City Desk

Millennials Will Suck D.C. Dry, Says Grumpy Man

Bike lanes!

Move over, Courtland Milloy. Karl Jeremy is D.C.'s newest antagonist of myopic little twits, and he's on the hunt for some millennials.

Jeremy's latest contribution to themail newsletter appeared Sunday, when he wondered why D.C. officials continue to work with Greater Greater Washington blogger Dave Alpert to reach young residents. The effect of the partnership has been dire, according to Jeremy:

Gracious streets have become clogged with bike lanes, bus shelters are lit up with advertising, and national parkland is threatened with children’s play equipment.

Alpert, the Millennial Mason himself, has a nice takedown of Jeremy's complaints about parks. But the real question is, when did advertising in bus stations become a millennial issue?

Alpert is not alone in his schemes, according to Jeremy. He's joined by Greater Greater Washington commenters and new Housing Complex writer Aaron Wiener, who has "adopted his predecessor’s disrespectful tone."

But the only thing worse than millennials being here, for Jeremy, is millennials...not being here?

The city may awake one day and discover that the Millennials are no longer here. They’ve moved on to the sounds of a different piper, faraway places, and fun and games. They really didn’t care about the future of Washington, they cared about good times and easy living for themselves.

The good times and easy living of the smart-growth set, exposed. I don't know whether you're in "the lifestyle," but as long as the secret's out, here's a slice of how my crew and I lived it this weekend. First we tore up a voluntary agreement, then we looked at bus-shelter ads as a pregame, and then—and this is really where I need to untag the pictures in the morning—we built a pop-up park. Anybody who says they remember that ANC meeting wasn't really there!

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

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  • PeterO

    What's a "gracious street"?

  • Jim Ed

    I thought Millenials were people born around the turn of the millenium...? David Alpert is in his mid 30s, so the label seems misused, as I was expecting to see this be some screed about out of control lines clogging traffic for a Twilight opening or One Direction concert.

    But then again, I'm being myopic, so maybe I'm apart of the problem.

  • cmon man

    Millennials*. You spell it differently every other sentence.

  • name

    If DC's long time residents had focused more on bringing in businesses to provide jobs, rather than using them as a kickback scheme to provide unemployment benefits, they might have had nice things too.

    If they had actually voted schemers and scammers out of office, instead of finger wagging them and returning them year after year, you might have had your meager spending put to better uses than the local liquor store.

    You inherited a beautiful city with gorgeous houses and you let them decay. You treated the streets like a trash bin as if someone, someone you couldn't afford to pay, was going to come along and clean up after yourselves.

    Even a 10 year old child knows how to clean up after himself. You're a bunch of children.

    You reap what you sow old farts.

  • Ben

    "national parkland is threatened by children's play equipment" Hahahaha...what?!

  • Will Sommer

    @Cmon man: Thanks, I was too caught up in whether "millennial" has two l's or one to notice the n's. Fixed now.

  • Jes’ sayin’

    Children's play equipment threatening national park land?

    Where will it all end?


  • Drez

    And here I thought our streets were clogged with cars.

  • Rychard

    I'm disappointed that you consider "themail" of any real significance. Lest you forget that they gave the infamous Jonathan Rees the time of day.

  • Remote

    Why do does a writer for cp give someone with whom they disagree the time of day? So that they can show their outrage, their sarcasm, and demonstrate high dudgeon. It's the City Paper afterall! All attitude and nothin else.

    They never walk away from a reference to either themail or David Alpert. Because look: 9 no 10 comments. A record!

  • JM

    There are larger points here. Alpert and Co seem to care much more about luring young people to DC than catering to the needs of those already here, particularly those of us middle-aged or older. Different stages of life have different priorities, and the endless emphasis on new bars/restaurants and density are more important to younger people. We need development policies that cater to all stages of life including families and seniors.

  • John

    Alpert's problem is not only ignoring the older population but the thousands of commuters who come into the city every day! He also throws away the tourists to the Nations Capitol and pretends this group is not important to the economics and reality of the city. Then to continue telling everyone to take the metro and ignore those problems of operation and reliability. If he ever gets out of fantasy land he might be useful.

  • Potowmack

    @John- Commuters and tourists are just as well-served by better public transit, access to bikeshare and a modern approach to parks and public spaces as DC residents. I don't see how websites like GGG and bloggers like Alpert can be considered hostile to those two groups. As just one example, pro-urbanism bloggers were at the forefront in helping to pressure the NPS to change its antiquated policies on allowing expanded transit options and adding Capital Bikeshare onto the Mall. Those changes benefit tourists to a much greater extent than locals.

  • Jack

    The flood of younger people to the District has been a welcome change to many of us longtime residents. Gone are the days when the District was the place where nobody wanted to live, and everyone who could do so, fled to the suburbs. It's a delight to see downtown DC alive at night.

    That said, it can be annoying to have the newcomers assert that, now that they're here, they're going to change things to suit themselves. The resident here (Mt Pleasant) who bought a house adjacent to the 42-bus turnaround, then demanded that the bus routes be changed because she didn't like the bus noise, comes to mind.

    One has to respect David Alpert's efforts to improve the city. But sometimes this comes across as running roughshod over us, the residents who made our homes here in the bad old days, long before the District renaissance.

  • 7r3y3r

    That can definitely be annoying (and that lady sounds like an ass). That said, it's also how our democracy works. We all suggest what we want and then majority rules (except when infringing upon constitutional rights).

    That or you funnel a ton of money to your favorite politicians and bypass the majority and/or common sense. Hurray for free speech! But I digress.

  • anne

    Why do we need bus stop ads if we are using the bike lanes?

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