Weirdos Have Ruined Weird Baseball Giveaways
Freaks take the fun out of everything. To wit: The Bowie Baysox are planning another figurine giveaway. On June 17, the first 1,000 fans ages three and up will get a free "Matt Wieters Collectible Figurine."
But because a few bizarros have caused problems at past events, this won't be your father's baseball giveaway.
Baysox spokesman Tom Sedlacek says management noticed a sorry amount of toy hoarding during Lindsay Czarniak and Pat Sajak bobblehead nights last season.
"We had some fans who bought a lot of tickets just to get more bobbleheads," Sedlacek says. "Or they'd keep going through the gates. We saw people walking around the stadium with an armful of dolls or full bags of dolls poking out."
So management has been reduced to resorting to strongarm tactics to try to ensure that the bounty goes out to all deserving fans. In announcing the Wieters giveaway, the following disclaimer was put in bold type: "Fans must have a ticket to the game to receive the figurine and will not be allowed to exit and re-enter the stadium until all the figurines have been distributed."
Yup, if you want a doll, you're gonna give up your rights to move around. You'd have to go to Yankee Stadium during the playing of "God Bless America" to find such fascism in baseball.
I can see how consumerists trying to make a buck off a Sajak likeness or a perv wanting to take home a piece of Czarniak, but...Matt Wieters? The guy now hitting about .143?
"Yes, there will be [prospectors] who will try to get a lot of his [figurines]," Sedlacek says. "He's looked at as the hope for the entire Orioles fanbase."
BTW: a Czarniak doll, which is at least as macho as the Sajak doll from the neck down, is going for about $69 with postage on eBay. Maybe it ain't just pervs...