City Desk

Morning Roundup: The Panic Edition

tp300There is no time for pleasantries this morning. There is time only for panic.

If you haven't begun to panic, it is too late. True panic must begin early. Otherwise, it is not true panic. And it doesn't help.

Anyway, listen up, City Desk!

The good folks over at the National Weather Service are also panicked: They have issued a winter storm warning from midnight tonight through 6 a.m. Sunday morning.

*PRECIP TYPE... SNOW
*ACCUMULATIONS... HEAVY SNOW WITH ACCUMULATIONS OF 5
TO 10 INCHES THROUGH SUNSET SATURDAY. LOCALLY HIGHER
AMOUNTS POSSIBLE... MAINLY IN OR NEAR SOUTHERN
MARYLAND. ADDITIONAL ACCUMULATIONS EXPECTED SATURDAY
NIGHT.
*TIMING... SNOW WILL BEGIN LATE FRIDAY NIGHT AND WILL
CONTINUE THROUGH SUNDAY MORNING.
*TEMPERATURES... UPPER 20S TO LOWER 30S THROUGH THE
BALTIMORE-WASHINGTON METROPOLITAN AREA. MID TO
UPPER 20S ACROSS WESTERN MARYLAND.
*WINDS... 10 TO 20 MPH THROUGH THE EVENT... WITH
GUSTS OF 25 TO 30 MPH SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.

A winter storm warning, by the way,

MEANS SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF SNOW... SLEET...
AND ICE ARE EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. STRONG WINDS ARE
ALSO POSSIBLE. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY HAZARDOUS
OR IMPOSSIBLE.

I mean, how is everyone supposed to get to the mall this weekend?

To divert you for a moment from your true panic, or your delayed onset panic over having not started to panic early enough, I offer a few fun snow facts, brought to you care of Richard J. Wild, a British meteorologist who is really, really into snow. On his Web site, he answers questions like how big can snowflakes get (up to 5 cm in diameter; Brits use the metric system, remember? since I am American, I have no idea how big this is), why is snow white (because its color is related "to its opaqueness, its transparency and its ability to reflect sunlight"), and why people build snowmen (in days of yore: to ward off evil spirits; now: for fun!).

If you would like to know more, you can download Wild's Ph.D thesis (£9.95; since I am American, I have no idea how much this is).

But back to the panic: How much toilet paper is enough for the type of storm predicted by the National Weather Service for this weekend?

Surely someone has come up with some kind of algorithm to determine how much is enough. (If you are my father, no amount of toilet paper is ever enough.) I asked my husband this morning, and he said the rule is one role per person per inch of snow. So, in our household, assuming we get the full 10 inches (one must prepare for the worst but hope for the best), that means we would need 20 rolls. I just counted, and we have only 11. And two of them are not even full!

I wonder how much they have over at the National Weather Service.

Now go count your toilet paper! Panic! And follow me on Twitter!

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Comments

  1. #1

    LOL at the toilet paper formula!!!! I only have 2 rolls left I should be running screaming into the street. lol.

  2. #2

    As the Hitchhiker's Guide prints, in large friendly letters:

    Don't Panic.

  3. #3

    Can someone please spare a square?

  4. #4

    I'm not sure about this. The Alert DC e-mail says it's a "Winter Strom Warning", so I'm preparing for zombie Thurmond. Shotgun shells and scythes will be more helpful than toilet paper.

  5. #5

    According to Douglas Adams, 1 towel = 10 rolls of TP!

  6. #6

    Dear God... The Returning of the Strom!

    I always knew this would happen eventually; I just didn't think I'd be around to see it.

    May Strom have mercy on us all.

  7. #7

    This is the formula I'm more concerned about:

    Multiply the number of guests by the number of hours the party will last. Add the number of guests to that number. The sum is the approximate total number of glasses you’ll need. Divide the sum by 5. That’s how many bottles you’ll need (there are 5 glasses in each 750 ml bottle). For example, having a two-hour party for 20 people? Assume you’ll need 60 glasses of wine (12 bottles).

    So if two people are snowed in for 48 hours.... geez that is almost 20 bottles, I better stock up!!!!

  8. #8

    Fortunately zombies don't drink much.

  9. Comrade Al Gonzales
    #9

    I just got gang-banged by three hot blonde MILFs at the Cleveland Park Giant. Total panic here in NW. Martial law is imminent.

    I bought a six-pack of double rolls of Cottonelle on Monday. My girlfriend may be a radical communist, & she is redder than Red Castro, but - she insists upon the good TP.

    I hope we get a foot of snow. No rain, all snow, please please please.

  10. Comrade Al Gonzales
    #10

    Upper NW DC: cougars & MILFs & nannies, oh my!
    Coeds & office girls & an artist or two,
    These are a few of the lovelies I knew.

  11. #11

    IT' NOT GOING TO SNOW!!!!!!!

  12. #12

    Say what, Mangus?

Comments Shown. Turn Comments Off.
...