Update: SIX Flagging
Dan Snyder's hyper-moribund theme park chain, Six Flags, has apparently misfollowed an accountant's directions.
Somebody must have told Snyder the company, which is more than $2 billion in debt, had to make cuts.
Instead of hacking away at line items in the budget, Snyder has decided to cut kids' hair.
Rumors on City Desk last week have since been confirmed: Snyder will indeed be launching a line of kiddie hair salons, called Six Flags Rollercoaster Cuts.
Six Flags has taken out want-ads looking for employees for the first Rollercoaster Cuts outlet, to open in March in West Hartford, Conn.
The ads describe the business as "a truly unique children’s boutique" that will be "offering young thrill-seekers a Six Flags experience in a one-of-a-kind setting."
"Rollercoaster Cuts clients (kids only) will be treated like royalty from the moment they enter the brightly colored salon boutique," reads the pitch to workers. "This state-of-the-art design features a 22" flat panel TV in each station. Children will be engaged and amused as they are fully immersed into a Six Flags experience by watching Six Flags TV or riding one our virtual Six Flags’ roller coasters making it easy and fun for stylists to work on children’s hair."
Info in the want-ad indicates that Snyder's plan to get Six Flags out of its 10-figure debt also includes the selling of "mini-manicures."
In order to sweeten the pot for potential workers, Snyder is offering staffers an "Accidental Death Benefit," which is a particularly useful perk for anybody having anything to do with Six Flags.
And, for anybody wondering if Snyder is indeed behind this cuckoo plan, anybody who agrees to be employed at the salon will get a "$350 SIGNING BONUS!" (caps and exclamation point all from Six Flags).
A call for construction bids has already gone out for a second Rollercoaster Cuts outlet, this one in King of Prussia, Pa.
Anybody wanting to work for the firm can call 1-860-233-CUTS and leave a number, and, according to the taped message, a "Thrill Ambassador" from Six Flags will be in touch.
Wonder if that means Vinny Cerrato.
Rollercoaster Cuts is doubtless the most desperate and bizarre move Snyder has yet pulled.
Well, at least since he tried to coax Pepper Rodgers into replacing Norv Turner as coach of the Redskins in the middle of the 2000 NFL season.
Keep the dial right here for all the breaking news in Snyder's Six Flags soap opera.