Local feminist magazine Off Our Backs needs D.C.’s support. But first, D.C. needs to know what it is.

The quarterly news journal, which has been churning out feminist copy from the heart of Adams Morgan since 1970, bills itself as “the longest surviving feminist newspaper in the United States.” But if you’ve never heard of it, you’re not alone. I just discovered the publication today via an event posting on District scene blog Brightest Young Things advertising a benefit show called “Save Our Backs.”

That’s one way to get your 38-year-old, dead-tree feminist mag some attention: Book a punk band (Turboslut), a stand-up comedienne (Kat Wilderotter), and an up-and-coming DJ (Natty Boom), then send out a call for last-ditch, mag-saving donations.

“Like a lot of publications, we are struggling,” says Karla Mantilla, a member of the Off Our Backs collective. According to Mantilla, the benefit is a two-pronged attack: One, “raise funds,” and two, “just let the community know that we’re here.” Mantilla & co. are hoping that the concert, scheduled for this Sunday at the District of Columbia Arts Center, will not only keep the mag funded, but also encourage a new wave of feminists to raise their voices.

“We’re run by collective,” says Mantilla. “We don’t believe in bosses telling you to do this or do that. Here, you can come up with ideas and find a network of people to help support you.” The magazine’s low profile can be a good thing for local women looking for an outlet. Says Mantilla, “Off Our Backs is nice because we try to empower women to run with their ideas and make them happen. A woman off the street can come in and design the cover.”

Feminist web designers would also be welcomed. “We’ve been running in print for a long time, but we’re trying to transition to Web as soon as we can,” says Mantilla.

The fundraiser will be held on Sunday, Sept. 7, at 7 p.m. The District of Columbia Arts Center is located at 2438 18th Street NW.

Last week, I reported on Obama’s radiant,  mesmerizing, slightly spittled High Definition look as he accepted the Democratic nomination for president. In the post, I reasoned that if even the 47-year-old NILF came off as less-than-perfect in HD, the 72-year-old McCain had an even tougher beauty contest in front of him. (Earlier, Slate’s Timothy Noah went so far as to suggest that McCain’s championing of HD technology, as radium to Curie, might be the cause that would do him in).

How wrong I was.

Note to John McCain’s beautician: Strike fast with the promotional tie-ins. How quickly can you pump out the McCain/Palin age-reversing foundation / ass-kicking lipstick box set?

Ralph Nader’s campaign is looking to collect $100,000 by the end of the day to fund something called “Nader Media,” which will allow supporters to continue to document Nader’s run for office. Currently, the campaign has collected just under $90,000, leaving ten grand left to raise. According to a press release from “The Nader Team,” “That’s just 1,000 of you—our loyal supporters—contributing $10 each now.”

Just one ten dollar bill: Not too shabby!

At an Aug. 27 rally in Denver, Nader gathered a scrumptious cornucopia of celebrity backers—Penn. Morello. Biafra. Kilmer—to help galvanize supporters and their Hamiltons. Like a self-promotional dust-buster, the event drew other, lesser celebrities out of the woodwork. Writes the Team: “When we asked for donations, Brooke Smith, star of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy, rose out of the crowd, took the stage, pledged her support—and $4,600—to the Nader/Gonzalez campaign.”

$4,600 sure sounds impressive, but then again, that’s just 460 $10 bills.

Tonight, Nader will not only stage a rally, but a “Super Rally,” pulling out even superer celebs: Sheehan. Ventura. Rovics*—in an attempt to get to the $100,000 mark—only 10,000 $10 bills.

The Super Rally costs $12 (1.2 $10 bills).

* Singer-songwriter David Rovics, the man Cindy Sheehan called “The peace poet and troubadour for our time.”

* So, I fell asleep while listening to Palin’s speech on NPR. Apparently, it was a doozy. Writes the Washington Post’s Michael D. Shear:

[Palin] leaned heavily on her own biography, introducing her husband, Todd, as a commercial fisherman, a union member, a world-champion snowmobile racer and an Eskimo. She described herself as a mom-turned-politician with the “same challenges and the same joys” as other families.

She also offered at least one apparent ad-lib: “The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?” she asked. “Lipstick.”

A unionized, snowmobile-racing Eskimo First Dude? Watch out, Michelle Obama.

* Slate’s John Dickerson uses the pit bull line to tell Dems why they should be scared. But why is a lipstick joke the closest this woman got to talking about women’s issues?

* All Our Noise offer up another back-to-school remix, this time with some help from Van Halen, Alice Cooper, and Nirvana.

* From the New Yorker, your dose of short fiction that only sounds right when narrated in your brain with a wavering, old-tyme British accent. From Janet Frame’s “Gorse Is Not People, a story about Nadia, a plucky, institutionalized dwarf:

For Naida was in love. She was in love with the pig boy. He passed by each day on the carts collecting the pig food, and each day he pushed a note through the window of the dayroom. He and Naida were going to run away together into the hills; they were going to dance every dance together forever; they would be married and have many children, and Naida at her wedding would have a long white dress and carry orange blossoms, and they would go to Hollywood or to Mexico City—it wasn’t decided which—for their honeymoon. The pig boy had arranged everything.

So, Frame died in 2004 and the story was written in 1954. Does that make the New Yorker’s fiction section less ridiculous?

* Brightest Young Things links you to the eight most obnoxious Internet commenters. It could be you!

Photo by pingnews.com

I’m sorry, but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet.

Goodbye.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Last week, Prince of Petworth reported on the closing of Mayorga Lounge in Columbia Heights. Owner Mark Ko wrote in to PoP to offer up his new plans for the space. Quoth Ko:

Though I’m sad to part from Mayorga Coffee I am excited about our new restaurant/bar. We’ll have a sushi bar downstairs in the 14th Street entrance and still have our Korean menu offerred throughout our space.

Today, Mayorga Coffee, LLC released an official comment on the lounge’s closure. The Rockville-based coffee importer, it seems, wasn’t complicit with Ko’s abrupt switch from espresso to sashimi. Writes Mayorga Coffee President Martin Mayorga:

It is unfortunate that Sonic Boom has chosen unilaterally—and we believe in violation of our contract—to change its business from a coffee lounge to a sushi restaurant. We are heartened by the many customers who have expressed their appreciation for and enjoyment of Mayorga Coffee. While we share your concern that the neighborhood is losing an important, locally-owned small business, the simple fact is that we did not operate this store and had nothing to do with its abrupt closing.

Mayorga added that he and the company “look forward to announcing exciting new locations soon.”

Photo by FreeWine.

Hyacinth, an orange-haired, 10-pound local cat, has gone missing. Though the cat (pictured) regularly leaves her Petworth home for up to twenty minutes at a time, she generally returns when called. The cat, who was last seen on the 1300 block of Shepherd St. NW, has now been missing for 24 hours.

Owners Lisa and Cameron became worried on Monday evening after repeated calls to the cat went unanswered.

According to Lisa and Cameron, Hyacinth “is very friendly with a soft meow.” A former cat-sitter describes Hyacinth as “exceptionally friendly and cute.” The cats owners are joined by fellow live-in cat Mr. Trouble in offering a “generous reward” for Hyacinth’s return.

“She may be in your garage or shed by accident,” write the owners. “Can you please help us by checking?”

Those with information about her whereabouts are directed to contact Lisa and Cameron at (202) 321-0249 or (202) 390-1513.

UPDATE: Whew. Hyacinth was found, holed up in a new neighbor’s house, at 7 p.m. this evening.

Last Friday, D.C.-based blog The New Gay posted this documentation of a recent Adams Morgan hate crime. The post, penned by film/theater outfit Crack co-founder Chris Farris, includes graphic photos of the victims of a severe beating that occurred on a recent Saturday evening close to the 18th Street strip. Writes Farris:

My friend, Todd, was recently walking back from a Saturday night at the bars with two other friends when they were jumped and savagely beaten by six guys. The victims were gay. They did not provoke. . . . My friend was beaten so badly that he has little recollection beyond the first punch, and he did not wake up until many hours later in the hospital. He has relied on witnesses to tell him how brutal the beating was and the fact that the word “fags” repeatedly flew from the mouths of the attackers.

After recounting attack, Farris launches into a critique of MPD’s response to the beating:

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Last night, I watched Barack Obama’s acceptance speech on a neighbor’s high-falutin’ High Definition television. The up-close-and-personal HD technology appears to benefit no face on TV—silver fox Anderson Cooper could stand to lay off the foundation; silver Wolf Blitzer’s glinty eyes make him look perpetually high. Barack Obama, however, looks somehow even more fantastic; one member of the viewing party described him as “crisper” in HD. Mmm. Crispy.

Mid-speech, however, the HD turned on Obama, exposing a small collection of saliva in the left crease of the candidate’s mouth. (Spittle not pictured in the above Wikipedia-snatched photo). The development nearly incapacitated my housemate; he spent the remainder of the speech in a nervous fit, wishing aloud that one polite delegate would flag down the candidate and discretely wipe his own mouth, the telltale indication that Obama “has got something … right over … no … a little to the left … there, you’ve got it.”

One viewer twittered the spittle, in the hopes that some party operative would intervene. None answered our call.

Near the speech’s end, Obama did move to wipe the corner of his mouth, causing a grand celebration among the party. However, the move only displaced the spittle, helping it to migrate lower down the lip. My housemate hung his head in shame. High Definition spares no one.

Good luck, McCain.

- As Obama clinches the nomination, Slate catches up on the Biden ring tones. They’ve got “articulate and bright and clean” as well as the old favorite, “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.”

- Sick of the ‘ol convention twitter feed? Brightest Young Things is still live-blogging Project Runway.

- Behold: The Secret History of Pop Cesspool, Volume Eight. This time, P.C. engages in some mid-80’s clandestine pool jukeboxing.

- All Our Noise give us a back-to-school playlist inspired by Buffy.

- The Post’s Laura Yao critiques “The Re-Education of Women,” a new “guide to men” written by area man Dante Moore. “Maybe feminism is dead,” writes Yao, who fits in a number of funny Moore anecdotes before the kicker: “And so it is that in this messed-up world where relationships between men and women are plagued by misunderstandings, we are all to take lessons from a man who says his best decision as a teenager was to stop treating women well.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Growing up as an American girl, I was lucky enough to possess three historical American Girl dolls: Kirsten, the plucky Swedish frontier girl; Felicity, the plucky colonial; and Addy, the plucky escaped slave. I’m still waiting for American Girl to release “Amanda,” the disagreeable, middle-class ’90s girl who collects American Girl dolls.

If you think your daughter or adolescent female friend has that same doll-worthy charm, here’s her chance to become a plucky fashion model!

This November, the Prevention of Blindness Society of Metropolitan Washington will be hosting four American Girl fashion shows to benefit the society’s Children’s Vision Screening program. According to a press release, “The models do not have to be professionals, but girls with confidence and sparkle will make the show exciting for the audience.” Confident, sparkling girls will also excite by fitting the following “ideal” measurements:

• Girls must be either a size 10 or 6x
• Size 10 must be 54″ to 56″ in height, 28½” chest size and 24″ waist size
• Size 6x must be 48″ in height, 25¼” chest size and 22½” waist size

Auditions will be held on Thursday, Sept. 4, from 5 - 7 p.m. at Bethesda’s Imagination Stage. The casting call’s $25 fee includes a 5 x 7 inch photo and “a gift bag with snacks, water and a few surprises!” Modeling applications are available on-site, or by emailing americangirl@youreyes.org.

Commence the prepubescent chest measuring!

Photo by Jeff Sandquist

The child sat on the sidewalk, his legs splayed out beneath him. This was an improvement. A few minutes ago, he was lying on the ground on his back, flailing and screaming as his mother attempted to drag him into the Metro by the arm. Now, the boy had fortified his position on his butt. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest. Mom was waiting it out.

I watched the scene from a nearby bus stop, waiting for a 90 bus alongside an old woman who sported a gloriously brimmed hat and a permanently bemused expression. “Mmm,” said the woman, indicating the child. “Mmmm-mmm.”

A tall, bespectacled walker attempted to skirt quickly past the scene. “BAHH!” the child exclaimed, suddenly springing to action and extending his arms wildly in the man’s direction. The man jumped awkwardly and raised his hands in a position of surrender. “Sorry,” he mumbled, automatically, as he continued down the sidewalk.

The mother, the old woman, and I erupted in a bout of hideous laughter. We laughed together for several minutes, until our uproarious cackle faded into a sporadic snicker and finally back to silence. A wild, awkward grin remained on my face. The child, unamused, stared directly at me. When I was a child, I had performed similar stunts: Refusing to cross the threshold into daycare; screaming at my mother through freshly slammed doors; chasing after the cat for not surrendering to my forceful hugging regime. In my pièce de résistance, which I debuted in early adolescence, I had assumed a horizontal position in the middle of a ski hill, removed my skis and boots, and declared, in front of my wind-swept extended family, that I was to go no further.

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Many a book makes its way from the hands of the doe-eyed, hype-seeking paperback publisher to the illustrious, half-abandoned-cubicle-lined halls of the City Paper offices. Periodically, I will peruse our collection of these volumes, searching for the rare submission that rises above all others to offend me on the basis of its title alone. When I find this book, I will pluck it from the shelf, lazily skim its offerings until I confirm its offensiveness, then condemn it. Forever!

In this installment of … that, I didn’t have to search too hard to find my next top pick. This one was displayed prominently on the shelf and decorated with an anonymous yellow Post-It note that read, “TOP PICK!” The title, If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs, had the necessary gravitas to make me pick up the book. The author’s name, “Big Boom,” made me open that book, and explore its world.

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This Craigslist missed connection—which appears to be directed at Fox 5 News anchor Brian Bolter and all who work with him—was posted last night at 11:57 p.m.

Ch 5 Brian B - 40 (NW)

Brian B on air at 10,,,you are a suited sexy guy..

any1 in the office ever see him his shirt off? hairy? or his shoes off, what size feet?

The posting is accompanied by a photo of Bolter alongside an unidentified man. Both wear shirts.

For this week’s Show & Tell, I spoke to Ebony Tara Scurry, a Silver Spring career counselor who caters to the work woes of goths and other alterna-types. Pick up a paper or read all about it here.

In addition to Scurry’s one-on-one counseling through her newly launched “Eidolon Career Services,” she’s also prepared a couple of handy goth career manuals. One, Corporate Goth 101: Top Strategies for Bludgeoning to Death the 7 Most Common Workplace Problems, collects Scurry’s advice for the 9-to-5 goth set. One of the most common problems Scurry addresses in the book is the stress associated with going “undercover,” or hiding one’s goth personality from employers and coworkers. For those who do choose to fly the goth flag, the manual also includes help with fielding prying questions from co-workers, such as “Do you drink blood?” and “Do you cut yourself (and drink your own blood)?”—and offers up strategies for directing workplace banter into neutral territory. “Talk about your cat,” suggests Scurry. “If your cat’s name is Stigmata or Detriment, maybe you should talk about something else.”

For the goth-tolerant employer, Scurry has recently completed a companion piece to Corporate Goth 101, titled: How to Keep Your Gothic Employee From Putting a Satanic Curse On You (priced at $12.95). The manual, released yesterday, includes advice on eliminating goth teasing, dealing with corporate brass who wonder why an employee is “always wearing black,” and understanding the Eleven Satanic Rules of LaVeyian Satanism, which help explain strange behaviors in a Satanist’s workplace, or “lair.” Rule eleven: “When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them.”

Employers hoping to avoid destruction can read on to find other common mistakes. “Nicknames based on stereotypes are neither professional nor appropriate,” the manual reads, urging employers to avoid calling their employees ‘dead guy,’ ‘vampire,’ ‘Skeletor,’ and ‘Satan.’ Another word to the wise: “Please do not hide your gothic employee. No exceptions.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.