City Desk

How to Get Laid at a D.C. Election Party, According to Some Dude

Voting's pretty cool, what with the chance to change the country and all. Even at the local level, there are big decisions to make. But wouldn't it be cooler if it also led to sex?

That's the plan for pseudonymous Washington writer "Brett Hannons," who runs a blog about his sexploits. Hannons has come out with a guide to, ah, casting your ballot at an election party tonight. Here's a summary of his tips:

Get Out There: Booty calls today are a fool's errand, according to Hannons. "You can’t fuck from home," he writes. "Not on election night."

Remain An Enigma: No one wants a disappointed Obama or Romney fan ruining the mood, so keep your own opinions vague, Hannons advises. "You are not here because of your beliefs," he writes. "You are here to sleep with people who have beliefs."

Transition During the Concession Speech: This is where things get especially sleazy. Hannons suggests pretending that you're really interested in hearing the candidates' speeches, and being concerned that you won't hear them because of noise at the party. Instead, suggest that the two of you head back to your place, where the sound is better. "Talk about winning the popular vote," he writes.

Good luck out there. Again, remember not to reveal what party you're rooting for. Pick-up artistry is all about the mystery (and the Mystery):

If you show no affiliation, people will automatically become intrigued.

“Maybe he’s a libertarian.”

Which actually would explain a lot about libertarians.

Correction: The post originally listed the wrong pseudonym for "Brett Hannons."

Election photo by Shutterstock.

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  • wam

    But keep in mind that 30% of voters fucked early this year.

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