City Desk

Update: SIX Flagging

Dan Snyder's hyper-moribund theme park chain, Six Flags, has apparently misfollowed an accountant's directions.

Somebody must have told Snyder the company, which is more than $2 billion in debt, had to make cuts.

Instead of hacking away at line items in the budget, Snyder has decided to cut kids' hair.

Rumors on City Desk last week have since been confirmed: Snyder will indeed be launching a line of kiddie hair salons, called Six Flags Rollercoaster Cuts.

Six Flags has taken out want-ads looking for employees for the first Rollercoaster Cuts outlet, to open in March in West Hartford, Conn.

The ads describe the business as "a truly unique children’s boutique" that will be "offering young thrill-seekers a Six Flags experience in a one-of-a-kind setting."

"Rollercoaster Cuts clients (kids only) will be treated like royalty from the moment they enter the brightly colored salon boutique," reads the pitch to workers. "This state-of-the-art design features a 22" flat panel TV in each station. Children will be engaged and amused as they are fully immersed into a Six Flags experience by watching Six Flags TV or riding one our virtual Six Flags’ roller coasters making it easy and fun for stylists to work on children’s hair."

Info in the want-ad indicates that Snyder's plan to get Six Flags out of its 10-figure debt also includes the selling of "mini-manicures."

In order to sweeten the pot for potential workers, Snyder is offering staffers an "Accidental Death Benefit," which is a particularly useful perk for anybody having anything to do with Six Flags.

And, for anybody wondering if Snyder is indeed behind this cuckoo plan, anybody who agrees to be employed at the salon will get a "$350 SIGNING BONUS!" (caps and exclamation point all from Six Flags).

A call for construction bids has already gone out for a second Rollercoaster Cuts outlet, this one in King of Prussia, Pa.

Anybody wanting to work for the firm can call 1-860-233-CUTS and leave a number, and, according to the taped message, a "Thrill Ambassador" from Six Flags will be in touch.

Wonder if that means Vinny Cerrato.

Rollercoaster Cuts is doubtless the most desperate and bizarre move Snyder has yet pulled.

Well, at least since he tried to coax Pepper Rodgers into replacing Norv Turner as coach of the Redskins in the middle of the 2000 NFL season.

Keep the dial right here for all the breaking news in Snyder's Six Flags soap opera.

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  • Dave

    SIX Flagging-Flagging: Does anyone other than McKenna care about this?

  • Dave McKenna

    Dave:
    "Does anyone other than McKenna care about this?"

    geezus chrysler, Dave, lower the bar a tad! if City Paper held me to your standard, I'd never get a byline.

    besides, i know people do care about SIX Flagging, because I get comments JUST LIKE YOURS all the time!

  • Dave

    Touché.

  • cminus

    I find the SIX Flagging series interesting, in a car-wreck kind of way.

  • Sherry

    Avid Reader here.

  • Dave

    Ok, ok. I stand corrected. I'll just suffer in silence from now on.

  • Dave McKenna

    i'm humbled by this avalanche of, um, feedback! you fine folks have provided me with a back-cover's worth of blurbs for the inevitable SIX Flagging book and feature film!

    like:
    "DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE ABOUT THIS?" Dave, suffering commenter
    "INTERESTING, IN A CAR-WRECK KIND OF WAY!" CMinus, appalled reader
    "A ROLLERCOASTER YOU CAN'T GET OFF OF, AND DON'T WANT TO!" Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

    SIX Flagging lives!

  • http://www.deuceofdavenport.com Chimpanzee Rage

    I love your work Dave, keep on writing about Danny-Boy. It amazes me how this guy made any money in the first place when all he's made are bad decisions since his big payday. Makes me think he just got lucky the 1st time around.

  • Pingback: Dan Snyder Wants to Cut Your Kid's Hair | Mr. Irrelevant

  • Brian N

    Someone should inform Snyder et al that there already is a place like this -- Cartoon Cuts, where your kid gets to watch a video of his choosing instead of being force fed a marketing pitch for a theme park.

  • al gonzales

    In a desperate gambit, hoping to jolt-start the mediocre Pigskins, Snyder just threw $181 million, $72.5 million guaranteed, to three players. The Pigskins "laid off" 45 workers earlier this year, who probably earned a total of $1.8 million a year [$40K per year average].

  • Pingback: Interested in Working for Daniel Snyder? Call 1-860-233-CUTS

  • Pingback: Six Flags Files Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. Is Redskins Owner to Blame? | Business Pundit

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