City Desk

Cheap Seats Daily: Joel Hanrahan Gets Nats a ‘Victory in the Win Column!’

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Sally Jenkins rides with Lance Armstrong again this morning. Jenkins, who has written several books with Armstrong, references the druggie rumors more here than in the scads of her previous columns on the most accused drug cheat in the history of sport.

"It's what [Armstrong's] whole comeback is all about really," writes Jenkins, "coming face to face with things, especially the doubters. 'Am I doping now?' his body language seems to say."

And the world, in all sorts of languages, seems to be answering: "Hell, yes, you're doping!" That March incident, where Armstrong stalled French drug testers who'd surprised him as he trained for the Tour de France and asked for urine samples, crushed the odds that the comeback would change anybody's mind. By now Armstrong has the same chance of clearing his name as Michael Jackson.

Dirty pee or not, Armstrong's amazing, ain't he? To paraprahase the old lady in the diner in "Sleepless in Seattle" "When Harry Met Sally": I'll have what he's having.

***

Joel Hanrahan got his first win as a National yesterday, a week after he joined the Pittsburgh Pirates.

AFTER THE JUMP: Chico Harlan lights up the Nats? The Hogettes aren't dead, just broke? Do the Baysox fear the ACLU after MattWietersCollectibleFigurineNightGate™?

This oddball occurrence came as the Nats won a game in Houston that began on May 5 at Nationals Park, but was suspended in the bottom of the 11th inning because of rain. The final score: 11-10.

Since the Astros weren't scheduled to visit DC again this season, the suspended game was completed on Houston's home field, with the Nats technically the home team. Hanrahan was the Nats pitcher of record when the game left off on May 5, and since Washington scored the winning run yesterday without having to take the field again, he was still the pitcher of record when the game ended and gets credit for the victory.

Got it? Me neither.

What I do get, however: Hanrahan clearly has no practice winning. He told reporters in Pittsburgh that he was glad to get the win and "to see the Nationals get another victory in the win column."

Alas, the Nationals are still first in the majors in victories in the loss column — in no small part because of Hanrahan's horrificness when he wore the uniform.

***

Awesome Trivia from the early game: The Nats are the first team to have a walk-off win as visitors since 1975, when the Yankees beat the Twins in a game that started in New York and ended  in Minneapolis.

***

Normalcy returned in the regularly scheduled nightcap in Houston, as the Nats were routed, 9-4. Chico Harlan's game story in the Washington Post was beautiful and brutal. Harlan reiterated Christian Guzman's and Adam Dunn's shortcomings with a glove (Dunn has "all the outfield range of an oak tree") and got Manny Acta to sound very defensive when defending his defense. "It is what it is," Acta told Harlan. "I don't know why you keep bringing that up."

Keep bringing it up, Chico!

***

As reported in this very space every hour on the hour, the Bowie Baysox have decided not to restrict civil liberties during Scott Van Pelt Bobblehead Night on July 26. To recap, again: Team management had been burned by bobblehead hoarders during Lindsay Czarniak and Pat Sajak giveaways, so they decided to go all Mussolini on their own patrons when it came time for Matt Wieters Collectible Figurine Night a few weeks ago. Folks who showed up for the Wieters event were told that they could have one figuring no matter how many tickets they purchased, and that to get that one figurine they had to come into the stadium and abide by a "No exit!" policy until all the faux Wieters were given away.

As asserted every hour on the hour, Cheap Seats Daily is totally against restrictions of civil liberties — except those that punish bobblehead hoarders. We love those! So there was considerable angst in this space when Bowie management revoked the No Exit! edict for Scott Van Pelt Bobblehead night, thereby opening the door for the grown up weirdos to load up their plastic bags with mini-Van Pelts and deprive little kids of canoodling with the hairless and club-wielding and downright creepy looking dolls fashioned after the ESPN host.

But, disappointed as we are by Bowie's backtracking, recent legal actions involving the Yankees explain the decision. Simply, the Baysox don't want the American Civil Liberties Union on their ass. I think those fears are unfounded.

Sure, the ACLU has in the past supported NAMBLA and Ollie North — but could the group in good conscious take up for....BOBBLEHEAD HOARDERS?

***

The Hogettes (yes, apparently the guys are still at it) are panhandling for sponsors. Why don't they do another Ford commercial?

***

Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com

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Comments

  1. #1

    Wrong Meg Ryan movie reference--it was When Harry Met Sally. (and the old lady was Rob Reiner's mother)

  2. #2

    JD:sorry about the Meg Ryan swap. if i'd have gotten the title right i'm sure i would have used it to make a dumb play on Jenkins name, like "When Druggie Met Sally" or somesuch. so what i'm saying is, it's probably a good thing i'm stupid. thanks for the accuracy!

  3. #3

    Hah, I didn't even think of the "Sally" connection! Your subconscious was looking out for you.

  4. #4

    Little known fact: That little old lady with the zinger was Estelle Reiner, Rob Reiner's mother.

  5. #5

    Actually, yesterday was the 12th time that Joel Hanrahan posted a win for the Nationals. He was 5-3 for them in 2007 and 6-3 in 2008. Indeed, despite his 1-3 record this year he had an overall winning record as a pitcher for the Nats, 12-9.

    Perhaps what you meant to say was that yesterday was Hanrahan's first win for the Nationals while not actually a member of the team.

  6. #6

    "Harlan reiterated Christian Guzman’s and Adam Dunn’s shortcomings with a glove (Dunn has “all the outfield range of an oak tree”) and got Manny Acta to sound very defensive when defending his defense. “It is what it is,” Acta told Harlan. “I don’t know why you keep bringing that up.”

    Keep bringing it up, Chico!"

    The Phillies somehow managed to win the World Series last year with an oak tree named Pat Burrell in left field. Good thing for them that they didn't have Chico Harlan pestering their manager about that every night, eh?

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