Dan Snyder’s nauseous theme park chain, Six Flags, got lots of recognition this week.

Foremostly, in our continuing quest to become the clearinghouse of poop on Snyder’s non-Redskins doings, here comes another cataloguing of things that have gone wrong at Six Flags of late.

Not EVERYTHING that’s gone wrong, of course. There’s not enough time or trees to get all that in print.

But we weren’t the only ones pounding on Snyder’s parks. The stock touting website Motley Fool has just named Six Flags a recipient of its Olbermannesque honor, “The Worst Stocks in the World.”

And if Snyder’s losing the Motley Fool, well, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. A regular contributor there named Rick Munarriz has been pumping up SIX since Snyder took over in late 2005.

To a business doofus such as myself, Munarriz’s continued shilling seemed bizarre and even immoral, since the share price keeps falling and can’t get up.

I once contacted Munarriz, who did not write the Worst Stocks in the World piece, and asked him why his pieces on SIX were so full of, well, bullishness.

He responded that he didn’t like me calling him a “stock tout,” and declined to explain the cheerleading.

Keep the dial right here for all the breaking news in Snyder’s Six Flags soap opera.

Both people who read my column from last week asked the same question afterwards:

Why would the city’s new tennis team build a stadium when DC already has a fabulous, huge facility designed just for that purpose at Carter Barron?

Well, here’s why.

To quote my hero, Bob Mould: Makes no sense at all…

In yesterday’s editorial praising the work of the Survivors Fund, a group built around the 9/11 attack on the Pentagon, the paper let slip that the charity has been on the job “for more than seven years.”

More than seven years? Hmmm…So, “Loose Change” had it nailed all along?*

*Yes, this would fit better alongside the ravings of other nitpicky bored loonies in the Free for All column of Saturday’s Post…

Alas, Dan Snyder’s movie moguling won’t lead him to abandon DC and the Redskins anytime soon. The release of “Valkyrie,” the Hitler movie Snyder executive produced with Tom Cruise, has been delayed for a second time, and won’t be screened commercially until next year.

If ever, that is.

Apparently those who’ve seen the rough cuts have been left wanting to jump off buildings, not on couches. Could Snyder be knock, knock, knockin’ on “Heaven’s Gate?”

…you’re havin’ a bad week:

NY congressman admits affair, out-of-wedlock child
USA Today - 1 hour ago
WASHINGTON (AP) - Rep. Vito Fossella of New York acknowledged on Thursday that he fathered a child from an extramarital affair, answering questions that arose from his arrest on drunken driving charges last week.

Last night on WUSA’s 11 o’clock news, Brett Haber ended his sports report by showing portions of a cutesy commercial designed to prevent anabolic steroid use.

The animated clip began with several sports balls sort of hanging out together in a locker room. One by one, the balls deflate, as a narrator goes over the alleged harmful side-effects of steroid abuse (”damage kidneys, destroy the liver - even cause heart attacks and strokes”).

The money shot comes with the biggest orb in the bunch, the basketball, shriveling into a small pea just as the narrator says , “Not to mention something else they can do to a guy’s body.”

Get it, kids? STEROIDS WILL SHRIVEL YOUR BALLS!

Turns out the clip is called “Shrinking,” and was a public service announcement produced in early 2006 by the Partnership for a Drug Free America, a governmental body, with support from Major League Baseball.

The same message, of course, is implied — with much greater impact, I must say — by Dead Balls Era™. That’s the slogan I and I alone feel is the best name for the homerific and drug-addled period that baseball is now allegedly crawling out from.

My three-plus-years crusade to get Dead Balls Era™ accepted by the cultural mainstream, or anybody else, has been a failure.

I just Googled “Dead Balls Era™”: Five hits.

That’s less than “Dead Balls Era™” got five months ago, when I last wrote about how few Google hits “Dead Balls Era™ was getting..

I’m not givin’ up.

So it was indeed an earthquake that I lived through yesterday afternoon. According to the Washington Post, Annandale, the epicenter, “yawned” through the quake.

I can only speak for one block of Falls Church, where I was when the boom-shaka-laka hit. There was “Twilight Zone”-like weirdness when I went outside and saw other folks standing in their yards with “What do we do now?” looks, and dogs barked all over. I wasn’t yawning. Nobody was yawning.

‘Course, my neighborhood has produced a lotta sissies. But, tell the truth, fellow survivors: Did anybody yawn?

Dan Snyder’s wheezing theme park chain, Six Flags, has announced the lineup for its 2008 summer concert series.

There ain’t a Jonas Brothers in the bunch this year, but the biggest name is Good Charlotte, the Punk for Dummies act from nearby Waldorf, Md.

While their music, tattoos and makeup don’t set them apart, their offstage antics keep the Madden Brothers in the tabloids. Anybody who’s been in a grocery store checkout line knows that one Madden fertilized a Nicole Richie egg and the other is among Paris Hilton’s latest, um, true loves.

But the most interesting band for locals in the Six Flags roster is the Newsboys, a faded Christian rock act out of Tennessee.

Like the Maddens, it ain’t the music that keeps these ‘Boys interesting: The Newsboys record for InPop Records, a goody-two-shoes Nashville label that is quietly owned by goody-two-shoes ex-Redskins QB Mark Brunell.

Perhaps giving the Newsboys work is Snyder’s way of apologizing to Brunell for putting him out of it in March. In any case, it’s a good bet there will be zero overlap between the Good Charlotte and Newsboys crowds.

Keep the dial right here for all the breaking news in Snyder’s Six Flags soap opera.

I was in Falls Church maybe a half hour ago and the ground shook. I went outside and everybody on the block was in their front yards wondering what happened. Dogs are barking.

What happened?

The latest chapter in Dan Snyder’s world takeover has inseams popping all over India.

A couple weeks ago, Snyder lent Redskins cheerleaders to the Indian Premier League (IPL), one of the top cricket confederations on the globe, for opening night festivities.

The intercourse of scantily clad hip thrusters and the region’s most sacred sport left Punjab pundits all but predicting societal collapse.

Now, Vijay Vancheswar of the Delhi Daredevils has become the first IPL owner to ban cheerleaders from his team’s events.

“It is a conscious decision that we focus on the game at the moment,” Vancheswar told IBNLive, an Indian news service, when asked to explain the ban earlier this week. “The important thing is to win the game and this is serious cricket.”

Snyder’s cheerleading fetish goes back on display later this month in New Jersey, when his wayward amusement park chain, Six Flags, will hold tryouts for a cheerleading squad.

Really.

As part of the fifth-anniversary celebration of the White House’s hanging of the “Mission Accomplished” banner, the Washington Post has re-posted an editorial about the event from May 4, 2003 headlined “An Unfinished Mission.”

This editorial sort of takes the administration to task for something. I think.

A clearer picture of the Post editorial board’s feelings for the president and his victory celebration back in the day, however, comes in a piece printed a week later than the one just reposted. In the second editorial, titled “Misfiring at Top Gun,” the paper attacked critics of the Mission Accomplished festivities for their “churlish and petty complaints.”

“[A] president who wins a war — whether you agreed with that war or not — pretty much gets to greet returning troops wherever he wants,” said the editorial.

And: “Their real gripe with Mr. Bush is that he looked great.”

Fab stuff. Perhaps ”Misfiring at Top Gun” will be reprinted next year on this date.

In any case: Happy Mission Accomplished Day!

11th Hour Reminder: Hanson, everybody’s favorite former boy band, hosts one of the shortest charity walks in history today in Falls Church.  

The one-mile walk kicks off at 3 p.m. outside the State Theatre. The former boys hope the Hanson One Miler cures poverty and AIDS in Africa.*

“One mile? Hell, I could finish that!” said Rosie Ruiz , when told of the Hanson One Miler.**

*We really love Hanson, and despite all this mockery do hope their event cures poverty and AIDS in Africa 

**This quote is made up

Washington Post ombudsman Deborah Howell, who kept her job after botching descriptions of the Jack Abramoff scandal two years ago, devoted much of her latest column to somebody else whose ability to stay employed mystifies the locals: Redskins personnel guru Vinny Cerrato.

Seems Cerrato’s feelings were wounded by Skins blogger Jason La Canfora’s contest to come up with a “Cerrato-tinged nickname” for a fictional football team. Many of the entries focused not on Cerrato’s performance, but his Italian-ness.

From Howell’s piece:

Readers posted comments: variations of “Veni, vidi, vici” (”I came, I saw, I conquered”), leading to Vinny’s Conquerors, Vinny Vidi Vicis. Others included Vinny’s Valhalla/Valkyries/Vanguards, Cerrato’s Conquerors, Cerrato’s Cyclones, Vinnie’s Ninnies, Vinsanity and Vinny the Chin.

Cerrato explained his wounds to Howell: “To me, anytime you’re dealing with a person’s name and nationality and heritage, it’s not playful.”

And Cerrato’s hurt was backed up by John Salamone, the national executive director of the National Italian American Foundation, who said the ethnic nicknames ”reinforce a negative and harmful stereotype of Italian Americans”  and encourage “stereotypes that clearly were clear Mafia references.”

Well, I, too, devoted my last Cheap Seats column to Cerrato. While looking into Vinny’s pre-Redskins career, I found a little-known line in his resume: movie star.

Seems Cerrato, a few years removed from duties signing Christmas cards for Lou Holtz at Notre Dame (seriously!), was part of the cast of a 1993 feature film called “Kindergarten Ninja.” (Seriously!)

“Kindergarten Ninja” tells some sort of tale about drug gangs.

In his screen debut, Cerrato played a character called, ahem, “Antonelli.”

Luckily for Dan Snyder, the film bombed and ended Vinny’s movie career. And at some point since, Antonelli — er, Cerrato — developed an aversion to ethnic stereotyping. As he says, it’s just not “playful.”

Guess all those years of working for a team called the Redskins can change a guy…

I gotta admit, I agreed with folks who said George W. Bush was only pandering in his first post-9/11 address to Congress. That was the speech where he said that we were attacked only because “they hate our freedoms” and originally declared America’s “war on terror.”

It wasn’t until yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling on voter IDs that I realized that this decision and all others like it from the past six years and change are part of a plan—a brilliant plan—put together by the administration and its robed friends to foil our haters and win this war the only way possible: By taking away our freedoms!

How you hate us now, Osama?

And if I can’t find my passport, birth certificate, driver’s license and Food Lion MVP Card by Nov. 4, well, I can only imagine how American I’ll feel sitting out the election…

The Washington Post’s story about an ultimate fighting card held Saturday night in Fairfax had a fabulous quote from combatant Pete Spratt on how he disposed of opponent Jason Von Flue early in the night’s feature bout:

“I caught him on the throat and stopped the blood-flow to the brain,” Spratt said.

Spratt’s words explain why boxing purists sneer at ultimate fighting, and why young males and pro wrestling fans love it.