City Desk

Cheap Seats Daily: Albert Haynesworth Pays for ‘Skinny Bitches on the Rag?’

Thanksgiving, a time for food, football, family...and begging Dan Snyder to do the right thing.

The Los Angeles Times on Friday ran an editorial stating something obvious to everybody outside the Beltway: The name "Redskins" is a local and national embarrassment.

From the editorial, titled "The 'Redskins' Should Go":

Rush Limbaugh, who on his radio show has referred to Native Americans as "Injuns," was rejected as a pro football team owner because of his racial insensitivity. Yet the National Football League doesn't seem bothered that one of its franchises uses an ethnic slur as a team name, one so foul that even Limbaugh would hesitate to utter it.

An etymological study determined that the term "red skin" was first used in the early 19th century by Native Americans themselves, as a way to distinguish their people from the "white skins." But over the years, the term has taken on ugly connotations. A football team called the Crackers or the Darkies probably wouldn't be tolerated for long, yet the Washington Redskins have been using their offensive moniker since moving from Boston in 1937, and current owner Daniel Snyder has ignored calls to change it.

The timing ain't random: If it weren't for the Indians, remember, we wouldn't have the holiday.

Get it over with, Dan. You're going to fire Vinny. You're going to have to get a big screen TV for FedExField. And you're going to have to change the name of the team.

(Speaking of local D.C. customs that stain our country: how 'bout about the L.A. Times publishes some editorials decrying the equally obvious evil that D.C. residents don't have a vote? Go back and ask the out-of-town relatives who you spent Thanksgiving with if they know that D.C. residents don't have a vote. They won't. They won't believe you. Why, that would be un-American!)

(But back to the dark-hearted name for a quick sec: Every time I read about the offensiveness of "Redskins," I seek out "If You Own the Washington Redskins, You're a Cock," the greatest thing ever written about the team's hateful name. Anybody wanna argue with what Atom says in his tune? I dare you.)

***

Well, if there were any questions: Jim Zorn's finally off the hot seat. Sonny Jurgensen let it slip that Zorn's off the seat entirely.

(AFTER THE JUMP: Jurgy says bye bye Jimmy? Albert Haynesworth, drinking man of the people? Albert's favorite hangout is in Reston? Albert's favorite drink has a ridiculous name? Tiger Woods' latest hole: Driver into the trees, Caddy takes a wedge?)

Jurgensen, the Redskins Kingmaker and Dan Snyder smoking buddy — Sonny wants Jeff George? Snyder gets Jeff George — said during yesterday's pregame show that the decision on whether to keep or jettison Jason Campbell will be left up to the "next coach."

But...but...but...but!

Oh, right. Sonny knows things.

***

Awesome trivia about yesterday's inevitable loss in Philly: Zorn's 2008 and 2009 teams have now tied the longest road losing streak in Redskins history, at nine games.

***

This morning the Sports Junkies told tales of Albert Haynesworth hanging out the night before Thanksgiving at Jackson's, a bar in Reston Town Center.

In an era where athletes are said to be inaccessible, here's the highest paid guy on the Redskins pounding drinks with commoners. That's like the 10th "Albert-Haynesworth-Was-Drinking-at-Jackson's" tale I've heard in the last several weeks. Seriously.

Guess that means Reston Town Center is the new downtown, and Jackson's is to Haynesworth as Duke Zeibert's once was to Larry King.

The delicious new twist in this Haynesworth story: Junkies producers said Haynesworth's go-to drink is Skinny Bitch on the Rag, described as a vodka and club soda with a  splash of cranberry.

When you're 400 pounds of mean, you can order whatever you want.

***

Tiger Woods ain't local, but, hell, he belongs to us all. So I can't get out here without some mention of a story that ain't going away anytime soon.

Tiger's not talking.

Though, in his world, running over a fire hydrant is a private matter. I don't think the rest of us can say that and get away with it. Who's he think he is, Dick Cheney?

But, through the silence, this has become perfectly clear: When he gets behind closed doors, including closed doors on a late-model Escalade that have been pounded into submission by his wife wielding the same club he chipped in off the 16th hole to win the 2005 Masters, Tiger's as big a mess as the rest of us!

All jokes aside, I think this incident will be devastating to Tiger. Al Green's the last man who came out of a high-profile domestic scene like this without being a punchline. And he had to turn his over his life to God to be taken seriously.

Lionel Richie? Chuck Finley? And Tiger?

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Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

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Comments

  1. #1

    Tiger will either have to do the Kobe bling purchase FAST or his wife will give him another dose of the Tiger Two Step with the pitching wedge.

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