Waterfront Man Considers Paying Gentrifier Protection Money
Property crime is a fact of life in Washington, especially in neighborhoods with changing demographics. But it might not have to be. After one Southwest Waterfront resident's car was broken into Sunday night, he decided to rollerblade on a nearby basketball court, which lead to an idea.
He was concerned that area children would rob him of his 'blades, until he had an idea. Instead of being mugged, why not pay them to protect his car?
"I want to use the neighborhood basketball/tennis courts to practice some slalom cone skating, but there's a group of 'yutes' hanging around there," writes Reddit user "minigiggles," explaining his problem.
In addition to the whole "being a person who uses rollerblades" problem, there is a racial complication. "I'm an older white guy, they are young and black, it's their turf and there's probably some tension since it's a neighborhood in transition," he writes.
But "minigiggles" has a plan:
I was thinking about skating anyway and if they approach maybe offer to pay them to look after my car at night. But I'm also in $500 skates...
No word yet on whether this Reddit user's plan to pay children to hang around his car will succeed. Our quick-thinking gentrifier hasn't responded to a request for comment, and this could be just another Internet hoax. But if it isn't, dibs on the rights to Crash: The Rollerblade Musical.
Rollerblading picture by Shutterstock.