City Desk

The Best And Worst Earthquake Jokes

D.C. Earthquake: Best and Worst Jokes

Today's 5.8 magnitude earthquake left a lot of D.C. shaken—but not as shaken as the jokes that flooded Twitter immediately afterwards left us. Here, Washington City Paper ranks earthquake humor on a scale from 0 to 5.8.

1.2: "Maybe the #DebtCeiling finally collapsed #DCQuake #BreakingNews" (@ShepardSmithFox)

1.3: "in recent news, the #DCquake has been upgraded, much to the chagrin of the US credit rating." (@JaminAgosti)

2.1: "My earthquake brings all the boys to the yard." (@MarissaPayne)

3.4: "Earthquakes are caused by shifting tectonic plates, cups, and silverware." (@FakeScience)

4.8: "Two for one deals tonight, Shake Shack. Make it happen." (@DCSportsBog)

5.1: "Prediction: several pictures on Jack Evans’ vanity walls have fallen to the ground." (@AlanSuderman)

5.2: "Just like New Yorkers to feel an earthquake from another state and act like it was centered in NY." (@bbchase)

5.4: "Can only hope this quake gets Larry Sabato some much-needed expousure..." (@MarkLeibovich)

5.5: "DEVELOPING: Darrell Issa launches inquiry into why Obama didn't prevent the #earthquake" (@DaveWeigel)

5.8: "SORRY LIBYAN REBELS, THE GROUND OVER HERE SHOOK FOR LIKE 15 SECONDS. GOOD LUCK W/ EVERYTHING, WE DON'T CARE ANYMORE." (@DanAmira)

Photo illustration by Brooke Hatfield

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Comments

  1. #1

    RT @JLCauvin: Data said the Earthquake was a 5.9, but the Earthquake insisted that it was a 7.3 if measured from the base of its shaft.

  2. #2

    The dude in the illo looks a lot like Mike Riggs.

  3. #3

    Anyone else hear that Standard and Poor's just downgraded it from a 5.8 to a 4.5?

  4. #4

    My Kelis joke would've killed it in 2003...

  5. #5

    Obama wanted a 3.4 magnitude earthquake, but the Republicans wanted a 5.8. So Obama compromised, and went with a 5.8.

  6. #6

    The fault had no name...guess Obama will call it the BUSH FAULT!.

    Whitehouse has been evacuated due to the earthquake.....QUICK...someone change the locks~

  7. #7

    Not an earthquake; the founding fathers just rolled over in their graves!

  8. #8

    Hilarious, Marilyn! I'm glad we can share a laugh at the prospect of locking that weirdly nonwhite man out of the White House.

  9. #9

    Teaparty launches House Special Panel to investigate how Obamacare triggered recent earthquakes in east, fires/drought in west, and hurricane in south.

    Teaparty announces proposal to cut taxes paid by top bracke "job creators" and corporations as rememdy for earthquakes. "With these adjustments," noted Rep Ryan, "there will never be earthquakes again. Ever. Anywhere."

  10. #10

    After the Earthquake in the DC area President Obama announces that his "shovel ready" projects may now take off but he adds he will be requesting Two (2) Trillion more.

  11. #11

    After the Earthquake in the DC area President Obama states he is not vacationing no more at Martha's Vineyard but will still take his 5 more vacations coming to him this year.

  12. #12

    President Obama needs to go back to science class. He reported this morning that the area where the earthquake started from wash "Bush's Fault"

  13. #13

    HEY RAY MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK
    AND YOUR JOKES ARE DUMB
    WHY DONT YOU CRAWL BACK INTO W'S PANTS
    AND FINISH STROKING HIS DICK WITH YOUR TONGUE!

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