City Desk

Cheap Seats Daily: Does Everybody Despise Phil Simms As Much I Do?

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As forecast in the lede of the current Cheap Seats column, Drew Brees was named Super Bowl MVP.

And as promised shortly thereafter by a spokesman for the Redskins' designated drinkmaker, Diageo, Brees did not strike a Captain Morgan pose on the field at game's end, even with all those reports that the boozers put up a $100,000 bounty for such an act.

That's cool. Woulda been cooler if he did.

I think NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell spoke for everybody during the trophy ceremony, when he told Saints owner Tom Benson: "The inspiration you provided...is inspiring."

And all the meat I ate during the game was meaty...

***

My favorite moment of Super Bowl came late in the fourth quarter with the Saints up a touchdown, when broadcaster Phil Simms went long and hard about what defensive strategy Gregg Williams should employ if he wanted to win.

"I'm gonna say this" Phil Simms declared. "If I was the New Orleans Saints, I would not blitz."

(AFTER THE JUMP: Did the Saints follow Simms' counsel? No? How'd it work out? You make a Phil McConkey reference? You still hate that guy, right? You go after Pete Townshend and that set list again? He played THAT? How much were scalpers getting for Georgetown/Villanova? Really? Whatever happened to the T-Shirt Gatling Gun?)

Simms finished his savantitudes just in time to watch the Saints blitz and force Peyton Manning to throw what will go down as the most famous pass of his career, an interception to Tracy Porter run back for a touchdown to seal the New Orleans win. Simms' waywardness thrilled me much more than the interception.

Simms didn't giggle enough at his counsel, even though it had been as misguided as Manning's throw: "You know what?" he said. "When moments are crucial in a game, you go with what you do."

And what you did when the moments were crucial in this game, Phil, was babble. Thanks!

(Full disclosure: I love hearing Simms sound like such a soap bag too much, as a result of being scarred forever from all those times Pat Summerall called "Simms to McConkey!" for 14 yards on 3rd and 13 in Giants/Skins games that mattered. Simms and McConkey wrote a book about themselves called "Simms to McConkey." I still can't stand 'em.)

***

Back to dead-on predictions: Our forecasts for the halftime set, made long ago, also proved more reliable than Topper Shutt during Tsnownami 2K10. Here's a list of tunes from the Who songbook that we said wouldn't be, um, touched because of Pete Townshend's past foibles, and the movement to get him booted off the Super Bowl bill:

The Kids are Alright
Pictures of Lily
It's a Boy
I'm a Boy
It's Hard
Slip Kid
Little Billy
Young Man Blues
Imagine a Man
Cousin Kevin Model Child
A Legal Matter
When I Was a Boy
Real Good Looking Boy (a whopper on the Who's latest greatest hits CD.)

And, the band played not a note from a one of 'em.

Nostradoofus also predicted in this very space: "I can't see how the Who can get offstage, however, without playing 'See Me, Feel Me' – 'touch me' references and all."

Bang! We got a verse of "See Me, Feel Me" — a quick one, in Who parlance — before the band wrapped up so Pete wouldn't miss any E Trade commercials.

Bottom line: Come to Cheap Seats Daily for all the news, before it happens...

***

The Verizon Center's P.A. announcer was the scalpers' best friend for Saturday's Georgetown/Villanova matchup.

I was standing outside the arena for about a half-hour before the game taking in Tsnownami 2K10 and the big-game buzz, and every few minutes a female voice would come out of the loudspeakers near the main entrance on F Street declaring, "This game is sold out! There are no tickets available!"

And every time she said it, the scalpers working F Street would start yelling "The game is sold out! Who needs tickets?" Thereby creating a sense of  great urgency among the shivering, ticketless hordes coming off the Metro. And business was hopping for the unsanctioned vendors. In the last transaction I saw, just before tipoff, the scalper got his first asking price — $170 for a pair of club level seats.

This despite the horrendous weather and traffic conditions, which resulted in an official attendance of 10,387 — meaning about 10,000 tickets for the game went unused. The folks who'd just paid $180 probably felt silly when they walked in and saw the upper bowl was all but empty at the start of the game.

But, those that showed up got there money's worth from the entire home team and from Fairfax County's own Scottie Reynolds, who had 24 points for Villanova with two or three Hoyas running at him all game.

The best shooting of the afternoon came from the T-Shirt Gatling Gun, shown above (sort of) in a photo taken by Dave "Not Darrow" McKenna. I don't know why these things haven't taken over the world yet.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

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  • sock puppet

    Did he really say that while awarding an award?

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