City Desk

Cheap Seats Daily: Anti-American, Anti-Bobblehead-Freak Rules Restored for Van Pelt Night!

Van Pelt Painted SoloIn case you missed it: Jeopardy genius Ken Jennings puts "Dead Balls Era" in print! Man, we're he's clever!

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The Redskins cut free agent receiver Jaison Williams yesterday, reducing their supply of Guys Named Williams to a mere four — Eddie, Edwin, Mike and Roydell — and stealing from me the option of filling many more digital column inches with posts about Five Guys Named Williams.

And the girth of the Williams clan ain't what it once was, either: Redskins.com has comebacker OT Mike Williams down to a mere 337 pounds after a severe weight-reduction program. If so, he's lost about a Williams since signing with the Skins this spring.

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The end of another era: The Streak of '09 is over.

AFTER THE JUMP: "Thunderation" meets thunderation? Guaranteed Win Night wasn't really guaranteed? No free will if you want Van Pelt bobblehead? Jackie Robinson, Ted Williams, and Lindsay Czarniak?


Jim Riggleman's high school cheer, "Thunderation," met Mother Nature's old school thunderation and got its fanny paddled. The result: Nats lose to the Cardinals, 4-1, in a rain shortened game.

If you messed up and followed Cheap Seats Daily's advice to let your grubstake from Guaranteed Win Nights I & II ride on Guaranteed Win Night III, you're as busted as our nation's health care system.

But hold all betting slips.

The game went seven innings. We're appealing to the Hague to try to get out of honoring our promise that if Guaranteed Win Night III didn't come in, you'd get the rest of the year free. Our guarantee only applied to whole games.

Read the fine print next time you gamble!

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Speaking of fine print: Bowie Baysox, you're sneaky, but we love you!

Here's a cut-and-paste from the Baysox most recent online promo for Sunday's Scott Van Pelt Bobblehead Night:

This is a night no sports fan will want to miss! Join ESPN's and Maryland's own SCOTT VAN PELT as the Baysox welcome him home for this special event! The first 1,000 fans ages 6 & up* will get a limited edition Scott Van Pelt bobble head collectible presented by Madison Interiors.
(* Limit one (1) bobble head collectible per person ages 6 & up. There will be a no exit policy in effect at the stadium from 5:00 – 6:00 pm or sooner if all of the bobble heads have been distributed)

Check out the small type! Fascism is alive and kicking in Bowie!

The no-exit policy was not a part of previous announcements about Van Pelt's big night. But Cheap Seats Daily lobbied hard for Bowie management to reinstate restrictions on civil liberties for bobblehead nights to ward off doll-hoarding creeps. And it looks like our lobbying paid off! Hooray for us!

The back story: Turns out a handful of weirdos would show up early for every giveaway game, buy tons of tickets and fill up shopping bags with dolls and then go home. The greedy few ruined Pat Sajak and Lindsay Czarniak bobblehead nights, forcing management's hand. So, for Matt Wieters Collectible Figurine Night last month, ticketholders had to agree to forego freedom of movement in order to get their doll, to make sure the hoarders couldn't keep walking through the turnstiles and collecting Little Matts. But then all the Wieters dolls weren't given away. So the no-exit restriction wasn't put in place for Van Pelt. Glad to see it's back. Again, we're very against restricting civil liberties....except where Bobblehead Freaks are involved!

Turns out there is a huge financial upside to doll hoarding. Some d-bag's hawking a Wieters figurine on eBay now for $58.99 with postage. One eBay seller has made more than $190 selling four Wieters dolls in the last month. Another sold a Wieters doll for $80 last week.

One of the same 'baggers profiteering off the Wieters figurine is offering a Czarniak doll from the Baysox for $69.94 with postage. (Czarniak's bobblehead currently commands as much as the Jackie Robinson, Ted Williams,  and Rob Dibble 'Heads on eBay.)

The most expensive bobblehead I could find on the internet auction house: Tom Brokaw, with a "Buy It Now" plus postage price of $264.24 (even though the mini-Brokaw looks more like Sam Donaldson). The most expensive sports related doll: Warren Buffet's Omaha Royals bobblehead, for $249.99 plus $9.95.

Who's paying these prices?

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Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

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