Councilmember Tommy Wells has been dutifully collecting reports of unplowed streets via Twitter. He reports:

"10 streets added to list. Side streets w/packed snow & ice and not plowed yet r a challenge. Pickford Pl just got done w/a bobcat. Go DDOT!"

Are you panicking yet? How are your streets?

Adrian M. Fenty

Position: mayor of the District of Columbia

Address: 4712 17th St. NW (Crestwood)

Observations: Fenty's come in for some listserv-driven grief over his relatively well-plowed block. Whatever---he's the mayor; he's gotta get out and run the city. Fenty wins kudos anyway for being a good snow neighbor. By late Sunday afternoon, the sidewalks in front of his Crestwood rambler were well-cleared (albeit with some minor icing), including a path to the police security shack located next to the house. That raises the question---did the cops do the shoveling? Said the officer on duty Sunday, "I have no idea."

Grade: A

Path to guard shack:

What's missed in the way they keep track:
A sneakier form of attack
The car that appeared
In the spot that you cleared
No charges, but totally wack

Jack Evans

Position: Ward 2 councilmember

Address: 3141 P St. NW (Georgetown)

Observations: Truly a wondrous job from the council's longest-serving member. The frontage in front of Evans' Georgetown home was meticulously cleared from the edge of the house itself nearly to the curb. No other person surveyed Sunday offered pedestrians such a wide berth---and on a sometimes tricky brick surface, no less. Plus, Evans did it all himself. "I'm from Pennsylvania," he said after answering his doorbell. "Of course I shoveled it myself!"

Grade: A+

Not even the aftermath of an historic blizzard and today's scary forecast could keep Mayor Adrian M. Fenty from getting his "athletic release." WTOP's Mark Segraves reports via Twitter that Mayor Adrian Fenty still managed to get in a few reps today. Segraves writes:

"As region prepares for more snow, DC Mayor Fenty is taking time to hit the gym. AF seen @ cycle life in Georgetown."

Questions about "AF"'s Georgetown exertions threw CycleLife's staff into a tizzy. A staffer who answered the phone clammed up when asked to confirm the executive visit. City Desk insisted on speaking to a manager. Citing corporate policy, the manager refused to either confirm or deny that Fenty had done some exercise at CycleLife's K Street NW location. Is CycleLife bound by FOIA regulations?

*file photo by Darrow Montgomery.

Clark Ray

Position: at-large council candidate

Address: 1613 Webster St. NW (Crestwood)

Observations: Ray, owner of a classic blond-brick Crestrood row house, completely cleared his front stoop down to bare concrete. But the front walk, while indeed shoveled, exhibited some ice in places. Get this guy a bag of salt!

Grade: B

"I boarded at Potomac Avenue to begin my journey to Dupont Circle. I sat down at my usual spot--second car, on the right side of the middle of the train, next to the window, and started reading my Express.

When we left L'Enfant, and as we started getting up to speed, there was a loud pop, the train shook violently, and sparks as big and bright as fireworks started spewing across the right side window. I gasped, the girl next to me stood up, and we all ran for the door that connected us to the car in front.

The train stopped.

The car began filling with smoke, with popping noises still going on, and sparks still flying outside the train."

Passengers started crying. There were shouts of "Fire!" Metro provided little info to passengers. Scary stuff. You should read the full narrative. WUSA says the train was evacuated.

Rahm Emanuel/Rosa DeLauro

Position: White House chief of staff/Democratic congresswoman

Address: 816 East Capitol St. NE (Capitol Hill)

Observations: Emanuel has stayed at this Hill townhouse, owned by Connecticut rep DeLauro, for some time, dating back to his days as a congressman. (In fact, it got him in a spot of trouble last year after questions were raised about the rent-free arrangement.) If the arrangement still exists, least Rahmbo could do is man up and shovel the sidewalks, "flinty Chicago toughness" and all. Alas, the walk hadn't been touched as of 3 p.m. Sunday.

[UPDATE, 3:05 P.M.: Reputable sources indicate that Emanuel's moved. So jeers only for DeLauro!]

Grade: F

So Found Art, this thing we run in the paper each week. People send in their artwork and we run it. Often it's fairly bizarre, and way too often it's a picture of the roof of a Metro station, but whatever, people seem to like this Found Art feature we run in the paper each week. The staffer who usually coordinates Found Art wasn't able to make it in today, and the one I have is not sufficiently wintry. SO: E-mail me a HIGH-RESOLUTION (not Web size!) photo of your snow dayz in the next hour and you can be in Found Art this week. Include your name, a title of the work if you like, and any other pertinent information. In the event more than one person answers this I'll choose the one I like better. Don't dally!

And Cheap Seats Daily has just the mediator for these warriors -- Johnny Parker, the "Redskins Life Coach."

But more on Parker life-coaching them down later. First, back to the roots of the entertaining-out-the-wazoo squabble. Portis got things rolling on the NFL Network during Super Bowl Week when he said that LaVar wasn't a leader because he was too cooncerned with how much money he and everybody else was making. From the Great Dan Steinberg's Steinography:

"LaVar Arrington was the man in D.C. when I arrived, and all of the sudden LaVar felt like it was competition, and he left D.C. He didn't want to be in D.C. any more. He gave back $15, 20 million to leave D.C., because he felt like he wasn't the main money guy, because everybody was getting [paid]. Laveranues, myself, Deion was still getting paid, so he even had input. So I think it was just the wrong attitude, and I think for some of the beliefs that was funneled through, it was like whoever gets the money was the captain."

Ouchie wouchie! We had to wait over the weekend for LaVar to strike back. But yesterday at WJFK, when the red light went on, LaVar went off. He went after Clinton's wallet -- "[After Portis came to Washington] I was still the highest paid Redskin on this team," he said.

And then he went after Clinton's manhood.

Here's LaVar, courtesy of more Steinography:

For the same injury that a man stayed out four weeks for, how short our memories are, I had the same injury. Knocked unconscious in a game. Went in the locker room, got myself together, and oh yeah, I came back out and intercepted a ball against the Carolina Panthers and got a touchdown that some would say helped turn that season around, where we won eight games straight. A concussion. That's what I was diagnosed with, a concussion. "I came out and I strapped up and I played. I played.

Well, you only won five games straight after your Carolina comeback, LaVar. So maybe our memories are short because of that concussion.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Concussions are for pussies? Is there a cure for LaVar's long-term memory loss? For LaVar's wallet-envy? Ted Leonsis reacts to GW bar's Caps' apathy? More about Dan Steinberg? Really?)

But, still. Who cares if after retiring Portis can still count to eight and LaVar can't? LaVar lets Clinton know that real football players don't let a little bell-ringing keep them out for a series, let alone several games!

Good, ugly stuff. But before this goes too far, they really need to take in Johnny Parker's next seminar. The agenda of the Life Coach's March 26 public pow-wow in Alexandria includes a segment entitled "I Make More Than Him, and He Can’t Take It."

If that doesn't nail this beef, what does?

Sure, Parker's meetings are designed for a different sort of mediation-challenged pair than Portis/Arrington -- his series is entitled "Married Couples Tell All" meetings. But, money envy is money envy. We'll pay the $15 sign-up fee, guys.

***

Ted Leonsis acts fast.

Last week in this space, I related a tale of sitting in Lindy's Red Lion, a bar in Foggy Bottom, and noticing that all the TVs were turned to the Indiana/Purdue game from Bloomington, even though the super-streaking Washington Capitals were playing New York Rangers at the same time.

And even when the Lindy's bartender switched over to the hockey broadcast at my request, nobody else in the place paid attention to that game. I wrote, "At the least: Leonsis hasn't captured the city's college kids!"

Leonsis got word of the Lindy's tale, and posted about it on his blog:

"I always believed that the last race to embrace technology -- television -- the NHL lost. We lost," Leonsis said.

Geez, Ted. Just because a few boozers in a G.W. bar weren't watching? But wait! He tells the Post he hasn't given up hope on getting the kids' business. It's just that his strategy to reel in the barely legal relies on non-TV media.

More from the piece:

"Where we should be advantaged is our customers are younger, more educated, Web-savvy than the NFL audience, which is older, less wired," said Leonsis. "So let's pick a fight we have a shot at winning, and if our consumers are younger, and they love video games, and they have shorter attention spans, and they love interactivity, and they love social media, and everyone blogs, and everyone's on Facebook, why wouldn't we put ourselves right in the middle of that?"...

There's also scads of mentions about Twitter.

***

Back to The Great Dan Steinberg. He's gotta be Ted Leonsis and the Caps' best friend in the world. He acted wounded while we appeared together for nearly a half-hour on cable TV* recently, when I told both our viewers that Steinberg kills himself trying to put the Caps on a par with the Redskins in the D.C. sports hierarchy.

I was kinda joking, but the guy hasn't missed any Rock the Red-ness during the team's Dimaggio-like streak. He's promoting mythical media biases and fictional player feuds! He even makes a hero out of the GM for riding a train.

The result of all this hype: I can't wait for the next Caps game! And there's no Twitter or Facebook component to my anticipation. It's all from reading Steinberg!

But where was he in 1974-75?

***

*Full Disclosure: I appeared with Dan Steinberg for nearly a half-hour on cable TV recently

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

Vincent C. Gray

Position: D.C. Council chairman

Address: 2619 Branch Ave. SE (Hillcrest)

Observations: Not a good showing for the chairman here. Gray's stately Hillcrest home sits on a well-trafficked corner, but the sidewalks on Erie Street and Branch Avenue appeared not to have been touched. In fact, the only signs of habitation were a pair of foot tracks leading to Gray's back door. A point in Gray's defense: A strong sidewalk-shoveling culture does not appear to have developed in the neighborhood, making Gray's scofflawism more the rule than the exception. Even more in his defense, Gray's spokesperson said on Monday that Gray and friends shoveled the sidewalks not long after LL's visit at about 3:30 p.m. Sunday. "He even cleared some parking spaces," she says. Maybe so---but with sunrise at 7:10 a.m., Gray did so more than eight daylight hours after the last snowfall---outside the statutory grace period!

Grade: D+