makes the cut.

Awesome Trivia about Mark Cuban: He was a massive stockholder in Six Flags, and promoted Snyder's takeover of the company.

This from BusinessWeek in early 2006, shortly after Snyder's Six Flags coup:

Another investor, tech billionaire Mark Cuban, is cheering Six Flags almost as loudly as he does his Dallas Mavericks. "They've shown they know how to create great entertainment," Cuban writes about Snyder and [CEO Mark] Shapiro in an e-mail.

Buh huh huh huh...

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Happy 30th to Ryan Zimmerman. When you're chasing DiMaggio, life begins at 30...

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Cheerios are in trouble with the federal government. The feds sent General Mills a letter telling them to stop saying in advertising that the cereal "can Lower Your Cholesterol" and can cure cancer.

So how long before The Man goes after Snyder for his latest direct mail campaign to sell tickets? Snyder's marketing mailer claims season ticket holders can "Resell your tickets at a profit via StubHub for any game you are unable to attend!”

Bah. Not with 91,000 seats and an average of less than 8 wins since Snyder took over in 1999.

Snyder's ads also say buying season tickets for the Redskins is a "once in a lifetime opportunity."

Sure it is...in Opposite Land!

But in the real world, given how demand for Skins tickets has sunk, the only way it's a once in a lifetime opportunity is if you don't eat enough Cheerios and your cholesterol level and/or cancer prevent you from sticking around till next season.

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The Wizards (remember them?) left an impression on somebody. Or maybe a bruise. An Akron paper praises the noble way Lebron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers are winning, while putting forth the Washington Wizards as Goofus to James' Gallant. James gets kudos for "never resorting" to the roughhouse tactics opponents tried last year, "when DeShawn Stevenson took a vicious swing at James' head as he went for a layup."

At least somebody's talking about the Wizards. Just not around here.

***

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Folks only took notice, alas, because our boys were in L.A. while the Dodgers learned they'd be an odd Manny out. For a long time.

Looks like Manny Ramirez took some sort of estrogen. So Manny was just being Womanny?

In any case, it's gonna cost him...50 games and $7 million!!! (That's a lot for baseball: The most heinous on-field act in baseball history came in 1965, when SF Giant Juan Marichal pounded on Dodger catcher Johnny Roseboro's helmetless head with a baseball bat — though I guess in this context simply "with a bat" would work — and Marichal only got a nine-day suspension and a fine of $1,750.)

So for now, it looks like the Mount Rushmore of baseball's Dead Balls Era™ would be Manny, A-Rod, Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds.

Between 'em, there's 49 All-Star game appearances, 11 MVP awards and over half-a-billion in salaries.

So who says crime doesn't pay?

And it ain't even close to over!

When Rodriguez was outed, we were told that the MLB's got a list of, what was it, 104 players who also tested positive for 'roids! And we don't yet know who they are!

Well, except for A-Rod. And now Manny.

That leaves 102 more names left to trickle out!

Wake up, people.

There's still only one way baseball can move forward: So, come on, Cal Ripken! America needs you to confess to taking steroids.

And, on a personal note, I miss the long ball.

And, oh right, the Nats came back from six down to beat the Dodgers, 11-8, giving L.A. it's first home loss of the season.

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Is it too early to call the Caps/Penguins series the Brawl for It All?

Well, whoever comes out of it will have an easier path to the Stanley Cup than they'd ever expected. The top seed in the West (San Jose) went out meekly in the first round to No. 8 Anaheim, and No. 2 Detroit had to win on the road last night just to knot up their series with the no-longer-Mighty Ducks.

Back on our side of the continent, meanwhile, the only team seeded above Washington and Pitt, Boston, is down a game to Carolina, who already upset New Jersey in the first round. (Awesome trivia: That's a Cheap Seats Daily record for number of teams referenced in a single paragraph without nicknames!)

But even beyond seedings, having the Bruins and Red Wings out of the way would do wonders in easing the minds of older fans.

Awesome Caps trivia: the team has only gotten past the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs twice in the 35-year history of the franchise: In 1990, when they were swept by the Bruins in the Wales Conference finals, and in 1998, when they were swept by the Red Wings in the championship round.

Both sweepings caused a manic-to-depressive swing in the mood of all local puckheads. But this year just seems different.

Doesn't it?

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Speaking of dead balls and longshots winning: As the gelding Mine That Bird and other animals start shipping toward Pimlico for next weekend's 134th running of the Preakness — where another horse without testicles might be favored — let's all read about the end of the Freakness.

Tell me I'm not the only guy who mourns the demise of the Running of the Urinals.

Awesome horse racing trivia: This year's Kentucky Derby, despite having its only well-known entrant scratched on race day, brought in its biggest TV ratings since 1992.

But but but but: what about everybody telling me horse racing's dead and obsolete and totally analog!

So maybe there's hope for newspapers?

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Truthaboutit.net has a fabulous look back at one of many horrible trades the Bullets/Wizards have made in their history: Sending the 12th pick in the 1996 draft to Cleveland for Mark Price.

Price played seven games for the Bullets.

Awesome Trivia: The pick could have been used to draft Kobe Bryant.

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Update on DC United Stadium Rally:

Fans are gearing up for a "10-block march" from RFK to Lincoln Park.

But the team is providing buses to make the trip from RFK to Lincoln Park.

Uh oh. Two things I learned as a kid: rock smashes scissors, and bus fenders crush femurs.

Looks to me like the March/Ride's got a better chance of yielding a high broken leg count than a new stadium.

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THIS JUST IN: The Redskins yesterday made NO roster moves involving guys named Williams.

That means Vinny Cerrato and Dan Snyder are content to head into the 2009 training camp with just the Five Guys Named Williams they've already put on the roster this offseason: Jaison Williams, Mike Williams, Roydell Williams, Eddie Williams and Edwin Williams.

Cheap Seats Daily will TOTALLY keep you updated on the Williamses.

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Tomorrow night at the DC Armory, the Cherry Blossom Bombshells skate against the DC DemonCats for the 2009 DC Rollergirls Championship. But you real sports fans already knew that...

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