If Valentines Day seems a stretch
Then this day will sure make you kvetch
At work, there's this mutt
And you're like, um, what?
It's cool; grab a ball and play fetch
With arguments reaching a close
Defendants heard all of their woes
They lied and they tampered
And justice was hampered
Why weren't they more helpful? Who knows.
The Capitol dome gets new paint
Bright [...]

The store that has long been awaited
'Twas also quite hotly debated
Your laptop is busted?
A genius, if trusted
Will fix up the mess you created
Hizzoner had property stolen
(Two bikes left for rough terrain rollin')
It's now a charade
Because he delayed
And 'cause he's a little controllin'
From slicing and dicing to searing
This Wednesday saw Top Chef premiering
With Padma, soon Nancy
And [...]

This Friday, a welcome distraction
And proof that the sport has gained traction:
The all-out bonanza
doth merit a stanza
The World Cup swings into action!
And speaking of sports-laden dross
I s'pose that young Stephen can toss
They call him The Savior
Because his behavior
Brings Pirates to ruinous loss
Not everyone had a great week
Dear Helen, oh why did you speak?
She used to [...]

As proof that the Post can be stuffy
They're turning DeBonis less scruffy
Goodbye Sally Quinn
And hello, Mike's chin!
His hair and her column…both fluffy
Why stop, here's another cheap shot:
So how 'bout those numbers Vince got?!
The data provided
Counts just folks "decided"
And what does that mean? Not a lot
This race needs a little more heat
But now it at least [...]

When street cars were given short shrift
Some folks on the Council got miffed
DC can afford it
So Vincent restored it
The whole thing was silly, but swift
But speaking of Councilman Gray
It's final; his fence cannot stay
At 5'7" high
It's taller than I
And slightly less tasteful, I'd say
The language's moment was fleeting
And all that I know is a [...]

No secret, they target elites
With tasty (and overpriced) eats
The yuppies will revel
They've reached a new level:
A station for only smoked meats
The soda tax met its demise
For reasons that most can surmise
M. Cheh could have  scored
With Freeman on board
But not with those industry cries
Oh whoopsy, the CDC said
There's news that we shouldn't have spread
We told you [...]

If you are a train-loving geek
The groundbreaking news of the week
On top of the hike
The prices will spike
At times they call "peak-of-the-peak"
Hey kids! Mary Cheh is so clever!
(And Peeps are a worthy endeavor)
Her prank was delayed
For Vincent's parade
It's awkward, but late sure beats never
The nice folks at Big Bear want booze
A quest they could possibly [...]

Dear drivers, this rhyme is your warning
Don't waste your time angrily horn-ing
What sounds like a hoedown
Shan't end in a mow-down
Tomorrow at ten in the morning
The latest of schemes from Gabe Klein
Endeavors a safe redesign
While drivers' thumbs twiddle
You cross in the middle
Diagonally? Yeah, that's fine (!!)

The Andean cubs have been seen
With mama bear (named Billie Jean)
The way that they tumbled
M.J. would be humbled
On dance floors, the bear is a queen
The lib ain't intended to last
Perhaps it's a little half-assed
A driver, quite drunk
Took out a big chunk
And shut it all down (that was fast)
This lim'rick is, um, quite hard-hitting
But HushGalleria is [...]

Those steps, just a mere forty four
Ascend to the giant bronze door
But as of today
The Justices say
Ya can't go that way anymore
Some say it's what safety requires
A view that is surely not Breyer's
As laid out by Cass
It lets us all pass
Equality's what it inspires

In hockey, this week was the worst
The Caps seem to really be cursed
Game 7: they choked
Got totally smoked
An outcome in which they're well-versed
Farewell to the late Dorothy Height
(Whose hats could both awe and delight)
The eulogy, tender
Showed speech-giving splendor
From start to the final sound bite
The teachers continue to wonder
If talks are just doomed to go under
Since [...]

Mad props go to Mr. Fred Smoot
Who's found such a worthy pursuit
It's true; we were cravin'
This breakfasty haven
As always, the man's quite astute
The Florida Grill has sufficed
but spuds must be smothered or diced
Nothing else mattered
If taters weren't scattered
so let's hope the House is enticed

You just killed your sixth PBR
And surely you can't drive a car
A bike's your resort?
Heck no, says the Court
You might as well sleep at the bar
The Council made up for lost time
By voting that weed ain't a crime
Get in on the icky
By being a sickie
(No love for you folks in your prime)
And speaking of lives [...]

McDonnell says really, they should
Stop paying for dudes to get wood
The cash he's recouping
While guys are left drooping
Could do the state budget some good
A fix that Tim Kaine pioneered
His budget saw ED drugs cleared
Performance enhancer?
Just wasn't the answer
Viagra somehow reappeared...

For once, city workers can smirk
Today, they alone don't have work
With boozing extended
Life's even more splendid!
There's one word for them and it's: jerk.
Once freed from their desk or a meeting
Perhaps D.C. lackeys are tweeting
Now saved for posterity
All your hilarity
Twitter. No longer so fleeting…
The Summit is now in the past
Commutes are no longer harassed
One lesson to [...]