City Desk

$4.5 Million For Pandas That Won’t Have Sex With Each Other

Pandas are the worst. They're lazy, they won't have sex with each other (unless they're related), they fake pregnancies, and when they do manage to get pregnant, they almost always let one of the babies die.

But whatever! The National Zoo is celebrating a $4.5 million gift from David M. Rubenstein that will fund its useless panda-breeding program for the next five years.

“On behalf of the Zoo Advisory Board, we are most grateful to David for his generous gift, which keeps the beloved giant pandas at the National Zoo for Washington, D.C., and all Americans to enjoy,” said John Marriott, chair of the Smithsonian’s National Zoo Advisory Board. “More importantly, his generosity will enable us and our Chinese partners to continue our conservation work to give this critically endangered species the chance to survive in its native habitat.”

Sure, habitat is part of the problem, but lest we forget: They're also critically endangered because they won't have sex to save their own lives!

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

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  • noodlez

    MR RUBENSTEIN NEED TO GET HIS FUCKING HEAD EXAMINED!

    $4.5 MIL FOR SOME GOT DAMN PANDA TO GET PREGNANT IN CAPTIVITY?? SOMEONE SHOULD TELL HIM THAT WE ARE RENTING THE DAMN THING FROM CHINA! I WANT TO MEET THE GUY WHO SUCKERED HIM INTO GIVING THE $4.5 MIL!!!

    IT'S MOFO'S HOMELESS AND HUNGRY OUT HERE AND HIS CONTRIBUTION TO CONTINUE THE SICKNING PANDA VOYEURISM SHOWS THE LEVEL THAT WE AS HUMANS HAVE DROPPED TO!

    UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE.

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