8:20 p.m. Starting the montages early with an ode to...accountants?

8:25 p.m. "The lack of concern for Jerry Lewis is horrifying." Funny, Red Carpet Guy. But I'd probably save Judd Apatow, too.

8:30 p.m. Ack! Technical difficulties! DVR keeps trying to make me watch Amazing Race!

8:32 p.m. Love Robert Downey Jr.'s fake ego as opposed to Kate Winslet's fake modesty.

8:34 p.m. Not feeling the song-and-dance number, particularly rhyming "sentiment" with "excrement." But who knew Anne Hathaway could sing?

8:37 p.m. OK, The Reader bit is making me laugh.

8:42 p.m. Ladies and gentlemen, all the Best Supporting Actress mistakes we've made over the years...

8:45 p.m. This doesn't exactly seem like a great way to shorten the ceremony.

8:48 p.m. Does Tilda Swinton try to look alien?

8:49 p.m. Dammit! I'm already 0 for 1 in my pool. That was kind of an anticlimactic way to hand out an award, don't you think?

8:55 p.m. Steve Martin, stay! Host!

8:58 p.m. Yay, Milk! (Though how cute was that WALL*E clip?)

8:59 p.m. What a touching speech, particularly when he thanked his mother, "who loved me for who I am, even when there was pressure not to."

9:00 p.m. And now, back to the comedians.

9:02 p.m. Let the Slumdog droolfest begin.

9:08 p.m. Of course it's WALL*E.

9:10 p.m. Uh, I didn't realize one of the animated shorts was titled Lavatory – Lovestory. I'm guessing it's not as seedy as I'm thinking...

9:11 p.m. Nice self-deprecation with the Mr. Roboto line.

9:18 p.m. That jazz is really annoying.

9:19 p.m. Come on! The Dark Knight deserves recognition! (Besides the billions of dollars it made.)

9:22 p.m. Big hats, big award.

9:23 p.m. Just say thanks, costume guy. Nobody cares.

9:26 p.m. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!

9:30 p.m. Aww, the romance montage was pointless but sweet. Except the "I hate you" part.

9:33 p.m. LMAO! Headline after the show: "Phoenix Murders Ben Stiller."

9:36 p.m. Boo! Better catch Dark Knight in IMAX this weekend, 'cause it's not going to be around much longer now.

9:40 p.m. Oh, so that's why Jessica Biel is there. She's the skirt who got stuck hosting the tech awards.

9:47 p.m. The Pineapple Express bit? Inspired. (Or at least the most inspired thing I've seen so far.)

9:49 p.m. WTF? What is Steven Spielberg's cinematographer doing with James Franco and Seth Rogen?

9:56 p.m. Wait, is Jackman serious? Did Mamma Mia! really outsell Titanic in the U.K.? (Also, is "gullible" really not in the dictionary?)

10:02 p.m. The musical may be back, but that doesn't mean we're suddenly not bored. (Even as classy and well-sung as the number was — though it looked to me like Ms. Beyonce forgot the lyrics at one point.)

10:07 p.m. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry.

10:08 p.m. SEYMOUR PHILIP HOFFMAN?!?

10:15 p.m. Lovely.

10:19 p.m. Kinda cruel to have Bill Maher present the doc award when Religulous is as good as any of them.

10:21 p.m. The sprightly scamp (aka Philippe Petit) is here!

10:23 p.m. Well, there's $2 I'll never see again.

10:27 p.m. Has there been an action sequence this past year that wasn't set to "Tick Tick Boom?" The Hives are making themselves some money.

10:29 p.m. Ha! "They can take Brad Pitt and turn him into a garden gnome."

10:33 p.m. Sound? The Dark Knight wins for sound?

10:36 p.m. That guy is barely taller than an Oscar.

10:39 p.m. That guy is as bald as an Oscar.

10:46 p.m. Nothing against Jerry Lewis, but the Lifetime Achievement Award is about when I tune out. Time for a coffee...

10:49 p.m. Damn, dude looks good for a nearly 83-year-old.

11:03 p.m. But where's Bruuuuuuuce?

11:05 p.m. Peter Gabriel's kind of a douche for not performing his own song. Is it such a slap in the face to sing it as part of a medley? Would you rather have John Legend make it sound better than your own version?

11:09 p.m. Woo-hoo, "Jai Ho!"

11:11 p.m. Freida: "Um, you can get your hand off mine now, Liam. You're creeping me out."

11:13 p.m. The Oscar goes to what? This isn't the kind of upset we were looking for.

11:15 p.m. Oh no. No one told me the In Memoriam portion of the evening would be accompanied by song. And could they make it a little more difficult to see who we're remembering?

11:21 p.m. Reese, your dress is uneven. And that Ben Stiller joke wasn't funny.

11:23 p.m. Swelling....predictability....

11:24 p.m. Is the FCC going to get its panties in a knot over Boyle's indecent use of "bloody?"

11:30 p.m. Kate Winslet: "Yeah, I've made about 10 thousand more movies than you, Frenchie. Give me my Oscar."

11:35 p.m. Did Winslet just tell Meryl Streep to suck it?

11:40 p.m. Robert De Niro's speech about Sean Penn is my favorite so far. Except for Ben Kingsley's about Mickey Rourke.

11:44 p.m. GO PENN! Commie, homo-lovin' son of a gun right back at you. Nice giving love to Rourke; the political commentary was just right. (But, um, shouldn't he have thanked Robin, too?)

11:54 p.m. And the Oscar goes to...exactly the film everyone's been calling for months. Yawn.

And there's your 81st Academy Awards, everybody. Can't say I had many of the tingly moments I usually do — maybe it's because I had a computer on my lap all night, but more likely because the night was pretty paint-by-numbers.

Jackman was a class act but I wouldn't mind going back to a few more yuks in 2010. The telecast was still as long as ever; with all the soft-shoe and tastefulness, this year's changes didn't achieve much beyond making you feel the equivalent of having to suck it in all night.

The end-credit coming attractions was a nice touch, though — definitely boosted my energy a bit and got me excited about what's ahead. At least as excited as I can be after hours and hours of sitting in front of my laptop and the telly. So goodnight!

But for the record, here are my predictions anyway. And tune in at 8:30 when, give or take some DVR-shifting, I'll be live-blogging the entire ceremony. Or at least for as long as my cold medicine holds out.

BEST PICTURE
WALL*E. Not nominated? The Dark Knight. Sigh! How about The Wrestler? OK, I'll stop. It's gonna be Slumdog Millionaire, though between the five that were chosen I loved Milk the most.

BEST ACTOR
I'd love to see Mickey Rourke get this, but Sean Penn's performance as Harvey Milk was so completely transformative, it's gotta be recognized.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Please. (In this usage, "please" is defined as "Heath Ledger.")

BEST ACTRESS
I'm going with Kate Winslet, though her speech better include shout-outs to the makeup crew and her nipples for help making her turn remotely remarkable in The Reader.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz has the buzz, but c'mon, she could be passionate and sensuous in her sleep. Would be nice if D.C. native Taraji P. Henson got it, but my guess is Viola Davis for her brief role in Doubt. The Academy loves those incisive knock-outs.

BEST DIRECTOR
I'm torn. My gut says it'll go to Danny Boyle in a Slumdog lovefest. But I wouldn't be surprised if David Fincher won for his technically proficient handling of Benjamin Button.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
WALL*E would be a nice upset, and Frozen River and In Bruges were great stories. but I'm thinking this is where Milk will get its love.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Slumdog.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Please. (In this usage, "please" is defined as "WALL*E.")

BEST ART DIRECTION and CINEMATOGRAPHY
Both to The Dark Knight.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Period pieces = Oscar. The Duchess.

BEST DOCUMENTARY
Man on Wire.

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT
Total blind guess, but I'm going with The Witness – From the Balcony of Room 306.

BEST FILM EDITING
Slumdog.

BEST FOREIGN FILM
I've only seen two of the nominees, but I can't imagine a doc more imaginative and affecting than Waltz With Bashir.

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP
Ben Button.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Slumdog.

BEST SONG
The popular opinion is that the two Slumdog noms will split the vote. But really, have you heard anything more catchy in a movie this year than Jai Ho? Sorry, Peter Gabriel, but Down to Earth is kind of a snooze.

BEST ANIMATED SHORT
Presto was adorable, the Academy doesn't really do adorable. Going with La Maison en Petits Cubes.

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT
No idea, but Auf der Strecke seems to be getting the praise.

BEST SOUND EDITING and BEST SOUND MIXING
Considering it's nearly dialogue-free yet still the most engaging film of last year, WALL*E's gotta win both.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Benjamin Button, because if you're honest about it, the film's strongest characteristic is its looks.

Also, 3) bulleted lists are easier to read but 4) I don't know how to type a bullet in WordPress so 5) I'm just going to stick to numbering my random thoughts as I looked over the Academy's chosen. Here goes:

1) SIGH. No Best Picture love for The Dark Knight or WALL*E. Seriously, guys? You think the fucking Reader and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button are more remarkable, moving, stand-up-and-cheer achievements in film?

WALL*E was the best movie of 2008, period — fellow Animated Feature contenders Bolt and Kung Fu Panda don't deserve to lick its robot treads. And if people even remember The Reader five years from now, I'll be astonished. The Dark Knight wasn't a perfect film, but it was an indelible one. Best Editing my ass.

2) Bravo for recognizing Robert Downey Jr. for Tropic Thunder. Too bad it's Heath Ledger's year.

3) Brad Pitt was not one of 2008's Best Actors. Best Mannequin, maybe. All his Benjamin Button had to do was wear makeup, drawl 'n' smile, and get digitized. Pass.

4) Same goes for Kate Winslet in The Reader, except replace her actorly requirements with showing nipple, affecting a German accent, and banging a 15-year-old. Her turn in Revolutionary Road was much more accomplished.

5.) Fuck, I need to be somewhere.

6.) To be continued, along with an in memoriam about Ledger on the first anniversary of his death.

Revanche, Austria

The Necessities of Life, Canada

The Class, France

The Baader Meinhof Complex, Germany

Waltz with Bashir, Israel

Departures, Japan

Tear This Heart Out, Mexico

Everlasting Moments, Sweden

3 Monkeys, Turkey

Only two of these film are currently scheduled for Washington releases, virtual shoo-in Waltz With Bashir (1/23) and The Class (1/30). Stay tuned for reviews.