City Desk

Our Morning Roundup: Rush Just Needs Somebody to Love

Good morning, City Desk readers, and welcome to a cold, wet Freedom Friday. If I didn't know better, I'd say god has blackened the cursed sun! OMG, y'all, I totally called that whole thing with Balloon Boy. Darrow can tell you. That flying popcorn bag landed on the television, and the cops cut it open with an axe, and Falcon was not in there, and I said, "I bet he untethered that puppy by accident, freaked out that his dad was going to beat his ass, and hid somewhere around the house." Darrow called the garage. We were half right.

More half-rightness after the jump.

So, lots of Rush Limbaugh buzz buzzing around! There's that thing about the NFL, which I refuse to understand because the American Sports Industrial Complex is killing children in Africa by diverting spare American dollars into the pockets of men who eat too much and then run into each other. Then there's that other thing, wherein anchors at ABC and CNN, in classic Ron Burgundy style, parroted to their audiences two "facts" about Limbaugh they read in a book that was copied from Wikipedia:

I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.

You know who deserves a posthumous Medal of Honour? James Earl Ray. We miss you, James. Godspeed.

I can't outdo Toby Harnden for eloquent outrage, because Limbaugh is a bastard assclown and defending him is like openly wanting to be canonized. But I can say this: John Huberman very well could be fucked for starting the horrible, no good, untrue rumor of the week. Three years ago, Huberman wrote the book 101 People Who Are Really Screwing America, and god, who knows, possibly copied everything in the book from the free encyclopedia, including the two made-up quotes above. Where is this guy? I smell an exclusive Q&A! Also, why did it take someone this long to dig up those quotes? Probably because Huberman's book was remaindered right after Christmas. BREAKING: I just realized that there will never be another "TK # of People Who Are Screwing up TK" book ever again; thanks to Internet!

Arts stuff: "Hell awaits for illegal file-sharers"; an ape on a crucifix; the FTC responds incoherently to my antagonistic Internet posts!

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