City Desk

Groupon Pitches the Wizards as Disaster Porn

Imagine that you're Groupon (uh-oh!). You have to sell a $69 combo deal for a Wizards jersey, pregame access, and tickets to see the team play the Los Angeles Lakers or the Miami Heat. But the Wizards are cratering, and tickets to their games are going for a couple of dollars. What to do?

Pitch the team as so bad that their failure could cost thousands of lives and precipitate environmental catastrophe, of course! Emphasis added:

Watching an athlete succeed is supremely satisfying, though curiously, so is watching a dam fail. Feel the rush with this GrouponLive deal to see the Washington Wizards hit the hardwood at the Verizon Center.

Groupon's copywriters try a more positive approach later in the offer, describing the Wizards' bench as "flush with young stars eager to make their presence known in the league." Which they certainly have done, if not in the way they intended.

Dam photo by Shutterstock.

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