City Desk

From the Dept. of Weird Jobs: Professional Muse

David Patrick Columbia's New York Social Diary is a prim website that covers the elites with respect, no mucking up the party reports with tawdry gossip or controversy. The site is tame. I read it for the classifieds. Recently, among the "Situations Wanted" ads, where you can find nannies from the Philippines and vocal coaches who know how to whack an accent, I stumbled across the ad for a "professional muse." Dewey Thompson has inspired writers, musicians and "couturiers." And for the small fee of $10,000 a week, he can inspire you! A taste:

I am not a butler, maid, chauffeur, or Gigolo. I am a personal "Life Coach" and will be treated in a professional manor. Our relationship will be close, but boundaries will be outlined before employment. Children and Pet Friendly. My requirements for employment: $10,000 USD per week plus travel expenses, and lodging. I take sunday afternoon off. Non Disclosure Agreement – No problem.

I emailed Thompson with a few questions and got a response this afternoon. Thompson says he uses "Jung / Myers Briggs psychology" to discover what motivates his clients. Then he helps them set goals and make an "action plan." He writes, "I motivate you to be a better person through etiquette, personal relationship development, skill and behavior modification and tact."

Thompson offered an example of his success as a professional muse. His client was a prominent socialite who lived in a beautiful mansion with the love of her life. She had everything she wanted. When her daughter was diagnosed with autism, everything began to fall apart. Her husband couldn't handle the stress and "fled his maternal obligations." She was soon diagnosed with Crohn's disease and became "so ill that all she could do was to lie in bed and await death."

Thompson writes:" My client’s life had basically shattered and she didn’t possess the coping skills she needed to fight for life. Within 6 months of my life coaching, she landed a stable job, received surgery for the Crones disease, has a small lovely decorated apartment, and went on her first blind date in over seven years"

I have this itching feeling that Thompson isn't telling the whole story. Do people really hire $10,000-a-week personal cheerleaders? And if they do, do they find them on the NYSD classifieds page? I would love to hear some testimonials.

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  • grammar guy

    And do people really spell it "Crone's disease" instead of "Crohn's disease?"

  • Angela Valdez

    No excuses! Thanks. And do people really refer to a father's maternal duties?

  • leif coche

    How much does a spelling coach cost? Between his use of "manor" and "Crone's" disease, this life coach is not top drawer.

    Besides, we all know that "life coach" = paid friend.

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  • Heather

    That is hilarious. I just recently saw the movie "The Muse" for the first time and that ad is almost exactly word for word what Sharon Stone's character (the muse) says in the film! Hahaha! I wonder if that guy was waiting to see if people would call him on it or fall for it...By the way - I'd love to be a professional Muse. Do I need any qualifications?

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