Capitol News Connection is looking for people to call in to their taped interview with VA Senator Jim Webb. Webb is taking calls on the topic of National Security and Economic Security today at 2:30 PM. What are the big issues the next President and the next Congress will face? What do you want to know? The show will be taped and broadcast on public radio in a few days. Email tsnyder@cncnews.org if you'd like to participate.

But it's not their fault.

Bike DC coordinator Sheba Farrin asked ANC 6A tonight for their approval of the East Capitol Street section of the tour route. The commissioners were angry at the short notice about a plan that would cut the city in half for several hours, effectively trapping some people in their homes for an entire Saturday morning.

But a representative of the Mayor's Special Events Task Force had ordered Bike DC not to approach the ANCs until the route was finalized. They started working with Special Events on the route in January. It was finalized in July. The ANCs don't meet in August.

ANC 6A voted 3-2 not to approve the route, falling all over themselves to affirm their support for biking and community events, but they just couldn't put their stamp of approval on such bad procedure.

WABA had some supernaturally bad luck with Bike DC for a few years (with cancellations due to terrorist attacks and hurricanes) and they let it go. There was no Bike DC for a few years. But now the car-free ride is back, due to the sheer will of its committed coordinators and the money of a private investor who does the same thing for Portland, Oregon. (He's counting on 10,000 riders and praying for good weather and no whammies September 27.)

Heads up to new Washington residents and summer interns: you got here just in time for DC's coolest and free-est event: five consecutive Mondays of outdoor movies on the National Mall. Everyone who's anyone will be there.

Tonight’s Screen on the Green flick: Dr. No, a Bond movie that involves fire-breathing dragons and a woman named Honey Ryder, who is always referred to as "the beautiful Honey Ryder."

A few SOTG tips from a veteran:

1) The movie starts at sundown but you want to get there a good two hours early to stake out a good spot big enough for all your homies and lay out a good picnic spread. (Note: the screen is set up at 4th Street NW, facing the monument, so plan your spot accordingly.)

2) Your back will hurt if you don’t have a chair but everyone behind you will hate you if you do have a chair. I recommend the Crazy Creek padded seats that don't have legs, although after two hours in one you'll probably lose all circulation in your legs.

3) Oh and about that picnic: nobody cares if you bring alcohol.

Enjoy! And even if you miss tonight, I expect to see each and every one of you out there for Superman on August 11!

It's kind of nice to know we're worth that much, at least. But according to the AP, it's apparently a million clams less than we used to be worth.

The Environmental Protection Agency uses this figure as part of their cost-benefit analyses, trying to determine whether life-saving environmental measures are, you know, worth it.

Our lives used to be worth $7.8 million to the EPA, so one would assume that they worked a little harder to protect them. But they just lost about 12% of their incentive to save our asses. Some number cruncher just made it statistically cheaper for the government to toxify the planet.

The devaluation of our lives has happened gradually over the past five years (and to be honest, we could sort of tell, right?)

If it makes you feel any better, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-Ca.), head of the Environment and Public Works Committee, says she'll introduce legislation to raise our value again.

Question: when it’s 90 degrees outside does it really need to be below freezing in your office? What’s the logic behind Arctic indoor temperatures in the middle of July?

I blame men’s workplace fashion. If offices would stop forcing men to wear jackets and ties maybe they wouldn’t need the air conditioning up so high. Call me second wave, but I’ve got to assume that men are still setting the standards for indoor climate control.

Note that the U.S. Capitol is the worst A/C freak in D.C. They can kill the global warming legislation if they want; they should just turn up the indoor temperature a little bit for some green brownie points. A Capitol maintenance guy told one Capitol Hill reporter (who keeps a space heater in her office even in July) that the lawmakers would complain that it was too warm and so he sets it as low as it will go – 58 degrees.

I've still got my gay pride beads on from today's rain-soaked parade. But here's a question for the rest of the folks who lined 17th and P streets today: is it just me, or has Capitol Pride gone a little corporate?

The parade started with the Chief of Police and the Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit, followed by Mayor Adrian Fenty, Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton and a smattering of Councilmembers. But then it seemed like one business after another.

Citibank, Verizon, Bloom Grocery Stores all participated in the parade. Southwest Airlines had one of the coolest and biggest floats all day (they even gave out inflatable airplane toys). You should have seen the woman on the Maid to Clean float gyrate.

The D.C. Cowboys were great, and PFLAG's "I Love My Gay Son" signs always make me a little teary. And far be it from me to judge how a marginalized community celebrates itself. But it made me a little sad that the guys in leather were so far behind SunTrust Bank's ATM puppet.

I don't hang out at the International Monetary Fund a whole lot, but I was there recently for a meeting, and boy, was I in for a treat in their women's room: free feminine hygiene products! It's big enough news when those little machines even function, but this one gives it out without even taking your money. I have to admit I took more than I needed. In fact, I have to admit I didn't need any.

Is this how they make up for structural adjustment? I'll take it!

Bicycling Magazine named D.C. it’s #1 Most Improved City for biking! Meaning, look how bad we used to suck and how hard we’re trying!

Their profile on D.C., coming out in their June issue, focuses on bells and whistles like the SmartBike program, sort of a Zipcar for bicycles. SmartBike is due to launch this month, with 10 stations and 120 bikes you can rent with a swipecard and return to any other station. It’s kind of cool, though I’m a little hard-pressed to think who needs it. Locals who want to bike probably have a bike already, and tourists wouldn’t pay the $40 annual membership fee if they’re visiting for a weekend.

Yes, bike valet parking at the stadium rocks. And yes, the new Bike Station they’re putting in at Union Station will rock. Now let’s just get back on track for building bike lanes (even Bicycling Magazine had to acknowledge that we’re just over halfway to where we should be with striped lanes at this point) and maybe next time around we’ll be #1 Most Awesome Bikey City Ever. Go, D.C., go!

Learn-a-palooza is coming! If you missed its maiden voyage last year, you can check it out Saturday, May 10. It’s a daylong Everything for Dummies workshop fair, where you can learn or teach just about anything. Here are my top five offerings this year:

1. How to Find Gay Men in the City: A Fag Hag's Guide to DC (5 p.m., Potter’s House, 1658 Columbia Rd. NW)

2. How to Teach Philosophy to 1st - 3rd Grade Students (4 p.m., Potter’s House)

3. How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket (1 p.m., Affinity Lab, 2451 18th St. NW 2nd Floor)

4. Driving on Waste Veggie Oil (12 p.m., Hoopla DC, 2314 18^th Street NW)

5. Stretching Your Own Canvas (3:30 p.m., D.C. Arts Center, 2438 18^th St. NW)

There are also lots of workshops on eco-living and financial management. Notably absent from the current list are yoga and bike maintenance workshops, which were all but promised in the propaganda and kind of seem like a no-brainer for this kind of DIY anarchist up-with-community blowout. Ten to one they appear on the list before the big day.

There will, however, be workshops for the hipster-challenged on “How to Dance at a Party” and “How to Build a Facebook Application.”

You can sign up on their website to teach a workshop on anything you want. No, really: anything.

Today, Don Juan’s restaurant in Mount Pleasant will make its case before the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board that it deserves to have live music and dancing reinstated, just as Don Jaime’s and Haydee’s did last week.

Don Juan’s is a different animal than the other two, and so its case will be harder to make. Over the years it has gained notoriety as a haven for drunk Latino men, getting drunker by the hour.

But Don Juan’s owner, Alberto Ferrufino, has taken extraordinary steps over the last year to change his restaurant’s image. Working with Hear Mount Pleasant, the neighborhood group working to overturn the live music ban, Ferrufino has spent thousands of dollars to install double-paned windows, a new roof, and soundproof insulation. After firing three DJs for refusing to turn the music down, he eliminated the problem by getting a new jukebox with smaller speakers and putting a limiter on it so it can’t get too loud.

The ABC Board requires yearly trainings for bar managers in responsible alcohol management, but for the last decade Don Juan’s has been sending its entire staff to the trainings. And recently, they’ve contracted with a well-known consultant from the Responsible Hospitality Institute to provide much more intensive training on responsible alcohol service and security.

Several neighbors have been making a concerted effort to bring families with children to Don Juan’s on a regular basis, trying to change the all-male composition of its clientele to be more family-friendly. After all, with the wave of gentrification in Mount Pleasant and the recent fire which effectively evicted 200 Latino residents from the neighborhood, Don Juan’s needs to expand its client base in order to survive.

I live directly behind Don Juan’s, and while I’m a big fan of their tamales, I usually get them to go because I don’t like being the only woman in there. I also didn’t like having a drunk guy pass out on my feet on a Sunday afternoon in there a few years ago. But I’ve got to hand it to Don Juan’s for cleaning up its act and making an effort to engage the community. I’ve been a supporter of Hear Mount Pleasant since their inception – I’ve even got their silk-screened “Bring Back Live Music” sign in front of my house – and I think they’ve done a great job listening to the community’s concerns and working with Don Juan’s to address them.

And as for live music, as far as I can tell men don’t like to dance alone, so more music will mean more women, and that can only be good for the place. We’ll see if the ABC Board agrees.

I don’t need to tell you how important your Google is. What comes up in a .18 second search lists, in descending order of relevance, the items that make up your worth as a person and can be seen by anyone who is considering dating you, hiring you, or nominating you for a Nobel prize.

If you Google me, you will read about the home I’m selling for $5.35 million. You will see pictures of me from gala benefit events. You will find out about the nanny scandal (oh heavens me) which ended up costing me $45,000 in back wages I should have paid her in the first place. You can count my donations to Republicans – $70,000 since 2003. Oh, and I went to TomKat’s wedding.

Oh shit. That’s not me. That’s the other Tanya Snyder, wife of Redskins owner Dan Snyder. As much as I object to the Redskins’ name on the grounds that it is offensive to Native peoples, I object even more to the team’s owner’s wife’s name on the grounds that it is mine. And she’s ruining my Google.

The first direct hit for this Tanya Snyder occurs nine listings down, an article I wrote about militarization in El Salvador. And to find the second one you have to go to the next page of search results. Who ever goes to the next page of search results?

Last night, local cover band Northeast Corridor rocked it for Barack Obama, featuring special appearances by about fifty wannabe rockers. Northeast Corridor (formerly known as Lobster Hamster Hipster, and before that known as 3516: The Band) lost their lead singer, Jason Levitis, to a singing injury a couple years ago, when he broke his voice singing Billie Jean. To handle the crisis, they started inviting audience members up to lead them, karaoke-style. Only except for a bouncing ball, you’ve got a six-piece rock band behind you.

Northeast Corridor has developed a cult-like following of people who like the taste of stardom but don’t want to invest in the diets and the drugs. They play songs we all know all the words to (yes, Eye of the Tiger, yes, Like a Prayer, yes, Smells Like Teen Spirit) (OK, no one really knows the words to Smells Like Teen Spirit, but they do have the lyrics available for singers.) They’ve been playing mostly house parties and weddings, but they played “out” last night at Solly’s on U Street for their cause: Karaoke We Can Believe In.

The band members are unanimous in their support for the Barack-star. Audience members donated $20 each for the campaign. Levitis (who stays on as the band’s manager and to do the rap part on Groove is in the Heart) called Obama the “karaoke candidate” who "lifts up the people’s voices." And check out this extended metaphor:

The power elite is saying, "This guy can't rock hard enough. He's a one-hit wonder. He's gonna sell out and sing orange juice jingles. He should give up and make a duets album with Hillary Clinton." But he keeps on climbing the pop charts of the public opinion polls. He fills stadiums with screaming fans. And his fundraising appeals keep going platinum.

We’re still waiting for the chance to have as much fun rocking out with D.C.’s Hillary fans.

Northeast Corridor doesn’t have a website but their next Obama fundraiser karaoke show is Wednesday, May 21 at the Wonderland Bar & Grill.

Photo by Lisa Schectman.

Cherry blossom tourists and kite-flyers had a chance to get star-struck over a total nobody last weekend. Some guy you don’t know organized an “Improv Everywhere” event in which another guy you don’t know acted like a celebrity, and some 40 other people acted like paparazzi, bodyguards, photographers, and adoring fans; and in the end, all the randoms on the National Mall were following him around and taking pictures with their cell phone cameras. His fake girlfriend even got fake-mad when a fake-fan demanded that he sign her (real) boob.

The supposed singer of the supposed hit song “Trapped in My Heart” attracted dozens of hangers-on and fans-for-a day but failed at his ultimate mission of being allowed to go to the top of the Washington Monument without a ticket. Apparently the security guard nearly came to blows with the tour guide in the Abraham Lincoln costume over it. (You can always count on Honest Abe to reassure us that we’re all still created equal, and we all need a ticket to get to the top of the Monument.)

Together with the Freeze Action that happened in Union Station a couple weeks ago, this is almost enough to convince you that Washington is becoming absurdist-artsy-hip like we always dream it will.

Photo by Bruce Witzenburg.