I recently moved to the District from the other Washington (as in, I flew over Monday night), and while chatting up the sublettor as he packed the last of his things, he mentioned that he was taking his Brita filter with him. I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to my new roommate about this situation, but I’m concerned.

I never felt comfortable drinking water straight from the tap in my house in Seattle. Early on in my two-year stay in that house off campus, I filled a glass from the kitchen faucet and was dismayed and a bit disgusted to find swirling gray water almost touching my lips. From then on, I used botted water, even to cook.

My parents’ house in eastern Washington (the state) has great water, but I think that’s because we have well water.

When I visited friends in New Jersey and New York City earlier this year, I heard all about how great tap water is in the city, and yes, I definitely agree. The water in NYC is pretty darn swell. NYC is so big and still has awesome water, it would be logical to thing that D.C. water filtration systems would be of high quality as well.

What do you think? Should I buy a water filter on my way home from work tonight? Is tap water in D.C. rivaling NYC in water taste, purity and clarity? Are Brita filters so common in the District that it’s unheard of to drink straight from the tap? Does everyone know something that I, mere “newbie,” haven’t discovered yet? Or are filters for the health-conscious Seattleites and other West-Coasters who move east and fear for the worst?

The District has sued Group Hospitalization and Medical Services Inc., the portion of CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield operating in the District. Suit was filed in D.C. Superior Court this afternoon, according to a docket listing.

More on what prompted Attorney General Peter Nickles to file the suit here and here.

LL is trying to get his hands on the complaint. More to come.

UPDATE, 5:05 P.M.: Here is the complaint. The case has been assigned to Judge Natalia Combs Greene; initial conference is scheduled for Sept. 26.

UPDATE, 5:19 P.M.: CareFirst has issued a corporate statement regarding Ward 3 Councilmember Mary M. Cheh’s actions, which reads in part, “We are disappointed that the DC Council’s Committee on Public Services and Consumer Affairs voted today to take this action. Given CareFirst’s compliance with regulatory reporting requirements in the District, taking such a confrontational stance seems excessive and wasteful, especially since, if asked, CareFirst would supply any requested information….CareFirst’s role in the community has already been examined by Washington, D.C. regulators and their findings affirm that CareFirst meets its obligations. We are confident that any reasonable review will find that CareFirst meets its obligations both to its members and the communities we serve.”

UPDATE, 5:22 P.M.: In a phone interview, Cheh says the Nickles lawsuit is not at odds with her own efforts, calling them “parallel tracks.”

The Nickles suit, she notes, is focused solely on the propriety of the size of GHMSI’s surplus, while Cheh says she intends to investigate the surplus with “a broader lens.”

“I want to look at the surplus in the lens of continually rising rates, high levels of executive compensation, an acknowledgment that they have a responsibility to return community benefits to their subscribers and to the District in general. All of that is of a piece.”

UPDATE, 5:50 P.M.: Some highlights from the complaint, which charges CareFirst with “willful violation of charter” and “breach of charitable trust”:

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Let the games begin: Sources say Ward 3 Councilmember Mary M. Cheh is poised to kick off an investigation of CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield, the District’s largest health insurer, on changes that it shirks obligations to provide public benefits to District’s residents.

LL teed up the issue in his column last month. Currently, the portion of CareFirst that operates in the District is running a surplus in excess of $700 million, and some politicos believe that money is owed to District residents as part of CareFirst’s responsibility as a “charitable and benevolent institution,” according to its charter.

CareFirst, of course, disagrees, holding that the charter language means nothing of the sort.

The investigation is pending a vote by Cheh’s public services and consumer affairs committee this afternoon. The committee action would grant Cheh subpoena power to inspect company documents and command testimony from executives.

Meanwhile, rumors abound that Attorney General Peter Nickles has plans of his own to take on CareFirst, through a legal attempt to make CareFirst comply with its alleged obligations. A complaint has been drawn up, sources say, and an announcement of the lawsuit’s filing could come before the end of the week.

UPDATE, 3:45 P.M.: Cheh has issued a statement, explaining her interest in pursuing CareFirst was prompted in no small part by former CEO William Jews‘ $18 million severance, which is currently being challenged by the Maryland government.

“I want to know why, in the face of rising insurance premiums, [CareFirst's local subsidiary] is sitting on three-quarters of a billion dollars of surplus and paying fabulous sums to top executives,” Cheh says.

Meanwhile, WTOP’s Mark Segraves is reporting that Cheh has confirmed that Nickles will be filing suit against CareFirst shortly.

One of D.C.’s main health care providers for the Latino community is facing a financial crisis. According to a recent story in El Tiempo Latino, la Clinical del Pueblo has a deficit of $500 thousand and may have to cut services soon without a bailout. The clinic serves more than 7,000 clients, most of whom are recent immigrants.

Manuela Sifuentes, a project manager at the clinic, says the cash-flow problems stem from the facility’s recent growth. Last summer, the federal government awarded the center certification as a federally qualified health center, which meant they could bill Medicaid at a higher rate and get access to additional grants and other federal funds. But the status also required an immediate expansion of services, which meant spending money they didn’t yet have. Sifuentes says the cost of the expansion wiped out the center’s cash on hand, so while they have a solid financial plan for the future, day to day bills are piling up.

The clinic is talking with the city about possible plans for addressing the crisis and an anonymous donor recently wrote a check for $50,000. The donor has promised to write another check if the clinic can raise a matching $50,000 in donations over the next month. Donations are being accepted here.

Today’s Washington Post article about pro-life pharmacies refusing to dispense birth control pills and condoms, and ambulance drivers refusing to take women for abortions, raises important questions, like: Are women really taking ambulances to their abortions? I’ve never heard of that before.

I called American Medical Response—an ambulance company in Northeast—to ask if they’d ever heard of a woman being taken by ambulance to get an abortion. A dispatcher named Kiesha sounded flabbergasted at the suggestion.

“An ambulance? To get an abortion?” she said. “No, I’ve never heard of that.”

My sample of one having said her piece, I wonder—have you ever heard of anyone taking an ambulance to get an abortion? And if it turns out that no one takes ambulances to get abortions in the first place, does it matter if ambulance drivers are refusing to take women to their abortions?

My cousin was pregnant with her second child, and she and her husband went to the doctor for some tests, one of which pinpointed the exact date of conception. The doctor said to my cousin and her husband, “The test says you got pregnant on XYZ date. Does that seem right to you?” My cousin and her husband said, “Yes, I think we had sex that day,” and the doctor looked relieved. He told them that he always asks the “does that seem right to you” question anymore ever since he had an uncomfortable moment not that long ago.

A woman and her husband got the test, and the doctor said to them, “You conceived on ABC date,” at which point the husband said, “That’s impossible, I was in Iraq.” So the wife quickly said that there were contractors at the house that day, and one of the contractors must have masturbated into a towel that the wife then used after showering. The towel, then, managed to impregnate the wife.

The doctor told this story to illustrate some uncomfortable positions he’s found himself in, but my cousin and I wondered: is it possible to get pregnant from a towel?

I called my uncle, a retired ob-gyn doctor, to ask.

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Fine, Patrick, be that way. Yes, I thought your blind item yesterday was lame, but I was willing to let it go until this morning’s escalation brought out our competitive side. From now on, we’re making it our mission to own this story. So, if you’re a reporter/editor/blogger who’s having a colonoscopy (or, heck, any other medical intervention you care to name), drop us a line: colonoscopy@washingtoncitypaper.com. All tips will be kept anonymous. —Mark Athitakis

Greater Southeast Community Hospital, the long-troubled Ward 8 facility, is no more—in name, anyway. This morning, hospital leaders, along with a gaggle of dignitaries, announced the hospital will be “rebranded” as United Medical Center. By the time LL left the press conference, workers outside were stringing up new temporary signs over the old ones.

The hospital is six months into an overhaul started by new owners Specialty Hospitals of America and financed in part by a $79 million bailout by the city. About $20 million of that is to be paid back, and the hospital took the opportunity today to present the city with the requisite “big check” representing its first $1 million payment.

Among the boldface names in the house for the show: Mayor Adrian M. Fenty, At-Large Councilmember and health committee chair David A. Catania, health department head Pierre Vigilance, former Ward 8 councilmembers Sandy Allen of Ward 8 and Nadine Winter of Ward 6, interim attorney general Peter Nickles, and former Redskin great George Starke, who will be serving a community liaison for the hospital. Ward 8 Councilmember Marion Barry strolled in about 50 minutes after the scheduled starting time, to the wildest applause of the day—outstripping even Catania, who did the actual heavy lifting to keep the hospital open.

“Some of you may ask, what’s in a name?” said Specialty President Eric Rieseberg. “Not a whole lot actually.” Instead, he and colleagues pointed to a gaggle of new equipment being installed in the facility as evidence of progress, everything from radiology equipment to fetal heart monitors and sterilization machines. Improvements to the building’s physical plant continue, as well—a blue tarp covers one side of the hospital tower where windows and walls are being repaired. Said Rieseberg, to a nervous laugh, “this building in the future will not only be windtight but also waterproof!”

But, said hospital CEO Gary Lowe, “we’re not out of the woods….We have a long time before we can begin to feel comfortable.”

Perhaps the biggest issue for the hospital going forward will be to establish its accreditation, which it lost late last year based on evaluations done before the Specialty takeover. After the loss of accreditation, several private insurers have refused to pay for care at the facility.

Rowe says the hospital could have appealed that ruling earlier this year, but chose not to. “I didn’t think we deserved to be accredited,” he says. Losing that appeal would have meant a two-year wait before another application could be submitted. Rowe says a new application will be submitted next month, in the hopes of having accreditation back in place by early 2009.

“Healthy DC,” the plan put forth in March by At-Large Councilmember David A. Catania that aimed to insure every District resident, looks to be dead.

In its place, Catania announced at the D.C. Council’s pre-legislative meeting press conference this morning, the D.C. Healthcare Alliance—which covers the District’s poorest residents—will be expanded so that uninsured folks who earn more than the Alliance’s ceiling of about $21,000 can buy in for a premium that would be no more than 3 percent of their income.

There are a few catches: One, the requirement that all District residents carry some form of insurance goes away in the new proposal; two, the proposed funding level will only support about 15,000 of the 25,000 estimated uninsured originally targeted; and three, the benefits won’t include any mental-health or substance abuse treatment. The program is still proposed to be funded out of a $1-per-pack hike on cigarette taxes and new taxes on HMOs.

Catania hinted that the reason for the collapse of the orginal plan was a failure to get CareFirst, the District’s Blue Cross Blue Shield licensee and largest health insurer, to buy in to the plan. The company—which, in the original Healthy DC plan essentially administered the program—was unwilling to move forward unless the District assumed all of the risk on the deal. CareFirst had also come into some criticism for essentially getting handed the program on a no-bid basis.

“CareFirst has had, the best way to characterize it, a change of heart,” he said. Catania did say the new plan “doesn’t let them off the hook,” in that CareFirst is still required by law to engage in a substantial community benefits program.

[UPDATE, 3:40 P.M.: Catania's chief of staff, Ben Young, disagrees with LL's choice of words: “Healthy DC is not dead. However, we may need to take a different approach.”]

Other notes from the presser:

• Vince Gray Punctuality Watch: Things kicked off at 10:14 a.m.—14 minutes late and 2 minutes worse than last month. But that’s OK, ’cause LL was 10 minutes late.
• Ward 6 Councilmember Tommy Wells introduced a suite of improvements to child-welfare services contained in the fiscal 2009 budget, plus a couple of as-yet-unfunded proposals. The sexiest of them is a proposal for a tax credit of up to $2,000 for folks who mentor youth; employers who let their employees do mentoring would get a tax credit toward the costs. Wells said he’s yet to get a fiscal impact statement on his proposals, saying, “We certainly know what it costs in terms of losing our youth.” That comment drew an audible sigh from Ward 2 Councilmember and fiscal watchdog Jack Evans.
• The council’s investigation into the OTR tax scandal continues, led by the pro bono efforts of the Wilmer Hale law firm. Gray says the probe “is not at the stage where we’re ready to release any findings.” Investigators are looking to interview “30 to 35″ persons about the scandal, Gray says. Discussion of the tax scandal led to a withering line of questioning from the Examiner tag team of Jonetta Rose Barras, Michael Neibauer, and Bill Myers, all of whom asked about an audit of the District’s tax system commissioned by the CFO’s office. Gray said he hadn’t read the report; though Evans had reviewed the report, he declined to comment.
• Gray will be introducing a “Sense of the Council” resolution in opposition to hate crimes. Talk about something everyone can get behind.
• The single-sales bans in Wards 7 and 8 are moving forward, and the ban in Ward 4 is likely to be made permanent.
• The noise bill will be back before the council tomorrow. Evans, who had said he would likely introduce amendments to the bill, declined to say whether he would do so.
• Ceremonial resolutions galore tomorrow, including one for your playoff-qualifying Washington Capitals. Owner Ted Leonsis will be on hand for the occasion.

Following a full day of surgery—Earth Day, natch—a couple of D.C. cosmetic surgeons started crunching the numbers. Just how much carbon is used in the disposal of sucked-out fat?

Considering that an average of 7 pounds of fat is sucked out per surgery and that national surveys estimate Americans undergo 450,000 liposuctions and tummy tucks annually, that’s about 3 million pounds of yellow, goopy fat to get rid of. Each pound of fat is about 78 percent carbon, but because no one has yet figured out how to make biodiesel out of it in a way that people will, uh, stomach, the fat gets incinerated, pushing about 1,000 tons of carbon into the atmosphere every year. Drs. Navin Singh and Marwan Khalifeh, senior partners at Ivy Plastic Surgery Associates in Chevy Chase, D.C., figured out that creates the pollution equivalent of driving 2 million miles.

So they’re trying to do something about it. Their office is paperless; they’re energy conscious and all of that. But there’s only so much they can do with fat, so to offset handing about 160 pounds of fat per month over to a medical waste disposal service, Singh and Khalifeh are purchasing carbon credits.

Singh calls it a “baby step” for his industry. “The first incentive is to conserve, reuse, recycle. We do as many of those things as possible, but when we can’t, you have to go for a lazier way and purchase credits.”

The surgeons got online at carbonfund.org and signed up to spend about $100 to $200 a month on carbon credits, which will (they hope) go to companies and nonprofits involved in pollution reduction, protecting existing forests, planting trees, etc. “You do wonder if this is legitimate or if someone is taking our money and not doing anything, so we spread it around with different companies while we figure this out,” says Singh.

Something else they figured out: If people actually jogged off the weight, that would be cheaper and better for their health, but not actually better for the environment. “They would just liberate that carbon into the air by burning it off,” says Singh.

(photo by keizie)

Want to share medical information with past sexual someones, but just can’t find the words to say? Say it in an e-card! Internet Sexuality Information Services has developed inSPOT— short for “Internet Notification Service for Partners or Tricks”—to help bring pesky STD chats into the realm of belated birthdays and “just because” dancing GIFs. InSPOT provides a variety of virtual cards (Slate’s got screenshots of the e-offerings) complete with cute little phrases like “I got screwed while screwing, you might have too,” “Sometimes there are strings attached,” and “Got laid. Was happy. Got tested. Wasn’t healthy.”

As you might imagine, there are right ways and wrong ways to send an STD notification e-card. According to InSPOT, “If you decide to compose a personal message, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Think about how you were told—what you liked and what you didn’t—and put the best of it into words.” Furthermore, “You can send postcards anonymously or from your email address. Historically, when you tell a sex partner(s) yourself, it’s more likely s.he will ‘hear’ the message and get tested.”

I’m all for making STD notification easier, and if this e-card system helps people take the initiative to get tested, I think that’s great. Still, please do not send me one of these e-cards. First of all, as the e-card subject line reads “e-card from a concerned friend re: your health — via inSPOT,” it’s probably heading straight to my Spam folder, along with p3n1s enlargement notes and overseas investment opportunities. Second, I fear that the “anonymous” feature may encourage the grade school community to abuse the inSPOT system for its own amusement. Finally, while I accept the witless drivel of the e-card on throwaway holidays, I’d really prefer it not be used to impart important information concerning my reproductive system.

Take one inSPOT e-card for example (perfect for the journalist!). It reads: “Who? What? When? Where? It doesn’t matter. I got an STD; you might have it too. Please get checked out.” Actually, it does matter. And these oversized emoticons aren’t helping.

Tomorrow’s the monthly D.C. Council legislative meeting. This morning, Council Chairman Vincent C. Gray held his usual preview press conference. Here’s the rundown:

• Vince Gray Punctuality Watch: The presser kicked off at 9:42 a.m.—12 minutes late. Getting better, Mr. Chairman!
• Things kicked off with a presentation from At-Large Councilmember David A. Catania on his “Healthy DC” universal-health-care plan. The meat of the policy proposal is to provide an affordable health insurance option for a relatively small part of the city populace: the approximately 25,000 uninsured folks who make too much to be eligible for Medicaid or the D.C. Healthcare Alliance program. Will spare the details, but the costs are intended to be no more than 3 percent of annual income for participants, with a District subsidy covering the rest.

  Along with the bridge insurance program comes a requirement that all District residents over 18 years of age be continuously insured. Anyone filing a D.C. tax return will be required to check a box attesting they’re insured. Enforcement is still vague; Catania said liars could be prosecuted for tax fraud—another option, he says, would be to cross-reference all emergency-room visitors with their tax returns.

  How is it being paid for? Under Catania’s proposal, the individuals are expected to bear a little more than half of the cost through monthly premiums. As for the remainder, a new 2 percent premium tax on HMOs raises a chunk, and taxes paid by CareFirst, the local Blue Cross licensee, takes care of most of the rest. Also kicking in, but not directly: A doubling of the District’s excise tax on cigarettes, from $1 to $2.

  The plan is scheduled to kick in on July 1, 2009; Gray said he hopes to hold a hearing on the plan before the end of the budget season.

• Looks like Ward 8 Councilmember Marion Barry’s plan to rename the Southeast-Southwest Freeway and part of Maine Avenue SW after Martin Luther King isn’t going anywhere fast. Said Gray: “I have a number of concerns about that…as well as a number of my colleagues….I think this is one of those where I think I will have a hearing.”

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These days, everyone is a fucking doctor. People get an upset stomach and they blame it on food poisoning from “that nasty Chinese place.” Like, how do you know? Did you analyze your own stool sample? I don’t think so. But when four of us got sick—in unmentionable, horrible ways—after eating some delicious raw oysters, shucked straight from the bucket by firelight, well, I was pretty sure what had happened. The only confusing thing was that we didn’t get sick for about two days after consuming the briny little treats.

So I turned to the real expert: the Internet! Well, turns out Norovirus—which causes most of the food poisoning cases in the U.S. and is found in raw oysters—takes one to two days to incubate. And, horror of horrors, I am still contagious. If I don’t wash my hands compulsively, I could infect someone else. Which means I could quickly bring the City Paper to a halt. I am going home.

Yesterday, I received this e-mail in my inbox announcing something called Shecky’s Girls Night Out. You’re invited … if you can get your priorities straight in time:

I do not envy the woman forced to choose between these two lists. True, as a sassy, independent woman, I find alcohol and frivolous purchases irresistible. But as a batshit crazy woman, I need to maintain my ongoing surveillance of my ex-boyfriend’s online photosets, and consider not drinking a latte “doing” something. Now I know what Sophie felt like.

Washingtoniennes have until April 15th to decide.

Over the past two weeks, I heard this joke three times:

Q: What do you call a sword swallower with health insurance?
A: A Canadian!

Ba-dump-ching!

In this week’s Show and Tell, I spoke with two American sword-swallowing couples about their experiences with horrific, uninsured throat injuries! Palace of Wonders employees and traveling side-show act Tyler Fyre and Thrill Kill Jill (above) and Centreville, Va. performers Charon Henning and Alex Kensington were kind enough to share their incredible injury stories (and their lame industry jokes).

Says Palace of Wonders museum director James Taylor,

Self-deprecation is a necessary element to the side-show business. Performers use massive amounts of double entendree, because that’s the way to make most of these acts palpatable to the audience: They make it seem funny so that the crowds can get past the hairs standing on the backs of their necks.

Neck hairs, step right up: Click here for a sword swallowing, fire breathing audio slideshow with Tyler and Jill.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.