City Desk

Cheap Seats Daily: The Johnny Rockets Menu Proves Dan Snyder Is Priceless?

Dan Snyder's detestability rating enjoyed another spike yesterday: Reports out of FedExField for the Tampa Bay game have Snyder confiscating paper bags at the entrance to his stadium, so fans couldn't put them on their heads for the TV cameras.

Sportstalk radio station WJFK this morning put on callers who said they got bags past the gate but anybody who tried wearing one got swarmed by stadium security.

Paper bags! That's where that Sept. 11 fee Snyder tacks on to your ticket price goes? Sheeesh.

The bag gimmick is old, but funny. The ban is just creepy.

***

Death knell for Jason Campbell: Sonny Jurgensen has seen enough.

Unlike other members of the Skins broadcast crew, Jurgensen never talks without thinking about what he's going to say. And after Campbell's second interception, Jurgensen, who along with being the color commentator is a pal of Dan Snyder, said he'd seen enough. "I think it's time to warm up #16 guys," Sonny said.

(AFTER THE BREAK: Vinny and Larry get the Great Steinographer treatment? Vinny's going to bring Sally Jenkins on his radio show? Vinny's going to send Sally Jenkins his Super Bowl ring? Vinny's got a Super Bowl ring? Dan Snyder won't tell you how much your Johnny Rockets burger is? The Redskins schedule only winless teams? Brett Haber thinks the Redskins are sleeping giants? Biggest high school football game of all-time this week? Worst high school football season of all-time is imminent?)

Other members of the radio crew took Sonny's cue. "If this were a baseball game, the bullpen would have activity in it," said Doc Walker, another ex-Redskin and Snyder employee.

"Yes!" said Sonny.

Then, with two minutes left in the first half and Tampa Bay pitching a shutout,  play-by-play man Larry Michael said, "Wonder what the Redskins will do at halftime to make some adjustments."

Sonny jumped right in: "Start another quarterback!"

Campbell's in a contract year. If Jurgensen's done with him, management will follow.

***

Do Vinny Cerrato and Larry Michael look at Washington City Paper as a How To? manual or what?

I wrote a column for the current isse about wonderfully unsuccessful media strategy the Redskins have utilized since Dan Snyder took over: When the going gets tough, attack the Washington Post.

So last week, as the team was wracked with crisis and preparing for its still another Must Win game, Cerrato and Michael went after Sally Jenkins.

Jenkins wrote an instant classic piece last week about the loser culture that has developed under Snyder, and used the presence of Cerrato, who she called "a proven loser," as Exhibit A of the dumbassitude.

Jenkins, and not the lack of a pass rush, running game, game clock strategy, etc., thus became the focus of the team's nightly infomercial hosted by Michael, called "Redskins Nation."

The best part came when Vinny decided he's going to show Jenkins how successful he is. The Great Steinographer, Dan Steinberg, typed up the convo as Vinny and Larry discuss how wrong Sally was. From Steinberg's transcription:

"I'm gonna send all my Super Bowl rings and national championship rings and conference championship stuff and I'm gonna e-mail it," Cerrato promised. "You know, I'm gonna send her pictures of all those, you know, because she probably doesn't know what they look like."

"Oh, no doubt about that," Michael said approvingly. "And I guess the fact that you HAVE had some success proves that you're a failure. I mean, it makes no sense to me. It makes no sense to me. But anyway Vinny, thank you so much for stopping by."

"Maybe she wants to come on the radio show and talk about it?" Cerrato wondered.

"Well Vinny's radio show, coming up Friday, I'm sure you would welcome a phone call," Michael said.

"Oh-oh, would I," Cerrato agreed.

We're all ears, Vinny!

***

Awesome trivia about the Skins' schedule: Washington hasn't played a game yet against a team with a win. That streak will continue this weekend when Washington goes to 0-3 Carolina.

***

WUSA's Brett Haber, describing the Redskins second-half comeback against Tampa Bay: "The sleeping giants awoke."

Ironic? Homerific?

You make the call!

***

Speaking of Snyder: I was walking in DuPont Circle over the weekend and stopped into the Johnny Rockets. That's  a burger chain bought by Dan Snyder in 2007.

The only obvious Snyder touch to the place: The carry out menu has no prices!

A menu without prices? For a fast food joint? It probably isn't part of the "If you have to ask, you can't afford it!" logic behind top shelf joints; at Johnny Rockets, the menu reflects management's realization that you'll lose your appetite if you see how much Snyder has jacked up the prices.

I ended up at City Lights of China across the street. Try the crispy fried shredded beef for $15.95.

Snyder, like the menu, is priceless.

***
The local prep equivalent of Redskins/Cowboys: DeMatha plays Good Counsel this Friday. They're the top two football programs in the area in recent seasons, and this year both are nationally ranked. And, most important, DeMatha and Good Counsel just plain don't like each other.

Ok. I made that up. I have no idea if DeMatha and Good Counsel like each other or not. But I love high school rivalries!

***
Update on the Road to 11 Losses: Traditional high school seasons are 10 games. As far as I can tell, no local school has ever lost 11 games in the same year. Anacostia has 11 games scheduled this year. The Indians are now 0-6, after getting pasted 68-6 by Coolidge on Friday.

But the biggest obstacle to the Indians' season of infamy comes now. They face Eastern, an 0-3 team that has been outscored 114-13. Then Spingarn. After three games, the Green Wave is winless and was losing the point differential battle, 160-6. Neither Spingarn nor Eastern has even 10 games scheduled for 2009.

If only Anacostia can find some way to snatch defeat from what should be two sure wins, it's smooth sailing into the record books.

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

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Comments

  1. #1

    Jason Campbell is smart, a great athlete, & a winner - he won in high school [state champs, all state football & basketball], he won in college at Auburn [undefeated nat'l champs], & he will win in the pros: with the New York Jets!

    Snyder will panic & dump Jason & Zorn. Jason will go to NY & win five super bowls with the Jets.

    PS Sonny's opinions are for "entertainment purposes only". He's simply a mouthpiece for Snydes, & just spouts the company line.

  2. #2

    Keep up the intensity, Dave. Keep it up. Snyder deserves no mercy.

  3. #3

    FYI - it's Dupont Circle, not DuPont, even though it's named after a scion of the famous family.

  4. #4

    Auburn was CO-national champions, no?

  5. #5

    Uh Angry Al, you know the Jets have this kid named Mark Sanchez right? And a pretty good back up in Kellen Clemmens. I dont think they'll be signing another QB anytime soon.

  6. Angry Al Gonzales
    #6

    Thanks for reminding me. Sanchez is a has-been already - things move fast in NYC. By mid-season he'll be riding the bench - & starring in gay porn movies. Clemmens is OK but not franchise material.

    & Auburn was "co" champion, but - undefeated, & in the SEC, the toughest conference. Jason will get a Super Bowl ring, just not here in Washington. My crystal ball says "NY" & "green", so I think it'll be with the Jets. Or maybe with the expanded schedule the super bowl will be on St. Pat's day, so the Giants wear green. Whatever - Jason + green + NY = Super Bowl.

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