Note that the spot he just cleared is in front of a fire hydrant. Note that two (2) plow trucks had put the finishing touches on the street (which we waited a week to have plowed) not even an hour before he started flinging snow back into the street.

Thanks, brother!

If you haven't begun to panic, it is too late. True panic must begin early. Otherwise, it is not true panic. And it doesn't help.

Anyway, listen up, City Desk!

The good folks over at the National Weather Service are also panicked: They have issued a winter storm warning from midnight tonight through 6 a.m. Sunday morning.

*PRECIP TYPE... SNOW
*ACCUMULATIONS... HEAVY SNOW WITH ACCUMULATIONS OF 5
TO 10 INCHES THROUGH SUNSET SATURDAY. LOCALLY HIGHER
AMOUNTS POSSIBLE... MAINLY IN OR NEAR SOUTHERN
MARYLAND. ADDITIONAL ACCUMULATIONS EXPECTED SATURDAY
NIGHT.
*TIMING... SNOW WILL BEGIN LATE FRIDAY NIGHT AND WILL
CONTINUE THROUGH SUNDAY MORNING.
*TEMPERATURES... UPPER 20S TO LOWER 30S THROUGH THE
BALTIMORE-WASHINGTON METROPOLITAN AREA. MID TO
UPPER 20S ACROSS WESTERN MARYLAND.
*WINDS... 10 TO 20 MPH THROUGH THE EVENT... WITH
GUSTS OF 25 TO 30 MPH SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.

A winter storm warning, by the way,

MEANS SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF SNOW... SLEET...
AND ICE ARE EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. STRONG WINDS ARE
ALSO POSSIBLE. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY HAZARDOUS
OR IMPOSSIBLE.

I mean, how is everyone supposed to get to the mall this weekend?

To divert you for a moment from your true panic, or your delayed onset panic over having not started to panic early enough, I offer a few fun snow facts, brought to you care of Richard J. Wild, a British meteorologist who is really, really into snow. On his Web site, he answers questions like how big can snowflakes get (up to 5 cm in diameter; Brits use the metric system, remember? since I am American, I have no idea how big this is), why is snow white (because its color is related "to its opaqueness, its transparency and its ability to reflect sunlight"), and why people build snowmen (in days of yore: to ward off evil spirits; now: for fun!).

If you would like to know more, you can download Wild's Ph.D thesis (£9.95; since I am American, I have no idea how much this is).

But back to the panic: How much toilet paper is enough for the type of storm predicted by the National Weather Service for this weekend?

Surely someone has come up with some kind of algorithm to determine how much is enough. (If you are my father, no amount of toilet paper is ever enough.) I asked my husband this morning, and he said the rule is one role per person per inch of snow. So, in our household, assuming we get the full 10 inches (one must prepare for the worst but hope for the best), that means we would need 20 rolls. I just counted, and we have only 11. And two of them are not even full!

I wonder how much they have over at the National Weather Service.

Now go count your toilet paper! Panic! And follow me on Twitter!

Every time it snows here I get ready–make sure I have ice melt, find the snow shovels in the basement, check air pressure in car tires. I also brace myself for a boatload of superior twaddle from people who are originally from colder climes. You know who they are. Hell, I'm friends with some of them. No matter how cold it is, they insist it isn't cold. And God forbid it should snow. You call this snow? they'll ask without waiting for you to answer (and the answer is: yes).

Now even Jesus the new president is in on it. Hey Admiral Byrd and Co., here's why school is canceled. My street isn't clear. It's not a main street, but there are many streets like it. I'm excellent at driving in snow and couldn't get my front-wheel drive car up the hill and out of the nabe yesterday. This area doesn't have enough snow-removal equipment to clear the streets quickly enough. Where cars can't go, buses can't either. Please snicker and hold your now-that-was-a-real-snow-day nostalgia parties out of earshot of the rest of us.

*FULL DISCLOSURE: My parents live in Sault Ste. Marie, Mich.

Hey Mr. Expensive Bike Guy,

I couldn't help noticing this morning that you weren't whizzing past me on my way to work–the Four Mile Run trail, the Mount Vernon trail, and the Rock Creek trail were absolutely free of guys on $3,000 carbon-fiber Cervelos and Colnagos who don't signal with bells because those add 25 grams. I didn't see even one person in a moisture-wicking lycra suit covered in logos for European utility companies.

Nope, just cyclists with morbidly obese steel-frame bikes with fenders, racks, and waterproof panniers. I saw more runners than cyclists this morning. Runners! Washington, D.C., runners! The kind of people who wear polar fleece both for dining AND working out.

You couldn't have been worried that your clothes would get wet–I can't believe you dress like an extra from a Hungarian sci-fi film in your office. You couldn't have been worried about how the rain would affect your bike–it's made of plastic, after all. You couldn't have been worried about your time–mine only went up by five minutes this morning.

No, I guess you were just scared of a little water. Which is too bad, especially for those supposedly committed to a greener, simpler lifestyle, because there's nothing greener than Rock Creek under a curtain of life-sustaining rain, and there's nothing simpler than this: If it's morning, you ride.

Anyway, too bad you missed the day; it was really good riding this morning. No amateurs on the trail.

Photo by Flickr user MoBikeFed

MSNBC.com's local news page reported:

The National Weather Service forecasts the temperature in the Washington region to reach 96 degrees with the heat index expected to approach 100 degrees.

Monday has been named a code orange air quality day, which means high temperatures combined with high humidity may create a dangerous situation for children, the elderly and those who suffer from chronic heart or respiratory conditions.

Unfortunately, I didn't read the article until I got to work today, meaning that I suffered the 15-minute walk to Adams Morgan in a pair of "just out of the dryer (and a bit too tight)" jeans. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm hoping they'll stretch to the comfortable fit I'm used to by the end of the day, but since things tend to expand when they get hot, I might need the Jaws of Life to get these suckers off tonight.

I blame men’s workplace fashion. If offices would stop forcing men to wear jackets and ties maybe they wouldn’t need the air conditioning up so high. Call me second wave, but I’ve got to assume that men are still setting the standards for indoor climate control.

Note that the U.S. Capitol is the worst A/C freak in D.C. They can kill the global warming legislation if they want; they should just turn up the indoor temperature a little bit for some green brownie points. A Capitol maintenance guy told one Capitol Hill reporter (who keeps a space heater in her office even in July) that the lawmakers would complain that it was too warm and so he sets it as low as it will go – 58 degrees.

Some vernal obsessive, no doubt a poignancy fan, has demonstrated his/her enthusiasm for the change of seasons by putting leaves on traffic signs. I saw these ones down by Thompson Boat Center. Any other sightings?

Then again, this is D.C., not really the kind of city where you're gonna get dogged for choosing function over form.

My dithering continues, soggily.

Got a story you'd like to see discussed on the next Fuego/Frío? Wondering how much money we're spending on glue stick? Let us know in the comments.

Which means that D.C. may well come out of the '07-'08 winter without really braving a single bona fide snowstorm. Sure, there've been some dustings and some wintry mixes, but nothing to really test the Fenty administration's snow readiness.

Linda Grant, a spokesperson for the city's Department of Public Works, says there've been more than a dozen winter-weather "events" this season, but many of them were just scares cooked up by forecasters.

Grant is getting back to me on whether the department's trucks even had to put their plows on the street.

Yeah, right. It feels more like 40 out there, especially on the sunny side of the street.

One thing you learn after living in D.C. for a few years is that is just doesn't get cold here. You don't really need a winter coat; a sweater will do. I see all these people bundled up out there, people wearing knit hats and shit, and I ask myself, "Are these people in the same climate as me?"

It's not cold out and won't be anytime soon, either.