“No One Wants To Date Me Because I’m Asian”
The online dating site OkCupid has some interesting – though, let's be honest, not entirely surprising – findings about its users when it comes to racial attitudes. After analyzing the messaging habits of nearly 1 million people, the site concludes this: Your race is a pretty big factor in determining whether a message you send out into the online dating ether will be answered – and, for some groups, whether a person will date you at all.
Among the findings:
- Black women are by far the most likely to reply to a first message. But they do not feel the love back. "Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race – including other blacks – singles them out for the cold shoulder," OkCupid found.
- White men get more responses – from almost every group. Despite their popularity – or because of it? – they are the worst responders, replying about 20 percent less often than non-white men.
- White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else, and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. These three categories of women respond well only to white men. "More significantly," OkCupid reports, "these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible. Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%." And, while white women have an "above-average compatibility" with almost every group, they reply well only to "guys who look like them."
Very few people in any racial group considered interracial marriage a "bad idea." Still, in assessing users' answers to "match questions," OkCupid found that 45 percent of whites prefer to date people of their own race, compared to just 20 percent of non-whites. That preference was even more pronounced among white women: 54 percent, preferred to date white men.
Blogging about the findings at dmbosstone.com, Patrick Pho of Arlington, Va., lamented: "No One Wants To Date Me Because I'm Asian." He described himself as a – gulp – "Twinkie," or an Asian man with a lot of white friends who ends up adopting those white friends' likes and tastes – including when it comes to women. He likes white women, is what he's saying. "What sucks is that White girls don’t like Asian guys," he wrote.
Sometimes I joke that I want to be white.
What I don’t tell you is that I want to be white so white girls would actually like me.
In today’s world we are changing the way we think about race in the workplace and life- but I can’t help but think there’s still a lot of hardwired racism I have to fight when it comes to physical attraction. I could have the best personality in the world but I doubt that’s going to make that brunette across the way like me any more if she’s into white guys.
Because I’m not a white guy, but sometimes I want to be.
Comments? Ideas? I'm at firstname.lastname@example.org, or on Twitter.