City Desk

TBD Envisions National Mall of Menstruating Fake Protesters Desperately Searching for Tampons

I'll admit: Washington City Paper (along with many other sites across the country) is in quite a tizzy over this fake protest thing on the National Mall this weekend. Perhaps so obsessed with it that the idea of attending Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's planned mayhem is starting to sound a bit lame. Why? Because TBD, in particular, has sucked all the living fun out of the rally.

Their coverage is painfully overdone. They will tell you where to eat, sleep, play, and have random sex. They've mapped out pretty much everything in D.C. you'll ever need to find. They even offer suggestions on sleeping outside or in the Greyhound Station. You know, like a homeless person. It's so ironic! And if that wasn't enough, they have an archive search bringing up 628 items mentioning the rally.

But that's not the worst part. Today TBD posted the ever-so-handy guide to finding tampons on the National Mall. No joke. There's no mention of the fact that finding a tampon machine that is stocked and also having a quarter counts as a small miracle anywhere these days. We'll play it smart and just tell you to stop being an idiot and plan ahead. If it's that time of the month, put some tampons in your fanny pack or shove that DivaCup up there for the day. You'll survive.

Our conclusion? TBD doesn't seem to realize that hordes of people, INCLUDING MENSTRUATING WOMEN, head to the National Mall every weekend. This isn't the first large-scale event on the Mall and it certainly won't be the last. But apparently the fake protesters will be in particular need of tampons, unexpectedly, while marching around chuckling at their ironic fun while un-ironically bleeding through their skinny jeans. Best advised to avoid grinding on the cute girl in front of you unless you want period stains ala SuperBad:

Photo by me and sysop via WikiMedia Commons/Creative Commons license

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  • Steve

    Based on the cranky attitude of this article, do I even need to ask the obvious question?

  • Weren

    I believe that article was created for part of the rally guide that TBD placed in The Onion. In the vein of Onion humor, this tongue and cheek piece fits in. Really, this is a comedy rally, right?

  • Sarah Godfrey

    I have found myself at the mall and in need of a tampon, Emily Kaiser! Clinton inauguration! It was a bad scene! This piece was inspired by real-life lady experience, so there! Nice pic, tho.

  • Kim Ha

    ew. that picture is worse than the used pad the situation put in angelina's bed.

  • cbr

    This article is seriously whiny, and the photo is just unnecessary. Ugh. Sometimes you guys just SUCK.

  • J

    ewww cbr - your prob on the rag too

  • JT

    Your sense of humor is very advanced. Very advanced indeed. Even after re-reading this four times with the assumption that it MUST be satirical, or tongue-in-cheek, or something other than just plain sour grapes, boring, missing-the-point-of-everything-around-it, I can't seem to conclude that.

    Nor does it seem possible that anyone could take themselves this seriously when actually writing about an event that is in fact centered upon the notion that everyone should lighten up a little bit.

    This paradox seems irreconcilable. I can only assume that you have developed an advanced form of satire that is so clever in its self-referentiality, that only its author could realize it is satire. I bow to your invention, a new form of cleverness, generations ahead of its time.