City Desk

Hot Plate

hotplatesaladtwo.JPG
The Dish: Build-your-own salad

The Location: Chop’t Creative Salad Company

The Price: Varies

The Skinny: Let me just say this right from the start: I think salads are sides, not entrees. Sure, you can throw some grilled chicken or salmon on a pile of lettuce leaves and call it an entree if you want, but let’s not fool ourselves. The protein’s the star; the salad’s a bit player. Don’t get me wrong. I like a well-composed salad as much as the next person who secretly desires a burger. I enjoy salads made with fresh veggies, fruits, and cheeses, and I love how a hit of acid from a good vinaigrette can brighten everything in the bowl. Still, I don’t get the draw of these all-salad, all-the-time places like Sweetgreen in Georgetown and the new Chop’t Creative in Penn Quarter Chinatown. You might as well open an all-mashed potato joint, as far as I’m concerned. The draw of places like Chop’t is supposed to be its DIY approach, but frankly, I hate standing there at the counter, trying to compose a salad on the spot while feeling the impatient eye of both employee and awaiting customer burning a hole in the base of my skull. Besides, unlike at home where you can fix any mistake by adding or subtracting ingredients, you’re stuck with your salad, for better or for worse, once you’ve made an order. Case in point, I tried creating a Southwestern salad using mesclun greens as a base. From there, I added avocado, red onion, grape tomatoes, Jack cheese, smoked tofu, and, just because it sounded good, smoked bacon. My dressing of choice was a “sweet and smoky chipotle vinaigrette.” (Worth noting: Aside from the greens, you’re allowed only four ingredients, so I had to pay more for the extras, plus surcharges for the smoked tofu and bacon.) My chosen ingredients were then dumped onto a cutting board, where a guy took a mezzaluna to the pile and pulverized it into a thick dice. No longer were there large, cumbersome ingredients to deal with. I felt like a baby who needs his food cut up into small pieces. Once everything was dumped into a tall plastic bowl, I wandered off to a table to test my concoction. I wasn’t too impressed with myself. The bacon dominated the salad, which was my fault, but because all the ingredients were unceremoniously chopped and mixed together in the bowl, I had a hard time composing a bite. One forkful would have too much bacon, another too much mushy avocado. Plus, once you got past the first inch of salad, the whole thing started to resemble a soup, the result of too much dressing and too much “chop’ting.” I was forced to go around the corner to Five Guys and get that burger after all.

10 Responses to “Hot Plate”

  1. Jonathan Rees Says:

    My brain is a tossed salad!

  2. asdf Says:

    As far as I can determine, this may be the first truthful post Rees has ever made.

  3. Lou Says:

    This may be the first time in human history that tofu and bacon shared the same dish.

  4. Tim Carman Says:

    Ma po tofu, which is one of the best culinary inventions ever, doesn’t include bacon, but it does feature both ground pork and tofu. It also isn’t a salad.

  5. Sally Mae Says:

    Is Penn Quarter the same as Gallery Place? Because if that salad bar is next to the Gallery Place/Chinatown metro stop wouldnt it be easier to find if you told people it was in Gallery Place?

  6. Tim Carman Says:

    Thanks for catching that, Sally Mae. It’s fixed.

  7. Freddie Mac Says:

    Ha! So you admit you’ve never been there! This ranks up there with Jimmy’s World.

  8. Tim Carman Says:

    Freddie Mac;

    Get a life.

    -Tim

  9. Far Farle Says:

    Tim…is it true you’ve left the City Paper? Word on the street is that you are no longer the Food guy on staff and they are looking to hire someone else. If so I have a friend that is interested in applying.

  10. Bill Says:

    real word on the foodie street is that CP’s new owners have no f’in clue what they’re doing… carmen, glad to hear you’ll still be writing.

    ff: if your friend applies to a nonexistent opening, make sure he/she lubes up real good prior to starting the job. an appreciation of the joy of being shafted is a prerequisite for working at CP these days.

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