From the Brookland neighborhood Listserv: Concerned citizen Andrea on Taussig isn’t getting any love from 311. After finding a discarded handbag in an alley, the poster called the non-emergency number to report the missing item. She writes:

I called 311 to report the found bag and got a very strange response. The lady who answered first told me to call the person, since I have their checkbook & license . . . When I told her I couldn’t find a phone number, she told me that I should “pull a CSI” and try to figure out how to get in touch with the owner. She then told me that if I turned in the handbag to the police, she didn’t know what might happen to it.

Note to Andrea: Please make it a CSI: Miami.

A Brookland poster seems to be applying for a job at the Onion with this entry on the listserv:

“Dear fellow Brooklanders:

Any discussion on the Brookland listserve of the Pope should take note of the fact that he is apparently performing miracles here. The escalator at our Metro stop, with papal yellow combs on each tread, is suddenly working, having risen Lazarus-like from a death that lasted months and months.

Also, the station got cleaned.

It only takes two miracles to be beatified.”

“Sometimes I Feel Like I’m the Only One Trying to Gentrify This Neighborhood,” reads the headline on an Onion article that one of my co-workers taped to his door. Every time I see this, I think of the Brookland listserv, of which I am a member. Please, enterprising businessmen and women, help the folks over in Brookland. They have dollars, and apparently, few places to spend them. Whenever a resident discovers a new restaurant or store nearby, he or she starts doing free PR. A recent post:

Hello, neighbors: I don’t know how many of you have checked out the wonderful Artmosphere Cafe, five minutes down Rhode Island Avenue from us, but you should! It has great live music, film showings, family game nights, and poetry readings in the evenings, a relaxing, peaceful atmosphere during the days, comfortable couches, and spacious tables, yummy healthy food and free wireless service. I highly recommend going there–its a great complement to our own Sureia’s. Both places need our economic support to survive! [Emphasis added.]

The sense of urgency does not end there. “Does this cafe have an address.? It’s tedious how many brooklanders post things w ith no address.They do it all the time,” writes one respondent.

By the way, the cafe in question isn’t even in D.C. It’s in Mount Rainier, Md. And it looks lovely.

The Washington Business Journal has an interesting piece in this week’s issue about the development potential of school properties on the closure list. “At the top of the list might be Hine Junior High School, a 131,300 square-foot Capital Hill building at the corner of Eighth Street and Pennsylvania Avenue SE that is set snuggly among Eastern Market, the Metro station of the same name and the Barracks Row retail corridor,” writes reporter Jonathan O’Connell. The article also mentions three sites in the prime-for-development Brookland area. (And O’Connell did track down one developer, Jim Abdo of Abdo Development, willing to go on record saying he was “very interested in looking at what’s available.”) At least four buildings look safe from bulldozers, according to the article, the Ward 8 schools: Wilkinson Elementary, Douglass Transition Center, Green Elementary, P.R. Harris Educational Center.

Photo credit: Darrow Montgomery

Title of a recent message posted to the Brookland’s Yahoo group: “Anyone Carpooling to hazardous waste drop-off ?”

Yesterday, a Brookland resident posted these items for “sales and giveaways” on her neighborhood message board. The key is the last item.

1) Metal baseball bat
2) Corvette stingray model kit
3) Kites - the two handed kind
4) Model balsa wood airplane kit
5) Big living room coffee table - is painted, and can be repainted
6) Small closet like structure that would be attached to wall, with a
mirror
7) Lots of really good puzzles (500 and 1000 pieces), but only to
someone who LOVES puzzles

And I thought people in Brookland just obsessed over their yards.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

AdamsMorgan
jwilcox23 reports that an unidentified vandal took on several parked cars and beat them soundly. It isn’t clear whether the car-smasher was male, female, alien, or cyborg. The poster guesses that this car-basher did not come from the sky, but from the suburbs: “If it turns out that Mr. Incredible wasn’t from Maryland or Virginia, I extend my sincere apologies to any suburbanites who may be offended by my assumption that this was a commuter drunk.”

Brookland
Things we want: jlw122364, mourning his son, seeks a support group for the families of murder victims. gregounours, throwing a party, seeks a disco ball.

tenleytown
Wilderness-in-the-city edition. Says carolynsherman2: “The other night a possum came in through our dog door and curled up and fell asleep in the corner of our sofa. He may have been asleep for hours when I saw him ? Our two dogs didn’t even notice him. I called animal control and they came in about half an hour with a cage, picked him up by the tail, put him in, and said they were going to release him in Rock Creek Park.” From faniafleissig: “Just a few minutes ago I saw a red fox trot across Belt Road in broad daylight. He was quite at ease and seemed to know where he was going. It was quite fascinating.” And pretzel102270 says, “I’ve seen a raccoon in my back alley a few times, including in my trash can. It lunged at me.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday Friday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

Brookland
Brookland resident Courtney knows that it’s hard to find a cat-sitter—and it’s even harder to find a cat-sitter who is willing and able to wield little teeny-tiny insulin needles and inject them into a squirming kitty twice a day. “We are going away soon and though we have someone coming to stay with our cats, we need someone who knows how to give a shot two times a day to our diabetic cat—every 12 hours to be exact.” Courtney writes. “I was wondering if anyone out there is a vet or vet tech and would be up to doing shots, as shots freak out the person staying with them…Thanks!!”

shepherdpark
So much for diggin’ the scene with a gangster lean. It seems one man’s leisurely cruise through Shepherd Park is apparently another man’s menacing case of the neighborhood. Aja posts “Burgundy Cadillac with Tinted Windows is prowling the neighborhood.311 contacted.”

TakomaDC
In the annals of Takoma diversity: For a personal project, neighbor Judy enlists the help of some of Takoma Park’s finest amateur translators. “Any linguistics in the neighborhood?” she asks. “[I]‘m looking for the translation of:
* gift
* clarity
* freedom
in as many languages as possible, including sanskrit, but not french and spanish.” Rich tells Judy to look online, as he did, to find out that “freedom” in Sanskrit is svatantra. Yet Seth cautions against using the Web for accurate translations. “In Hebrew, freedom = he-rut ????, gift = ma-ta-na ????, clarity = be-hee-rut ?????? You have to be careful with dictionaries and machine translation. You might get word senses and cases or declensions other than what you want.” Pamela steps up with Swahili: “gift is zawadi; clarity is ubayana (my dictionary says clarification); freedom is uhuru.” Steve chimes in with the Italian translations, another Steve offers up German and Latin, Simone provides Portuguese translation, and Rich comes through, again, with Arabic, Catalan, Czech, Russian, and Yiddish.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

Brookland
PL forwards an e-mail that’s been making the listserv rounds warning residents of a “NEW WAY TO DO CAR JACKINGS (NOT A JOKE!).” Cue the creepy music: “You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into Reverse. When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the car jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off.” Wait—there’s more! “They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.” Jesus. OK. But that’s it, right? “I’ll bet your purse is still in the car.” Sure it is, but that’s no reason to get snide with me. “So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!” Fine—no need to get hysterical; just tell me how to avoid this situation. “If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away, remove the paper later and be thankful that you read this e-mail.” Thanks in advance.

hstreetdc
Tired of reading one-off messages about lost cats in your nabe ’Net group? Looking for something more substantial than “Need a good handyman”? Well, Hilary near H Street sure knows how to spice things up: Just tell the group that you hear Trader Joe’s has been prospecting in the area (“?!?!”). “There were some bring-TJs-to-the-Hill petitions a few years back that lost out to the NW store…but now I hear that the success of the NW store has them actively scouting for their next spot in our neck of the woods…so I am daring to get my hopes up again.” Perhaps in hopes of inciting a chat-room riot, Chris asks, “Geez, how can we stop this development. The last thing this neighborhood needs is the development of a TJ or a HT. We want organic growth. Small business. We must stop them all!!!!” But the moderator warns not to take the bait: “the person who made that comment has a ‘history’ of such. It’s more about a kind of incitement, smart a** way of writing.”

MPD-1D
In a post entitled “Roving Gang of Kids last night damaging cars and terrorizing citizens,” Truxtonresident provides further proof that the kids who hang near Dunbar Senior High School have no regard for the warning labels on fire extinguishers. “I called 911 regarding a roving gang of kids on N Street NW who were fighting and setting off fire extinguishers at cars and people walking up the block. MPD responded (it looks like) in 10 minutes but instead of going down N Street at Dunbar High School - where the kids were, the MPD cruisers high-tailed down N Street towards 4th and 5th Streets.” First District Commander Diane Groomes explains that those cops were headed to a different corner to address a far more depressing scene of mayhem. “A ROBBERY CAME OUT IN THE UNIT BLOCK OF N STREET WHERE BOTH 1D AND 5D OFFICERS RESPONDED - TWO MEN WERE ARRESTED FOR ROBBING THE MAN IN THE VAN FOR ‘SOME.’” Presumably, that’s “So Others May Eat,” the nearby community group that feeds the homeless.

Every Tuesday and Thursday Friday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

AdamsMorgan
In Adams Morgan, the store next to the Starbucks at 18th Street and Columbia Road has been vacant for sometime, and Sid wants to know what’s up. “It has been vacant now a long time. It looks like the have torn down the inner walls but work seems to have stopped,” Sid writes. “Its beginning to look like an eye sore.” Little did Sid know that his neighbors would defend vacant storefronts so vehemently. “That building is one of the handsomest in the neighborhood, and nothing about its exterior upkeep has changed,” Arthur writes. “It’s a part of urban life that buildings sometime sit empty when waiting for new renters. It is far from an ‘eyesore’ and this is not Disneyland.” Sid took it personally. “Your tone suggests I annoyed you…that was not my intent,” he writes. “I didn’t expect that simply addressing disappointment at the emptiness of such a nice piece of real estate (which has large windows into what looks actually worse than a simple eyesore) would turn into a correction of my character!”

Brookland
The Brookland Heartbeat, a local newsletter, just hit the doorsteps. But residents are wondering why the Heartbeat doesn’t have much to do with Brookland. “Why is the Brookland Heartbeat, p.4, involving itself in the establishment of clubs along West Virginia Avenue (this is not Brookland),” writes Alex on Monroe. “The area in question is a heavily industrial area and not within a block of any housing.…Could it be that it is because these are gay clubs?” Joe on Newton agrees: “Not to mention the article misrepresents the facts by naming the clubs as “new” when in fact these clubs were already in existence and were displaced by the new baseball stadium.” Heather on 15th is upset because a local event (where she volunteered) received no coverage. “I noticed that the Brookland Day Festival was not covered in this issue of the Brookland Heartbeat.” Heather writes. “It seems like a pretty major Brookland event so I’m just curious as to why it was not mentioned at all?”

ustreetnews
On the U Street listserv, insults get hurled just as swiftly as referrals for plumbers. Dee thinks things have gotten out of hand. “Is this website monitored in any manner?” he asks his fellow neighbors. “Or can anyone post any racist and inflammatory remark they want with impunity?” One might think the comment would be answered cordially, or at the very least it would be ignored. But Hunter’s neighbors pounce. “You seem to be pretty good at posting inflammatory remarks,” David shoots back. “Perhaps you should start your censorship campaign by removing yourself from this list.…” Jason says Hunter should toughen up. “It’s called freedom of speech? You really need to get that chip off your shoulder and stop assuming everyone who is not on your side is racist. It makes you look ignorant.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

HillcrestDC
In Ward 7, some residents seem concerned that Mayor-elect Adrian Fenty’s transition team won’t include east-of-the-river neighborhoods in their future plans. Trish contacted the Fenty team to find out if any members from Wards 7 or 8. “Mr. Clarke was only able to provide me with one name,” she writes. “He said that this information was not obtained when initially asking for participants for the various transition committees.” Lucy was disturbed that the town hall meeting for Ward 7 was held during the Thanksgiving holiday week, as she couldn’t attend. “Can this be done with more notice and not 2 days before Thanksgiving?” she writes. “I am very interested in attending but have already made other plans that include getting ready for Thanksgiving.” Lucy took the scheduling snafu as a slight: “Either this is a purely male driven idea or real public participation is not wanted,” she wrote. But according to Trish, what turned into a scheduling mishap was originally intended as an ego stroke for residents like Lucy. “I further inquired as to why the transition meeting for Wards 7 and 8 were scheduled for the holiday week,” Trish writes. “[Mr. Clarke] responded that the thinking was to have East of the River first so that they would not feel slighted.”

Brookland
In Brookland, Roomforrent’s neighbor’s dog is driving her crazy. A self-professed “dog lover,” she says that her new neighbors let their dog out at sometimes at 5:30 a.m., and the dog won’t stop barking until they let it back in. “The owners do NOTHING to curtail this behavior,” she writes. “This morning the dog has been barking NON-STOP for 20 minutes. It finally tired out but will undoubtedly get a second wind and start again.” Roomforrent’s husband was thinking of confronting the neighbors, when Heather offered this tidbit. “There is something called Bark Free,” Heather writes. “Every time a dog barks within certain amount of feet from the device it will emit an ultrahigh pitch sound when the dog barks. So the dog then learns that when it barks the annoying sound occurs and it stops. It may sound cruel to some but if you are dealing with truly irresponsible dog owners with no regard for neighborhood peace then I’d check into it.”

ustreetnews
When Shar, a resident of 12th Place NW, peered into her alley one morning, something was missing. “Someone has cut back trees/plants that spilled over my fence into the alley way,” she writes. “They also butchered my lilac tree which gently leans into the alley—as it happens, the lilac is way past it’s prime, but I’m distressed that someone would feel free to cut back a tree that is in my garden quite haphazardly without asking me.” Perturbed that her foliage had been pruned without her permission, Shar wanted to know who was so offended by her plants. But when one of her tactless neighbors had the skinny on what happened to her trees, he unwittingly sparked a conversation on web etiquette. “Welcome to the city,” Clyde started. “In case you are not aware allow me to enlighten you on the law. Foliage growing into public space (alley or sidewalk) can be cut by the city with or without your permission.…Therefore, it behooves one to trim their foliage before it is trimmed for them.” “Holy condescension!” Renee wrote in. “What’s up with being such a jerk to your neighbors? Why not nicely respond or not at all?”

Every Tuesday and Thursday Friday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

shepherdpark
In the days following Halloween, Shepherd Parksters decide to swap some stories of tricking and treating around the neighborhood. TPJohnson, who cites giving candy to some Walter Reed staffers as a highlight of the night, repeats a common complaint of candy-givers: too many kids in street clothes. “I asked one little guy where was his costume, and what he was supposed to be, and he told me “a grownup!” Mark reports that he had 51 kids, and one adult, come by for candy­-a 21 percent increase over the previous year. Christine cops to being that one big person asking for sweets at Mark’s house. The sole tricking incident is reported by Caryn. “Only one bit of ‘weirdness’—I had my boombox playing on the front porch with scary sounds and music. It was outside, but plugged in indoors with cord running under the door. I heard some commotion and noticed the cord was pulled taut. I opened the door to see some young boys sprinting across Jonquil toward Shepherd Elementary and the boombox was out of place.” But, she says, there was “[n]o harm done.”

TakomaDC
Why bother Verizon with a request for a couple of phone books when you can just bug your neighbors for ’em? “Help! I am desperately searching for 2 copies of the White Pages for DC. Does anyone have a copy (or two!) they’d be willing to let me have or at least borrow for about 2 weeks?” asks Wendy, presuming that Takoma residents are a more reliable and speedy source of the books than our region’s premier supplier of communications services. Or maybe she’s just thinks that her fellow neighbors would be less likely to brand her as a weirdo when she explains her intentions. “I need them for a magic trick and can return them to you!”

Brookland
In an epic thread about veterinarians, Brookland residents debate the merits of various veterinarians—particularly the head pet docs at Hyattsville Animal Hospital versus those at the Brentwood Animal Hospital. The vet at Hyatsville is praised as “caring” and “compassionate” but also way too slow and old-fashioned. The doc at Brentwood, based on animal owners’ experiences, is technologically advanced and prompt, but has a lesser bedside manner. Amid the kudos and complaints, Lorie says she typically felt rushed at Brentwood and thought the doc didn’t listen to her. And, while the staff was likeable and informed about animals, their knowledge of world geography left much to be desired. “[W]e did really like [the] staff (although one of his vet techs was sure our Norwegian Elkhounds were from ‘Norwegia’).”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

MPD-6D
Ms V has a law-enforcement question: “My oldest daughter, who is 12 years old, snook a 17 year old boy in the house. Is there something I can do to keep this 17 year old boy away from my daughter? He lives in our apartment building.” Commander Robin Hoey urges her to call him immediately, but Lt. Ronald Netter goes one better. “Give me his name and address and I will speak with him. Also, you may want to start with your daughter opening the door for this 17 year old,” he writes. In a wishful afterthought, Netter adds, “Hopefully he is just visiting.”

Brookland
This listserv fends off spam better than most. So when a gibberish-laden, insecurity-bating e-mail manages to sneak past the goalie, chat-room participants don’t always know what to make of it. In a post titled “Sexy Military Chick wanna date with you, my holy,” a woman named Mary refers Brooklanders to a dating Web site for “uniform friends” and urges residents to “come in and play with me.” Poster Karen is the first to express puzzlement. “Um, what is this?” she asks. Todd has the answer: “Proof that the moderators really don’t censor this listserv.”

AdamsMorgan
Believe it or not, a poster seems to be struggling to unload a pair of tickets to see Queensryche at the 9:30 Club this coming Saturday. Silver_surfer15 suggests that he paid more than $40 apiece for the tix, but he’s not so delusional as to ask for anything close to face. “$50 for both,” he offers. Mind you, this will be your last chance to hear a “Silent Lucidity” encore before the prog metal act lights out for three different House of Blues franchises on its fall tour. “I will take Paypal or cash,” assures silver_surfer15, leaving a phone number. “[W]e’ll work out ticket transfer.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

AdamsMorgan
Last week, scarlsondc spotted a handful of workers doing measurements inside the former DCCD music shop on 18th Street NW. He said the group buying the vacant building is a nonprofit working in drug and alcohol rehabilitation. Naturally, the rumor of a possible rehab clinic being dropped in the middle of our premier nightlife district set off an informal contest for Most Ironic Analogy among commenters. lst103dc asks, “But isn’t putting an alcohol rehab facility in the middle of 18th Street like putting a Weight Watchers meeting next to Maggie Moos?” And poster martymoo69 tries to go one better: “It does seem like an odd location for alcohol rehab …kind of like putting a methadone clinic in Laos.”

Brookland
Poster baringlake is tired of hopscotching over urine streams and fetid T.P. on the way to the Rhode Island Avenue metro station: “There are “Jiffy John” port-a-john toilets at the…station. They do not appear to be maintained in any way, and often people who have to walk by the toilets (and there are many of us since the toilets are placed along a major walkway) are forced to walk over blue urinal liquid that’s overflowed, as well as toilet paper and other garbage from the port-a-john.” And fancy footwork can only go so far: “the stench often coming out of the port-a-johns, even when the doors are closed, is unbelieveable.”

MPD-2d
Anarchy spreads west of Rock Creek Park! Either that, or Ward 3 puritans are branding the homes of Tenleytown adulterers:

Psa 202 4400 b/o Chesapeake
C1 reports that his garage door was spray painted with red paint.
A letter “A” was drawn along with other unidentifiable symbols.
————————
Psa 202 4400 b/o Chesapeake
C1 reports that someone spray painted her garage door
with red paint. There was a letter “A” inside of a circle and
“06 *** capitalism” drawn on the garage door.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we run down what’s going on in local Internet discussion groups.

tenleytown
The upper Northwest neighborhood spies intrigue in the upcoming November election for Ward 3 councilmember. On Oct. 9, poster msilver1957 reports that none of the Ward 3 Democratic primary candidates have come out to endorse primary winner Mary Cheh: “Is this lack of support from fellow Democrats sour grapes?” they ask. “Also will the anti-development Democrats do the unusual and vote for an anti-development Republican like Theresa Conroy?” Another poster serves up a top eight reasons to vote against Cheh. The faux Letterman pads out their reasons by twice listing the candidate’s insistence on retaining her teaching gig if elected. Inevitably primary loser Jonathan Rees gets mentioned. For at least one poster, he still is someone to fear. Which brought a reply from msilver: “Rees did not win but you still act afraid of him as if he was a creature from the movie “Night of the Living Dead” and he is going to come and get you.”

Brookland
School Board candidate Marc Borbely has found himself in the message board’s cross hairs. One poster alleges that the aspiring do-gooder has “pursued zoning exceptions in order to get kickbacks from businesses when the ANC voted down the exceptions. Several abandoned public spaces in our neighborhood which were slated for renovations, remain abandoned buildings because of Marc’s grandstanding.” Borbely responded with demands for a retraction or evidence proving these alleged “kickbacks.” The original poster soon conceded, writing: “True-I have no proof that you have received kickbacks. I apologize for passing a rumor I heard as fact.”