Undecided? Stay Home in November
P. Diddy and the rest of Hollywood swear up and down that voting is a big deal and that everyone who’s eligible to do so should register (or, should have, seeing as we’re past the deadline). If City Paper turns out to be one of those companies that gives its employees a break midday to hit the polls, I’m going to steal around the corner to North Sea for a pack of smokes, then I’m going to find myself a nice park bench and enjoy the cold. In other words, I’m not going to vote.
I’m boycotting the election because neither John McCain nor Barack Obama comes close to representing my interests. My ideal candidate would advocate for an immediate end to the drug war, legalization of gay marriage (not civil unions), the adoption of a flat consumption tax, and the dissolution of the DoE, DoT, DoI, FCC, FDA, ATF, DEA, and the IRS; and would veto every bill, regardless of add-ons, that sought to perpetuate any of the above. And I’d also expect him or her to have a withdrawal plan ready for activation by inauguration day.
Voting for Obama or McCain while knowing that neither would touch my agenda with a 10-foot hook would be a form of self-sabotage. And praising one candidate over another means ignoring the fact that Joe Biden is a chickenhawk covered in dove shit. That Sarah Palin is an eschatologically-driven dunce. And that Obama and McCain are both arrogant ladder-climbers who treat governance like an opportunity to gleefully try out their big ideas, rather than as a distasteful obligation. (Where’s the George Washington, “Do I have to?” ethos when we need it?)
And while I believe that having McCain and Palin in the White House would be a base defilement of the office of president, I’m not going to vote for Obama and Biden simply because their presence would be less of a defilement.
Once everyone tires of chastising me for abstaining, I can lord it over them when Obama or McCain fucks up, as politicians are wont to do. And I can point out, gleefully, that this is what voters get for participating in a system that favors two bloated, inconsistent, irrational parties–and treats everyone else like a bunch o’ kooks.
Why won’t I vote for a third party candidate?
Because voting for a candidate who has no chance of getting elected–even if he or she represents my interests–suggests that I believe statement voting can affect the system. And that would be plain silly. (If Teddy Roosevelt couldn’t win with the Bull Moose party, no third party candidate–under our current system–can.)
I want a run-off. Or a nation-wide write-in system. Or to choose our presidents by dice. All of these things would be better than what we have.
In anticipation of the people who will argue that allowing McCain and Palin to get elected will lead to at least four more years of Bush-like authoritarianism, I say don’t kid yourselves. Some of the most authoritarian laws of the last couple decades we’re supported by both parties: Mandatory minimum sentencing laws, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, DMCA, FISA, the PATRIOT Act, and now the Bailout Bill. Each and every one made it to the president’s desk with support from both parties.
And people who say that everyone should vote often omit that they’ve been deeply dissatisfied with politics for most of their adult lives, that this isn’t the first time they thought a candidate was going to change the world, and that they vote out of fear of what would happen if the other party made it to the White House. I, and the millions of Americans who can but won’t show up at the polls, refuse to join such a disillusioned group.
22 Responses to “Undecided? Stay Home in November”
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October 7th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
other than complain and not participate in the electoral system that we have, what do you do to change it?
October 7th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Please, you’re giving me flashbacks to my undergraduate, date-a-Libertarian, Ayn-Rand-weed-smoke-bullshit, two-years-of-my-life-I’ll-never-get-back phase. I don’t care that you’re not voting, or that you’re too emotionally insecure to handle a “relationship.”
October 7th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
To Urbanpioneer: Other than advocating for a better system and smoking tons of dope, I’m not sure there’s much one person can do.
To Amanda: Where in god’s name did that last bit come from?
October 7th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
still hurts
October 7th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Thnx for making me lol in my cubical.
October 7th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I’ll take up the contrarian banner as well, and shout from the highest mountaintop: those who have no clear favorite SHOULD NOT, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER vote. Ever.
These bullshit “just vote! You MUST” people are watering down the value-per-vote of those who give a rat’s patootie. I happen to give just enough of a rat’s patootie to vote this time.
In fact, I’d go a step further and give each registered voter a written test to determine the extent of their knowledge of each candidate’s position. The higher the score, the more votes they’d cast.
Thus, if you’ve done a moderate amount of homework, you get five votes. If you’re obsessed with all aspects of this AND have your facts straight, you get thirty votes. Thus, it becomes a battle of intelligence and dedication, and the winner will be the result of a well informed decision.
And it might even promote the idea of learning a thing or two about the candidates rather than simply voting for the dude that reminds you of your old man, or “the woman” or simply voting along party lines, or whatever.
Undecided folk and those who vote “for the lesser of evils” should stay the frag home.
October 7th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
While I agree in principle, I’ll be at the polls on the fourth voting Obama for one simple reason: the war. Yes, he’ll be wasting my tax dollars, but I’m going to do my part to ensure that the next president is wasting dollars on ineffective domestic programs rather than an ineffective foreign war.
October 7th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
You outta stop paying taxes.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DECIDE / YOU STILL HAVE MADE A CHOICE
October 7th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Am I sensing some inter-CP love connection going on here? Hess? Riggs? Care to comment?
October 7th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
David: Nope. But stay tuned for the Hess/Riggs Sexist podcast, debuting next week!
October 7th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
WAM:
i like where you’re going! i hated Rush when i was a younger dirtball…here, from the Wiki on “FREEWILL,” my hate is validated:
“The time signature alternates 6/4, 7/4, 6/4, 7/4, 6/4, 8/4 and repeats during the first verse. The chorus and bridge are in 4/4. And when the verse re-enters it alternates 4/4, 4/4, 4/4, 3/4, and repeats multiple times.”
try to find a pertinent Peartism for every post!!!!
October 7th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Hott! Can’t wait.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
To some it may come as a shocking revelation, but I don’t care whether Mr. Riggs cares to vote or not. And neither, I suspect, do the millions of Americans. Maybe that’s because Mr. Riggs invariably manages to sound like a self-centered prick whose reasoning is poor. Maybe he should grow up, get an education, and until then, spare the readers the wasted time of having to read his juvenile provincial nonsense.
p.s. I wonder where CP digs out all this talent from? Damn adventurers.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Awesome. I voted for Nader in 2000 because Gore and Bush served the same big-party interests.
And that worked out well.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Ernest tends to reveal what others tend to conceal.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
To Bobby, Peggy, and all of Ernest’s other aliases: Learn how to spell, you trolling dipshit, and get a fucking life. You’re the only person who thinks it’s entertaining to wage a comment war with him/herself.
October 8th, 2008 at 8:13 am
Awesome! Very principled. Are you aware of Bureaucrash? They have a pretty awesome write-up on this as well:
http://social.bureaucrash.com/page/page/show?id=2310103%3APage%3A4286#section15
October 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Angry Grammarian? Angry Vulgarian, more like.
Calm yourself, oh angry Riggoletto. I’m only trying to help. Incidentally, are you aware that you prattle not only to yourself but to everyone?
October 8th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Ernest is an entertaining poster. Reporter Riggs, on the other hand, comes across as a tedious ass in denial.
October 8th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Look I am in the military and have to work for one of them for four years before my enlistment is over. Although I pitty the country for either direction it can go it seems like “up” is the only way despite who it is. I would rather have just about anyone else, but with the fact that I will be saluting one of them I would rather it be McCain. Unlike so many of you, I can’t quit my job because my boss is an ass hat.
October 31st, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Riggs, you got it right. Why bother when none of them are interested in the agenda you mentioned. I for one agree with every bit of it, and when you find a candidate that does, I will be second in line behind YOU to vote for them. I would also add that there are SOOO many illiterate morons voting in this election RACIALLY ONLY, as Howard Stern demonstrated by asking whites/blacks why they support obama/mccain and reversing their policies in each instance, and the person asked actually didn’t realize this was even happening.
NOOOO don’t vote. It’s the only way to NOT be responsible for the next four years of crap.
PS Amanda, get over him and get a life, stop stalking him on the internet.