City Desk

Hey Corn Syrup Lobby! Get a Better Bot!

Should I be flattered that Audrae Erickson, president of the Corn Refiners Association, took time to read Tim Carman's piece on bagels and then left a thoughtful comment about it?

Why no, because Carman's piece barely touches on high-fructose corn syrup. Closest he comes is quoting someone else saying bagel quality has declined since many bagelries went to "cheaper (and sweeter) agents like sugar or high-fructose corn syrup" instead of malt syrup.

He doesn't talk about the way that nasty crap is turning children into blobs or how rogue outfits like the Mayo Clinic encourage you to avoid it. But just to be safe, Erickson, who assures us she's not a robot by admitting HFCS "may have a complicated-sounding name," tells us we can learn more about the "misunderstandings" about HFCS at sweetsurprise.com.

Or you could just eat food that doesn't have HFCS in it, like Carman's bagels, which may have been baked in lies but were really, really good. Best I've had since I left New York (if I find out La Bagel Delight uses HFCS, I will slit my wrists).

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