Every Tuesday and Thursday (and sometimes Friday), we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

tenleytown
People dump cars. People dump ratty couches. In Tenleytown, people dump bamboo. Julie posted such an incident report on Oct. 12: “This morning I discovered that someone had dumped a pile of bamboo and bamboo roots on my front lawn. It was not just thrown there…it was obviously carefully stacked on my lawn. Around the corner, on my neighbor’s property there was another big pile. I am curious if anyone on this listserv had some bamboo cut down recently. Also, I am curious if anyone else got stuck with a pile this morning. If anybody saw anything or has any leads it would be appreciated.”

cleveland-park
New resident alert! Mishboni showed his greenness with his post, the dumbest of the week, writing on Oct. 11: “We also have had things taken from our cars (cds, change, etc) at least twice in the last 6 months. This only happened on the rare occassions that a car was left unlocked, not on the street but back in our driveway. Does this mean that someone regularly combs the neighborhood at night looking for unlocked cars? This is very unsettling.” Runner-up goes to Peter. After a weeklong debate over pedestrian safety when crossing streets, walking on sidewalks, and so forth, Peter threw up this idea: “Would it work to stripe the sidewalks that bikers use most often with a dotted (or solid) line marking a right (or left) “lane”? The bike part could be marked iinside the line with a stencil of a bike/rider and the pedestrian part with a stencil of a walker. THis probably wouldn’t help where the sidewalk is barely wide enough for two walkers to pass each other going in opposite directions.”

shepherdpark
Wishful thinking of the week goes to “evange408” who is trying to unload his Redskins tickets for this weekend’s game against the Titans: “Section 447, row 20. Two seats for $130 cash.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

Brookland
A California transplant needs roach advice. “For the last month, every week or so I have been finding three or so beetle looking things in my bathroom,” she writes. “Yesterday, I turned on my oven and 15 or so of the little beetle things came running out from the small gap between my counter and my oven and maybe 5 HUGE roaches ran out after them! Will they multiply and take over my condo? Is it a terrible idea to let them live in their crack?” Yes, residents respond. They suggest roach poison, boric acid, baking soda, and keeping a spotless kitchen—just don’t cede any ground to the harbingers of decay. “Roaches are not live and let live creatures,” writes a former New Yorker. “You just have to get rid of them.

shepherdpark
From assorted 4th District police reports: Sibling rivalry is a bitch: “[Complainant 1] REPORTS BEING INVOLVED IN A VERBAL DISPUTE, [Suspect 1] THEN BECAME ENRAGED AND HIT C1 IN THE FACE WITH AN AXE. THIS CAUSED A LACERATION TO THE LEFT SIDE OF C1′S FACE. C1 AND S1 ARE BROTHERS.” Now, Borf—there was an artist: [Complainant 1] REPORTS THAT UNKNOWN SUSPECT PUSHED OUT THE REAR BASEMENT WINDOW OF THE LISTED LOCATION. THE UNKNOWN SUSPECT THEN ENTERED THE LOCATION AND SPRAY PAINTED THE INTERIOR WALLS WITH THE WORD “BITCH.” Next idea—sell ice to Eskimos: [Complainant 1] REPORTS THAT [Suspect 1] CAME TO C1 DOOR AND ASKED IF C1 WOULD LIKE TO BUY A PLANT. C1 REFUSED. AS S1 LEFT THE LOCATION, S1 GRABBED A PLANT FROM THE FRONT OF C1′S HOME AND FLED.

HillcrestDC
What’s in a name? That’s what one resident wonders as he muses about the negative stereotypes associated with the moniker “east of the river.” “’East Washington’ has been a vernacular that has now seeped into the conscienciouness of many,” he writes. “Therefore, I ask, is it time that the East of the River magazine change its name, perhaps to something like East Washington News?” “This is total bs,” Orandra Cotton replies. “If these people are so disgusted and disturbed about living in SE-DC than they all should just move to another side of town. I assume they made a conscious decision to move to southeast- East of the River…what we need to be focusing on is how we as a collective community are going to move forward and rid ourselves of the growing thug mentality of our children who are terrorizing each other and eventually the adult population with their barbaric acts of violence.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday (and sometimes Friday), we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

AdamsMorgan
With heavy heart, Amy beings searching for new owners for her two beloved cats. She has a young child, another on the way, and can no longer be a FT doting cat mama. “I just cannot give the cats the attention and love they deserve and I feel they would be better off with an individual or family that can,” she says. Amy described the cats as a two-year-old, brother and sister pair. The boy is smart and playful. The girl is a “classic lap cat.” Amy says they have been sprayed/neutered, have all of their shots, and are very good with children. What more could a potential pet owner want? Maybe pets not named after bodily functions—they’re called Skeet and Skat.

jackasslist
The jackass list was started by Friend2You some time ago to help guard DC women against online predators. Friend2You writes: “LADIES!! Let me start out by saying that.. I am tired of meeting jackass men in person from YAHOO this is for the Washington DC area. So I have decided not to meet anymore men in person from this service. I set this up for you ladies still meeting men. If you meet a jackass warn us ladies. Tell us your story to prevent other ladies from suffering. Let him be known by username!! Whenever you plan to meet a man in person from online type his username in the search archives box below and hit the search archives button. If there are any bad stories about him in our archive it’ll come right up in the results page!!!! One way of screening a man! And if you have a BAD DATE.. ADD HIM!! And if you’re a jackass and you KNOW IT.. …FEEL FREE TO ADD YOURSELF!!!” Sadly, the genius site has fallen fallow. The only jackasses that have been added in the last year or so added themselves: Cheatingwife, who is looking for sex while her hubby is away, maturewoman, who wants a young sex partner, and Jonathan R. Rees, looking for supporters for his council bid.

shepherdpark
Unlike losing a cat or a dog, the chances of a pet owner recovering an escaped bird are slim to none. But not unheard of: Tara posts a message with the subject line “Lost Parakeet?” “We have a yellow and green Parakeet hanging out at the Lowell School today in our front gardens. If you are missing your Parakeet, please give me a call at the number below,” she says. “Just so you know he/she is doing great, eating food, and hanging out with the Sparrows.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

TakomaDC
The Takoma Park neighborhood is atwitter over a slew of slashed “Fenty for Mayor” signs. After several residents report that their signs appear to have been cut, Lars suggests that perhaps the posters weren’t ruined intentionally. “I began to get suspicious as some of the slashed ones were in the midst of delicate flower arrangements, some behind fences with dogs, etc. And all the slashes always seemed the same, a diagonal cut that was very clean in most cases,” he notes. “So I wonder if the material the signs are made of simply splits at certain temperatures? I doubt vandals would be so careful as to spare flowers etc, or so dedicated to hit so many signs. Anyone want to toss one in their oven and see?” Sanyin also has noted the vandalized signs, but very subtly hints that neither nature nor rowdy neighborhood kids are to blame. “It looked to me that many Fenty signs are undisturbed, while others were slashed (or perhaps just split?). Some had damage only near the center. But I must say that there were several which appeared to have been cropped.”

shepherdpark
No one wants bus shelters and seating anymore—residents in Shepherd Park would rather stand in the rain than have some poor, weary homeless person dare to stretch out and get a nap on a bench or have to look at the occasional graffito on the side of a shelter. In discussing a bus stop on Alaska Avenue, Shepherd Park resident Jason says bus shelters are crime magnets, and he does not support them. StephB doesn’t mention the shelters but says she’s opposed to installing a bench at the site. Only Rosemary believes that residents shouldn’t let their fear of crime get in the way of comfort, and that having a bunch of people standing around waiting for Metrobuses, exposed to the elements, is barbaric. “I support a bench..shelter is 2nd..but to sit is civil,” she writes.

BannekerSchoolCouncil
The beginning of a new school year means, among other things, that it’s time to clean house on various school-related listservs. In the BannekerSchoolCouncil group, several parents of students who graduated in June are just getting around to asking to be removed from the list. The parents/grandparents/legal guardians of recent Banneker grads explain that their kids have left the school and also politely wish the other parents good luck with their new principal, Anita Berger——except for one. “My daughter graduated this past spring, so please take my e-mail address off of your list,” asks R. “I feel sorry for the current parents having to deal with this principal for the next several years. Nice lady, but definitely not up to the job and has no clout with central office except to get the job for herself. A self serving situation for both sides.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

TakomaDC
During a Saturday power outage, Rich took a walk through the neighborhood to see which traffic lights were out. “On this walk, I saw a mother bird and two nestlings on the ground near Trinity Church,” he writes. “I planned to try to do something about them. I would have put something on this list requesting advice, but of course we had no power.” No access to the listserv during an animal event? What’s a Takoma resident to do? Apparently, nothing. On Sunday morning around 7:45 a.m., when Rich remembers the birds and has access to the list again, he reports he found the “mother and one of the babies were gone (I hope that’s a good sign), but the other chick was still their. I have it on my back porch, and would like whatever ideas you have, since I’m pretty ignorant of animal husbandry. Meanwhile I’ll Google.” As it turns out, however, Rich is perfectly capable of figuring out how to rescue a baby bird without the online help of his neighbors. At 8:19 he writes: “Never mind—I got advice that it should go to Humane Society. I’m off to deliver it.”

ustreetnews
Doctoroflaws is shaken by an attempted mugging—and is even more rattled when he runs into a councilmember while making his getaway. “On my way to work this morning (around 8:30 am), a group of 10 or so boys (I am not great with ages, but I’d say they were all between about 10 and 15 years old) attempted to mug and/or assault me in the 1200 block of V Street,” he writes. “Thanks to some quick feet - and a car that happened to turn on to V St. and honked at them - I was able to get over to 13th Street at which time the boys stopped chasing me. I continued my walk to the metro stop where, handing out campaign literature, was DC at large council member Phil Mendelson.” The Doc says the incident reminded him that crime can happen anytime, anywhere, and that thugs aren’t necessarily deterred by, um, local politicos passing out flyers. “Now, it could have been anyone of the numerous people who are running for something this year (many of whom I have seen at the U Street metro stop passing out literature), but my experience reminded me that it is important to always be aware of one’s surroundings no matter what time of day it is.”

shepherdpark
“Just before 11 a.m. Saturday morning,” Mark spots a strange animal on his front lawn. “At first I thought it was a cat, since neighborhood cats usually would do that sort of thing on our front lawn. Then I didn’t quite know what to think in the next second. Possum? Dog? Wha?” Mark decides the beast must’ve been a coyote pup or a wolf pup. “Its legs were tall and spindly, seemingly bigger than necessary to support its compact torso.…Has anybody else seen this creature? It seemed to have short hair, a combination of silver/gray, white and light brown, and a scraggly face from the one glance I got at it. It also seemed to be more afraid of me than I of it.” Luckily, the alleged animal pup was also similarly shy when faced with tasty neighborhood cats. “I was afraid for some of the outdoor cats who wander on our block, but our two most frequent feline visitors weren’t brunch for this animal.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

shepherdpark
To commemorate one of the hottest spells of Washington weather in quite some time, Bill announces a “Hot Weather Photo Bake-Off,” open to D.C. residents willing to endure the heat and snap pics. But they must adhere to strict guidelines of hack photography. “We’re looking for photographs that give the feeling of excruciating heat,” Bill writes. “An egg frying on the sidewalk is an obvious example; hot, rising air enveloping suit-wearing men and women works, too. People consuming vast quantities of chilled beverages at outdoor restaurants is fine. (Or better yet: If they’re pouring the beverages directly on their heads.)” Is the Hot Weather Photo Bake-Off just a friendly community photo contest, or a scheme hatched by the Washington Examiner’s art department to nab some shots of sweaty toddlers, overheated puppies, and old women fanning themselves? You decide.

TakomaDC
Takoma resident Linda ponders how to spot the real troublemakers in her neighborhood. “Kids hanging out on a corner are not committing a crime, but in some instances, I just feel like something is not right with some of these kids, they just look like they’re ‘up to no good’ to borrow a carmudgeonly [sic] line from my grandmother. I know my mother feels unsafe when we drive around and she see these thuggish-looking kids hanging around. I try to explain to her that dressing like a thug is ‘the style’ for young people these days, so you can’t judge someone by what they are wearing (or how they are wearing it), but she thinks I’m being dangerously naive.” To help Linda and her mom distinguish between fashionable and felonious youths, here’s a quick guide: disaffected youth in baggy jeans with a scowl on his face=cool teen. Disaffected youth in baggy jeans waving a gun in your face=criminal teen.

DupontForum
When Gloria inquires about buying a can of “mase” to protect herself, her neighbor Curt offers up not only a list of places to purchase pepper spray (“Hardware store,” “Sonny Surplus”) but tips for wielding a can: “[P]ractice grabbing & spraying it a few times so you are quick on the draw,” he advises. “[I]t’s the Wild Wild West these days.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

colonial
Who says Mormons are square? While boozing is a well-known no-no, and some Mormons won’t even set foot in a bar, a group of Colonial ward singles organizing a Family Home Evening (a Monday night gathering to talk gospel shop) are willing to ignore the debauchery at Whitlow’s on Wilson for the sake of cheap eats. “For those unfamiliar with the delights of WoW, it is a ‘college-esque’ beer and burger joint in Clarendon, and on Monday nights they offer half price hamburgers,” writes the organizer. “So dust off your ID…and come join us for lots of fun conversation and great burgers.” In a separate post, a single Mormon dude is—gasp—looking for fly honeys as roommates, another big no-no. “Hi, i’m looking for cool coed’s.…females down with living with a fun guy!” he writes. “I know there must be tons of cool girls okay with living with a guy(s)…as there seemed to be endless numbers of girls living with guys down at duck beach for a week(end). Cool girls need only respond. Thanks.”

shepherdpark
The weekend’s crime reports are in. For some, robbery appears to be just another errand: “C1(H,M,21) AND C2(H,F,25) RPT S1 APPROACHED C1-2 AS S1 TALKED ON A CELL PHONE. S1 THEN TOLD THE PERSON ON THE PHONE, ‘HOLD ON.’ IN SPANISH. S1 THEN PULLED OUT A KNIFE AND IN SPANISH STATED, ‘GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT.’ C1-2 COMPLIED. S1 FLED WEST ON TAYLOR ST NW.”

TakomaDC
While the city celebrated the Fourth of July, some Takoma Park residents were inside just waiting for it to end. “I’m writing to find out if anyone knows about a time limit for setting off fireworks in DC,” one woman writes. “Right now, it sounds like a war is going on outside our windows, and my three year old has his pillow wrapped around his head…and is scared stiff.” But some think folks need to loosen up a little. “It’s a festival,” writes another resident. “A celebration. Enjoy it. God knows, it should happen more often!” “Unfortunately this is really hard to do when you have a screaming child,” says another, who then offers a bit of advice: “My only suggestion with noise is to desensitize the child someway—allowing him or her to make sudden loud noises or to see them made so they become understandable. They seem to go on for weeks around here.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

Truxton Circle
Over in Truxton Circle, dog owner martyb complains that “a crazy, and very brazen bird has been attacking my dog. This territorial bird stalks the area in front of Dunbar HS on New Jersey.” On June 8, he writes, it “swooped in and hit my dog’s backside, grabbing with his claws and hitting with its wings.…then it just flew away, swooped back in a couple of times, and my dog and I got the heck out of there! It felt like a Hitchcock film.…” Other Truxton folks offered up not only their own bird-bites-dog stories, but solutions that could both eliminate such birds and encourage the most apathetic residents of the area to participate in the problem-solving. “I’m ready to talk to one of our friendly neighborhood drug dealers and ask them to shoot that durn bird for us?” says TruxtonResident. “Another reason to repeal the ban on hand-guns in the District so honest citizens can defend themselves against these terrorizing bird attacks!” says NstNW, careful to note the comment is a “(joke).” “LOL…they can barely hit each other!” says saibot. “How are they going to hit something the size of a phone? Maybe they can trick the bird into eating a little crack.”

Brookland
Brookland resident Janet has invited all of her neighbors to a feral-cat adoption fair. On Father’s Day, she discovered “4 kittens living under the deck in our backyard. We want them out sooner rather than later. We have no idea if the cat is wild or not and our son plays out back and I don’t want him or anyone to be confronted by an angry mother.” The Humane Society could get the kitties from beneath the deck, she says, “but will not ‘keep’ them.” Those interested can even watch the kitties in action—just don’t get too close. “If you are interested please know you are welcome to come by in the evening and watch them play from our bedroom window.”

shepherdpark
Mark is being bothered by a bird making a racket. The feathered foe first “rat-a-tat-tatted” on his chimney cap in the spring, and last week it started making bird calls as well. “This bird, about the size of a YOUNG crow, has a black head on top and a long black bill, but otherwise has smooth, gray feathers.What kind of bird is it, and does anyone have any ideas how to get him to go away from our chimney?” Replies adthomas, “How about sending some electrical current up your chimney stack - or is that not PC according to PETA?” But before shock therapy can begin, J. rushes in to say that evicting the bird would not only be inhumane but cockblocking, too. “What you have is a northern flicker. It is adapting its mating ritual call to the urban environment,” he writes. “It is trying to make as much noise as possible to attract females and it has learned that rapping on a metal item such as a chimney cap is a good way to make a lot of noise!…So next time you hear it you should wish him luck in his courtship!”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

tenleytown
Last week, one resident asked to be removed from the message board “immediately.” The person vented about the venting: “I’d like to say to those of you who are regularly arguing one point or the other and dragging every discussion into the ground, whether they be candidates or development, that you should all just grow up! I wonder how many of you would have these same nasty discussions face-to-face?”

TakomaDC
Political signs are the new blight. “May we be saved from political signs littering the landscape, please?” asks Sharon. She wants those with aspirations toward public service to please stop vomiting signs all over her ‘hood and to stop stabbing public places full of them. She singles out Marie Johns’ campaign: “I uprooted a sign for Marie Johns this morning in the Blair/Forth Street park only to find another an hour later…the plants will not benefit from the shade of signs or the foot steps of sign posters.” And then argues that Fenty’s youthful vigor surely means the death of Takoma Park flora: “I don’t want to see his signs in gardens everywhere for the rest of his political life. He is very young that could be a very long time. We have already been looking at them for years.”

shepherdpark
The latest item for the neighborhood’s lost-and-found box: teeth. As Patti writes, “Living near a bus stop means every once and awhile you find something other than trash. Does anyone know of anyone who is missing a small zip lock bag containing partial plates and dental care items?”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

Brookland
In a spurt of creativity, residents are attempting to brand their far northeast neighborhood with a catchy slogan. Instead, residents have given into the self-loathing impulse that comes from buying overpriced homes nowhere near a Whole Foods. Slogans proposed include: “For those who live on E-W streets: ‘The Gateway to Hyattsville’” or “For those who live on N-S streets: ‘The Gateway to Chillum.’” Targeting the youth demo, one resident suggests: “Brookland and Woodbridge-proving ground for teens on scooters.” The more inclusive suggest: “Brookland-A Ghetto With Lawns.” No one has yet proposed “city living, suburban style!”

Petworth
Construction sites usually aren’t judged for beauty until completion, but one resident can’t wait, already objecting to Donatelli & Klein’s Park Place, a massive condo/retail red-brick structure about to go under construction at the Georgia Avenue Metro stop. Toby writes that the “site is very trashy and has weeds at least waste high. Can something be done about this?” This question is met with one resident quipping: “I think you are worrying about the wrong type of weed in that area.”

shepherdpark
A resident reports this morning on a “rabid raccoon” feasting on his property’s weaker critters: “This past Friday I observed a raccoon walking down the street in front of my house. Saturday, I went into my back yard to find a dead bird with chucks [sic] of its flesh missing, Sunday, I went into my garage and found a dead squirrel with similar bite marks and ripped flesh.” An animal-control rep told him they couldn’t do anything until the hungry raccoon starts looking for food inside the home. “I asked if they wanted the dead animals for testing of Rabies or maybe West Nile? She said no,” the resident writes. “Put on some gloves, bag it up, and put it in the trash. I have no problem with that; my concern is the animal doing this still roaming the neighborhood.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

New Kid on the Eckington Block
E-List Roundup takes a detour into the blogosphere: PalacePool, the “new kid” of New Kid on the Eckington Block, waxes philosophical about a stolen rake, shovel, and lawnmover, and in the process brings new meaning to blaming the victim. “Leaving these items out invited theft. I just wish that these garden items could be safe in my backyard. I wish that the hood was safe enough that this wouldnt be an issue. Most of all, I hope that the thief will use these items to put food on thier family’s table. I also was discouraged to find a condom wrapper in the stairs leading to my basement. This was a whole new wake up call.…Having someone on my property “transacting”, is nearly nauseating. The point is, steps need to be taken by me to limit the possibilities of theft and prostitution. I am buying locks, leaving the back light on, and working to secure my stairs. If it werent for people like me, (not securing my stuff) there would be no thievery in the world. I guess it is a good thing for this awakening. I have always felt that man is good by nature, but is corrupted by society. Society’s negative influence on otherwise virtuous men centers, in Rousseau’s philosophy, on its instinctive human desire for self preservation, combined with the human power of reason.”

shepherdpark
On Tuesday at 4:07 p.m., Brenda posted a message with the subject “Piano Tuner,” writing that she was “in dire need” of a piano man. “Does anyone have any recommendations?” Just 3 minutes later, at 4:10 p.m., Brenda again implored the people of Shepherd Park for help and posted a blank message with the subject, “Excuse Me Piano Tuner?” Her persistence paid off: Just five minutes later, neighbor Barbara coughed up the name of piano tuner Ken, deeming him “excellent.”

Brookland
Baker Grégoire and his wife are looking to set up a table at the neighborhood market, but before they start whipping up confections, they wanted to focus-group the neighbors to see what sort of sweets and savories they prefer. His started off asking hungry Brooklanders to consider the yumminess of spinach-and-blue-cheese quiches and chocolate-mint flan, then delved into a less-appetizing level of detail. “Would the fact that seating is provided would entice you into buying a slice of quiche or tarte? Would the fact that non alcoholic beverages like home brewed ice tea or home made lemonade would make the idea of a slice of tart or quiche more appealing?….How much would you be willing to pay for a slice (1/8 of a 11’ dish) How much would you be willing to pay for a whole quiche? How much would you be willing to pay for a whole tarte?”