City Desk

Completely Frivolous Blog Post About Subway Sandwiches

All my friends keep asking me, "Arthur, why do you say you'll never eat another chicken sandwich from Subway?"

I frequent all the cheap sandwich shops near my downtown corporate office. Yesterday I wanted an empanada and beans & rice from Julia's, but they weren't selling beans that day. So, since lunch was a bust from the start, I decided to cut my losses and go for a cheap $5 footlong sandwich from Subway.

I now question whether this is ever a good choice.

Normally, I'd get a Veggie Max, but I'd eaten one too recently, so that was out. Almost everything on the $5 menu contains the chain's signature slimy deli meat, which hurts my stomach. Last week I gambled on the new Chicken Pizziola, which made my intestines feel very strange indeed. I figured the Oven Roasted Chicken Breast sandwich would be a safe choice.

My friends, here is the answer to your question: I will never eat this sandwich again because the chicken is so bland it lets me taste all the other ingredients. After lots of Subway sandwiches, a man realizes that something about the flavor of Subway's bread, vegetables, and condiments just isn't right. I could not even finish the chicken sandwich. I threw it away.

This episode reminded me of a piece of original wisdom from a famous writer named Dave Jamieson, who once said, "Subway sandwiches always seem as if they've been thrown from a moving vehicle, or as if somebody sat on them."

Never again.

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  • Matthew Borlik

    It could have been worse:

    I just totally clowned myself by spending TWELVE FUCKING DOLLARS for Subway (Eat Fresh)
    Matthew Borlik posted this on April 3rd, 2008 @ 1:31:22 pm

    How is such a self-clowning even possible, you ask?

    Apparently, a twelve-inch "pastrami" sub with Baked Lays and a soda is $12. I could have walked an extra block to the deli and eaten fresherlingly with a REAL pastrami sandwich + pita chips + some delightfully tasty tea for $9.

    They made a point of mentioning that the pastrami sub isn't included in the $5 footlong deal and I was like "Whatever, what's it going to cost me, six or seven dollars?"


    I'm going to punch Jared in the ballsack.

  • Max H AKA Veggie Max AKA The Cuban Reuben

    That's some major self-hinnage there, Borlik! What a kick in the pants.

  • Mike DeBonis

    Borlik rant > Delaney rant

    Miss you Matty.

  • Amanda Hess

    CityDesk has a long and storied history of disappointment with the Subway experience. How long did your Subway cashier's hand linger in your own at the transfer of change?

    It's been over a year, but I dare not return.

  • Andrew Beaujon

    The angriest man in journalism is now the angriest man in the lunch line. Our loss is franchise sandwiches' gain. God speed, Matty, and look out for pigeons if you eat outside.

  • Ernest

    $12 at Subway is unfair. One can have a glass of decent Beaujolais for that. Subway is such an awful place. It should be shunned. Keep on avoiding it, good people.

  • Tony Bayne

    Arty Delaney of ten years ago would be appalled at this blog. He'd walk 6 blocks both ways just to get a subway sandwich.

    - 12" Subway Club on wheat with hot peppers and honey mustard (no tomatoes), $7

  • Arthur Delaney

    I wish I could say it took ten years to start to taste that distinctive Subway soap-bucket flavor...All I can say is that it took ten years to get sick of it.