City Desk

University of Maryland Sorority Sister Promises to “C*nt Punt” Loser Sisters

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon

University of Maryland Greek Week can be stressful, especially if your sorority sisters aren't helping out. All that pressure has inspired one frenzied Delta Gamma sister to pen a brain-busting rant of an email, which has found its way to Gawker.

"Tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in," she begins awesomely. "Because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride."

The email writer's sorority has been paired up with Sigma Nu fraternity—a big win for them—but this status-boosting development has been threatened by sloppy sisters. They talk to one another instead of flirting with Sigma Nus, even cheering for rival teams instead of their frat partners. "I will fucking cuntpunt the next person I hear about doing something like that," our correspondent warns.

Another problem for Delta Gamma: crappy party post-gaming. That's right, apparently kids are post-gaming now, and doing it badly:

This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events.

In closing, make sure you remember what Sigma Nu boys don't like:


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  • Erin

    I gotta give her credit–she sounds like a total bitch, but she's got style.

  • Jennifer

    All this fuss over Sigma Nu? Seriously, SIGMA NU!?!

  • DC

    I take no credit for this, but Gawker's Emma Carmichael had the best response:

    "PREDICTION: Sorority Girl will get a book deal, and the book will be called LEAN THE FUCK IN BEFORE I CUNT PUNT YOU."

  • SWMLuvah

    Way to represent your chapter and sorority, you wackjob! Can't wait to see what their National Office says!!

  • Rocko

    yeah, seriously, Sigma Nu? What has happened to the world?

  • Big Ant

    You guys need to read the whole posting its very funny. All of this over Sigma Nu

  • scallywag

    Then again you have to wonder about someone who takes too much pride in finding their identity planted on the sakes of some social pecking order, real or imagined.

  • Ringo

    Decades later, I have no regrets about rushing any fraternity. None of my frat friends were happy with their affiliation after a mere two years of membership. Based on this bullying, screaming-bitch-from-hell email, I can't imagine sorority life is any more appealing or sustaining.

    How *does* one cunt punt, anyway?

  • Lisa Newlin

    And don't forget that if you are going to be boners at the event...DON'T FUCKING GO!

    She means business! You gotta respect a gal who knows how to use "cunt punt" effectively.

    Here's how I would have responded. It's obviously hilarious and brilliant.

  • yrral

    Ringo wrote "How *does* one cunt punt, anyway?"

    The same way one dick kicks, of course.

  • jeni

    Someone in L.A.'s already sitting in a cafe', transforming this into a screenplay starring Emma Stone and Anna Farris. Cameron Diaz shows up in Act II as a rep from the national board.

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  • Lisa Newlin

    Apparently she has now "resigned" from the sorority. We all knew it was coming, but parting is still such sweet sorrow, isn't it?

    I wrote what I'd like to believe is a pretty accurate depiction of what her email to the sorority would look like if she wrote one announcing her resignation.