The rooftop of the Pickwick Apartments building, located at 1754 S Street NW, is currently being treated to a personal visit by a couple of MPD officers, a roving helicopter, and a good dose of CAUTION tape. What's on the roof, officer? Oh, "just looking for a suspicious person," MPD told a tipster, who submitted the above photo of MPD making the climb. If you've seen one, let them know.

Fire Chief Dennis Rubin with Adrian Fenty at a press conference yesterday

Fenty is expected to make remarks on the red line crash this morning at 8:00 a.m. We'll be live-blogging the press conference here.

8:01 a.m. Mayor Adrian Fenty, Fire Chief Dennis Rubin, Councilmember Jim Graham step up.

8:02 a.m. Fenty says he wants the country to know that his first efforts are with the families and friends of the victims. 76 people were taken off of the train to the hospital. Yesterday, six were confirmed dead. This morning, the number of confirmed dead is seven. Not nine as previously reported.

Read More "Fenty Press Conference #3: Liveblog" »

What's a more depressing happy-hour hangout on your average Thursday: A sports club at 5 p.m., or a strip club at the same time? At Fast Eddies/Archibalds, the double threat located at 1520 K Street NW, we find out!

UPSTAIRS: Fast Eddies, sports bar. At 5 o'clock, a guy in a suit is alone at the bar, save for a Miller Light, a plate of french fries, and the bartender, who sits on the wrong side of her job to plug quarters into the video poker machine. A couple women sit in the back with coats draped over their shoulders and six-inch heels strapped to their feet. A row of televisions above the bar show no sports in this sports bar---just some muted talking heads and an infomercial for the no-break, no-bend, money-back-guarantee "SlimClip." (You put dollars in it). When a regular comes in asking for a vodka martini, dirty, the bartender reclaims her station to tell him to reconsider: She can't make it dirty, and besides, the shot glass is bigger than the martini glass anyway. He gets a straight shot of vodka and sits down.

DOWNSTAIRS: Archibald's can make it dirty. Depression? Recession? Marriage? Not at Archibalds, where all the women all naked, garterbelts are overflowing, and everyone---especially the eccentric man in the vest standing very close to that dancing woman---is smiling. One middle-aged patron, who has a stripper in his right hand and a wedding ring on his left, only appears depressed when he has to say goodbye.

Archibald's is a "gentleman's club," and its bustling economy depends on the strange gender dynamics at play. Like any bar, there are about equal numbers of men and women here. The only difference is that when a woman talks to a man, he's expected to provide her a regular stream of cash. Also, boobs.

All the women here---the women in the schoolgirl uniforms passing drinks, the ones shimmying on stage one and two, and myself---are getting paid. When I enter, the bouncer doesn't even think to card me. Later, he asks for my ID and admits that he had mistakenly assumed that I worked there. Despite the very overt female presence, some of the men here say that they actually come to avoid women---their wives and girlfriends, of course, but possible dates, too. I sit down at a table with four collared-shirted businessmen who are taking turns rising, trotting over to the main stage, and depositing a dollar bill in the band wrapped tight around the stripper's thigh. I apologize for ruining their game. "Don't worry---My game just keeps on going," one of the men tells me. Later, he admits that the real game hasn't even started yet. The four men are just making a quick stop at Archibald's before happy hour. Soon, they'll head to Clarenden, where they'll actually try to pick up women.

When the main-stage stripper has finished removing her clothes and then putting them back on, she stops at our table and introduces herself as Tabbitha. She tells me I've come to the wrong place if I'm looking for an average strip club---Archibald's employees are "prettier and nicer" than most D.C. clubs. "I've heard that Camelot is supposed to have the most beautiful girls, but I've been there, and I just don't think that's true anymore," she says. Plus, Archibald's women skimp on the attitude. "We just don't deal with the diva thing here," she says. "The dancers, the customers, everyone is very, very nice, and that's really important to me. There's no weird stuff. There's no funny business. It's just a nice place."

One of the businessmen puts his arm around Tabbitha and slips her a bill. "What, you want change?" she says, rifling through her stack of ones. The man laughs like a boy. His friend leans over and informs the table: "You know, some of the girls even meet their husbands here," he says---indicating that not all of Archibald's clientelle come here to escape average life.

Tore has been selling sex toys at Dupont sexuality emporium the Pleasure Place for a couple months now. Before that, she was selling cars at Eastern Motors. Pleasure Place is easier, on average. "I have to like what I do," says Tore. "And I like sex."

So it didn't take long for Tore to learn the shop's selection of prostate probes, anal douches, and vibrating rings like---well---the back of her hand. "No time, really," says Tore. "No time. I knew nothing about half of this stuff until I started working here. But there's not a lot for us to do here, so it's like one-on-one with the products most of the time," she says.

Beyond helping women try on stripper heels and accommodating hordes of pre-party bachelorette crews, working at the Pleasure Place includes a lot of down time. "Usually I'm just chilling out, messing with the toys," Tore says. But it's more than just fucking around: The practice helps Tore field a barrage of obvious-to-obscure queries from customers. "What's this for? How does this work? Where do I put this?" says Tore. "They'll ask anything, man, really."

SEX SHOP STATS:

Average vibrator size: Eight inches, Tore says: The biggest they offer is 10 inches; the smallest, six.

Average dildo color: "Most people like the flesh color, something pretty close to their own skin."

Average number of batteries sold per week: About 200.

Average customer: Not applicable. "We got strippers, gay men, lesbians, straight freaky people."

Average item: The Pleasure Place's most popular item is the "The Rabbit," a vibrator that Tore says has been endorsed by both Oprah and the ladies of Sex and the City. Tore plucks a couple batteries from behind the register to show the basics of the Rabbit---what it's for, how it works, where you put it. "The ears move fast to stimulate the clitoris," Tore explains, making the machine's little critter bounce. "And you can bend it to hit the G-spot," she says, making the flexible dildo move at inhuman angles. "You can't get a penis to do that," she says.

Perhaps Tore's learned a little too much about the product for the store's own good.

"What are the pearls for?" a customer asks.

"They make it cost five dollars more," says Tore.

* The Washington Post alerts us to the perils of Inauguration housing:

"We warned people, saying, 'Don't price gouge. The world is coming here. We're welcoming the world,' " [Park City, Utah spokesperson Myles] Rademan said. "We hope that places like the Chamber of Commerce in D.C. are going through a campaign to just ask people to be nice."

Oh wahhh, Utah. Do not deny us our patriotic duty as Americans to make serious bank on this. I can fit a baker's dozen of Democrats in my home at $1,000 a head. What are you doing for your country?

* Watch out, reporters: Jean-Claude Van Damme is very good at hitting on you. From a transcript of Newsweek reporter Sarah Ball's interview with the actor:

I really opened myself up in "JCVD." I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are. . . . It was like being naked---I would love to be naked in front of you. . . . Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

* Mr. T in D.C. wears shorts.

* Upset the Setup thinks Castro is hip-hop.

* And in this newspaper:

- Amanda Abrams on gentrification and the scrapyard.

- Ruth Samuelson on the difficulties of building green.

- Mike DeBonis on Michelle Rhee's love/hate thing with the Post.

- Inside the Good Guys strip club fire trial.

* It's not just for Republicans anymore! Michelle Obama wears fabulous, egregiously expensive jewelry, too. [via Wonkette].

* DCist Sommer Mathis cries foul on $9.95 plus shipping for a newspaper (don't even get her started on the special election issue sweatshirt). Commemorative hand towels of DCist's official declaration of election newsprint hype blog post coming soon.

* Prince of Petworth is two years old. Join him and other crown princes of the local blogosphere tonight at Wonderland to celebrate the milestone---and toast to 730 more doors of the day.

* New Columbia Heights deems the new neighborhood Panda Express . . . decent!

* Catch up with the Good Guys strip club arson case as it happens with trial updates over at the Sexist.

* And in this newspaper: The Education Issue!

- Marina Koestler Ruben on D.C.'s English-Chinese bilingual charter.

- Dave McKenna on the end of a local football dynasty.

- Mike DeBonis on Michelle Rhee's rising star.

- Ruth Samuelson schools Obama hangers-on on where to reside in the District.

Photo by Army.mil

* Read our complete election coverage or re-live the day in photos.

* New York Times recaps Obama's morning after.

* Slate explains what happens now for the "gay couples who entered into legal marriages in California before the amendment passed."

- WaPo's Eugene Robinson tells us why we all lost it on Tuesday.

- In case you missed the Uncle Sam or Uncle Tom question---I love this reaction: "Really. Ralph Nader. What was that." Also, since when has Nader invoked Uncle Sam?

- But Craigslisters are really clamoring for yesterday's Post. Incidentally, if anyone has an extra copy, drop me a line.

* And in this newspaper:

- The fussy food issue! Tim Carman on the obsessive chef, Jule Banville on food stylists and a high-class chocolate chip, Ruth Samuelson on fake food allergies, and Mike DeBonis on the region's fussiest menus.

- Tricia Olszewski on the latest in film.

- I shop at the nation's newest pro-life pharmacy.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Read More "Photos: The Celebration" »

Spoiler alert: Obama won!

And the winner is: The lady in the grandiose white hat at the corner of 6th St. & Rhode Island Ave. who yelled at me, as I rode past her on my bicycle, "Barack Obama! Sieg Heil, Nazi! Sieg Heil on that bike of yours! Nazi!"

Can anyone top this?

Busboys & Poets, 14th & V St. NW: Yelling at the television. Just like home!

Drum Circle for Obama, 14th & U St. NW: Drum circle. For Obama.

Brightest Young Things Party at Bohemian Caverns, 10th & U St. NW: Actually quite dark.

Bad Brains Show at 9:30 Club: Not all precincts reporting.

D.C. Republicans Party at Unlisted: Sad trombone.

While you were watching the election returns:

Seven-Eleven, U St. & 11th St. NW

Ben's Chili Bowl, U St. & 13th St. NW

Rite Aid, U St. & 13th St. NW

The homepage of FOX News right now:

"RESULTS ROLLING IN" over what appears to be a backwoods church, followed by "McCain Wins West Va., Ky; Obama Takes Vermont."

Bill Mallison, a friend, cast his vote for John McCain in the contested state of North Carolina (CNN initial polling projected the state at 50% Obama, 49% McCain, though Obama has now broken away). Mallison may be an out-of-state voter, but he is, at the moment, physically in the District (photo evidence above).

Mallison says he supports McCain despite the messy election cycle he's emerged from. "If you ignore all the election pandering, which you have to do in order to shore up all wings of the party, he hasn't changed," says Mallison. "He's the same politician he was in mid-2007. As bad as the Republican party's been, after Tom Delay and Rove, it's important to support the moderate wing of the party. And the moderate wing's about gone because Delay and Rove killed most of the moderate Republican members of Congress. And McCain is basically all the things that a Republican wants in Republican, subtract all the insane token positions like stem cell research and gay marriage amendments and no prescription drug importation and torture. That being said, it's not the party's time to win. It's the Democrats' time."

I, too, once voted for John McCain, for Senator of Arizona (totally won). Perhaps it was even my very vote that encouraged McCain to quench his unspeakable thirst for unparalleled international power. My bad.