Somebody just told me that today was a Federal holiday.

If I had a regular job, I would’ve spent the day doing this (warning: that’s me in the spandex):

Can’t watch it? Click here. And for the love of Allah, don’t tell me what you did today.

Let’s be blunt: There’s not a lot of good cinema out there these days. And considering we’re already into Oscar-trolling season, for film lovers that’s a picture bleaker than Synecdoche, New York. (Well, maybe not that bad.)

Starting Thursday, however, you’ll have some alternatives — and best of all, they’re free. The Brazilian Embassy is hosting its second annual Première Brazil Washington, a selection of features, shorts, and a kids’ program stopping at American University’s Greenburg Theatre after runs in Rio and New York City.

The festival ends Sunday, Nov. 16; for schedule details and descriptions of the films themselves visit the Embassy’s site.

And don’t forget AFI’s annual European Showcase, continuing through Nov. 25. For ticket details and descriptions of the remaining films (often future Academy Award contenders) go to AFI Silver.

…triple the amount of the second-place Role Models, despite the latter receiving better reviews.

But will Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa experience a significant second-week dropoff, now that this shocking documentary* about the giraffe, one of its main characters, has come out?

*Disclaimer: The above is not in any respect an actual documentary. But Saturday Night Live often speaks the truth, no?

In the quest for better understanding between the West and the Middle East, a film like Captain Abu Raed, which shows during Filmfest DC’s “Arabian Sights” series this weekend, proves that if nothing else America doesn’t have a monopoly on feel-good fare. Amin Matalqa’s film stars Nadim Sawalha as Abu Raed, an introverted, aging man sweeping floors at the airport in Amman, Jordan. When he discovers a captain’s hat dumped in a garbage can, he soon parks it on his head and fancies himself a storyteller, charming the neighborhood kids with finely spun tales about his travels around the world. Add in Nour (Rana Sultan), an honest-to-goodness pilot who builds a platonic friendship with Abu Raed while rolling her eyes at the wealthy suitors her dad sets her up with, and there’s little to distinguish what follows from a Disney film about following your dreams, looking beyond class, etc. (The film’s international ambitions are clear; it’s Jordan’s entry for next year’s Oscars.) Though it mostly goes down smoothly—and to be fair, there are plenty of gorgeous shots of Amman’s neighborhoods and skyline—a subplot involving an abusive husband living within Abu Raed’s earshot restores some balance and realism to the proceedings. You wish Ghandi Saber had more screen time, even though his every appearance translates into more damage to his wife and kids. Matalqa and producer David Pritchard will attend the screenings.

Captain Abu Raed screens at 6 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 1, and 5 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 2, at Goethe-Institut Washington, 812 7th St. NW. $10. (202) 724-5613. See Filmfest DC’s Web site for a complete schedule of films in the series showing this weekend.

Starting Oct. 31, Landmark Theatres is bringing back Friday & Saturday Midnights at E Street Cinema, an eight-week run of classics such as Pulp Fiction and The Big Lebowski and may-still-become classics like the aforementioned Midnight Meat Train — which never got a D.C. release despite having the most kickass title of any film this year.

So Landmark gets extra props for not only offering night owls an alternative to the bar scene for the next couple of months, but also giving what’s sure to be a cheesetastic horror film its big-screen due.

Here’s the schedule. Go early and often. And for more details visit Landmark’s Web site.

The Midnight Meat Train • Oct 31 & Nov 1
Pulp Fiction • Nov 7 & 8
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas • Nov 14 & 15
American Psycho • Nov 21 & 22
Raiders of the Lost Ark • Nov 28 & 29
Ghostbusters • Dec 5 & 6
Labyrinth • Dec 12 & 13
The Big Lebowski • Dec 19 & 20

DC’s home for Freaky-ass-movie lovers (Miami Horror, Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreadful Things, The Pack), is moving back to the District after stints at the Arlington Cinema ‘N’ Drafthouse and the now-deceased Dr. Dremo’s.

Read the rest of this entry »

First there was the brouhaha over ads for Kevin Smith’s upcoming movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Which is now largely being referred to as Zack and Miri in TV spots and print ads.

(Yeah, now there’s a title that would draw me in if I knew nothing else about the film. Though it would be funny to see the reactions of more sensitive viewers who buy a ticket based on the kid-friendly trailers, which make the thing look like a Meg Ryan-worthy romantic comedy instead of, well, a Kevin Smith curse-a-thon.)

But now an entire theater chain is refusing to show the movie. Granted, it’s only Utah-based Megaplex Theatres, a company that also scoffed at the idea of Brokeback Mountain sullying its screens:

The theaters are owned by Larry Miller, who in 2006 refused to screen Brokeback Mountain in his theaters, saying that it “crossed the line.” Miller is also the owner of the Utah Jazz. In an interview with today’s (Monday) New York Post, theater manager Cal Gunderson said, “We feel it’s very close to an NC-17 with its graphic nudity and graphic sex.” When the newspaper’s “Page Six” column asked Gunderson why the theater chain had no problems booking the ultra-violent Saw V, Gunderson replied, “No comment.”

So, once again, disembowelment and rampant, sadistic murder? Fine. Boobs and hot sex, even the totally faked variety (which, come to think of it, is applicable to both examples)? That’s sick, pal.

Jack Valenti would be proud.

On a related note, actors looking to break into the jizz biz can turn to a company called iPorn, which just announced its “model search”:

iPorn Executive Producer Porno, Dan Leal, stated, “We are looking for fun, exciting models who want the opportunity to be a star and join one of the fastest growing companies in the adult industry….Not only will these contracts be some of the most lucrative contracts ever offered, they will be among the most high-profile.”

Fun, exciting, and lucrative! You’re going to make it after all, kids. You’re welcome.

indieWIRE talks to Charles Burns, director of Fear(s) of the Dark, an animated collection of creepy-crawly stories that’s your classier alternative to getting spooked at the movies this Halloween weekend if torture-porn isn’t your bag. Look for our review in the upcoming issue.

(And until then, enjoy the fact that Saw V got spanked at the box office by a bunch of singing-and-dancing teenyboppers.)

For those of you who have been wondering when the hell someone would make a rock musical about Cleopatra — and I imagine you’re legion — Steven Soderbergh has heard your cries.

The director is still looking for financing for Cleo, which will star Catherine Zeta-Jones and Hugh Jackman and feature music from Guided by Voices.

The best part? It’s going to be in 3D. I’m guessing by the time this gets off the ground, Hannah Montana fans will be old enough to appreciate a little history with their OMG-it’s-like-I’m-totally-there! music flicks.

Cool, weird, and nerdy all over:

-The new (and totally NSFW) episode of Superjail! is live at Adultswim.com, in which David Wain (of Stella) proves that it’s possible to twist The Silence of the Lambs into something funny.

-Coolest tattoo of the week is also one that’s not likely to hold its ink. (courtesy of modblog.bmezine.com).

-Sony has announced that it’s delaying the release of Little Big Planet (pictured right) in order to remove music that might be offensive to Muslims. More on LBP here. Funny LBP comic from Penny Arcade here.

-The new issue of Freak Angels, Warren Ellis’ well-told/rendered (free) Online comic book, came out today. For fans of FA and other comic books on the Web (because there is a difference between those and regular ole’ web comics), BoingBoing recommends Time Management for Anarchists (pdf).

-The DC Anime Club is screening Bleach (the movie) tonight at the Embassy of Japan. As far as anime films go, Bleach is the nexus where accessibility meets authenticity. (And it makes for great “high times” viewing). FREE. 6:30 p.m. III Lafayette Center (Mall Level), 1155 21st St NW. (202) 238-6949.

Filmfest DC’s “Arabian Sights” festival, which kicks off tonight with 33 Days, continues through the weekend at Goethe-Institut Washington and the E Street Cinema. Closing out the Sunday schedule is Slingshot Hip-Hop, a documentary about Palestinian rappers. Jackie Shalloum spends time with a host of MCs but mainly centers on DAM, a trio living and performing in the Israeli city of Lod. Their perspective on the genre is woefully out of date by American standards, which is partly a function of how hard it is to get access to the music. (One rapper describes being thrilled at finally getting hold of an Eminem cassette from Canada.) But it’s hard not to be drawn in by DAM’s connection of Tupac’s “Holla if Ya Hear Me” and the second Intafada, and the excitement of Shalloum’s film is in watching a scene build itself from the ground up. There are more than a few headaches involved on that front—power outages, absurdly long waits at checkpoints, sexism, and racism, for starters. The fellow-feeling between DAM and an upstart trio from Gaza, PR, is so strong and inspiring that you can easily ignore the pride with which one member sports his Troy Aikman jersey.

Shalloum, DAM, and female Palestinian MC Abeer will attend the screening on Sunday, Oct. 26, at 5 p.m. at E Street Cinema, 555 11th St. NW, followed by a performance by DAM at the Hard Rock Cafe, 999 E St. NW. Tickets are $15 for the film and concert, $10 for the concert only.

This weekend marks the opening of Filmfest DC’s “Arabian Sights” series, which features a raft of new films from the Middle East. The opening-night film, 33 Days, is a documentary about the violent flare-up of tensions between Israel and Lebanon in the summer of 2006, stoked by Hezbollah’s capture of two Israeli soldiers. Director Mai Masri isn’t especially interested in detailing the nuts and bolts of the politics involved, deciding instead to tell a more ground-level story about life in Beirut during the 33-day war. Three locals get special attention: Sharif Abdunnur, a theater director who’s trying to corral and engage with the many kids who’ve wound up on his doorstep after escaping the bombing; Fadia Bazzi, a journalist; and Mariam Al-Bassam, a TV news director trying to keep the station running amid constant threats that it’s a target. Much of the bombing during the 33 days occurred in Beirut’s southern suburbs, and Masri includes plenty of footage of rubble, pancaked apartment buildings, and bloodied bodies hurriedly carried away on stretchers. The emphasis, though, is on the Beirut citizens living away from the bloodshed but still angry and frustrated at how it’s reshaped their lives. After listening to the sounds of distant bombing, a woman in a Beirut square looks in the camera and asks, “What’s more terrorist than this?” Masri doesn’t engage with anybody who might answer, “Hezbollah,” but her film is a valuable portrait of life during wartime. The film shows Friday, Oct. 24, at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. at Goethe-Institut Washington, 812 7th St. NW. $10. (202) 724-5613. Masri will attend the screenings.

“Arabian Sights” runs through Nov. 2.

At first glance, the PR Newswire boast that Fireproof, an evangelical drama about a firefighter (Cameron) trying to save his marriage, banked $20 million “in less than four weeks” sounds kinda weak.

But when you take a closer look at the numbers, well, the God-fearing are turning out to be a juicy demographic. Fireproof, the third film from Georgia pastors Alex and Stephen Kendrick, currently has a per-screen average of $2800, besting big-budgeters such as Body of Lies ($2500), Eagle Eye ($2100), and even the horny-baiting Sex Drive ($1500).

Mike Seaver and Jesus — the new money shot?

…who surely told him that some faux-sulking over a Saturday Night Live skit — followed by an I-can-take-a-joke appearance — could only boost the box office of Wahlberg’s new video-game-turned-movie, Max Payne.

It worked, at least if you consider besting Beverly Hills Chihuahua and bringing in a meager $18 mil a success.

As randomly funny and dead-on as the offending sketch, Andy Samberg’s “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals,” was, it’s a little less amusing now that it’s got the stench of a PR stunt attached. Walhberg whined about being parodied, responding with the bombshell that SNL “hasn’t been funny in a long time.”

But then he showed up to confront his whore this past week, the tie-in now clear. As well as the fact that Marky Mark should probably just stick to drama:

Inspired by Josh Brolin’s upcoming turn as George W. Bush, WTOP’s Mark Segraves casts D.C.: the Movie:

Marion Barry = Don Cheadle
Tony Williams = Russell Simmons
Linda Cropp = Star Jones (”she’ll need to get that gastric bypass reversed”—ouch)
Adrian Fenty = James Blake
Charles Ramsey = Morgan Freeman + 50 pounds
Cathy Lanier = Hillary Swank
Jack Evans = James Cromwell
Eleanor Holmes Norton = Cicely Tyson
Carol Schwartz = Bea Arthur

Any other ideas, folks? I mean, you gotta fill out the council for that blockbuster ballpark negotiations scene! How bout Rob Corddry as David Catania? Austin Pendleton as Jim Graham? Anybody out there got a good choice for Phil Mendelson? Oh, and Ben Kingsley definitely needs to reprise his Gandhi turn as Nat.