Author Archive for Hannah Neprash

District Limerick: The Amateur Dentistry Edition

Some space in your basement downstairs?
Then quick get a drill and some chairs
No dental degree?
It's easy; you'll see!
Diplomas are surely for squares
But watch that no teeth get infected
'Cause that's how these frauds were detected
The care was regrettable
Though it's what's gettable
Cheap, but it must be corrected

The Friday Limerick Review

Goodbye to the talk of wrong-doing
In home repair; donor-pursuing
Gray's name had been smeared
But now he is cleared
'Bout time; he's got votes to be wooing
There's nothing quite like a spring breeze
Though why does it smell like disease?!
As ginkgoes unfurl
The trees smell like hurl
So spray and spray soon, pretty please?
Some folks find the contract delighting
(That 20 percent [...]

District Limerick: O.J.’s Suit Finds a Home (Phew!)

Smithsonian turned it away
But other folks wanted to play
Newseum prevailed
And then they unveiled
Their plans for the suit's own display
A 20 will soon let you scope
The suit! (Is it olive or taupe?)
That's all good and well
But dammit-to-hell
I'd rather see pants from this dope

The Friday Limerick Review

The District is hard up for Gs
And fixing that won't be a breeze
That time you drove fast?
The bus that you passed?
Get ready to pay more in fees
The budget, so often long-winded
And partly it's thanks to what Jim did
At first, it hurt tenants
But F. paid his penance:
The draft was quite quickly rescinded
Tuition growth soon will be [...]

District Limerick: And Then There Were Two

It's high time that somebody pounced
And Vincent has all but announced
So long on the fence (oh hey, speaking of...)
The man got some sense (still needs more cents though)
And now let's just see who gets trounced
From nothing, it seems there are two
As Don joins the hullabaloo
Right 'fore his vacation
The man's inclination?
Towards joining the mayoral queue

The Friday Limerick Review

Gay marriage: Repubs want to scratch it
Amendment: They tried to attach it
The "big fucking deal"
Rejected their zeal
Since Dems had the votes to dispatch it
I'm hearing the soundbite already
Enrollment in schools is quite steady
The first time in years
They've calmed parents' fears
(Or private school fees are too heady?)
Some places can now safely boast
That citizens like them the [...]

District Limerick: Idle Threats Edition

Annoyances. They're all-consuming
As peak tourist season is looming
With weather so warm
Midwesterners swarm
To see all those cherries a-blooming
I used to be part of that blight
T'was slow-moving, nice, and polite
Of that, I'm bereft
If you stand on the left
Prepare for a tickling fight

The Friday Limerick Review

Behold the new club on the block
For nights when it's dancing o'clock
I hear that the bass
Now that is some serious rock
'bout Rhee there is always some scowling
And Hardy has many folks howling
Now Council proceedings
Take cues from kids' readings
With villainous jabs based on Rowling
Some sunshine, both real and instructive
We citizens find quite [...]

District Limerick: Oh, Hey, Look What Day It Is!

To honor that Emerald Isle
Try kickin' it – limerick style
You say it's too risky?
Drink more of that whiskey
And talk to that lass with the smile
Some limericks really are lewd
With jokes 'bout your mom (in the nude!)
G. Shaw cast aspersions
On sanitized versions
He thought they were crap if not crude
These rhymes are quite Irish, don't fear
But credit [...]

The Friday Limerick Review

An end to that timeless charade?
(Where Fenty's a jerk through his aide)
Did all of that dough
Make Fenty bestow
The tickets 'fore game one is played?
This week was a sign of our times
And needs something more than mere rhymes
So check out these shots
Of folks tying knots
Imagine those wedding bell chimes...
If I played it cool, I'd be lying
I'm [...]

District Limerick: The Water Quality Edition

The snowstorm that hit our fair polity
Made rivers abysmal in quality
The clean-up's expense
Makes each bag's four cents
Seem vital, and not a frivolity
Now maybe this makes me a weenie
But dammit, my shower's chlorine-y
I won't get morose
'Cause water tastes gross
Instead, I'll just make a martini

The Friday Limerick Review

I'm sure that it stings and it hurts
But those are the man's just deserts
Now censured and stripped
Political crypt
Or time for the guy to chase skirts?
And as for dessert with two S's
Free cupcakes for those who said yeses
Congressional stalling
(While mostly appalling)
Has rarely produced such successes!
Smithsonian folks, so astute
Said thanks-but-no-thanks on the suit
The press release brevity
Made for [...]

District Limerick: It’s (Almost) Gay Marriage Day!

Tomorrow: a righting of wrong
(Despite this attempt to prolong)
Three days 'til your vow
But licenses now!
The court is expecting a throng
For all of you folks getting hitched
Your tents, are they already pitched?
Room 4-4-8-5
Will soon come alive
When laws in the District are switched

The Friday Limerick Review

The man with an arm like a hammer
Whose back taxes caused quite the clamor
The infamous Cho
Does not have to go
Spend 40 long years in the slammer
D.C. has a new place to eat
(Its transport was quite the mean feat)
You know what'd be hot?
Some food from this 'bot
To make morning breakfast complete
Gee, what was this statement from [...]

District Limerick: Ultimatum Tuesday

The transit board launches its hearing
'Bout negligence and engineering
If that doesn't chasten
And cause change to hasten
There's talk of the feds interfering
Dodd, Shelby, Menendez, and Vitter
Say fix it or get off the shitter
Would oversight fetter
Or make it all better
And who is replacing the quitter?