For this week’s Show & Tell, I spoke to Ebony Tara Scurry, a Silver Spring career counselor who caters to the work woes of goths and other alterna-types. Pick up a paper or read all about it here.

In addition to Scurry’s one-on-one counseling through her newly launched “Eidolon Career Services,” she’s also prepared a couple of handy goth career manuals. One, Corporate Goth 101: Top Strategies for Bludgeoning to Death the 7 Most Common Workplace Problems, collects Scurry’s advice for the 9-to-5 goth set. One of the most common problems Scurry addresses in the book is the stress associated with going “undercover,” or hiding one’s goth personality from employers and coworkers. For those who do choose to fly the goth flag, the manual also includes help with fielding prying questions from co-workers, such as “Do you drink blood?” and “Do you cut yourself (and drink your own blood)?”—and offers up strategies for directing workplace banter into neutral territory. “Talk about your cat,” suggests Scurry. “If your cat’s name is Stigmata or Detriment, maybe you should talk about something else.”

For the goth-tolerant employer, Scurry has recently completed a companion piece to Corporate Goth 101, titled: How to Keep Your Gothic Employee From Putting a Satanic Curse On You (priced at $12.95). The manual, released yesterday, includes advice on eliminating goth teasing, dealing with corporate brass who wonder why an employee is “always wearing black,” and understanding the Eleven Satanic Rules of LaVeyian Satanism, which help explain strange behaviors in a Satanist’s workplace, or “lair.” Rule eleven: “When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them.”

Employers hoping to avoid destruction can read on to find other common mistakes. “Nicknames based on stereotypes are neither professional nor appropriate,” the manual reads, urging employers to avoid calling their employees ‘dead guy,’ ‘vampire,’ ‘Skeletor,’ and ‘Satan.’ Another word to the wise: “Please do not hide your gothic employee. No exceptions.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.

For this week’s cover story, I decided to check out the personal homes of a few of the city’s so-called slumlords. Some of them were typical fat cats: dudes with mansions in Potomac who made their fortunes renting run-down apartments in the city.

One guy turned out not to be a slumlord at all—he has a nice house in Cap Hill and some pretty nice affordable housing in Southeast. What surprised me was the number of alleged slumlords who live in pretty crummy cribs. Lots of peeling paint and chintzy furniture. The star of my adventure was Rufus Stancil, who lives in a big, beautiful house on upper 16th. It really needs a new coat of paint. Most of the landlords I talked to were open and tried to make a case for themselves. Stancil wanted me out. Here’s a photo I shot of him after he shoved his arm in my face:

Also: a bit of opining that didn’t end up in the story: Many of the tenant advocates I spoke with were worried that the city’s recent lawsuit against several landlords had been hastily thrown together, that it was more political posturing than dedication to fixing a problem. I did find two serious mistakes in the suit: the city is suing two dead people. They say they’re going to fix that.

When the Washington City Paper last published a “Best Of D.C.” issue, Iran-Contra was blowing up, Fugazi had just formed, and Three Men and a Baby was killin’ it at the multiplex. In other words, shit was totally amped!

Unfortunately, few CP staffers remain from 1987 to lead us down the righteous path to the Best Of (Darrow Montgomery, tell us your secrets!). As a result, we’ve had to reinvent the wheel a little bit and figure this all out on our own. I, for one, learned a lot.

Things I Learned From the Washington City Paper Best Of D.C. Issue:

1. Before he was stuffed and stuck in the Smithsonian, the National Postal Museum’s taxidermied canine hero Owney the Dog was murdered. Murdered! Dan Brown, are you listening?

2. Observatory Circle: not a circle.

3. No matter how many extra credits you use to fund your Internet jukebox Super Search, you will not find a single song by fictional Wayne’s World band Crucial Taunt. Unreal!

4. Do not take a picture of anybody’s $45 Led Zeppelin II record. You will be kicked out of their hippie throwback shop. You will still leave smelling like the fragrant smoke of sandalwood incense.

5. D.C. has a lot of great stuff!

Things I Learned From This Blog Post On The Washington City Paper Best Of D.C. Issue:

1. Three Men and a Baby was the subject of a persistent urban legend in the early 1990s that speculated that a figure appearing in the background of one scene was “the ghost of a boy who had been killed in the house where the movie was filmed.” Later, the figure was revealed to be a “cardboard cutout ’standee’ of Jack (Ted Danson), wearing a tuxedo and top hat … created as part of the storyline, in which Jack, an actor, appears in a dog food commercial.” Alright!

Our 2008 Best Of D.C. issue hits newsstands a week from today.

For this week’s paper, I wrote a story on the Sex Workers’ Art Show, a touring cabaret-style showcase that brings prostitutes, strippers, and porn actors off the pole, out of bed, and onto the stage. The show presented a twist on the age old question: What is (sex) art?

In the story, I quote porn performer Lorelei Lee, who says that while filming porn can feel like working the assembly line or flipping burgers at a fast food joint, it can also achieve meaningful expression. For Lee, porn DVDs can be art.

Fine. But the Sex Workers’ Art Show seems to want all sex industry wage earners to be considered “sex artists.” I’d submit that they are “sex artisans.” Sex workers are skilled in their craft. That doesn’t mean they’re creating art, necessarily. As Lee suggests, sex workers can be artists. But factory workers and hamburger makers can be artists, too.

Where does one draw the line between sex art and sex craft? Ponder that while checking out our NSFW audio slideshow of burlesque performer and Sex Workers’ Art Show participant Dirty Martini devouring money and then pulling it out of her ass. Naked.

This week’s edition of City Paper is out a day early. Take it to your Turkey Day! In this issue, you’ll find:

As promised: Cover story by Jason Cherkis, a fitting tribute to his grandmother and unwavering Redskins fan, Marian Abrams. It’s the perfect Thanksgiving story. Don’t miss the Web exclusive: video of Jason’s family talking about Nana. Extra bonus: Todd’s dog.

In District Line: Arthur Delaney finds a couple of real Urban Explorers: Guys living somewhat comfortably in their cars in Northeast. To one of them, it’s “the new Holy Land.”

In Loose Lips: Mike DeBonis goes to the chart for a breakdown on the similarities between beleaguered men: Nat Gandhi and Joe Gibbs. Who will survive? Plus: Marion Barry uproots the District’s tree fund.

In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on Sam Huff. He’s got a face made for radio, but is his Skins commentary still fit for it?

In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould gets the lowdown on why Paul So has a hard time finding artists to take his money.

In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman gets to the crust of the matter. 2Amys is still the pie to beat.

In Film: Mark Jenkins on I’m Not There, Holly, and Margot at the Wedding and Tricia Olszewski on Enchanted, August Rush, and The Mist

In Theater: Bob Mondello on The Studio and Alone It Stands and Glen Weldon on Shining City and The Maids

In this week’s paper, The Education Issue, you’ll find:

• Cover Story: “The Office,” Mike DeBonis‘ thorough look at the history of bloat at DCPS headquarters and the latest attempt by Michelle Rhee to tame it
• Joe Eaton’s fun feature on the $26,790 preschool: What does a 4-year-old get for the money at Sidwell Friends? Marinated local cucumbers, and so much more!
• In the District Line: Ruth Samuelson on Ellie Gunderson, the NAACP president at Georgetown Univeristy, who just happens to be white.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna finds a Madeira student down the street in Petworth who made the move to the fancy school courtesy of Jack Kent Cooke.
• In Young & Hugry: Tim Carman gets an education on fine dining service and is less than enamored with Ladies Who Lunch.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould finds a former rock star teaching Arthur Miller over at Bell Multiculti.

NEXT WEEK: Be sure to grab a paper or check online on Wednesday (a day early because of Thanksgiving) for Jason Cherkis‘ beautifully written cover story about Marian Abrams, lifelong Redskins fan.

In this week’s City Paper:

• Joe Eaton travels to an Ocean City motel and finds cheap beer and death—but no Russian prostitutes.
• In the District Line, Jason Cherkis reports on Southwest’s backyard-DJ scene.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on how even Agawam, Mass., is dealing with Dan Snyder’s parking fees.
• In Show & Tell, Jessica Gould reports on clubs that have attempted to skirt the District’s smoking ban.
• In Arts, film reviews from Tricia Olszewski and Mark Jenkins and Joe Warminsky on longtime Texas hiphop duo UGK’s Underground Kingz.

Plus: News Bites from Young & Hungry columnist Tim Carman, Artifacts, Savage Love, and more.

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• Jason Cherkis on how guards at the D.C. Jail let a man die.
• Joe Eaton on a beloved DCPS teacher who was fired after her visa ran out. Here’s the thing: After DCPS promised to help the Canada native get a permanent visa, they changed their policy and didn’t tell anyone.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on the longstanding feud between Georgetown University’s John Thompson and DeMatha Catholic’s Morgan Wootton that’s only now, 35 years later, coming to an end.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould on a bird-brained problem with one of the 14th Street SiteProjects DC installations. Plus: More on the Warehouse’s folding.
• In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman on picking your own strawberries: Is it worth it?
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• A journey into the mind of the common street catcaller, courtesy of Joe Eaton. What exactly possesses a man to think that complimenting a woman’s ass as she passes him on the sidewalk might actually get him somewhere? Joe looks for an answer.
• Jonathan York on a building that doesn’t cash its tenants’ rent checks. You still wouldn’t want to live there.
• In Dept. of Media: Erik Wemple and James Jones on the Fenty administration’s alleged practice of handing killer scoops straight to the Washington Post
• In Loose Lips: Jones bids adieu to LL by recounting seven monumental errors of prognostication he made during his tenure.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on the battle between pet owners and youth baseball players and coaches over a ball field near 14th and U Streets NW.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould explains why you can’t get real Sangria in Virginia.
• In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman on Ann Cashion’s upscale Taqueria Nacionale.
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• The multitalented Franklin Schneider on what, exactly, has happened to the bees. Everyone says they have no idea what’s going on, but that’s not entirely true.
• Angela Valdez on one Matin Sedigh, an American University graduate who returned to his alma mater in April to break into the registrar’s office to change his grades. It didn’t go so well for him.
• In Loose Lips: James Jones on why Dorothy Brizill’s getting sued in Guam, of all places. Plus: Top mayoral lawyer finds it hard to find a District homestead.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on how 15-year-old Eddie Lu helped a fallen-on-hard-times Arlington chess team back to the promised land.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould explains how clubowners are turning to security consultants to help prevent potentially business-closing violence this summer.
• In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman’s got some News Bites for y’all.
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• Our exhaustive guide to Silverdocs 2007, the ever-more-prominent Silver Spring-based festival of documentary films. Find out what Louis Bayard, Matthew Borlik, Jule Gardner, Aaron Leitko, Mark Jenkins, Justin Moyer, and Tricia Olszewski have to say about this year’s showings.
• Jonathan York and Arthur Delaney on the amazing things to be found in Georgetown University dumpsters around graduation time—and the people who take advantage of it.
• In Loose Lips: James Jones on Adrian Fenty’s low-number license plate assignments. Guess which bow-tied former Wilson Building occupant was never asked if he wanted one.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on the recent triumph of the D.C. Divas women’s-football team over their archrivals, the Detroit Demolition.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould on how a tiff between a clubowner and an alcohol investigator was as much sartorial as procedural. Plus: an obituary of Bird Noises guitarist Joseph Amoury.
• A couple of film features: Justin Moyer on Las Historias Mas Sexy Del Mundo!, a combination of D.C. punk and vintage porn aesthetics, and Matt Borlik on
  Alex Pacheco’s debut feature
• In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman tries to recreate Michel Richard’s legendary lobster burger.
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• A glimpse inside the mind of the serial arsonist, from Dave Jamieson. For months, Dave exchanged letters with Thomas Sweatt, now in federal prison in Indiana for setting dozens of fires in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia. The letters reveal his motives—broken ambitions, an obsession with authority figures, and sex—and details from his two decades of firestarting—including the admissions of a deadly fire never before connected to Sweatt. A riveting read.
• Jason Cherkis on the sad case of Robert Hawkins, who died in handcuffs despite the protests of family, doctors, and lawyers.
• In Loose Lips: James Jones on how Adrian Fenty’s new job as a magazine cover boy
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on the longstanding tradition of make-it-take-it halfcourt hoops on D.C. playgrounds—and why that tradition might be under threat.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould on the tiff between onetime members of Lissen Band on the rights to the go-go outfit’s name.
• In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman on Temperance Hall.
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• Holy Lit! Our rundown of all the books about God, pro and con.
• Angela Valdez on a D.C. fraud detective whose side job as a concert promoter has landed him in serious trouble.
• In Dept. of Media: Erik Wemple and I collaborating on a rundown of the Washington Post’s exhaustive coverage of Clarendon over the past 10 years. It’s not just for midlife-crisis sufferers!
• In Loose Lips: James Jones on how Harry Thomas Jr. has had to step up his game early to keep a pair of gay strip clubs out of his ward—and to keep his constituents happy.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on the fighting Peterson brothers—D.C. natives both in contention for boxing titles.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould on how one Rockville restaurant has learned the hard way about playing the licensing game.
• In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman on the finest Bosnian restaurant in town. Well, it’s the only Bosnian restaurant in town—but it’s good.
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• At long last, Erik Wemple and Jason Cherkis’ story about National Journal investigative reporter Murray Waas. Forget the accusations; forget the name-calling. This is our story (and the story behind the story).
• Amanda S. Miller writes about how WASA hauled away a bunch of Northeast residents’ stuff after a recent flood. And now they’re refusing to replace it.
• In Loose Lips: James Jones on how At-Large Councilmember Kwame Brown is getting an early jump on DCision ’08. Thanks, Dad!
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on how War Emblem, winner of the Kentucky Derby and Preakness Stakes, might be gay.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould on how the postal rate hike threatens area arts outfits.
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more

In this week’s City Paper, you’ll find:

• Angela Valdez and Darrow Montgomery team up to bring a collection of long-forgotten photos from St. Elizabeths Hospital—some truly startling and arresting images.
• Jonathan York has more on the notorious Youngin’s Towing. The city has finally gotten involved.
• In Loose Lips: James Jones on how DCPS Superintendent Clifford Janey made it clear to his underlings that he’s not long for this administration.
• In Cheap Seats: Dave McKenna on how mixed martial arts—better known as ultimate fighting—is coming to D.C., and how one local man hopes to take advantage.
• In Show & Tell: Jessica Gould on the evolving National Music Center, housed in the Carnegie Library, late of the City Museum.
• In Young & Hungry: Tim Carman finds the finest Texas barbecue in the region out in Clinton, Md.
• Plus Ask Bob, Suit Yourself, film, music, theater, and more