LaVar Arrington and Clinton Portis are Playing the Feud!

And Cheap Seats Daily has just the mediator for these warriors -- Johnny Parker, the "Redskins Life Coach."

But more on Parker life-coaching them down later. First, back to the roots of the entertaining-out-the-wazoo squabble. Portis got things rolling on the NFL Network during Super Bowl Week when he said that LaVar wasn't a leader because he was too cooncerned with how much money he and everybody else was making. From the Great Dan Steinberg's Steinography:

"LaVar Arrington was the man in D.C. when I arrived, and all of the sudden LaVar felt like it was competition, and he left D.C. He didn't want to be in D.C. any more. He gave back $15, 20 million to leave D.C., because he felt like he wasn't the main money guy, because everybody was getting [paid]. Laveranues, myself, Deion was still getting paid, so he even had input. So I think it was just the wrong attitude, and I think for some of the beliefs that was funneled through, it was like whoever gets the money was the captain."

Ouchie wouchie! We had to wait over the weekend for LaVar to strike back. But yesterday at WJFK, when the red light went on, LaVar went off. He went after Clinton's wallet -- "[After Portis came to Washington] I was still the highest paid Redskin on this team," he said.

And then he went after Clinton's manhood.

Here's LaVar, courtesy of more Steinography:

For the same injury that a man stayed out four weeks for, how short our memories are, I had the same injury. Knocked unconscious in a game. Went in the locker room, got myself together, and oh yeah, I came back out and intercepted a ball against the Carolina Panthers and got a touchdown that some would say helped turn that season around, where we won eight games straight. A concussion. That's what I was diagnosed with, a concussion. "I came out and I strapped up and I played. I played.

Well, you only won five games straight after your Carolina comeback, LaVar. So maybe our memories are short because of that concussion.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Concussions are for pussies? Is there a cure for LaVar's long-term memory loss? For LaVar's wallet-envy? Ted Leonsis reacts to GW bar's Caps' apathy? More about Dan Steinberg? Really?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Could a Life Coach Unmarinate LaVar/Clinton Beef?" »

As forecast in the lede of the current Cheap Seats column, Drew Brees was named Super Bowl MVP.

And as promised shortly thereafter by a spokesman for the Redskins' designated drinkmaker, Diageo, Brees did not strike a Captain Morgan pose on the field at game's end, even with all those reports that the boozers put up a $100,000 bounty for such an act.

That's cool. Woulda been cooler if he did.

I think NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell spoke for everybody during the trophy ceremony, when he told Saints owner Tom Benson: "The inspiration you provided...is inspiring."

And all the meat I ate during the game was meaty...

***

My favorite moment of Super Bowl came late in the fourth quarter with the Saints up a touchdown, when broadcaster Phil Simms went long and hard about what defensive strategy Gregg Williams should employ if he wanted to win.

"I'm gonna say this" Phil Simms declared. "If I was the New Orleans Saints, I would not blitz."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Did the Saints follow Simms' counsel? No? How'd it work out? You make a Phil McConkey reference? You still hate that guy, right? You go after Pete Townshend and that set list again? He played THAT? How much were scalpers getting for Georgetown/Villanova? Really? Whatever happened to the T-Shirt Gatling Gun?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Does Everybody Despise Phil Simms As Much I Do?" »

During a recent conference call with theme-park-fetishist bloggers, Six Flags CEO and Dan Snyder protege Mark Shapiro talked up the glories of buying a 2010 season pass, called a Play Pass. The best deal came from the chain's Kentucky Kingdom Park for just $29.95.

Forget that his company's in bankruptcy, Shapiro said, tell all your roller coaster freak friends that this is the best buy of all time.

Yesterday, Snyder's chain announced it had closed Kentucky Kingdom for good. Nicely done!

***

The Caps win. Streak's at 12.

Just a week ago, I was sure Washington Capitals fever had taken over not just the city, but the whole world. Now, I'm equally sure it hasn't.

Last Friday I went to meet a friend in Baltimore around happy hour. While waiting in the basement bar at the fabulous Matthew's Pizza on Eastern Avenue for a table, a guy came in and asked the bartender to put the Caps/Florida pregame on the house TV.

Without complaint, the bartender made the switch. That alone shocked the crap outta me: Baltimore has always been a place where everything about D.C. is despised, and only saying nice things about Bob Irsay was more certain to bring derision and probably a beating to a visitor than talking up any of our town's sports teams.

But things really got amazing after the Caps broadcast came on.

(AFTER THE JUMP: There are Caps fans in Baltimore? What about the Clippers? Who knew the Baltimore Blast were still alive? Remember Dwight Anderson? Tom Brookshier, RIP?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Are the Caps Bringing About a Baltimore/DC Detente?" »

Somebody named Johnny Parker, who identifies himself as "Redskins Life Coach" on invitations, will be hosting the latest in a series of domestic tranquility seminars next month in Alexandria.

Parker's event is titled "Married Couples Tell All Part 4: Bigger and Better Than Ever!"

After playing a "Newlywed Game," Parker will give attendees his take on a series of "hot topics."

From the official invite, the meeting agenda:

• Resolving He Said, She Said Conflict
• Marriage. Expectation vs. Reality
• Reconciling After Infidelity
• Fertility and Parenting
• Are You Ready for Marriage
• The Lifecycle of Marriage
• Emasculating vs. Edifying
• Submission. “Miss Independent” In Marriage
• I Make More Than Him, and He Can’t Take It

What Parker learned from Vinny Cerrato and Dan Snyder's treatment of Jim Zorn will inform the "Emasculating vs. Edifying" segment, while throughout his career DeAngelo Hall has gone public with sentiments along the lines of "I Make More Than Him, and He Can't Take It."

And what Redskins fan doesn't need to know more about "Expectation vs. Reality?"

(AFTER THE JUMP: Diageo has bigger friends than Dan Snyder? The Bowie Baysox let a jump in the Bay get wintered out? The Canadians link "Bullets" and bullets, too?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Who Is the Real Redskins Life Coach?" »

I think D.C.'s charter schools will soon impact the city's athletic landscape the same way they've changed the academic picture.

Here's why. Today is National Signing Day, where high school football recruits can make their allegiance to a particular school official.

And here's a list of the commitments, courtesy of the fabulous DC Sports Fan, made by players from just one charter school, Friendship Collegiate:

Earl Johnson - New Mexico
Tyrone Armstrong - Villanova
Chris Griggs - Bowie State
Kennedy Ogbonna - Delaware State
Darious Holly - West Virginia State
Cardale Kindale- West Virginia State
Mark Pettaway - West Virginia State
Harlynn McNeill - West Virginia State
Eric Massado - Shenandoah University
Jabril Ezell - Howard University

That's from a school that doesn't even have a football field on its Minnesota Ave. NE campus.

Friendship isn't ready to topple the big dogs in the area on the field. DeMatha crushed Friendship, 45-12, in November. But the D.C. school was good enough to  make the Washington Post's Top 20 poll, which doesn't happen much anymore for city public schools. And Friendship destroyed perennial DCIAA king of the hill Dunbar in an early-season matchup at Dunbar.

And things will only get better for the charter school. That list of scholarship players -- at least 10 guys playing their way into college -- will serve as a talent magnet for Friendship. After today, word will get around that if you play at Friendship, recruiters will be watching.

And that'll spread to other charters. Charter schools have academic and athletic and administrative freedoms that DCIAA schools don't. A well-boostered charter school would have a much easier time bringing in the right coaches and kids to put a strong program in place essentially overnight than a traditional public school like, say, Spingarn would.

The growth of the charter schools only means things won't get better for the Spingarns of the city anytime soon.

***

Again, Friendship ain't in DeMatha's league. But, nobody is. Signing day is bigger at the Hyattsville school than anywhere.

So big that even though the school is closed because of snow today, the administration is still opening up the building and holding a big signing ceremony for its kids and media at noon.

(AFTER THE FOLD: Who's going where from DeMatha? Where's that huge kid going? Will he work the Blind Side?  Season ticket money is due for Redskins fans? Did some folks read our charticle?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Signing Day Big Day for Friendship Collegiate" »

The Maryland GreenHawks are staying in-house for their next leader. This morning the beleaguered minor league basketball squad named assistant coach Chad Warren as its latest head coach.

Warren becomes the fourth head coach for a team that has only played seven games in its Premier Basketball League history. Previous coach Otis Hailey died of kidney failure over the weekend, just two games after taking the job.

"I’m going to make the best of this situation and continue where Otis left off," Warren said.

Warren's first game as head coach of the 2-5 GreenHawks will come Thursday against the Lawton-Fort Sill Cavalry.

Assuming he's still on the job, that is.

One more note about Hailey: With previous jobs in his long run as minor basketball league coach, Hailey identified himself as the father of Jermaine Haley, an NFL and CFL veteran whose playing career ended in 2004 with the Washington Redskins. In his two years with the Skins, Haley recorded one sack and one DUI.

***

T.C. Williams boys basketball team has forfeited all its wins this year for using two fifth-year seniors.

For competitive and safety reasons, school administrators pretty much everywhere in the entire country ban fifth-year seniors from playing sports.

Except in Michelle Rhee's school system!

(AFTER THE JUMP: Michelle Rhee allows redshirting athletes? Really? Chavez administrators get their licks in? Bernard Hopkins and Roy Jones to re-enact the greatest fight in D.C. history? The greatest fight in D.C. history really sucked? Remember Ricky Ervins?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Hey, Michelle Rhee: T.C. Williams Forfeits Season for Using Fifth-Year Seniors" »

"George Will...Charles Krauthammer...Gilbert Arenas..."

I GOT IT: WHO ARE WASHINGTON POST OP-ED WRITERS?

He says he's sorry. See for yourself.

The Maryland GreenHawks latest new coach, Otis Hailey, died early Saturday. The team attributed Hailey's death to kidney failure. He had been with the squad for only two games.

Adam Dantus, general manager of the Premier Basketball League squad, says Hailey had a chronic kidney condition and received regular dialysis treatments. He had a dialysis session scheduled for Friday, but put it off for a day to be with the team as it traveled home from a loss Thursday in Rochester. He never made the rescheduled appointment.

"He ran practice here from 9 to 11 on Friday night," Dantus says. "He thought he was coming down with a cold, but went back to the hotel. I started getting calls at 9 in the morning. I only knew him a week, but, man, he was a great guy. Devoted."

So, after just seven games in their first season, the GreenHawks will now be hiring their fourth head coach. Ryan Krueger, who was the first coach hired by the expansion franchise, left during the preseason for a college job. Rob Spon, a minor league basketball veteran, replaced Kreuger but was dumped after going 1-4 to start the year. Enter Hailey, another well-traveled minor leaguer with short stints -- every minor league coaching stint is short -- all over the place. Among the teams you never heard of formerly coached by Hailey: the Montreal Dragons, Saskatchewan Hawks,Vancouver Nighthawks, Niagara DareDevils, Tijuana Diablos, Calgary Drillers and Los Angeles Push.

Hailey, who as a teenager set the national prep high jump record at 7' 1" in 1968, went 1-1 in his last coaching gig.

Hours after Hailey's death, the GreenHawks were scheduled to host the Vermont FrostHeaves, a squad made famous by founder/author Alexander Wolff. But that game was postponed, officially because of snow.

The next new coach of the now 2-5 team has not yet been announced. "I'm talking to three people today," says Dantus. "I'll make a decision by three o'clock."

***

I was so wowed by a UDC men's room that I went back with a camera so I could share its majesty with the world.

Shortly after I posted my wows, I learned that I'm hardly the first person to walk away dazed after hitting the head at the Harvard of the West Side of the Middle of the 4200 Block of Connecticut Avenue NW.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Who first blew the lid off the UDC bathroom story? More Potomac swimming? Isn't that where you find intersexual smallmouth bass? DeMatha plays the wrong St. Anthony's? How much would you pay for the Pontiac Silverdome? Wasn't that where King Kong Bundy broke Little Beaver's back? How much would you not pay for a Dan Snyder autograph?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Maryland GreenHawks Coach Dies" »

This week for the suddenly revitalized and again adored print version of Washington City Paper, I, um, repurposed a piece about the UDC basketball team having to finish up the season with five players, and sometimes fewer.

For the newspaper, my story is headlined "Four on the Floor." Go pick up a copy! Patronize the advertisers within!

The print column is a longer version of the UDC tale that appeared Monday in Cheap Seats Daily with the headline "UDC Basketball Moves Forward With Four on the Floor."

And, on Wednesday, USA Today ran a story about UDC's shorthanded situation, adding in that Seattle had to play a man down recently, and titling their piece: "Four on the Floor."

That's three-for-three for "Four on the Floor."

My analysis: This internet thingee is going to lead to an awful lot of repetition!

Just as playing with an undermanned squad will lead to lots of losing. Last night, Ruland and his Five Guys fell to the University of Sciences Devils, 58-54. Two players had four fouls, but the Firebirds finished the game against the Devils (!) with their starting five still on the floor. The loss puts UDC at 1-16 on the season.

***

Sure, there have been setbacks. But Coach Ruland has found something to celebrate in his first year at UDC: The restroom at the Athletic Center.

If you've never been, the UDC campus at Van Ness is a drab place. No doubt the drabbiest college campus I've ever visited. It's got more than a touch of Wall-era East Berlin, with a lot of cement in big rectangles and no obvious center.

Yet there's an oasis amid the rectangular concretions. And it's a men's room.

(AFTER THE JUMP: More about the UDC restroom? Who paid for all that marble? You brought a camera into a public bathroom? George Mason once lost a game to a team with three players? Remember Paul Westhead? He didn't seem happy at Mason, did he? People sure do like reading about Georgetown basketball, don't they? Tom Lang found? Obama's going to the Hoyas game? Says who?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: UDC’s Gym, the Finest Place in Town to Take a Dump?" »

We were told last night that President Obama "has taken us beyond black and white in our politics."

Oh, for somebody to do the same for Georgetown basketball!

(Full disclosure: Repeatedly bringing up the role of race in the Hoyas basketball history will only do wonders for the value of my Tom Lang trading card collection. I love that photo of my Lang stack. I might run it every day, or at least until I found out whatever happened to Tom Lang.)

***

So much for the smooth transition from Abe Pollin to Ted Leonsis. The Washington Post's Thomas Heath reports that Washington Sports now plans to put the whole Pollin Estate shebang -- controlling interests in the Washington Wizards and the Verizon Center, plus the local franchisee rights to Ticketmaster -- up for bid on the open market.

The Ticketmaster portion of Pollin's holdings always intrigued me. He was the first arena owner to have his own computerized ticketing system. His stake in Ticketmaster was something neither he nor the parent company ever discussed. But there's got to be a story on how he was able to hold onto that through all the company's mergers and acquisitions as the ticketing realm consolidated over the last two decades. Last time I checked, Pollin was the last franchisee, with every other territory in the U.S. owned by the parent company.

Here's one example of why Leonsis would want to get in on the ticket-fee scam: A friend of mine recently bought one ticket to the Vampire Weekend show at Constitution Hall.

(AFTER THE JUMP: How much does a $28.50 ticket to Vampire Weekend cost? Really? Who remembers Parkington? How about a retrospective of all WUSA sportscasters between Glenn Brenner and Brett Haber? Who still remembers Ken Broo? Nostalgic for a Fridgen/Weis matchup that never happened? Would that have been a heavyweight bout or what? London Fletcher's the only guy happy about this year's Pro Bowl?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Is Ralph Friedgen Now the NCAA Heavyweight Champ?" »

Post-Racial America (cont.): When did Georgetown women's basketball dump whitey, too?

I knew the Georgetown's women's team was having a fine season, but I hadn't been paying the distaff squad much mind this year, so I went over to the team's Web site yesterday to catch up. Here's what I found: The Hoyas are now 17-2 overall, undefeated in the Big East, ranked No. 19 in the country and are on a 16-game winning streak.

But here's what also stuck with me: None of the 14 players on the squad are white. There's not a single white coach listed, either. (Terri Williams-Flournoy, in her sixth season as Hoyas head coach, is the brother of AAU legend Boo Williams.) The Georgetown women now have the least white college basketball program I've come across since, well, Georgetown men's basketball!

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Hoyas Women’s Basketball Has a Feeling of Whitelessness?" »

Sure, old folks will whine that the Big East has too many teams and March Madness emasculated the regular season. But even if they ain't the biggest games of the year anymore, Georgetown/Syracuse can still make for the biggest game of the night.

In last night's resumption of the rivalry, the Hoyas got crushed by the host Orangemen, 73-56. The New York Post ran a wondrous photo next to its game writeup that captures the domination, but doesn't speak well, if a photo can speak, of Austin Freeman's chances at the next level. Orangeman and local prep star Arinze Onuaku appears to be swatting Freeman's jump shot...with his elbow.

How come Syracuse has always recruited out of this area at least as well as Georgetown? Two current Syracuse players have roots local to us -- Onuaku of Episcopal and Kris Joseph of Carroll (who put up a team-high 15 points). Before them came Dave Bing and Sherman Douglas of Spingarn and Lawrence Moten of Carroll and on and on. Heck, we'll claim Carmelo Anthony of Oak Hill, too.

And let's not forget the greatest D.C. product ever to play ball for the Orangemen: Wilmeth Sidat-Singh. What a story that guy had. Somebody should write it up.

Awesome Syracuse trivia: Last night's win over Georgetown gave Syracuse a 20-1 record on the season. If I'm reading Wikipedia right, in his 24 34 years as Syracuse coach, Boeheim has now won 20 games or more 22 32 times.

His only off years: 16-13 in 1981-1982 and 19-13 in 1996-1997. I mean, if you look up consistency in the dictionary, well, you should feel pretty stupid for not knowing what "consistency" means. At your age? Geezus Chrysler...

***

Another New York/D.C. rivalry that ain't what it once was: Just up on youtube: Lots of raw footage from the most famous of the DeMatha/Power Memorial basketball games, the one played on January 30, 1965, at a sold-out Cole Field House. In that game, DeMatha ended Power's 71-game winning streak.

(AFTER THE JUMP: That #33 from Power looks soft? Any other career options for the kid? Snyder calls his Dream Seats "the best value in sports entertainment?" Really? Do we need more high school all-star games? U2 is now the official band of NASCAR? Really?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Footage From 1965 DeMatha/Power Memorial Tilt Proves: The Tall Kid Has No Future!" »

The biggest sports story in town last week wasn't a win or a loss or a trade or an owner's gaffe. It was a memorial service. George Michael's.

The goodbye to the longtime WRC-4 sportscaster also served as a memorial to an era where local news operations were a much bigger deal than today. So even WRC's competitors, who have all been whittling away at the resources and time devoted to sports in recent years and handing them over to coverage of yesterday's weather and "American Idol" updates and the like, did strong Michael pieces.

The strongest came from WUSA. After a long segment on the service that had Joe Gibbs and Art Monk's remembrances of Michael taped outside the National Cathedral, sports director Brett Haber ad libbed a sweet appreciation of the glory days of DC sportscasting.

Haber had at least one famous run-in with the departed sportscaster, when Michael screamed about a perceived slight and acted like he wanted to drop the gloves with Haber, then at Channel 5, in the parking lot at Redskins Park. But that was years ago, when Michael was wound tighter than a Titleist. All fences had between them were mended before Michael's death this past Christmas Eve. So Haber, going live from the WUSA desk, didn't have to fake any of the nice words he said about the recently departed former competitor.

But the best part came when Haber turned to Topper Shutt, the WUSA weatherman who has been at the station since 1988, and paid tribute to one of Shutt's not-so-recently departed former colleague, Glenn Brenner.

"It's been [18] years since we lost Glenn Brenner," Haber said to Shutt and the viewing audience, "and as a guy who sits in Glenn's chair every day, I aspire to live up to his legacy."

Read More "Brett Haber Honors Glenn Brenner and the Good Old Days of DC Sportscasting" »

Who says power plays are just for hockey?

Jeff Ruland knows better. The UDC coach had to play Saturday's game with only five players -- or fewer. And, he says, that's likely the lot he's stuck with for the rest of the season.

With only a minute gone in the second half and UDC up by three points against visiting Apprentice School, a vocational institution in Virginia's Tidewater region, Firebirds guard Purvis Rollins went down hard on a drive to the hoop. And he stayed down.

Ruland was the first one off the bench to reach Rollins.

Ruland, a massive man and former Washington Bullets star, picked his player up off the floor before the UDC trainer even reached the scene and walked with Rollins to the sidelines. But Rollins was in no shape to go back in the game. As the refs whistled for play to resume, Rollins limped to a table behind the baseline, and Ruland sat back in his coach's chair, a few of the not-many fans in the UDC gym yelled that the home squad only had four players on the court.

Ruland didn't flinch. He knew UDC only had four players who could play. Ruland learned days before the game that, because of injuries and defections, the Firebirds would suit up only five players against Apprentice.

So when Rollins went down, and Ruland couldn't instantly heal his player's bad wheel with a laying on of hands, Apprentice got a power play.

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: UDC Basketball Moves Forward With Four on the Floor" »

For the increasingly Karen Carpenter-ish print platform of Washington City Paper, I wrote a column this week about a bizarre local high school eligibility case. The basketball team from Cesar Chavez dropped out of the WCSSA, the city's charter school conference, just because league commissioner Don Cole wouldn't allow the Chavez team to play fifth-year players; Chavez' best player was in his fifth year at the school. So Chavez athletic director Ernesto Natera went to D.C. Public Schools athletic czar Marcus Ellis, and somehow got DCPS' top jock to approve the use of fifth-year players this season.

Allowing fifth-year players has gotten DCPS in trouble before: Michelle Rhee, shortly after becoming chancellor, said she would allow so-called redshirting in her schools. Rhee apparently didn't understand that fifth-year athletes are banned in essentially every other jurisdiction in the country for competitive and, in some cases, safety reasons. When she realized this, Rhee backed off.

Or so everybody thought.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Hockey the way it was meant to be viewed: On a laptop? Catching up with Satan? Gibbs bagged Brenner and Michael. When's he gonna get to Herzog? Whites-only basketball? Would Pat Buchanan watch? Brock Lesnar slams Obama, too? Another Guided By Voices reference? Video proof that GBV was the best band ever?)

Read More "Cheap Seats Daily: Michelle Rhee’s OK With Redshirting Athletes Again?" »