photo by cliff1066/Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

The facebook group's founder – my cousin, Jamie Davis Smith – says that she's considering staging a sit-in for three year olds who don't want the petting zoo to close. Other suggestions on how to save the zoo/register displeasure about the zoo's closure are also welcome.

It may not come as a surprise that the 24-year-old District woman who allegedly stabbed 20-year-old NPR intern Annie Ropeik multiple times and for no particular reason Wednesday morning is mentally ill. Recently filed charging documents say Melodie Anne Brevard has been diagnosed as having Bipolar Type II disorder. Brevard was supposed to be on the psychotropic drug Abilify but hadn't taken it for a month, the documents say.

The description documents provide of the 9:30 a.m. attack in Chinatown is chilling: "Without any provocation, the defendant stabbed the complainant with a knife in the left collarbone, upper back, lower back, and right side. The stab wound to the complainant's right collarbone pierced through the complainant's back."

A  witness told police that after the stabbing occurred the witness yelled: "This lady just stabbed someone" and Brevard replied: " Yes, call the police."

One of the wounds damaged Ropeik's spinal cord. She is "currently paralyzed on the left side of her body below the rib cage." A statement from NPR says Ropeik is in stable condition.

Maryland court records say Brevard has been arrested before. She was arrested in Montgomery County for a second degree assault in 2007 for which she pleaded guilty. Then, in 2009, she was picked up by Prince George's cops for an alleged assault on a police officer. The charges were dismissed.

Also interesting:  Brevard appears to be an aspiring model. A profile on the site ModelMayhem.com seems to belong to the assault-with-intent-to-kill suspect.

"I am using this site for networking, exposure and modeling opportunities," the profile says.  Brevard mentions that she is open to fashion shows and print modeling. Under credits, she lists that she appeared in Jet Magazine in October 2005. The site displays a portfolio.

Brevard's aspirations would seem to be at least temporarily derailed. Things could be far worse for her, given what can happen to the District's mentally ill.

Ropeik is a junior at Boston University and is a classics and philosophy major.

Good morning, everyone. It's Tuesday! Hope your morning commute wasn't too abysmal. On a sweaty note, today's high of 97 degrees brings a 50 percent chance of thunderstorms this evening. Don't get caught in the downpour on your way to dinner—soggy food is tragic.

In case you missed it, Politico forgot Washington wasn't just the federal government (the rest of us still exist!), and "Friday Night Lights" is all up in the District's business.

So, good Metro news for once—a derailment, but no one was on board! It's comforting to know those things just fall off when they're empty. In other news, now you can stalk yourself on Metro with SmarTrip's new website. You won't be able to add money to your card though, so you'll still be chasing after the train when you find out you have to refill again. On the bright side, it'll help you answer some puzzling questions—"Did I go to work today?" "Did I make it to work last week?" (Life really is monotonous.)

In Northern Virginia, immigration authorities have arrested 30 alleged gang members and associates, reports WaPo:

The three-day operation by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents targeted members and associates such Latino gangs as MS-13, Mexican Pride and Southside Locos, the immigration agency said in a statement. Twenty-nine of those arrested are men and one is a women. One is a U.S. citizen and the others are from El Salvador, Guatemala and Mexico.

You'd think that would make the streets a bit safer, all those alleged gang members locked up, but a man was stabbed during a carjacking in Logan Circle, and a woman was found dead in Brightwood Park yesterday morning. The skies aren't doing much better—the National Transportation Safety Board is looking into several near-collisions in Washington skies this year.

But there's still some good in this city. When a homeless man disappeared after promising a new basketball league and  collecting over $1,000 from local teenagers, Post readers are stepping in to help.

That's all for this morning!

Photo by brownpau. Creative Commons Attribution License.

At the southwest corner of 18th and Columbia, our home turf! Way to stay classy, Washington Examiner.

Footage of the incident, released yesterday by McKenna's attorney, has now found its way onto YouTube, along with additional footage showing more revelery turned to chaos that night:

City Desk talked to 11-year old church member Noah Phelps-Roper about gay marriage, what he does when he's not protesting, and how his classmates react to his hateful hobby.

Related: “We’re Just, Like, in Love”: Newlyweds and Protesters at Superior Court

Here's the thing with automatic transmission in America: People get lulled into the notion that driving all cars is pretty much the same. Here's the other thing: In the snow, that notion flies out the window. Cars that have a lot of power and—hey!—ballast shouldn't be the ones fishtailing in and out of snowbanks. This weekend, you saw vehicles with epithets like Highlander, Tundra, Expedition, All-Powerful Yeti, and so on, skidding pell-mell into street signs, other cars, leering snowmen, &c. Which can be funny, but would definitely make for a lame Chevy commercial.

It's amazing what you can do with a manual transmission and a bare minimum of common sense. I don't expect these addled SUV pilots to read a word of what follows, but here's hoping:

1. Wipe that sheet of ice off the top of your car. Yes, this weekend's precip. was wet and unlikely to ice into something that can decapitate a sedan. But it's goddamn irresponsible to drive around with upwards of three feet of snow & ice piled atop your great hulking vehicle. It's bad for visibility, and—in the event that your snail-like reflexes allow for fast braking—it can seriously fuck the windshield of whoever's behind you. Ask anyone from north of Delaware; after cursing you and all your living relatives, they will say yes, you should indeed clean that shit off your car.

2. "Can You Rock?" This was the question posed to me by an emo friend as we maneuvered my old Subaru into a trenchlike parking space. At first, I took this as a simple expression of encouragement—he's trying to amp me up! And yes, I can rock! Then, his meaning became clear: I was to employ the classic two-rev-forward, two-rev-back technique suitable to all snow- (or, for that matter, mud)-drenched conditions. And, with the exception of a sleek late-model Toyota sedan at the corner of 8th and Allison NW, I witnessed few other drivers this weekend who could, properly speaking, rock.

3. Just 'cuz it's snowing, a yellow light doesn't automatically become a red light. Yes, I know there's 4-6 inches of indifferent slush caking Georgia Avenue. But you're also driving a Four-Runner. And if Sam Neill could outrun a T-Rex in that thing, then you can damn well make a left turn in all of 12 seconds.

4. Use all that weight! If you're driving a tank-like SUV, you've got mass on your side. Use it! Plunge with confidence into the two-foot plowlines blocking the traffic circle; steer flintily, and—should you start to fishtail—in the direction of the skid. Also, accelerate!

5. Push. Sorry dude, gunning the accelerator is just gonna flood your engine and dig you deeper into that uphill morass.

I wonder at times like these if SUV drivers in relatively snow-free parts of the country experience buyer's remorse during record-setting blizzards. You look silly driving a Hummer in D.C. in July; but you look a hell of a lot sillier driving the same car, badly, in 30 inches of snow. Would a little 1973 Citroën fare at least as bad? Yes. Yes it would. But the Citroën driver would have an excuse. And it would make an awesome Mr. Bean video.

Photograph by Darrow Montgomery

If you haven't begun to panic, it is too late. True panic must begin early. Otherwise, it is not true panic. And it doesn't help.

Anyway, listen up, City Desk!

The good folks over at the National Weather Service are also panicked: They have issued a winter storm warning from midnight tonight through 6 a.m. Sunday morning.

*PRECIP TYPE... SNOW
*ACCUMULATIONS... HEAVY SNOW WITH ACCUMULATIONS OF 5
TO 10 INCHES THROUGH SUNSET SATURDAY. LOCALLY HIGHER
AMOUNTS POSSIBLE... MAINLY IN OR NEAR SOUTHERN
MARYLAND. ADDITIONAL ACCUMULATIONS EXPECTED SATURDAY
NIGHT.
*TIMING... SNOW WILL BEGIN LATE FRIDAY NIGHT AND WILL
CONTINUE THROUGH SUNDAY MORNING.
*TEMPERATURES... UPPER 20S TO LOWER 30S THROUGH THE
BALTIMORE-WASHINGTON METROPOLITAN AREA. MID TO
UPPER 20S ACROSS WESTERN MARYLAND.
*WINDS... 10 TO 20 MPH THROUGH THE EVENT... WITH
GUSTS OF 25 TO 30 MPH SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.

A winter storm warning, by the way,

MEANS SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF SNOW... SLEET...
AND ICE ARE EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. STRONG WINDS ARE
ALSO POSSIBLE. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY HAZARDOUS
OR IMPOSSIBLE.

I mean, how is everyone supposed to get to the mall this weekend?

To divert you for a moment from your true panic, or your delayed onset panic over having not started to panic early enough, I offer a few fun snow facts, brought to you care of Richard J. Wild, a British meteorologist who is really, really into snow. On his Web site, he answers questions like how big can snowflakes get (up to 5 cm in diameter; Brits use the metric system, remember? since I am American, I have no idea how big this is), why is snow white (because its color is related "to its opaqueness, its transparency and its ability to reflect sunlight"), and why people build snowmen (in days of yore: to ward off evil spirits; now: for fun!).

If you would like to know more, you can download Wild's Ph.D thesis (£9.95; since I am American, I have no idea how much this is).

But back to the panic: How much toilet paper is enough for the type of storm predicted by the National Weather Service for this weekend?

Surely someone has come up with some kind of algorithm to determine how much is enough. (If you are my father, no amount of toilet paper is ever enough.) I asked my husband this morning, and he said the rule is one role per person per inch of snow. So, in our household, assuming we get the full 10 inches (one must prepare for the worst but hope for the best), that means we would need 20 rolls. I just counted, and we have only 11. And two of them are not even full!

I wonder how much they have over at the National Weather Service.

Now go count your toilet paper! Panic! And follow me on Twitter!

The District of Columbia is about a month away from having to pay five cents a pop for its plastic bags, and some details are yet to be worked out.

Such as: What about the self-checkout facilities increasingly populating city supermarkets—how are they going to work with the bag fee? After all, there's no human to control the bagging process there. Who's to stop some earth-hating customer from triple bagging his junk and absconding with 45 cents worth of free polyethylene?

Human oversight? Defeats the point of self-checkout. Honor system? Would certainly be dishonored. Complicated technological contraption? That would be complicated.

City Desk phoned the two largest operators of self-checkout facilities in the District—Safeway and Giant. Neither, according to their respective spokespersons, have yet figured out how to implement the bag fee at self-checkouts.

Safeway spokesperson Craig Muckle describes a behind-the-scenes Manhattan Project-like effort at his employer. Corporate executives have had several meetings on the matter, he says, and are close to working out a solution.

Though Muckle says he's been in on the talks, he declines any of the possibilities in detail—though he does mention that a solution icould pontentially involve human employees who are currently tasked with overseeing the self-checkout stands at Safeway stores.

Same goes for Giant. That dominant local grocer is also undecided on a solution to the self-checkout quandary, spokesperson Kim Brown says: "We are working on a couple of different options, but we'll definitely have a system in place."

Brown, too, declines to details what those options might be. But she gives some parameters: "We're hoping that it's going to be simple for customers to use and easy for us to track."

Read: They have no idea! PANIC!

Incidentally, the Taliban are also disappointed in the Norwegians:

"We have seen no change in his strategy for peace. He has done nothing for peace in Afghanistan," Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid told AFP....

"When Obama was elected president, we were hopeful he would keep his promise to bring change. But he brought no change, he has continued the same old strategy as (President George W.) Bush.

I don't mean to further offend the sycophants on the prize committee, but I have to say, the Taliban kinda sorta have a stake in this. Granted, they are shitty and stupid and regressive. But they're also getting bombed and shot by USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

In reporting out our story on Sharon Bowen, a woman linked professionally and personally to Ward 8 Councilmember Marion Barry, it was difficult to figure out what she exactly did for the residents of the District.

Between spring 2007 and spring 2008, Barry had awarded her $50,000 in taxpayer-funded contracts. From our sources, we kept hearing two things: Bowen was a "class act" and Barry's girlfriend. None of our sources could talk with deep knowledge about her actual work. All city records have to show for it are invoices written by Bowen and the Barry-approved personal services contracts.

We are just supposed to know that Bowen worked in the areas of poverty reduction (specifically on organizing a Poverty Summit), working with the Ward 8 Business Council, and to "ensure that the vision of Councilmember Marion Barry is fulfilled."  Does this seem like $50,000 worth of work?

When asked about Bowen's work, Ward 8 Business Council Executive Director James Bunn admitted it wasn't rocket science. He said Bowen essentially went door-to-door to identify Ward 8 businesses. If she made a report on her findings, he didn't see one.

It all feels like work you give an intern. Or something Barry should have delegated to his constituent services office or an elected ANC commissioner or a staffer at the Ward 8 Business Council. This does not feel like $50,000 work you give to a woman who votes in Ohio.

At the time of Bowen's work, poverty in the District was a very real problem, one that hadn't changed since the last recession. According to the DC Fiscal Policy Institute, the gap between high-wage and low-wage workers had reached an all-time high in 2007 and poverty levels were at their highest in more than a decade.

Especially satisfying after so much failed quirkiness this year:

Their particular form of protest comes from poking fun at serious issues such as world trade rules, corporate greed and the human role in global warming. And, they are so good at it that the suits usually don’t know the joke is on them until it’s way beyond face-saving time.

They’ve pinioned officials at the World Trade Organization, FEMA and Halliburton. In my book, I included their 2007 antics at a Canadian oil convention. Impersonating executives from ExxonMobil and the National Petroleum Council, The Men had a roomful of industry types on their feet and solemnly lighting candles made from what they claimed to be the next big renewable energy source: Vivoleum, a “fossil fuel” supposedly made from the human flesh of people killed in hurricanes, floods and other global warming-related disasters.

Given what's on TV this time of year, there are many worse ways to spend a Monday night. But even before seeing it, I have a complaint for the filmmakers: the title. The Yes Men certainly make it more fun to fret about corporate corruption and lack of political will, but change the world? At best, they call attention to its many dysfunctions.