…and if all that hype just isn’t doing it for you, kindly dig the following video.

It’s a peek into the world of hard-nosed neighborhood reporting—and it captures the breakneck pace of a daily news cycle.

What does an alt-weekly know about that breakneck pace, you ask? Watch and see, folks. Watch and see.

And in related news … Come and get ‘em: Free Hillary Clinton campaign materials. What, they don’t even want to drink from a Hillary mug anymore? - Amanda Hess

I’ve stumbled over this not once but twice this morning, so I’ll go ahead and make it a trend: If there’s a public figure out there whose name you’re not sure how to pronounce, the National Library Service for the Blind and Physically Handicapped maintains a list. —Mark Athitakis

A couple of days ago, things seemed to be looking up for Kristen: “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis had offered Ashley Alexandra Dupre one million dollars to appear in a Girls Gone Wild magazine spread and tour video–no sex or nudity required! But Francis rescinded the offer yesterday when Girls Gone Wild staff discovered that Dupre had already stripped for a Girls Gone Wild tape–or seven.

“It’ll save me a million bucks,” Francis told The Associated Press on Tuesday. “It’s kind of like finding a winning lottery ticket in the cushions of your couch.”

Are there no true Cinderella stories? These have to be the saddest two sentences I’ve read in recent memory:

According to a “Girls Gone Wild” press release, Dupre visited Miami in 2003 to celebrate her 18th birthday. After fighting with a friend and getting thrown out of her hotel, Dupre found a nearby “Girls Gone Wild” bus, the company said.

AP’s got the (censored) video.

Use it whenever you want to point out the shortcomings of a writer. Replaces “a quick phone call” as the beginning of an excellent insult. For example:

1998 insult: “A quick phone call to ______’s campaign would have revealed that he was in Miami for most of that day…”

2008 insult: “Now, a simple Google search suggests that Obama spent most of the day in Miami…”

I’ll bet William Kristol is really beginning to hate the term “a simple Google search.”

Spitzer mania has spread to the bar. Rochester mixologist Chris Carlsson has created the Eliot Spritzer, a layered cocktail with Champagne then absinthe (insert crazy joke) then Campari (for a bitter ending, according to Carlsson). Clever. But what I want is a cocktail designed for Ms. Ashley Alexandra Dupre; I really don’t want to be picturing Eliot Spitzer while I’m sipping on a drink. How about something like vodka (for class), red bull (for trash), and Grand Marnier (for…she’s gonna be rich once that record deal rolls in)?* Or maybe it should be a sparkler as well: Champagne (for sexy), Frangelico (for she’s nuts), and Cognac (for…she’s gonna be loaded once that book deal rolls in)?*

*Have caution when trying these at home. They have not been tested. I’m at a desk. Dreaming about happy hour. But not there yet.

The Hotness: The Post’s story on Anthony Williams taking the plunge and buying a condo; the New York Times for its well-rounded Spitzer coverage; and Harper’s for the Tasmanian devil/cancer piece (we’ll let Wemple explain).

The Notness: Sorry, District Chronicles, but cutline cutline just won’t cut it.

Got a story you’d like to see discussed on the next Fuego/Frío? Wondering why Harper’s started printing on index cards? Let us know in the comments.

How did Eliot Spitzer end up in such a hole?

Here’s a guess: When launching his first political campaign — for New York’s attorney general — he turned to a family friend: Dick Morris.

From a May 19, 1996 profile of Morris in the New York Times:

“In 1994 in New York, [Morris] worked for the Republican gubernatorial primary campaign of Richard Rosenbaum and — secretly — for the Democratic primary campaign of Eliot Spitzer, the son of an old friend, for attorney general.”

Whatever campaign advice Morris “secretly” doled out to the political newbie didn’t take right away: Spitzer finished last among four candidates in the Democratic primary.

Now, after all these years, Grasshopper finally caught up with Master Po.

The Mayflower Hotel registered a lot of snarky reviews–only one post-Spitzer scandal–that suggest the governor of New York should have done more research before allegedly picking this joint:

Here are some sample comments:

• “This was the perfect choice in Washington DC for our family of five. The hotel is historic, grand and recently renovated.”
• “We have stayed at this hotel many times and this experience was almost bizarre…”
• “This has to be one of the worst hotels anywhere and I can only assume your other reviewers don’t get out that much…”
• “A historic grand old hotel, nicely redone, however for the price I was disappointed. The on site fitness facility was basic…”
• “If you require Wireless Internet, DO NOT stay here. There were many angry businessmen and women who were not very happy because the wireless network did not work all week…”

• He did prostitutes.
• He did at least one prostitute in D.C., at the Mayflower Hotel.
• He did prostitutes despite a record that’s built on breaking up organized crime rings.
• He did prostitutes despite having a wonderful family and a great, supportive wife, Silda Wall Spitzer, who looked like death at his press conference today.
• He did prostitutes, a fact that most pundits agree post serious political problems for him.
• He did prostitutes, a fact that old pal Alan Dershowitz calls a big deal in America but no big deal in Europe. (Note to Dersh: This is America.)
• He did prostitutes, a fact that has occasioned headlines saying that he’s been “linked” to a prostitution ring, a characterization that Spitzer fans, that most shrinking of breeds at this point, think overstates the case. For the record, there’s no overstating the case in this case.
• He did prostitutes, a fact that could pose some political problems for Hillary Rodham Clinton, for whom Spitzer is a committed superdelegate.
• He did prostitutes, which makes it much harder for him to become the first Jewish president, according to experts on MSNBC.
• He did prostitutes, a pattern of behavior that drew a rebuke from New York state assemblyman Jim Tedisco, who represents one of the greatest districts in all of the Empire State (Schenectady).
• He did prostitutes.

This just in:

Gov. Eliot Spitzer, the guy who’s now forever linked to a prostitution ring, earlier this month celebrated “International Women’s Day” with his wife, Silda Wall Spitzer. According to an AP account, the two were “paying tribute to women who played a role in the fight for justice and equality in the U.S.”

Now, if ever there was a guy who knew how to pay tribute to women!

We’re now hearing over MSNBC that the guv paid more than $4,000 for a night of love in D.C.

This guy even proclaimed March “Women’s History Month.”

This could be a bit of a stretch, but I am going there anyhow.

According to the very early reporting on the Spitzer disaster, the feds have records on the N.Y. guv’s use of prostitution services on a Feb. 13 trip to the District. He stayed in a hotel that night, reportedly the Mayflower, and dialed up some services.

Well, if the feds see fit to perhaps prosecute the guy for his misdeeds, they would use something called the Mann Act of 1910, which criminalizes the act of taking someone between the states for the purposes of prostitution.

So Spitzer could be a back-door route to the status that D.C. has deserved for centuries.

Well I for one am shocked and appalled at this gothic turn of events in Eliot Spitzer’s life. Not so much for what he allegedly did but because if the allegations are true, this man BROUGHT a prostitute into Washington, D.C. We have our own prostitutes here, thanks very much, Mr. Big City, and I doubt there’s anything fancy New York prostitutes can do that our homegrown talent can’t.

Photo by EliotSpitzer2006

Dershowitz: “What I like about the [Spitzer] statement is it has the right priorities.”

“I think this is less than a misdemeanor”

“I can’t believe Eliot used public money.”

“This is one man going to a prostitute…”