City Desk

Troll Call

How to Troll Congress

District voters approved an amendment to the city’s Home Rule Charter on Tuesday that could end the need for Congress and the White House to approve local budgets each year (unless the change is thrown out by the courts or by Congress, which is still possible). Which means the long-frustrating practice of federal lawmakers adopting “budget riders” that block local policies could finally be over; in past years, these riders have ordered an end to the taxi zone system, banned D.C. from paying for abortions with local Medicaid funds, and blocked the city from setting up a needle exchange program and counting votes in a referendum to legalize medicinal marijuana.

How should the D.C. Council push the limits of its new freedom? By passing legislation sure to infuriate the elected representatives from the rest of the nation in our midst, obviously.

  • Legalize marijuana, distribute two free ounces per month to each D.C. household
  • Sales tax surcharge on red, white, and blue T-shirts
  • Remove all federal buildings from local maps
  • Declare the D.C. National Guard loyal to the Royal Canadian Army
  • Shut down Charlie Palmer Steak
  • Rezone Capitol Hill to ban dry cleaners, mandate storefront needle exchanges
  • Rename Nationals Park “Locals Park”
  • New sister city: Pyongyang
  • Donate Reeves Center to Cuban Interests Section of Embassy of Switzerland
  • Levy 85 percent surtax on all lobbying or political consulting income
  • Pass resolution saying D.C. no longer recognizes Texas as a state
  • Rename Union Station “Marion Barry Jr. Station”
  • Declare airspace over Wilson Building to be “So Fly Zone”
  • Build 24-hour amphitheater dedicated to live go-go next to Capitol South Metro station
  • Secede

Photo by Office of the Architect of the Capitol via Wikimedia Commons

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  • noodlez

    THE 24HR GO-GO AMPHITHEATER BY CAPITAL SOUTH IS DOABLE!

    LETS GET SOME MOVEMENT ON THAT DC COUNCIL.

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