The two best teams in the AL East will battle for the top spot tonight; improbably, one of those teams is named the Baltimore Orioles. The other? Let’s just say Canadians aren’t confining their reign of terror to soccer games. According to a Toronto Star article from last Thursday, a series of “scraps in the stands” have caused Toronto Blue Jays management to consider ending its $2 Tuesdays promotion at the Rogers Centre. “This is not some Saturday night bar,” team President and CEO Paul Godfrey told the Star, adding that the Jays will discontinue alcohol sales in the cheap seats and may scrap the promotion altogether.

Canadian sports fans, when will you learn to behave?

Photo by Larry Coor

Toronto FC supporter “carl” (when will “gordo” step up?) lashes out at poorly composed Canadian jokes. In advance of tomorrow’s D.C. United home opener, during which we can only hope we’re spared the horrors Columbus, Ohio, went through, Toronto FC fans have begun to hit back in droves. Well, two of them have begun to hit back, but that’s, like, 1/20000th of the Canadian population. “carl” says:

You forgot the flannel-shirt joke.

Hope you’re not paid real money to write this.

Sadly, “carl” could be talking about his own currency.

Rare footage of Canadian soccer hooligans preparing for a trip south after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Oh no! Canadian soccer hooligans coming to D.C. this weekend! Or at least the object of their adoration: Toronto FC, which apparently is a soccer team. Apparently, D.C. has one, too, and theirs is visiting ours on Saturday!

Some survival tips vis-a-vis Canadians:

1) The term “going Canadian” refers to not wearing underwear

There’s a reason for this. Be careful around anyone in camo pants.

2) If you see anyone dressed as Canadian comedy icon Red Green, run for your life

Hidden in the SAP audio track on CBC broadcasts of this show is a coded command to “Kill yanks, eh?” (Note: That’s not a question, even though it sounds like one.)

3) Do not bring up Strange Brew

1983 Oscar snub still an open wound north of the 49th.

4) If you find yourself surrounded by a rabid pack of Canadian soccer hooligans, you can shout, “Hey, half-priced poutine!” or, “Hey, it’s a Quebecois separatist!”

This should give you time to turn and run for your life. Don’t go into the woods. Canadians know many of the forest’s secrets.

Photo by jmcnally

Canadian soccer hooligans: The most exciting sports development in ages.