Bad Holiday Gift Idea #1
Apologies for all those faithful readers who count on seeing this classic annual City Desk series hit the Web a bit earlier in the holiday season, the better to steer people away from reckless gifting decisions.
That said, let's get right into it, via ever-reliable supplier of ridiculous implements and innovations Hammacher Schlemmer. To begin with, how could any company so named do anything well. (Oops, I work for Creative Loafing Inc., so I guess I should retract that last swipe.)
Today we're featuring Hammacher Schlemmer's stainless steel wallet. Take a good two or three minutes to feast your eyes on this gem:
Now there's a space-age wallet for ya. And that's no coincidence, either. Based on the description provided by Hammacher Schlemmer, this beaut is "woven using 25,000 flexible stainless-steel threads that are three times thinner than a piece of paper–.001"" and is of the same "metal fabric found in the architecture, aerospace, and automotive industries."
Other selling points: it's resistant to "corrosive materials such as salts, acids, and seawater." Right there is a timely feature, because just this morning, I was complaining to a friend about how my current wallet was getting walloped by all kinds of acids and seawater. Just killing the damn thing.
WE'RE BURYING THE LEDE HERE! This wallet also "passively resists radio-frequency hacking—the latest identity theft technique that attempts to scan newer credit cards."
Finally: If you had any doubts as to how innovative this stainless steel wallet is, just know that Hammacher Schlemmer calls it the "Only Stainless Steel Wallet."
What's next—The Only Stainless Steel Pillow? The Only Stainless Steel Handkerchief? The Only Stainless Steel U-trou?
11:56 am
If you drop it in the river, will it float?
12:24 pm
One more thing you have to put through the metal detector...
12:37 pm
I already have a steel wallet, it looks a lot like a binder
clip.
2:09 pm
Excellent point, D-bone. The metal detector factor alone makes this gift a no-go. In fact, I was seriously considering buying one until you pointed that out.
2:32 pm
I'm with Dave Jamieson. My current wallet is falling apart, and something durable to replace it might be nice. But in security theater Washington this wallet would rapidly become a pain in the rear.
3:24 pm
My props to DeBone as well. Would love to have put that in the post. Perhaps I'll sneak it in there under the guise of an "Update."
3:43 pm
I don't think that would make a difference. When I go to the airport or enter a federal building, I always put my wallet into the little tray, even though it is certainly not stainless steel. Why not? They say empty everything out of your pockets.
7:02 pm
I like the binder-clip idea. Staples has them in shiny stainless (or are they chrome?).
10:21 pm
I have one of these and I like it. it is cool looking and silky.
the box it comes in is awesome too; it's held together with magnets.
I wish this piece of so called journalism actually tested the wallet and listed some faults. so, here is a list of the wallet's actual faults.
1. I wish this wallet had magnets like its cool case-- it snaps open pretty easily.
2. the edges are pointy on the non-folded side, and in a test of cutting a cotton rag, the edges sliced through under moderate straightarm pressure. however, if u are a ninja, this may make it cooler. remember, most denim and khaki is made of cotton.
3. there is enough space for the absolute necessities, but not much more. it is not possible to pack-rat biz cards into this wallet.
4. the stainless steel may last a long-*** time, but the thread holding the sections together will rot and decay like the thread holding leather wallets. the holes seem big enough for a standard needle, though, so I suppose you could restitch it.
I hope some of this is actually helpful, and that the author of this lazy smear campaign is more clear about what a u-trou is in the future. maybe a glossary?